LOVE AND SECRETS
by LovelyReader04
Summary: GaaraXOC. Akira is in love with Gaara and is trying to fight her feeling for him. She can't be with him..too many people have told her to stay away from. But life won't let her complications ! Will she give into her heart? Will he let her go?
1. Chapter 1

I suck at summaries but here it goes: This story is about GAARA!! GaaraXOC. Akira is in love with Gaara and is trying to fight her feeling for him. She can't be with him...too many people have told her to stay away from. But life won't let her. Will she give in to her heart? Rated M for some strong language.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! This is my first fanfic. This story had been in my head for awhile. So I decided to share and see what you think. Hope you enjoy!!**

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 1

Once she looked into his eyes she knew it was over. As she stared into those pale green eyes she felt herself lost in him, this always happened when they locked eyes. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to tell her heart what to think. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to try. She braced herself to be as mean as possible.

"Out of my way Gaara," Akira said. _That's my best? I'm fucking pathetic_, she thought to herself.

Gaara just looked at her with his arms folded and a stone face and simply said, "Walk around me."

He had a slight smirk on his face. He couldn't help it. She looked stunning today. Her shoulder length fire-red hair almost matched his. Her milk chocolate eyes said everything she was thinking and right now they were telling him she was ready to kill him. _Why does she hate me so much?_ He thought. _And why do I even care? _But he knew why.

She knew he was savoring this moment as long as possible, she could see it in his eyes. That made Akira's blood boil; _Who does he think he is…god he gets on my nerves…damn lucky he's hot_, thought Akira. She brushed past him and when their shoulders touch, she felt like every one of her nerve endings was on fire. She gasped…_I can't feel this way_ she told herself as if that would change anything. She could feel his eyes on her as she took her seat in the front of the class.

Ayame was Akira's best friend. She sat right next to her in class even though she hated sitting in the front. She was more of the trouble maker type and hated having senseis looking at her. She was just as beautiful as her best friend, even though her best friend's beauty was much more subtle. Ayame had short magenta hair and ocean blue eyes, her mom often said her eyes looked like a cat's. Ayame was much louder then her soft spoken friend. She smiled as her best friend sat next to her. "You should just give in Akira, you can lie to yourself but not to me and you want that boy…really bad," Ayame told her best friend.

"I don't know what you're talking about Ayame," Akira said. She hated how well her best friend knew her.

Ayame rolled her eyes and whispered to her friend, "What I'm _talking_ about? Now that's a lie right? You know damn well what I'm talking about! _Gaara_!! The redheaded hottie that is obviously interested in you! You know, you two are meant to be together. I should tell him about your tattoo. Let me tell you—"

"Shut it Yame!! You know I'm with Neji!" Akira cut her friend off. If her best friend ever found out the truth about her tattoo…_Oh god_.

_Of course I know you're with Neji_, Ayame thought bitterly. She was the one who helped them get together even though she was totally in love with Neji; she didn't care. Akira had been really down these past few months and Ayame figured she needed a boy toy. If that meant giving her best friend **her** boy toy, then so be it. Akira did seem a little happier after that. But Ayame knew that her friend's moodiness was somehow related to that redheaded hottie two rows behind them.

Akira sighed…she could still feel Gaara's eyes on her. She loved Gaara, that she could not deny, he was still the only one who could make her heart skip a beat every time she look at him and she had tried everything to get over him but he just wouldn't let her; everywhere she went he was there. _Damn it_ she thought. She was pulled into a memory she would have rather forgotten.

"_Where are you going?" Gaara asked still holding her hand._

"_You know I have to be home before 2 or my brother will kill me." Akira said trying to pry her fingers out of the redhead's strong grip._

"_Yeah but you said you'd spend the night. Come on, for once in your life do something wild…get in trouble…with me." Gaara demanded not letting her fingers go._

"_What the hell do you think I'm doing with you? You know damn well I'm not supposed to be near you." Akira said still struggling with the sand nin. She wasn't doing a very good job, mainly because she really wanted to stay with him._

_ Gaara grabbed her and started assaulting her neck with kisses, first slowly and then frantically. "Stay," he said in between each kiss. "Stay with me. Who cares what anybody else has to say." _

_ But she couldn't, she knew her brother would murder her if she wasn't home in the next five minutes. All she really wanted to do was stay and have Gaara kiss her all over. All she wanted was to stay in this room with his strong muscular arms around her. But she always did what was right. So with much self-loathing she tore herself from Gaara's arms and kissed him good-bye. She knew she disappointed him but she knew he would get over it, after all they did love each other._

_Damn it_ Akira thought. She did not need to remember that at a moment like this. The reason Gaara knew her so well was because at one point they had been together, they had actually been inseparable. But they never told anyone, she hadn't told Ayame. And if Ayame found out about her and Gaara's affair then she'd never hear the end of it. Akira was a very closed off person and the only person who knew her inside out was that redheaded punk. She knew him inside out too. She knew what made him tick, in fact she knew what he was feeling right now. She could feel his pain of not knowing why she ended it so abruptly. She could feel how much he loved her. She could feel his pain so strongly it hurt. _Stop it Gaara_ she thought absent-mindedly.

_You know I can't_, was his response in her mind.

_Damn it I thought I shut you out_, she thought.

_You did…your defenses are low in the morning. Your not a morning person remember?_ he told her.

She smiled, of course she remembered. He wasn't a morning person either. But he had always teased her about it. _Get out Gaara!_ She responded.

_Just talked to me_ he asked.

_No_ was her answer and with that Gaara felt her put her mental barricade back up. He tried to get pass it but it was no use. She was on alert and she was not going to let him back in. He was surprised he missed her so much. He was surprised he loved her the way he did; mainly because he never really showed emotions. But Akira had changed him, he actually fell in love with her. It actually hurts every time he sees her and she snubs him. Of course he never shows it because he never shows his emotions. He's always had great restraint over his emotions. But she's the only one who's ever been able to look into his sea foam eyes and know exactly what he's feeling. In fact Gaara was pretty sure she could feel his pain right now.

Gaara remembered the day they discovered they could slip into each others mind. He smirked at the memory.

"_Shit!" Both redheads said at the same. They had just cut themselves on a metal sheet they were trying to remove from the wall of Gaara's bedroom._

"_I said pull."_

"_No you said push."_

"_Why the hell would I say push, we're trying to take it out of the wall."_

"_Well I thought we were trying to push it into the wall and outta the way." Gaara said_

"_Shit…I'm really bleeding." Akira said._

_ Gaara walked over to inspect her hand. Although he had been cut, it felt like a paper cut because the sand had mostly protected him. But she was really bleeding. He felt a pang of guilt for misunderstanding what the hell they were doing. _

_ As if Akira was reading his mind…she told him, "It's not your fault, don't worry, I can heal myself remember!"_

_ Gaara held her hand tenderly for a minute and was about to let her heal it when the little blood from his cut and the blood from her deep cut mixed and something strange happened. As their blood mixed together in each ninjas cuts, both redheads felt as though they couldn't breathe. When that pasted, Gaara knew everything about Akira he ever wanted to know…all her memories…things she didn't talk about. And Akira knew everything about Gaara…all his childhood memories until now. Gaara took a deep breath. "Did you feel that…"_

"…_our chakras…"_

"…_just mixed." He finished her sentence._

"_So what the hell does that mean?" asked Akira. She was a little scared but liked this feeling…feeling as though Gaara was totally hers. Gaara was wondering the same thing but really didn't care because he felt as though Akira was inside him, underneath his tingling skin and he rather liked the feeling. _

_ Both stood there looking at each other liked they has just seen each other naked. Their blood mixing together had caused their chakras to unite which had caused a new level of intimacy that both ninjas had to take in and think about. Neither ninja knew what to do._

_ Gaara made the first move. He grabbed Akira by the waist and kissed her. It never stop surprising her how soft his peach colored lips were. She had him kissed over a dozen times, after all they had been seeing each other for almost a year, but THIS time when he kissed her she felt like his lips were all over her body, her skin was tingling all over.. She felt as though she couldn't breathe but didn't care in the slightest because Gaara was supplying her with enough air. She felt his tongue explore the cavern of her mouth. Her tongue in turn slipped itself into his mouth. This feeling was new to the both of them. They hadn't felt a kiss like this since the first time they kissed each other. _

_ Gaara could feel all her burning desire for him and the already passionate kiss intensified. Akira felt his hands slip under her shirt and start exploring her body. In the past she had stopped him but now she didn't care. She hunger for more…for more of him. She undid the buttons of his jacket. _

_ Gaara could feel she wanted more. His lips moved from hers to the base of her neck where he nipped and sucked until he heard her moan, that's all he needed to hear. As he tasted her golden skin he was reminded of cinnamon and apples. As his hands moved down to her pants, Akira worked on his shirt. She felt his pale strong muscular arms, his taut shoulder muscles, his washboard abs. She was about to unbutton his pants when…_

"_OH MY FUCKING GOD!! What the hell is going on?!" Yelled the spiky ponytailed sister of the sand nin. _

_ Both Gaara and Akira stopped in their tracks. _Shit_ Akira thought. _

_ Both redheads were shirtless and Akria's pants were nearly off. Both half naked ninjas were flushed. Akira was rapidly turning a deeper shade of red. Gaara on the other hand had his poker face on._

"_What the hell are you doing in my room Temari?" He demanded._

"_Oh no, you don't get to take that tone with me. You're going to tell me what the hell is going on." Temari shot back._

_ In the short period of time Gaara and Temari had stared at each other, Akira had managed to pull her pants up and was looking for her shirt. _

"_I can explain Temari, if I can just find my shirt." Akira said._

"_Its in the corner Ai." Gaara told her. _

_ Akira blushed even harder at her nickname. _Shit_, she thought, _we're fucking screwed.

_ Temari couldn't help but chuckle. She knew her brother and Akira had the hots for each other but every time she asked him about her, he always said they weren't anything but classmates. _Lair _she thought._

_ Before Akira got any words out of her mouth, Gaara simply stated, "We're together."_

"_Well I can SEE that." Temari responded._

"_Temari…we…just…please…don't tell anyone!" Akira managed to say while buttoning her shirt._

_ One look from Gaara told her she __**better not say anything.**_

"_How long?" was all the sister asked. Temari knew damn well that they had been together for a while. Why it has been a secret she didn't know. _

"_Almost a year," the redheaded girl told her. _

Damn_, Temari thought, _they've kept it a secret this long?_ "Why?"_

"_Why what?" asked her brother._

"_Why not tell anyone?" She asked._

"_Because Akira's brother doesn't like me and I don't want to get her in trouble," stated the sand nin. He said it with no emotion but Akira could hear the pain his voice. In fact she could actually feel his pain. _This is weird_, she thought. _

"_Your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone. But almost a year and nobody knows? You guys are good at being secretive." Temari said. They are almost as good at hiding a relationship as Asuma and Kurenai and she thought she and Shikamaru were closed lipped. She was also thinking: if its been almost a year then that means it getting serious…in fact what I just witnessed means its getting serious…they should let people know. Who cares about her brother_

"_Do you need someone to walk home with you?" asked Temari the already composed Akira_. She bounces back fast_ Temari thought._

"_No…I'm fine. I really should get going. Bye Gaara, Bye Temari…thanks." She gave Gaara a kiss on the cheek and was out the door._

"_Damn Gaara next time you might wanna lock the door." Temari laughed. _

"_Next time you should fucking knock," said her brother while slamming the door in her face. _

_ It was late at night and Akira was thinking about Gaara. She was wondering what the blood mixing was all about. She was wondering how their relationship seemed to have gotten stronger after their chakras mixed into one another's. She was thinking about is soft, pale skin, how she melted at the sight of his pale jade eyes. She could still feel his lips all over her. She thought about what Temari had said. _Gaara_, she thought, _what are we going to do?

Ai is that you?_ a voice she recognized responded in her head._

Gaara?

Yeah_ he responded._

What the hell is going on?_ She asked extremely confused._

You tell me…I'm lying in bed thinking about you and then your voice pops into my head asking me what are we going to do._ responded the confused sand nin. _

You think this has anything to do with our chakras mixing with each other?_ She asked him_

Maybe…I don't care. We can talk to each other when we are apart…this is interesting.

Interesting? This is perfect. Even though I can see you I can talk to you_. Akira exclaimed. _Gaara I have to talk to you about—

Gaara was awakened out his reverie by a very annoying blonde.

"Earth to Gaara" Naruto said. "I've been trying to talk to you for the past five minutes. Your thinking about _her_ aren't you?"

"Want do you want Uzumaki?" growled Gaara.

Naruto Uzumaki was Gaara's best friend. Although they were completely opposites, they had a lot in common. They understood each other and had same tortured childhood. It was this understanding that made the emotionless sand nin and the hyperactive blue-eyed blonde best friends.

Naruto knew his redheaded best friend very well. He could tell just by looking at Gaara that he was thinking about Akira. Gaara was so tight lipped about his and hers relationship that it took Naruto four months of coaxing to get Gaara to tell Naruto that Akira and him had been seeing each other for a year and half. Naruto couldn't believe they had kept it quiet that long. He was genuinely happy for Gaara, mainly because Akira made Gaara smile and it wasn't easy to get the famous sand nin to smile. He knew Akira loved Gaara because one day Naruto had caught them kissing each other goodbye and there was so much passion and intensity in their kiss, it had made Naruto blush. He had actually thought they would start telling people about their relationship but then…a little after their two year anniversary Akira broke it off…no explanations. Gaara still doesn't know why she ended it. Naruto knows it hurts him. Naruto knows Gaara thinks about her everyday and he knows the answer to his this questions but he still needed to ask it. "Why are we sitting in _this_ class?" he asked his best friend.

"Because _she's_ in it." responded Gaara with out much emotion. _Because I need her to tell my why?_ he thought.

"Why don't you just grab her and ask her, instead of playing this song and dance game?" asked the overactive blonde as if reading Gaara's mind.

"Naruto, would you just sit down." Gaara said ignoring the question.

_Fine_, he thought, _but this is just going to end badly. Maybe I should ask her why she decided to break my best friend's heart. _

Their sensei just entered the room and Naruto was happy to see a familiar face. It was Iruka-sensei.

The young handsome sensei stood in front of his class and sighed. He knew they did not want to be there. He prepared himself for the welcome speech he had written last night. _Fuck it_, he thought, _I'm just going to tell them the truth_.

"OK class…I'm not going to bullshit you. I know most of you don't even want to be in this class because you registered late and this was the only class open. I also know none of you really care about teaching non-combat courses to young ninjas. But you're stuck here. You're stuck with me and I'm stuck with you. Good news is this class will be relatively easy. Bad news is it involves a semester long group project. You will be assigned a partner and you will design a course on a subject that is non-combat related but is still useful for a ninja to know…"

Akira lifted her head off her desk as soon as she heard Iruka-sensei's voice. She did want to be here, she had actually fought for this class to be formed. She was glad to hear about the semester long group project she was actually thinking about subjects when she realized Iruka-sensei said you will be assigned. _Shit_, she thought, _please let me and Ayame be paired up_.

"OK now listen up, I'm going to tell you who you're paired up with. When you hear each others name please go stand next to each other. Naruto Uzumaki and Ayame."

_Shit_, Akira thought.

"Ino and Choji. Shikamaru and Temari. Kiba and Hinata. Akira and Gaara-" Iruka-sensei was interrupted by...

"Shit!" Akira said quite audibly.

Everyone in the class looked at her, Ayame and Temari chuckled.

_Now you have to talk to me_, Gaara words slipped back into her mind.

**A/N: OK guys what do you think? PLEASE review! Should I continue? Let me know what you think. I'm open to any suggestions!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! This chapter is heavy in flashbacks…bear with me, they are needed to advance the story.**

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 2

Iruka thought he was doing the right thing. That was until he heard his second favorite student's voice. _Did she just say shit_? He thought, _and she doesn't look too happy either_. _But I was positive they were together_. Iruka thought that this project would be the perfect excuse for them to be seen together without people wondering or asking questions. Iruka would have sworn on his life that Akira and Gaara were together. He _saw_ them together. He sighed as the memory came forward.

_Iruka was excited to tell Akira that the class had finally been approved. She had fought so hard, mainly because he knew she believed that non-combat skills were equally important as combat skills. She _would make an excellent sensei_, he thought. As he rounded the corner he saw something he really shouldn't have. _

_The hallway Iruka had just entered was never really traveled but he came this way because he knew Akira like to take the long way to everywhere. He didn't realize this mouth was open until he felt his drool slide down his chin. _Oh my fucking god_, he thought._

_Right there in the middle of the hallway was Akira and Gaara, in what Iruka believed was the __**MOST**__ intense kiss he had EVER seen in his life. _I don't even think I've ever been kissed like that_, thought a very shocked Iruka._

_Akira had her hand under Gaara's shirt, she was pressing his body closer to hers. Gaara had her up against the wall. Iruka could tell they had been kissing for a while because both redheaded ninja's lips were rosy red. As Gaara pressed his body against hers, she wrapped her legs around his perfect torso; both ninjas did all this never breaking the kiss. She had her eyes closed as Gaara moved his mouth to her soft spot right behind her left ear. She whimpered a little as the sand nin broke the kiss but softly moaned once Gaara had worked his way behind her ear. _

"_Hisui….mmmnnn…I've gotta…uuhhmmmnn…" Akira managed to get out. While her hands slowly roamed his upper body._

"_You gotta what, Ai?" he responded bringing his lips back to hers. His hands were inching their way to Akira's bra. _

_Iruka watched the scene and blushed furiously. He felt as though he had walked into something sacred, something extremely private. Something that was only supposed to be shared between Gaara and Akira. He was going to clear his throat to get their attention when something occurred to him. He had NEVER actually SEEN Akira and Gaara together before this (and he had known Akira for a LONG time). _

_There had to be a reason he'd never seen them together. _It's a secret_, he thought to himself. Now he really felt like he walked in on something forbidden. He slowly walked back around the corner and decided to test his theory out. _

_He banged into a trash can to make as much noise as possible. Then he rounded the corner again. And sure enough a very composed Akira was sitting against the wall reading a book and the redheaded sand nin was nowhere to be seen. _So **it is** a secret_, Iruka thought._

"_Iruka sensei! What are you doing here?" asked the rosy lipped ninja as she looked up from her book. _She's good_, Iruka thought._

Walking into a very passionate kiss_, he thought blushing. "Nothing, just looking for you. The class just got approved…"_

Iruka opened his eyes to see Gaara smirking; it was rare to see any emotion from the redhead. Akira had a pained expression on her beautiful face. _Shit_, he thought, _they must have ended it. But why? With the passion those two have why would it have ended?_

Iruka cleared his throat and asked, "Is there something wrong Akira?"

Milky chocolate eyes told him, yes there was something wrong. But the extremely skilled ninja answered, "No sensei I just stabbed myself with my pen."

_Lair_, everyone in the room thought, including Iruka.

_Maybe it won't be too bad_, Iruka thought as he saw Akira get up and make her way slowly to the already stoic sand nin. Oh was he wrong. Everyone in the class looked at Akira as she made her way to him.

Shikamaru watched as Akira walked over to stand next to Gaara. He shook his head and thought to himself, _Relationships…so troublesome_. If he didn't love Temari he wouldn't even bother. When Temari told him about Akira and Gaara he almost didn't believe it.

_I didn't believe it until I saw the way Gaara looks at her…as if she's the only one in the room_, he thought. When Shikamaru finally realized that Akira and Gaara were together he thought that keeping the relationship a secret for two years must have put extreme strain on it. _But secrecy wasn't the reason they ended_, thought Shikamaru, _nobody knows why_. Actually, he was pretty certain Akira had ended it to protect Gaara; that's the type of person she is. Protect Gaara from what? Shikamaru had yet to find out.

Shikamaru had to admit that as troublesome as girls are, he had grown fonder of the chocolate eyed ninja. She was good at keeping secrets; after all she had kept her relationship with Gaara a secret for over two years. She had known about his and Temari's relationship and never said a word to anyone, not even her best friend. Although Shikamaru is pretty sure everyone knows about him and Temari; he's always like to keep their relationship private and Akira respected that 110. _She's pretty easy to talk to too_, thought Shikamaru as he remembered the first time she walked into Temari's room and found them lying on the floor.

_Shikamaru was splayed out on Temari's bedroom floor with is hair out. It was uncharacteristic of him, he liked his hair in a ponytail but Temari liked his hair out. _Women…such a bother_, Shikamaru thought to himself. Temari was on the floor to with her head in his lap talking about…something. _

"_Are you even listening to me Shika?" Temari asked him._

"_Of course I'm listening," he responded, "You were saying something about a mission you have to go on."_

"_I don't even know why I bother." Temari whispered. _

_Shikamaru pushed himself up with his elbows and looked into her beetle black eyes. "Because you love me." he stated. He was about to kiss her when…_

"_Temari I need your help!" Akira said as she burst into the room. She took in scene before her. She knew that she had interrupted a potential make-out session. _My bad_, she thought, _that is going to have to wait_. _

"_Have you ever heard of knocking?" Temari said._

"_I could ask you the same thing Temari!" Akira smiled as she saw her friend blushed at the memory of walking in on her and Gaara._

"_Good point. What do ya want?" Temari asked_

_Shikamaru was internally freaking out. He and Temari hadn't told anyone about their relationship and they had been together for about five months. He didn't understand how Temari was handling Akira so calmly. Usually she was the hot headed one and right now she was talking to Akira as if nothing. Shikamaru's distress must have been written on his face because…_

"_Chill out Shikamaru I've known about you and Temari for a while now." Akira told the surprised ninja._

_Both Temari and Shikamaru were shocked to hear that Akira knew. "But how…how long…." Temari trailed off._

_Akira smiled. Shikamaru noticed how it lit her face up. _She should smile more often_, he thought._

"_A little before you caught me and Gaara together." She stated calmly. "Now can we focus on my problem! By the why Shikamaru your secret is safe with me so don't look freaked out"_

"_Enlighten me with your problem." Temari told her future sister in law._

"_It's Gaara-"_

"_Isn't it always?!"_

"_Would you let me finish! Like I was saying its Gaara's birthday and he won't let me give him anything. I need you to convince him to-"_

"_Really? Just ignore him and get him whatever you were going to give him. My brother will take it trust me. Plus he's totally heads over heels in love with you. So it really doesn't matter what you get him. Wrap yourself up" Temari said with a wicked grin._

Temari is too much_, thought Shikamaru. _

"_Maybe I will…" said Akira shooting Temari sinful smirk._

Girls are too much_, Shikamaru thought when he saw Akira give Temari that sinful smirk._

"…_oooooh Temari, is that what you gave Shikamaru for his birthday?" she said laughing as she left the room._

Shikamaru put his hands in his pockets and thought to himself, _Poor Akira…she must miss Gaara. She must feel alone, not having anyone to talk to._

"This is going to be bad." Temari whispered next to him. Shikamaru had to agree. This had train wreck written all over it. _What was Iruka sensei thinking?_

Akira had finally reached her destination. _I don't think I'm going to be able to this_, she thought to herself. Having Gaara this close to her was making her weak in the knees. She could feel his body heat, his familiar scent…spring rain_. I'm definitely not going to be able to do this,_ she thought again. _Shit! I'm so fucking screwed its not even funny._

While she had seen Gaara in the five months since she ended it, she had never been this close to him. She wanted to touch him, she wanted to tell him she still loved him. But most of all she wanted to kiss him, to taste him. She missed his arms of steel around her. She missed his calming voice. She missed talking to him. _Damn it Kankuro! Why did you have to tell me?!, _she thought to herself.

_Akira had just left Gaara's room. _Now I just gotta sneak out of here_, she thought as she walked down the hallway. She really wasn't worried about Temari catching her because Temari already knew about Gaara but Kankuro was another story. She definitely didn't want Kankuro to find her sneaking around Gaara's hallway because then they'd really be in trouble. _The secret would be out if he finds out_, thought Akira, _God that boy has a big mouth!

_As Akira rounded the corner of Temari's hallway, she found Kankuro sitting against the wall midway thru the hallway. He looked out of place; he didn't have his black hood on or his face paint on. She could see some of Gaara in him. _

He's kinda handsome if you take a second look,_ she thought. His milk chocolate hair matched the color of her eyes. _He shouldn't wear that ugly hood_._

_He was sitting against the wall with his legs drawn up against his chest. He had his chin on his knees and his were eyes closed; he looked like he was sleeping. She had already thought of her excuse for being in the house: Temari! She was looking for Temari._

_But before she got anything out of her mouth Kankuro said, "You've got to end it with him." Not even bothering to open his eyes. _

"_W-w-w-w-what?" she stammered momentarily shocked by what he just said. _He can't know, he can't possibly know_._

"_You and Gaara…you have to end it." he stated as if it were nothing. _

"_I don't know what your talking about." She told him. She was about to walk around him, when he opened his eyes and gently took her wrist into his hands. _

"_I've known for about five months. And I wasn't…I wasn't going to say anything because I thought you guys weren't serious. But you are serious, aren't you? And you haven't just been seeing each other for five months, have you?" He asked, his eyes were so full of sorrow Akira really believed it hurt him to ask the question. _

_She couldn't lie to him, he was Gaara's brother and for some reason she just couldn't lie to him. "What gave us away?" she asked as she slid down the opposite wall of him. _

"_Nothing anyone who wasn't family would notice. You two have been so good at keeping your relationship a secret…its scary." Kankuro told a confused looking Akira._

"_He was asking you a question one day…you smiled and held up your hand and said that if you counted how many times he had asked you that stupid question…Gaara took your hand and counted your fingers…he told you that if you counted you wouldn't have enough fingers. My brother held your gaze just a little to long…and he never let go of your hand. I had to look twice to see it was a tender moment you guys had just shared. Classmates don't have tender moments." Kankuro explained._

_The chocolate eyed ninja closed her eyes and said, "You know…three people in two years…we __**are **__pretty good at keeping a secret."_

"_TWO YEARS?!" Kankuro said, shocked._

"_How else would you see that level of intimacy from one touch." She said simply. _

Two years_, he thought. _I should have said something sooner. Somebody's heart is going to get broken. Fuck, Gaara is going to kill me if he finds out I even said anything_. _

"_Why do you want me to end it with him?" asked the beautiful redhead._

"_W-w-what? Oh maybe I shouldn't say anything thing." He said._

"_Spit it out Kankuro!" she demanded._

"_Do you love him?" he asked._

"_Kankuro-"_

"_Do you love him?" he cut her off._

"_Yes…" she told him._

Shit_, he thought, _this is going to break her heart. But she'd want to know_. "Word around town is you learned this new jutsu…one where you can look into someone's memory and copy into your own. Sort like seeing into the person's past…" Kankuro said cautiously._

"_WHAT THE FUCK?? AM I STUPID OR SOMETHING?! WORD AROUND TOWN? There are only three people who even know I learned that jutsu and I doubt Gaara or my brother told you. Its more like, word from Naruto! That little…what does that have to do with you wanting me to end it with Gaara?" asked Akira clearly agitated. _

She looks cute when she's annoyed_, Kankuro thought. "Its easier to explain if you copy my memories…trust me…"_

"_WHAT?! First of all I'm not allowed to use that jutsu, my brother said it was too dangerous. Second of all why don't you just tell me and stop stalling." She demanded_

"_I can't. I need you to see my memories and then I can explain everything. Trust me Akira its easier to understand if you copy my memories!" Kankuro told her. _

_She didn't know what was going on in that boys head but she was seriously getting annoyed. She could see it in his eyes that he was serious about it but still…_This better not be some stupid prank…I swear if I see him having sex or something I'm going to kill him_, she thought_

"_Fine…but not here in the hallway because if Gaara comes out…I don't want him to know you know. Lets go to your room. Is it decent for company?" she asked with a slight smile._

"_Yes…clothes thrown around but its decent. And if Gaara catches you in my room he'll kill me" Kankuro said nervously as he led Akira to his room._

_Once inside the messy room Akira sat down on the floor to prepare for her jutsu. She wasn't use to the mess…Gaara room was always so clean. _

"_Ok. Sit your ass down, so I can get this over with." She stated_

"_Ok but before you-"_

"_Kankuro, just sit down!" she ordered cutting him off._

_He should warn her but…_

_Akira did a complex series of hand signs…when she was done as soon as she touched his hands she said…"Show me". Then bam… she saw what Kankuro wanted her to see. Akira's mind was slammed with images and voices she had never seen or heard:_

_A black haired ninja from the village of sand was saying, "She's evil…he would never pick her."_

_A sand ninja with purple eyes was expressing her fear, "Did you hear she killed her father with she was 7 years old. Freak is what she is. Our future Kazekage would never go for someone like that!!"_

_Her blacked eyed friend responded, "You are soo right! Plus everyone was suppose to stay away from her. She killed her dad…Old Man Kioshi's prodigy son!"_

"_The sand village never forgets what happens to one of their best…even if she was a child…"_

"_She will always be a murder in our eyes…no matter what she does…"_

_Some old men were sitting in a room talking about who would be the best for a strong alliance between the Sand Village and the Leaf Village. "I think he's interested in the redheaded girl..."_

"_He can't be…she's a murderer…and she will never be accepted in this village" responded a grey haired man._

"_She's never even asked for Old Man Kioshi's forgiveness…crazy bitch"_

"_I don't care what she has done for the Leaf Village…she still…"_

_It was too much for Akira…she not only received the memory, the jutsu also gave her all emotions associated with the memory. She was on an overload of hate, rage, anger and revulsion. She felt like she couldn't breathe. _

_The amount of pure hate the memory was feeding her was making her sick. She disconnected from Kankuro with tears of pain in her eyes. It hurt…and she knew exactly who the sand villagers were talking about. _It's me_, she thought. _

"_JESUS FUCKING CHRIST KANKURO!! You could've warned me…" yelled Akira trying to catch her breath._

_Kankuro was truly scared. He could tell Akira was in an extreme amount of pain. She had her hands on her knees and was leaning over trying to breathe. He was scared something bad had happened to her._ Well something bad did happen…I showed her those memories_. _

"_Akira…are you ok?" he asked cautiously approaching the wheezing ninja._

"_NO I AM NOT!!" she yelled back. "Didn't Naruto tell you that I receive all the emotions in the memory…OH MY GOD!! I can't breathe!!" _

"_Akira I'm so sorry!! I thought it was like a movie! He never said anything about emotions…" Kankuro said worried about her._

"_It's me…(gasp)…they are talking about…(inhale)…weren't they?" she asked with tears down her cheeks._

_She looked so broken Kankuro almost wanted to tell her no. But he couldn't lie to her, he would never lie to her. "Yes," he whispered. "Akira…I'm…I wasn't-" _

"_That's all I'm ever going to be to you guys? No matter what I do. No matter how many times I've put my life in danger to save a teammate…I'm always going to be the 7 year old freak who killed her father?" she said barely above a whisper. "So I can't be with Gaara because they won't name him Kazekage? Even though he's the best ninja for the job…and I'd be the reason he wouldn't get it…right?"_

_Akira was in pain, oh boy was she in pain. But she was dealing with it. She was use to feeling hated and dislike…it was the story of her childhood. But as an adult, things had changed, people had actually treated her like she was human and not a freak. She hadn't felt that hated since she was 16. She thought she was past that but what she just experience proved her wrong. _

_She was use to pain, she always handled it very well but for some reason she couldn't keep the tears out of her eyes. Maybe it was because she had gotten soft or maybe it was because of what she just saw made her realize that Gaara wasn't going to be able to be the strong shoulder she turned to. _I should have known it was too good to be true. Stupid me…actually thinking I had found the person who—_she thought with tearing rolling off her cheeks. Something had occurred to her…_

"_Who is Old Man Kioshi?" she asked Kankuro._

She really does know how to hold her own_, Kankuro thought to himself. He was amazed to see how fast she managed to get herself back together. But it was breaking his heart to see the tears streaking her face. For some reason she hadn't stop the tears. _

"_He's a Senior on The Council" he responded._

"_Why should I be asking for his forgiveness?" she asked completely confused. _Why would I ask for a sand ninja's forgiveness?

"_You really don't know who he is?" he asked the beautiful redhead. "Akira…he's…he's your grandfather."_

"_I'm GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM!!" she said tears still spilling out of her chocolate eyes. "My brother! I'm going to kill him! Do you have any idea how tired I am of people lying to protect me! That bastard told me my father was a hidden leaf ninja! Son of a bitch!"_

"_He lied to you? Why would he lie to you?"_

_Akira had a sordid past, everyone knew about it but never really talked about it. When she was 7 years old she killed her father. Gaara had seen glimpses of that memory but never the entire memory. Ever since his death then she's been trying to atone for her offense. _

_Her father didn't really deserve the extreme amount of guilt she felt for killing him. It was actually the first time she ever used her extremely rare kekkei genkai. Her father was abusive, always had been, he used her mother as a punching bag; Akira believed that's why her brother left home. Akira's father never really touched her but she knew that was because of her mom. Her mother always protected her no matter what._

"_Because he wanted to protect me. Because he thought I probably didn't need to know. It all makes sense now…why he told me to stay away from Gaara. All of it makes perfect sense now." She said barely audible. _

_Kankuro didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know that they were serious. He actually felt guilty for telling her the truth. He was about to say something when she asked him something he was not expecting. _

"_So who is she? Who do they have in mind for Gaara," she asked with no emotion in her voice._

"_What?"_

"_The Council was talking about a strong alliance. Who's the girl?"_

"_You weren't suppose to see that-"_

"_But I did. Tell me Kankuro…what is her name?" she asked once again. She didn't sound upset. She sounded defeated. She still had tears streaming down her face._

"_Sakura" Kankuro told Akira. _Why hasn't she stopped the tears?

"_He doesn't even like her. He thinks she's useless. No respect." She scoffed._

"_I know…Akira-" the look in her eyes was breaking his heart. He never want to hurt her. He always liked her…her smile…her attitude. _

"_You're going to have to give me a week Kankuro." She cut him off. "Your going to have to give me a week to cut him out of my life. Because I've been seeing him for two years. I don't think I can do it cold turkey. I've gotten use to him…I…I've never gone to sleep without his voice. It's going to be hard. So I just need a week." She said all this in a dejected voice. She wouldn't even look at Kankuro. _

_Akira turned her back to Kankuro. She refused to see his face, she didn't want to see his guilt or pity. "Just give me one week…" she said slowly walking out of his room._

_Kankuro knew he should stop her, he knew she needed someone to comfort her. But he also realized that her only person who could her make her feel better was the one person she couldn't see. _

_A few hours later…._

_Akira was sitting on the steps while the rain pounded her back. She was soaking wet but refused to go inside her house until she spoke to her brother. Her tears were warm and welcome on her cheeks. She saw her brother's figure before she heard his voice. _

"_Akira what the hell are you doing in the rain?" Hiro asked her._

"_Remind me again…why Gaara is not good for me?" she asked not bothering to look at him. _

"_What?" he said. _She knows_, Hiro thought._

"_Why did you lie to me Hiro? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH?! Did you think I couldn't handle the truth about our father? Was it guilt for leaving your family when we needed you the most? Why…just tell me why…" she asked her brother finally looking at him. Her expression was heartbreaking._

She's been crying_, he thought. "How did you find out?"_

"_That doesn't matter-"_

"_I didn't think you needed to know. We were never going to go to the Sand Village…so it never mattered. Maybe part of the reason I didn't want you to know is guilt…guilt for leaving you with him…guilt for not being there when mom died. I wanted to protect you from him even if he was dead…"_

"_I love him…I love Gaara so much it hurts. I just thought you should know" she said slowly getting up. "I would have never let myself love him if I had known the truth. Don't protect me Hiro…I thought you would have figured out by now that I can protect myself…"_

"_Akira…you…love…" Hiro couldn't finish. _How could she have fallen in love with him_, he thought, _they don't even talk to each other_._

"_I'm tired of lies. So I just thought you should that I love him…that we've been together for two years and now I've got to break his heart and mine. You can add that on your list of guilt…" Akira told her brother as she slowly walked away from him._

Gaara could feel Akira's distress; that meant one thing…her mental blockade was weakening. He could smell her…ummmm cinnamon. He was just about to touch her hand when she spoke more loudly than usually.

"UMMMM…Iruka…I need…ummm….I need some….I'll be back" she said as she quickly walked out of the room.

Iruka was shocked. She _never calls me by my first name in the class. I've tried to get her to but…she must really be uncomfortable._

"Did she really just walk out the room?" Temari whispered.

"Yep!" replied Shikamaru.

_Oh my god, she still loves him_, thought Naruto.

Everyone in the class was in for another surprise when they watched Gaara walk out right after her. He didn't even bother to give an excuse for walking away.

Gaara was worried about her. He knows Akira would never leave the room like that. He could see her a few feet ahead of him. She was walking so fast she was practically running.

"Akira! Wait!" Gaara told her.

"Stay away from me Gaara!" she said but she slowed down…as if to give him a chance to catch-up with her.

"Now why would I stay away from you" Gaara said as he reached her. He grabbed her by the waist and put her against the wall.

Akira was about to push him away but Gaara took her wrists and put them up against the wall. He was pushing her body against the wall with his body. _He's so warm_, she thought. _God I miss him._

"Remind me again why I should stay away from you?" he asked her with a smirk starting on his face. He really wanted to kiss her. All he had to do was lean in.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" she replied.

"Because I just want to know why…why did you end it?" he whispered in her ear.

His breath tickled her ear. She wanted to kiss him so bad it wasn't even funny.

"Hisui…"

"I haven't heard you call me that in five months, Ai" he said still whispering in her ear. "Just tell me why, Ai…and I'll walk away"

He used her nickname. Akira's resolve was quickly dissolving. If this keeps up any longer she not going to be able to stop herself.

"I keep thinking about our last kiss. I go to sleep at night thinking about it and wake up thinking about it. I should have made it last; I knew it was going to be our last one and I should have made it last. It was short and sweet…like we were going to do it for the rest of our lives. Do you remember Hisui? Do you remember our last kiss?" Akira whispered into his ear. Her voice sent shivers down his spine.

_Does she still love me_? He asked himself.

"Of course I remember. I think about it all the time. You were late for a meeting with Tsunade and I wanted you to stay with me and you couldn't. So you leaned in and said you'd see me later. I was upset and you took my face into your hands and told me to stop acting like a baby. And then you kissed me; it was sweet, not too desperate, enough to reassure me that there was more to come…that you loved me. Was it all a lie, Ai?" Gaara told her looking into her eyes.

"Hisui…it was never a lie-" she began but Gaara cut her off.

"But do you know what really keeps me up at night? I can't stop thinking about making love to you…the taste of your skin, your soft spots, how easy it is to make you moan, your perfect breasts-" Gaara whispered into her ear once again.

"Stop…just stop…" she pleaded. He _is not making this easy_.

"I can't…" her mental blockade was slipping fast and all of a sudden he was hit with all of her emotions. _Shit…she's in real pain…even more than mine_.

"Ai…you still…love me…" it wasn't a question. It was a statement.

Gaara leaned in, he could almost feel her soft caramel lips. They were about to kiss when…

"Let her go." Growled an all too familiar voice.

**A/N: There's chapter 2 guys!! Hope you like it!! Let me know what you think. Sorry about it being a little long but I Figure if you like the story than long is A-OK!! LOL**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! Hope you enjoy this chapter!!**

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 3

Neji Hyuga was a lot like Gaara; his face was always set in stone, he never expressed his emotions and it was extremely hard to get a smile out of the young Hyuga. But that had changed when he started "dating" Akira Kioshi. He found himself smiling more than he ever had in his 20 years of life. It wasn't just because he found Akira beautiful (because he did…he thought she was hotter than most of the girls in Konoha), it was because she was extremely easy to talk to and she knew exactly what to say to make you smile.

So when he walked in on his current _girlfriend_ about to kiss Gaara, he wasn't mad just extremely shocked. _She's suppose to be staying away from him_, he thought to himself.

"Let her go" he growled.

"Hyuga" the sand nin said not bothering to look his way.

"Neji…" Akira said.

Her eyes said thank you. _So she really needed my help_, Neji thought.

Akira looked in Gaara's beautiful teal eyes…_he's going to hate me for this…but isn't that what I want?_ she thought to herself.

"I'm so sorry…sorry….so very sorry…Hisui…" she told him.

Gaara felt her fingers move in an all too familiar fashion. He knew what was coming but was surprised that she was actually going to use it against him. He let her go as his sand pulled him away, so he wouldn't get the full blast of it.

For the first time ever in her life Akira used the first phase of her kekki genki against Gaara; _her _Gaara. She was going to be sick.

"Protect." She whispered.

A brilliantly yellow chakra wall appeared in front of Akira. There were beautiful brick red swirls clouding the yellow. She was one of two people, EVER, in her family that could make their chakra visible and use it as a defense. He was the ONLY one in her family that had all three phases of her kekki genki. Her wall was virtually impenetrable; which is what makes her such a valuable jonin.

Gaara looked at her chakra wall in complete shock. _She_ _actually used it, _he thought to himself. He remembered the first time he saw her wall, at the time it was sunshine yellow; it was always sunshine yellow. But when their blood mixed her wall had changed; it was a brilliant yellow with brick red dusting over it…it was like their chakras actually mixed into one another. He had actually begun to wonder if his chakra had little bits of yellow in it. But since she had ended it…the red dustings had turned into brick red swirls; as if to show the amount of turmoil Akira was in.

Akira saw the look of shock on Gaara's face but what really pulled at her heart what the disappointed in those teal eyes. _I'm so sorry, my love, so sorry_…she thought to herself. If she wasn't behind her chakra wall Gaara would have received that message.

As he crossed his arms over his chest as Akira whispered, "Disappear." And that's exactly what her chakra wall did.

"Please don't follow me Gaara," she pleaded as she walked over to Neji's side.

Gaara didn't know what to say…so he did what he knew best when it came to dealing with her: he shrugged his shoulders and walked away. _So its Hyuga_, he thought. _This isn't over._

Neji was amazed at what he just witnessed. Had anybody other than Akira done what she had done, they'd be in a sand coffin. He knew the sand nin still had feelings for Akira; his actions, better yet, his inaction proved it.

"Didn't look like you were resisting him very well," Neji stated.

"Shut up, Neji." Akira replied.

"I'm just letting you know what I saw…" he said.

"If you hadn't of come along, I would have definitely would have kissed him. That would have been disastrous…he would have seen my memories…" she trailed off.

"Akira…"

"Yea…"

"You should just tell him the truth. He won't care." Neji told her.

"I know he won't care…I just can't…he the best man for the job…I won't be the reason. Plus he needs to give Sakura a chance." She replied.

"He'll never give that blockhead a chance." Neji laughed.

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

Akira and Neji had a peculiar relationship. They weren't really going out; they were just really good friends. Akira had agreed to "date" Neji to get Ayame off her back and Neji had agreed to "date" Akira to be close to Ayame.

The truth was the young Hyuga prodigy was in love with Ayame; he had been for a while now. But no one knew about it; that was until Akira approached him a month ago.

_Neji was training in the woods with Lee and Tenten; Akira was about to walk in on their training session. She should have announced herself, but she forgot to. So when she stepped out from behind a tree, Tenten sent 8 kunai in her direction. _

_Akira saw them coming and yelled, "PROTECT!"_

_Her beautiful yellow chakra wall with small red swirls encased her; she was in a protective bubble. The kunai hit the chakra wall and shattered._

"_Damn Tenten!! Warn me when you're trying to kill me!" she shouted._

"_I'm sorry but you should have announced yourself. And it's not like you were in any danger, especially with that wall of yours." She replied a little irritated. She was pretty sure Akira was here to see Neji; that did not make her happy._

"_That's if I can put it up in time. Anyway I'm here to see Hyuga, not you." she replied returning the same irritated tone Tenten had given her. "Neji Hyuga do you want to tell me why you didn't tell her you saw me with your Byakugan?" she asked the ninja who was hiding behind a tree._

"_Just testing your reflexes Kioshi." He replied stepping out from behind the tree. _

"_My reflexes are better than ever Hyuga."_

"_Would it be too much to ask what you are doing here?" asked pale eyes._

"_I need to talk to you…alone." She said as she glanced at Tenten and Lee._

_Lee hadn't said anything yet; Akira always had that affect on him. As he looked at her fire red hair and milk chocolate eyes he thought to himself, _Why can't I just get over her?

"_Hey Bushy Brow…do we still have taijutsu training today?" she asked breaking Lee out of his thoughts._

"_Umm…yea…I'll see you later." He said as she walked toward the village with Neji._

"_So what's the favor Kioshi?" asked the handsome Hyuga. _

"_I wish you would call me by my first name _Hyuga_." She replied. "And how do you even know I need a favor?"_

"_Because you wouldn't have risked Tenten's kunai for anything but a favor." He told her. _

"_True but still…always to the point, aren't you?" she smiled. "Do you ever smile Neji?" she added as an after thought. _

"_I try not to. Back to the favor…what is it?" he asked._

"_Fine! To the point…can I ask you to actually think about it BEFORE you reject it?" she asked him._

"_Listen closely. Apparently Ayame has picked up on my glumness. She seems to think that a _boy toy_ will cheer me up. She believes you're the prime candidate. Well actually truth is she thinks Gaara is the prime candidate. But I flat out refused, so she suggested you. She will not get off my back about it. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend so that she will get off my back. So Neji Hyuga will you pretend to be my boyfriend so that I can continue being glum without my best friend irritating me?" she said all this in the same monotone voice. There was absolutely no emotion in her voice. The only time her expression changed was at the mention of Gaara of the Desert. _Interesting_, Neji thought. _

_Neji looked at her straight face and listened to her monotone voice and he could help but laugh. He actually _laughed_. When he composed himself he asked "You want me to what?"_

_Akira was actually surprised to hear such a happy sound out of the handsome boy with opal eyes. "So you DO smile Hyuga…and don't make me repeat myself."_

_Neji was extremely curious about something. So he figured he might as well ask. "So why did you 'flat out refuse' the Gaara option?"_

_Akira was just plain tired; tired of waking up every morning with no one to talk to about Gaara. So instead of telling her best friend, which is something she should have done a long time ago, she looked at Neji and told him the truth. The truth about everything; how long her and Gaara had been together, why they kept their relationship a secret and why she broke it off with the love of her life. She spilled absolutely everything._

"_He's the source of my misery…do you see why I said no?" she stated._

"_Wow…you should tell him the truth." Neji told her_. I should have known they were together because of the change in her chakra_, he thought to himself._

"_I know…but I can't! So listen up Hyuga: I know you're probably going to say no because of you pride and ego but I need you to seriously think about it. Plus the upside would be you'd get to see Ayame a lot more." She said this with a twinkle in her eye._

She can't possibly know the truth_, he thought. "Hey give me some credit. And what the hell does Ayame have to do with this?"_

"_OH COME ON, Neji. You can lie to everyone in this village but you've got the hots for my best friend…you give it off in waves." She smiled. _He reminds me a little bit of myself_, she thought._

"_How do you even…know that?" he asked surprised. _

"_I'm very perceptive. And that's besides the point can you PLEASE think about it?" she begged._

She's not the type to beg, she must be desperate_, he thought. "I don't need to think about. I'm in." he said to her shocked face. _

"_Are you serious!! Why Neji Hyuga I might just have to give you a kiss of appreciation." She told him._

_He smiled…_I think I might be smiling more with her around_, he thought._

Neji was smiling as he remembered when Akira approached him about their "relationship". He really enjoyed spending time with Akira she had the uncanny ability to lift your worries and make you feel better. _Too bad she can't do that to herself_, Neji thought.

"Do you remember your first kiss?" she asked breaking the silence.

"I can't say I have." He stated looking at her through the corner of his eyes.

"Then you haven't kissed anyone worth remembering. Your first _real_ kiss should want more but not demand it. It should ask for more but not take it. It should give while still pleading for more. It should be filled with desire and curiosity." She said quietly.

"With Gaara it was like a first kiss _every time_ we kissed." The redheaded ninja said sadly.

"Then how do you remember your _real_ first kiss with him?" Neji asked curiously. He wished he knew what she was talking about.

"I'll never forget that, Neji, never." She smiled sadly.

_Akira was late as she rushed into the mansion. She had told Gaara she would be here to help him with his taijutsu. _I doubt he actually needs my help_, she thought to herself, _he doesn't even need to know taijutsu; his sand will always protect him. But even if he doesn't need my help this is a perfect excuse to be around him.

_She bumped into Temari and knocked her over. _

"_I'm so sorry Temari!! I didn't see you!" Akira said as she helped pick the spiky haired blonde up._

"_No problem. You're late…Gaara has been pacing a hole into the carpet waiting for you. He finally just went upstairs to his room. You can go up there, don't worry. It's the last door all the way down the hall." Temari said with a wick grin. If Akira was paying attention she would have known Temari was up to something. _

"_Thanks Temari!" she said as she ran up the stairs. _

_Akira rushed into Gaara's room not wanting to keep the extremely impatient sand nin waiting even more. When she opened the door she froze in place. _I'm going to fucking kill Tamari.

_Apparently during the wait Gaara had decided to take a shower and he had just gotten out. His usually scarlet hair had turned maroon from the moisture. He was very…wet and…sexy. His Ai tattoo was glistening. His maroon hair was dripping water onto his broad shoulders. Akira watched as the droplets ran down his toned chest to his very firm abdomen until it hit the white towel wrapped around very visible love handles. _Damn he's fucking sexy_, she thought. _

_Gaara watched as Akira looked at him dumbstruck. He was surprised she had just barged into the room. Then he realized it was probably Temari. _She always up to something, _he thought to himself. He watched as her eyes roamed his body. _She's not even trying to hide it.

_Gaara actually asked for the chocolate eyed ninja's help because he wanted an excuse to have dinner with her. He found her very attractive, her modesty made her even more attractive. But it was her smile that got him every time; she had the brightest and most beautiful smile he had ever seen._

"_So you gonna tell me why you're late?" he asked breaking the silence. _

"_I…umm…I…had to meet with…ummm…Tsunade. Our meeting ran a little longer then expected" she replied finally making eye contact with Gaara. She blushed furiously and then looked away. "Umm…I'll just meet you downstairs."_

"_No. Just stay." He stated boldly. He wanted to see her reaction. He took two steps forward. He was about two feet away from her. _This is not how I normally act…what is she doing to me?

"_You want me to what?" she exclaimed. She didn't take any steps back but she did lean back a little. _If he keeps coming closer…

"_I said, stay here…" he said talking one more step closer to her._

Oh…you wanna play that_, Akira thought. "But your WET and all you got on is a towel...so I'm pretty sure we can't train like that." She told him, a smile playing on her lips. She took two steps toward him. They were about six inches away from each other. _

"_So…" he said closing the distance between them._

_He was so close, she could feel his body heat. "I'll wait for you downstairs-"_

"_Stay." He cut her off. He grabbed her wrist, he wanted to see what Akira would do._

"_You really don't need my help do you Gaara of the Desert?" she asked him with a smile. She wasn't fighting his grip because she liked the feel of his skin. _

"_Maybe I do…you gotta stay to find out." He smirked. His hand let go of her wrist but landed on her waist. If he got any closer, she was going to __**become**__** his **__**towel**__._

"_Maybe I don't wanna find out." She said smiling. _

"_I think you do" _

_She could feel his breath on her cheek. _Fuck it_, she thought, _he's too good to pass up_. She ran her hands up his taut wet chest and linked her hands behind his neck. "Gaara…" she whispered._

"_Yea…" he gasped. He had not expected her to do that._

"_Just kiss me." She stated. And that's exactly what the sand nin did._

_As their lips touched, he brought her even closer to him by guiding her waist with his hands. He nibbled on her bottom lip and she him in. _

_Akira felt as if every nerve in her body was charged with electricity and she was all too aware that the only thing Gaara had on was towel. As his tongue explored her mouth she ran her fingers through his soft red hair. She wanted more. She felt his hands creep under her shirt. _I should not be doing this_, she thought._

_Gaara didn't know what Akira was doing to him but it felt good. He felt like he found something he didn't even know was missing. He didn't want to break the kiss but he knew he had to. His fingers brushed the small of her back and she moaned. _Damn did she have to do that,_ he thought to himself. She nibbled his bottom lip and he heard himself moan. He felt her lips curl into a smile. _

"_Did I just make you moan?" she whispered in his ear, finally breaking the kiss. _

"_I believe I made you moan first." he said as he placed his lips behind her ear and licked the spot. He felt her knees buckle. "I believe I just find your soft spot Akira Kioshi."_

"_Mmmm…I believe you just did." She said prying herself away from the now completely dry sand nin and told him, "I gotta go."_

"_Where? You just got here." Gaara said, pulling her back so they could resume kissing._

"_Well you see…I have to go help this obnoxious sand ninja who says he needs help with his taijutsu. I don't want to keep him waiting…he's very impatient." She told him with a wicked grin._

"_Screw him…he doesn't need your help. I think he's just using that as an excuse to get you alone, to ask you to dinner." He told her, still holding on to her waist._

"_You think? Then maybe I shouldn't keep him waiting."_

"_I think you should stay here…" the jade eyed ninja told her._

"_I should…but I really have to meet my brother in about 20 minutes. So I really do gotta go. Sorry Gaara...but I will say yes to dinner, if the obnoxious ninja asks" she smirked._

"_Dinner 9ish?" he asked her._

"_9:30ish and we'll call it a date."_

"_Fine...but you owe me more of these…" he said kissing her on the neck._

"_Don't worry…you'll get them." She said as she walked out his room._

Neji saw Akira smiling and knew she as remembering her first kiss with Gaara.

"Your thinking about it, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yea…you don't forget a kiss like that." She told him.

"You need company?" he asked her.

"No…I'll be ok. I need to get back and talk to Iruka. Thanks Neji…for everything." She said looking into his opal eyes.

"I'll meet you at the tea shop tonight?"

"Yep. See you there." She said as she walked into the direction of her impending doom.

* * *

Ayame was seriously worried about her best friend. It was not like Akira to walk out of a room the way she did. She became even more anxious as she watched Gaara walk in empty handed. All he had said was that Akira needed some air. This dreadful class was about to end and there was no sign of Akira.

"Hello earth to Ayame!!" her loud blonde partner yelled in her face.

"Shit, Naruto you don't have to yell." She shouted back at him

"Actually I did have too, you weren't paying attention. What's on your mind? Because its obviously not this project." He asked Ayame.

"I'm just worried about Akira…its not like her to walk out. Plus this is _her_ class…where is she, damnmit!" she said frustrated.

"I know!! She's usually so calm and collected!! Gaara always turns her upside down…" he noted. _He always has_, he thought to himself.

"How do you even know that Naruto?" she questioned him curiously.

_Shit_. "Its just an observation," he said innocently. He knew why Akira had reacted the way she did. He knew she was still in love with his best friend. The real question was: why did she break it off?

"Just an observation my ass. What did she say to you Naruto?" Ayame questioned.

"She didn't say anything! Its just an observation. Just look at the way she acts around Gaara and then look at the way she acts around Neji. Gaara turns her upside down." He stated. _I can't believe Akira hasn't told her yet_, Naruto thought to himself.

"Does Gaara like her?" she made eye contact with clear blue eyes.

Ayame knew her friend very well…she knew there was something wrong with Akira; she had known there was something wrong for a while now. But today seemed like it was too much for Akira to handle; Akira was ripping at the seams and Ayame intended to find out why.

"Ummm…she's back." He was looking at the door.

Akira wasn't making eye contact with anyone. But she could feel everyone's eyes on her as she walked up to Iruka. She could really feel Gaara's eyes staring a hole in the back of her neck.

_So you decided to come back? How's Hyuga?_ Gaara asked.

_Gaara…_she said simply. She couldn't finish.

"Iruka sensei can I have a talk to you for a minute?" she asked while staring at Iruka's forest green vest.

"Sure." He said. He was beginning to worry about her.

Iruka and Akira walked into the hallway. Akira could feel Iruka's worried eyes on her.

"Iruka…When did you find out? About me and Gaara?" Akira whispered.

Iruka was shocked for two reasons: the 1st one was that fact that Akira called him 'Iruka' she has never done that before. The 2nd one was that she knew he knew about her secret relationship. "How did you figure out I knew?"

"Your good friends with Hiro. You would never knowingly put me and Gaara together. UNLESS you knew something about us. So when did you find out?" she asked again.

"When I told you the class had been approved. When did you guys end it?"

"You saw us…I should have known. I ended it five months ago." She told him still not making any eye contact.

Iruka wanted to ask why, but he knew better. "Do you want me to switch your partner?"

"No. I deal with it. Its just, a warning would have been nice." She smiled. It was a sad smile.

"Akira-"

"Its ok Iruka. I'm going to call you Iruka since you've already seen me make out with my ex-boyfriend. Its ok…I can manage Gaara. Its just me I'm worried about. And Naruto…I'm never going to hear the end of it from Naruto. Or Ayame, come to think about." She said another sad smile on her lips.

They both walked back into the class. Akira had settled with _dealing with it_…how exactly she was going to do that she was not sure.

As Akira sat down next to Gaara, Iruka said "Class dismissed"

_Great_, she thought sarcastically.

Akira was going to tell Gaara to meet her at the tea shop so they could talk about, what Shikamaru would call, extremely "troublesome" project. But Ayame and Naruto walked up to them and before Akira could get anything out her mouth Ayame grabbed her arm and was dragging her away. All Akira managed to say was…

"Later!" and then she was out of sight.

Naruto had stayed with Gaara. He was worried about his best friend. Even though Gaara didn't show it, Naruto knew that if Gaara didn't vent, things were going to go from bad to horrible.

"So…what happened between you guys?" Naruto asked.

"Nothing." Gaara said, not making any move to leave the room.

"Bullshit!! She had guilt written all over her face. The same kinda guilt she had when she ended it," the hyper blonde responded.

Gaara stood up put his hands in his pockets, as he began to walk out the room he said, "I was about to kiss her when Hyuga walked in on us."

"Neji?? What the fuck were you thinking? Are you looking for a fight?!" Naruto yelled.

"Weird thing is…Hyuga didn't even want a fight. And its not a fight with Hyuga I care about, I can take Hyuga any day. It's Akira…she used her chakra wall on me…" Gaara told Naruto finally turning around to make eye contact with his blue-eyed best friend.

If Naruto wasn't Gaara's best friend he wouldn't have seen the pain in Gaara's eyes, but he is Gaara's best friend and he could almost feel the pain and confusion in those jade colored eyes. "She did what!! That's the first phase-"

"Of her kekki genki." Gaara finished off. "She still loves me Naruto, I felt it when we were about to kiss. Then she used her chakra wall on me; she didn't want to too but she did. Maybe she's actually falling for Hyuga." He spat those last words out as if they left a bad taste in his mouth.

"She is NOT falling for Neji. She only has eyes for you. She's always had eyes for you. Even when you were psycho….she always said you were savable." Naruto said smiling as remembered the first time Akira met Gaara.

_Naruto had just had his run in with the mysterious genin from the Village Hidden in the Sand. Akira was looking for Sakura to let her know that her mother was looking for her._

_Akira hair was much shorter and she wore her leaf ninja headband on her wrist like a bracelet. The sand ninja were walking away and she bumped into the big guy wearing all black with paint on his face. _

"_Shit!! Watch where you're going!" yelled the painted face ninja._

"_I'm sorry…I didn't see where I was going!" Akira said._

"_Shut up Kankuro!" said the jade-eyed ninja._

_Akira looked at a sand ninja whose hair almost matched her own hair and instantly felt an attraction towards him. _He's so mysterious_, she thought._

"_Its ok. It was my fault." Akira told the ninja with jade eyes. _

"_Whatever." he told her, as he walked away._

"_Who was that Naruto?" she asked._

"_Some jerk from the Sand village. They are here for the Chunin exams. Stupid jerks!" Naruto spat out._

"_That red head…he's special…" she said to no one in particular._

"_I guess you could say that." said Sakura._

"You've never told me that before… Naruto…I think I'm done…I think I'm done asking why. It's been five months and I'm pretty sure I'm done…" Gaara said in a resigned voice.

"Gaara…"

"No. I'm done Naruto" Gaara stated. He walked towards the Ramen Shop knowing his friend was hungry. They walked in silence all the way there.

* * *

Ayame was determined to find out what was wrong with Akira. She was going to make Akira talk whether she wanted to or not.

"Fuck, Ayame…let go of my arm!" Akira yelled at her friend.

"Fine but you owe me A LOT of answers!" she said as she let go of her best friend's arm.

"You haven't even asked anything!" Akira retorted.

"Don't take that tone with me Akira Kioshi!" Ayame told her friend. "You're going to tell me what the hell is going on between you and Gaara. And don't tell me nothing, because what you did today…No more secrets so spill it out! Now!"

"Me and Gaara? Your one to talk about _secrets_!! We'll talk about 'me and Gaara' when you tell ME when you were going to let ME know YOU are in love with Neji! Oh that's right, you were never going to tell me! You threw him at me like a piece of meat! Did you do that so that you could avoid your feelings for him!! Where you even going to let HIM know how you felt!! Before we talk about _my secrets_, please Ayame do me a favor and spill some of yours!!" Akira shouted at her friend. She was angry and she knew that taking it out on Ayame was not the right thing to do; but she didn't care.

Ayame felt as if her best friend just slapped her. _How the hell did she figure that out?_ she thought to herself. She could tell Akira was furious, not only about the Neji issue but something else was making her best friend angry; she really wanted to know was bothering Akira.

"I don't…love him…I like him. And the only reason I 'gave him away' was because-"

"BULLSHIT!! Like him? You LOVE him!! And you toss him aside like an old pair of socks. You hand him over to me as if he means nothing to you!! There's nothing in your way…nothing holding the possibility of you and Neji back and you give him to me!! What the fuck is wrong with you!! You guys could have been together…why Ayame? It is because you're too afraid to actually let him get to know you? Are you afraid you'll actually love him more?!" Akira was shouting so much her throat was starting to hurt.

"Why are you so angry…" Ayame whispered.

"Because I love him Ayame. I'm head over heals, can't breathe without him, hurts when I think about him in love with Gaara of the Desert. And I'd give anything to have no obstacles. I'd give anything to be with Gaara and know I'm not hurting anyone. And you have that…you could have that…you and Neji. And you toss him aside without giving yourself a chance! That's why I'm upset; you have what I want and you throw it away without a second thought!" Akira said as her eyed welled up with tears she was trying desperately to hold back.

"Oh my god…you _love_ Gaara. But when did that happen? Akira…" she Ayame couldn't finish.

"We all keep secrets, Yame. It seems some of us hide them better than others. Me and Gaara don't matter. You and Neji…I just want you to know that there never was a 'Neji and me'. It was all fake. He…likes you, Yame and if you actually opened your eyes you would notice it." Akira said walking away as tears spilled out the corner of her eyes.

Ayame didn't try to stop her friend; she was too hurt by everything she had just told her. Ayame was also feeling guilty for not having realized her best friend's feelings the famous sand nin; after all Akira knew all this time about her feelings for Neji. _She's always been more perceptive than me_, Ayame thought to herself as she watched her best friend walk away. _We will we recover from this…._

Akira knew she had hurt Ayame but at the moment she didn't really care. Everything she had been feeling these past few months had just spilled out. She knew Ayame would forgive her for being a bitch. She was just that type of person. Akira needed to go and think about what she was going to do…about EVERYTHING. She needed to clear her head and she knew exactly what to do.

* * *

Gaara had set his mind to it; he was done trying to figure out why Akira had ended their relationship. He was done trying to figure her out. He was determined not to let her get under his skin anymore. His mind was set…that was until he saw her and all his resolve dissolved right before his jade colored eyes.

He was walking toward the big tree to clear his head. A silent lunch with Naruto didn't help him; it just made him more uneasy…Naruto was never as quiet as he was today. Gaara knew Naruto thought he was making the wrong decision but it didn't matter. Gaara was set on forgetting about Akira but…then he saw her jogging, without a shirt.

Sweat glistened on her toned shoulders. Her Ai tattoo was glimmering on her neck, her hair which was tied up into a ponytail had turned crimson with sweat; she stop to take a breath. _There's only one reason she's jogging_, Gaara thought to himself, _she's trying to clear her mind…just like me_.

Akira could feel his eyes on her. She so distracted by everything going thru her head she had failed to realize that she had run right into Gaara's path. She thought about what she was wearing: sports bra and yoga pants. _Damnmit I should have put on a shirt_, she thought as she felt him walking towards her. she was always so careful about covering her love tattoo.

Gaara's determination had disappeared as soon as he saw her glimmering Ai tattoo; he had _given_ her that tattoo and the memory of when he gave it to her broke him. He started walking a little faster towards her, closing the distance between them. He knew exactly what he was going to do to make sure she couldn't escape him.

Akira felt his rapid approach. "Gaara…what are you doing?" she whispered to herself. She was about to start jogging when she felt what he was doing. _No…_

Gaara had called all his sand to him. He trapped Akira and himself in a room he created with four sand walls. It was dark but he could hear her breathing. He followed his heart and found her.

"Now we can talk in private..." he told her in the dark.

A/N: And that's the end of chapter 3!! Yay!! Hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think!! Thanks to all those have put me on your fav stories lists; means a lot!! Just as preview…the next chapter will have some smex in it!! :):):):):)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! Hope you enjoy this chapter and the smut!! Warning…this chapter is a little sad! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 4

Gaara had touched her and it felt like a blot of lightening was coursing thru his body. She smelled so familiar…cinnamon. He knew her body so well he didn't need the light. He licked her Ai tattoo on her neck. _She tastes salty_, he thought to himself.

"Gaara…" she sighed.

"I know you still love me…" he said against her skin.

She felt his lips move against her skin. Her legs felt like jelly. "You…still love…me…" she breathed out.

"You remember when you got this Ai?" he whispered in her ear as he ran fingers across her Ai tattoo.

His voice sent shivers down her back. His mouth made her knees buckle. And his proximity made her forget what she promised herself. Her determination was gone and all she wanted was his lips on hers.

"Of course I remember." Akira said barely audible.

_Gaara and Akira had just had dinner. It was hard having dinner together and still maintaining their relationship a secret. But they got lucky tonight, Gaara's house was empty. Temari was out with Shikamaru and Kankuro was out who knows where. So they had a nice dinner at his house and then headed upstairs to Gaara's bedroom in case Kankuro decided to come home early. _

_Gaara's room was always so relaxing. Akira didn't know if it was the tan colored walls or the cleanliness or if it was just because it was GAARA'S ROOM but it always had the same effect on her. Akira sighed at she entered his room, it was getting harder and harder to leave Gaara's side these days; and she just didn't know why. Gaara took her hand and guided her to the window. He hugged her from behind. _He's so loving_, she thought. _

"_You promised you were staying tonight…are you going to break your promise…again?" he asked as he snuggled into her neck. _

"_I did promise, didn't I?" she said as Gaara kissed her shoulders softly. _

"_Yea…(kiss)….so you gonna…(kiss)…leave me again?"_

"_Hisui…"_

"_I've decided to warn you…I'm not going to let you go." he told her as he turned her around. _

_Akira looked into his pale jade eyes. Those eyes that she loved so much. Those eyes that told her everything about him. She loved him, god did she love him and she decided she was tired of thinking what her brother would do. So she decided she was going to stay…she really didn't want to leave Gaara tonight._

"_And I've decided to tell you…I'm staying." She told him. He smiled and Akira knew she had just made him happy. She had this glowing warmth in the pit of stomach and she was pretty sure Gaara was the reason; that or it was the food. _

"_You shouldn't lie to me." he said as he let her go and sat on the edge of his bed, his eyes downcast. _

"_I'm not lying." She told him as she walked over to him. "I wouldn't lie to you…I…love you…you know that right?" she asked as she took his face in her hands and kissed his love tattoo. _

"_So you're…staying?" he said meeting her chocolate eyes. She smiled and nodded._

"_Good." he said grabbing her by the waist and pulling her on top on him as they fell back on his bed. _

"_Gaaaraaaa." she giggled as she kissed his collar bone. _

"_By the way you know…I…love you too…right?" he asked her, tilting her chin so that her eyes met those watery teal eyes she loved so much. He did love her, he didn't know when it happened; all he knew was that there was no way he could live without her in his life. He had been scared to admit it because he didn't want her to break his heart but now he knew his heart was in good hands._

"_Yes." she whispered as their lips met. They never had secrets when they kissed._

_Gaara rolled over and tangled his legs around hers and kissed her neck slowly inching his way to her soft spot behind her ear. His hands slipped under her shirt and she gasped._

"_Your hands are so warm."_

"_Let me warm you up…" he said a smile curling on his lips._

_Gaara felt her hands slip under his shirt. She was ready to take it off. She slowly eased each arm out. But he just gotten behind her ear and she wanted to enjoy his expert tongue on the sensitive skin behind her earlobe._

"_Mmmmmmmm…." she moaned._

_Akira was turning Gaara on extremely fast. He looked down at her face, her eyes closed in pleasure and he realized that he WANTED HER in every way possible. He slipped his shirt off. She whined at little when he removed his lips from behind her ear but was immediately silenced when Gaara slipped her shirt off too. _

_Akira instantly tried to remember if she had matching underwear on. She didn't know why it mattered but she remembered Temari saying something about it. _Wait…what I'm I wearing?? Umm…black and red striped underwear and a black bra…ehh…that's good enough for me_, she thought to herself._

_His hands touched the skin right below her navel and she arched her back trying the get their bodies to touch once more, to feel his warmth. Gaara was working on taking off her pants when he felt her hands slip into his back pockets and she pulled his hips closer to hers. _She shouldn't do that_, he thought. _

"_Mmmnnn…you shouldn't do that…Ai…I'm not going to be able to stop myself." Gaara moaned._

"_Who said I wanted you to stop?" she grinned as she felt his semi-erection thru his pants. Akira felt a familiar wetness in between her legs, as she was getting more and more aroused by Gaara. _I'm definitely not going home tonight_._

_Gaara slipped off her pants and slid out of his when she unbuckled them. Both redheaded ninjas were in their underwear; both highly aroused. Gaara was actually surprised, he had never really gotten this far with Akira; not that he didn't try, she was just never ready. He looked down at her beautiful body and felt himself get a little harder._

_Akira looked up at Gaara; she admired his broad shoulders and his exceedingly tone abdomen and sighed. _He's just so sexy_. She grinned as soon as her eyes traveled south and she saw him getting harder by just looking at her. So wanted him so bad…_

_Akira stood up and wrapped her arms around Gaara's chest. He didn't know what to do, so he put his arms around her waist. She slowly guided him back to the bed, the whole time softly kissing his chest. He fell back onto his bed and she fell on top of him. She straddled her legs around his waist. She looked down at the redhead she loved so much. She kissed his soft peachy lips, nibbled on his bottom lip and heard him groan. The sound vibrated into her mouth. _

"_Are you sure…about this?" he whispered into her mouth. His hands where working on the clasps of her bra. He wanted to be sure she wanted to do this._

"_Absolutely." she whispered back. She moved her lips to his soft spot, the soft skin right below his Adam's apple. She nibbled on his delicate skin and heard him moan. The sound pulsated down his throat to that sensitive area and tickled her tongue. _

_He finally took her bra off, she was driving him crazy. He admired her perfectly rounded breasts, perky nips and he wanted to hear her moan. He rolled over, her legs still wrapped around his waist, he pinned her down to the bed. He put his lips around her soft nipple, he ran his tongue over the sensitive top; he heard her groan his name and watched as she arched back in pleasure. He smiled knowing she was enjoying the foreplay as much as he was. _

_His mouth was driving her crazy; she wanted it all over her body. She wanted him in her. _

"_Ngghhh…Hisui…I…want…" Akira managed to get out._

"_I know…my love…" he told her. _

_His hand slid into her panties and he slipped his fingers into her wet folds searching for that small bundle of nerves that would make her scream in ecstasy. Gaara knew he found it when she cried his name and saw her toes curl in pleasure. _

"_Hi…sui…I need…you...in…me…mmmnnn" she groaned. _

_She tugged his now completely stiff manhood. He didn't even realize she had taken his boxers off. He felt her need for him and he loved it. He used both hands to take off her panties, while fully kissing Akira on the lips. _

"_Do you have protection?" she murmured into his mouth._

_His senses were so zoned in on her soft hand gripping him tightly he didn't even hear her. She had to ask him again. "Hisui...protection?"_

"_Mmmnnnn…side drawer." he said as he slipped his fingers into her again. _

_With her free had Akira opened the drawer and took out the condom. She broke the kiss, her lips were bruised from all the fervent kissing but she wasn't complaining. She ripped the wrapper open with her teeth. She wanted him in her now. She quickly put the condom on his surprisingly large erection._

"_In…now…"she demanded._

"_I kinda like this impatient side of you better." he whispered into her ear as he positioned himself to enter her. _

_He drove into her and instantly felt the tight heat around him. He saw her stiffen in pain. He was afraid of hurting her. "Ai…are you ok?" he asked her._

_She was in little pain but it was nothing compared to the pleasure she felt having Gaara in her. She quickly relaxed, so her sand nin wouldn't worry. _

"_I'm fine…" she told him, grounding her hips to take him deeper. _

_Gaara started off slow, so she would get use to it. Her tight muscles stroked every inch of his erection. He watched her mouth hang open in pleasure. This was the best feeling in the world…to be connected to someone body and soul. _

"_Harder..." she whimpered, as she bucked her hips to take him in even deeper._

_He quickened his pace as she cried out in pleasure; saying his name over and over again. Akira's body moved in time with his. His panting told her he was going to climax soon. She thrusted her hips forward and heard him scream her name. _

"_Gaaraaaaa!" she cried as she threw her head back. He felt her clamp around him as he felt a gush of hot liquid. _

_The pressure of her orgasm was too much for him. He drove in her one last time and came, feeling his own warm sperm, as he fell on top of her._

_Both redheads laid on the bed in pools of ecstasy; both relishing in their after glow. They felt inseparable; nothing was going to come between them. They had come together and allowed their bodies and hearts to become one. Akira rolled over and snuggled up to Gaara. _I love him so much it scares me_, she thought as she heard his ragged breathing. _

_He opened his eyes half-way and saw her beautiful eyes looking at him. He loved her more than anything or anyone; he never thought anyone would understand him the way she does. He wanted to show her how much he loved her. _

"_Ai, I need you to turn over." he whispered._

"_Why?" she asked._

"_Do you trust me?"_

"_With my life…" she answered._

"_So turn over and close your eyes." he instructed._

_She didn't know what he was planning but she did what he asked._

"_This will sting a little but…" he told her as he called forth some of his sand. He pulled her long silky hair away from her neck; touched the spot and watched as the sand made a perfect Ai. She hissed and his lips were on her telling her he was sorry for the pain. When he finished she got up and looked and the mirror, turned around and gave him a wicked grin._

"_So does this mean I'm yours?" she asked flirtatiously, jumping back into the bed with him. _

"_Yep…" he answered with a twinkle in his clear green eyes._

"_Good," she said as she snuggled up to him. She felt safe with him and even though it scared her how much she loved him, she knew she was safe with him. _

Good_, he thought as he drifted off to sleep; knowing he was going to wake-up with Akira in his arms. Knowing she would be there when he needed her. _

I really do love you_, he thought before sleep took him._

I love you too_, she answered him._

There was no way she was ever going to forget her first time; she remembered it every time she looked at her Ai tattoo. Gaara was breaking her resolve; he was making this so hard for her and for him. She loved him so much and she knew he felt the same way; that was exactly what was making their break up so hard. She wish she could tell him she didn't love him but she couldn't, she couldn't lie to him, she wasn't strong enough.

Akira turned around and couldn't see his face but she didn't need to see it; she knew his facial features by heart. She could hear him breathing; she put her left hand to his chest and felt his heart pick up the pace. Her heart started to beat in rhythm with his. She was tired of hiding the truth from him. As hard as it was for her to admit, Akira **needed** Gaara.

"Hisui…" she whispered.

"You don't get over what we have overnight…" he said barely audible.

She was going to let him see the truth; she had every intention of telling Gaara why they couldn't be together. Maybe just maybe he would understand and give up…making it easier for the both of them. She had her mind set…that was until he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her.

Their lips touched and both ninjas fell into old habits; it was as if they were never apart. She breathed him in and all her problems melted away. Akira let his tongue roam the dark carven of her mouth. She nibbled on his bottom lip knowing that he'd respond. She ran her hands thru his red locks and sighed into his mouth. As their kiss intensified, all the mental blockades she put up during the five months they were apart were torn down. She was going to let him see everything she knew about what his village thought of her but before she could he was pulled into a memory she hadn't shown anyone, a memory she didn't want anyone to know about; she hadn't even talk about it to anyone, not even her brother who had tried so hard to get her to open up.

Gaara saw a much younger but still adorable Akira and someone who could only be her mother. She never really talked about her mother; bad memories were always her excuse. Her mother was beautiful, she looked like an older Akira; she had long red curls, she was tall and slender but her eyes were the most breathtaking of all. She had the greenest pair of eyes Gaara had ever seen. _Why aren't Akira's eyes green, she looks just her mother except for those eyes, _he thought as he saw the memory unravel.

_Akira was waiting for her mom to finish dinner so that they could begin her training. She loved training with her mom; she was so experienced and knew so much about everything. Tonight they were suppose to practice Akira's medical ninjutsu and her sword training. Akira's mother was amazing with a sword. The best part about tonight was that her father wasn't going to come home until the morning, which meant Akira and her mom had the house to themselves all night long. _

_Akira was delighted to know that her father wasn't coming home until the morning; he was always so angry and he never let her learn anything new. Her training sessions with her mom were a secret, which was another reason she enjoyed them so much. Akira knew not to ever say anything about training because then her father would get so mad, he'd start hitting…her mom._

_Akira shook her head as if that would erase the bad memories. "So are we ready mom?" she asked eagerly. _

"_Yes we are my darling!" she answered._

"_Mom…can I ask you something?" Akira said as she followed her mom into living room. _

"_Of course you can."_

"_How do you know all this stuff? Why are you so good at it? How come father doesn't want me to know any of this?" she asked in a rush. _

_Her mother smiled. Akira was always so eager for information. "Slow down…I can only answer one question at a time." she answered as she shook her head. She was looking under the floor board for the sword she wanted Akira to train with. _

"_Ok, love…first question…the reason I know all this 'stuff' is because I was a ninja once. Just like you'll be, once you graduate. I was one of the best ninjas in this village. I ran my own ANBU team and I was one of the first ninjas that participated in a program that taught me medical ninjutsu to help heal my team members. I loved learning so I soaked it all in; just like you. Second question…the reason I'm so good at it is because I kick ass!" she smiled as she watched her daughter's face turn into complete shock._

"_Mom!!"_

"_I'm going to tell you something my love, anytime someone asks you why you're good at something…always tell them it's because you kick ass. I guarantee you they'll be so shocked by your answer they won't ask you to prove it. And if they do ask you to prove it…then show them that YOU kick ass." her mother said all this with a smile on her soft face. _

"_What if I don't kick ass…" Akira said sadly._

"_You, my daughter, already kick ass. Your seven years old and you can infuse your chakra in every weapon I've given you. You're special, you learn quickly and what you can do with your chakra…it's amazing. I wouldn't be surprised if you could make a chakra wall like your father." she told her daughter. She handed her daughter the sword._

"_So I kick ass?" she questioned._

"_Always, my love."_

"_This sword is kinda of heavy mom." _

"_It my ANBU sword, now hold it up right. And lunge at me like I taught you with the shorter sword." she instructed her daughter. _

_Akira lunged at her mother and her mother easily dodged the attack. The sword was heavier than she thought. It was hard to maneuver; she needed to strengthen her arms in order to successfully attack her mother. _

"_Mom is this strength training?" she asked as she lunged and failed to make any contact._

_Her mother smiled her beautiful smile and said, "That's very perceptive. You have to master the sword before you can use it for attack."_

_Her mother took the sword out of Akira's hands; it was feather light in her hands. She showed her daughter how easy it was for her to twirl the sword in her hands. _

"_Akira…when you can do that. Then you'll be ready for attack." _

_Akira was determined to copy her mother's moves but she knew the only way that was going to happen is if she trained her muscles. She took the sword out of her mother's hands and tried to twirl the sword but it kept slipping out of her hands. She was growing frustrated, strength training was not as easy as absorbing information…it actually required work. _

_Akira's mom saw her daughter's mounting frustration. "Maybe we can practice with the sword tomorrow?" she suggested as she took the sword from her daughter. _

"_But mom…"_

"_Its ok my love. We have forever for you to learn with my ANBU sword. Don't you want to practice healing?" she asked her daughter. _

_Akira's eyes lit up. She loved healing. "Yep!! But promise we can practice with the sword tomorrow!!"_

"_I promise!"_

_She led her daughter to a closet in the kitchen and took out a rabbit that had its foot wrapped up. Akira was aware that her mother had avoided her last question…about her father. She was going to say something but her mother beat her to it._

"_Sweetheart, your father…its not that he doesn't want you to know all this…its just he's doesn't want you to grow up. Don't worry about your father my love. Now heal the rabbit's foot. I'll be right back." her mother said as she walked in her bedroom._

"_No worries mom," she said as she concentrated chakra around her hands and placed them on the bunny. _

_Akira knew her mother was lying about her father. But she let her mother lie to her…it made her mother feel better. But Akira knew the truth; she had heard her mom and her father fighting the other night. Akira clearly remembered her father saying that he didn't want Akira to learn anything from her mother because he didn't want his daughter to surpass him…like his wife. After she heard that, she was pretty sure that the only reason her mother has "stopped" being a ninja was because of her father. He was always so restrictive and he always thought he was right. The only reason Akira disliked her father was because he hit her mother. HER mother, who did everything possible to make the man comfortable and when something wasn't to his liking he started swinging his fists. Akira knew that the only reason her father hadn't hit her was because her mom; she always did everything to protect her. _To bad we just can't leave_, Akira thought while she was healing the rabbit._

_If Akira hadn't been so lost in her thoughts she would have heard the front door slam. Her father was home and he had walked in on her healing session with the rabbit. He was drunk and angry about something the Hokage brought to his attention._

"_Just what the hell do you think your doing?!" he hissed as he saw his daughter successfully heal the bunny. _

_Akira knew she was in trouble. She could smell the alcohol on her father. She quickly tried to think up a lie. "Look father it's a bunny I found on my way home from school. I was just petting it." she told him as she held out the rabbit. _

"_Liar!" he yelled._

_The slap came so fast Akira didn't even have time to move out of the way. Akira's face jerked to the side, the pain from her father's hand brought tears to her eyes. She could taste blood in her cheek. _Is this what mom feels every time he hits her_? she thought as she swallowed the coopery blood. _

"_Hisashi!! DO NOT TOUCH HER!!" her mother yelled._

_She had come out of nowhere but she was there instantly at her side. She gently took her daughter's cheek into her hands. She touched the tender spot and Akira hissed in pain. There was something in her mother's eyes Akira has never said before…hatred. _

"_I'll do what I like, Airi and you'll have no say in it!" her father said. Akira could hear the rage in each word. _

_Airi stood up and turned around; for the first time in their forced marriage she was going to stand up to her husband. He was never going to touch Akira again. _

"_Akira go put ice on your cheek." It was an order._

"_No…mom," she answered barely audible. There was no way she was going to leave her mother alone with her father; he looked like he was ready to spit fire..._

"_What are you going to do Airi? Yell?" Hisashi sneered. He was going to walk pass his wife when she punched him with a handful of green chakra._

"_I told you NEVER to touch her!" she said with ice in every syllable. _

_Akira was so shocked by what her mom just did she didn't know what to do. Her father had fallen to his knees and he was trying to catch his breath. _

"_YOU BITCH!!" he said as he swung fist. But Airi moved out the way and he stumbled into the wall. _

"_Akira I told you…ice…GO!!" her mother told her. _

"_MOM WATCH OUT!!" Akira yelled. While Airi had turned her attention to her daughter, Hisashi had recovered and was charging at Airi with all he had. There was no way he was going to let his wife was going to make a fool out of him._

_Akira ran and put her arms around her mother and squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn't going to leave her mother alone. _She's always protected me…I need to protect her_. Akira waited for her father to make contact but she felt nothing. Instead she heard a collective gasp from both her mother and father. _

"_My love…" her mother said surprised._

_Akira turned around and found her mother and herself surround by a bright yellow wall that was made completely of chakra. _Oh my god, did I just do that_, Akira thought. _

"_No…you can't…" Akira's father said. Akira saw a fire in her father's eyes that she had never seen before._

_The wall disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. Akira tried to bring it back; she closed her eyes and willed the wall to come back but nothing happened. _Come back, come back, please come back_, she desperately thought._

"_You don't know how to control it do you?" Hisashi snickered at his daughter. Airi placed herself between her daughter and her husband. _

"_I guess I have to teach the both of you a lesson." He said slowly taking steps toward his wife. Akira saw her father take a kunai out of his pocket._

"_Akira…I need you to leave the room," her mother told her. There was an urgency in her tone that told Akira that she better not argue. Akira started to walk slowly walk toward the hallway. But her father's booming voice stopped her._

"_NO YOU GET TO STAY! YOU WANT TO DISOBEY MY ORDERS!! YOU GET TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!" Hisashi yelled._

_Her father lunged at her and Akira desperately tried to figure out how to make her wall appear; she was at a lost. Her mother rushed to her aide only to be slammed by Hisashi. Airi slammed in the wall and slid down. She felt a warm gush in her midsection. She looked down and saw that Hisashi had stabbed her with the kunai he had in his hand. She was pretty sure he had hit her liver judging from the amount of blood seeping from the wound. _

_Akira looked at her mother and saw the blood. She ran to her mother's side and tried to heal her but they hadn't practiced healing wounds that severe. _

"_Tell me what to do mom!" she cried. _There's so much blood_. She knew her mother was bleeding out; tears where rolling down her cheek._

"_It's ok my love…I'll be ok…" she said in between breaths. _Why must we lie?_ "I need you to leave sweetheart…leave and don't look back." Airi whispered to her daughter. _

"_No mom…I can't…just tell me! I can fix this…this is my fault…just tell me" Akira pleaded in between sobs. She was losing her mother; she could feel her life slipping out of her hands._

"_This isn't your fault…Akira…you have always been the best thing that ever happened to me." She was breathing more raggedly. "Promise me you'll leave…you brother will take care of you." she said barely audible. "Promise you'll leave…I need you happy and that won't happen…if you stay here with your father."_

"_Mom…please don't leave me…I need you!!"_

"_I'm sorry…I never had the courage…to leave" Akira's mom said. "Promise me" It was taking every ounce of energy to keep herself conscious in order to hear her daughter's response. _

"_I promise…" Akira whispered to her mother. She saw her mother close her eyes. Akira had her mother's blood all her over hands, arms, legs, and clothes; she put her forehead to her mother's and waited to hear her mother's last breath while she silently sobbed. _

_Akira slowly stood up and turned around to her father. He was standing in the corner of the room holding the bloody kunai in his right hand. _

"_YOU KILLED HER!!" Akira yelled at her father. _

_He looked up at his daughter and told her, "It was self defense…at least that's what your going to say."_

"_I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING!" she screamed at her father. Something flashed in her seven year old eyes that made Hisashi fear what his daughter was going to do._

"_YOU KILLED HER! THE ONLY PERSON WHO LOVED ME! THE ONLY PERSON WHO NEVER LEFT ME! YOU KILLED HER AND YOU THINK I'M GOING TO LIE FOR YOU!!" Her usually quiet voice thundered in the small room. "You're going to regret ever laying a hand on her." Akira whispered menacingly._

"_You? Ha…you can't do anything! You couldn't even heal her." her father sneered._

_At the mention of her mother Akira felt a rage flood her. _How dare he even talk about mom!_ As the rage turned into fury, she felt a new emotion toward her father: HATRED. She hated her father, she was beside herself with grief and hatred for her father…both emotions told her one thing: she wanted to hear her father scream in pain. Akira wanted to see him bleed, just as he'd done with her mother. _

_As soon as the thought crossed her mind her father was enclosed in a bubble of yellow chakra, Akira's chakra. All the color drained from Hisashi's face, _she can't make a prison out her chakra…it can only be used as defense.

"_But how…" he asked as his daughter took two steps towards him. He tried banging on the walls, every time his made contact with the yellow chakra he was electrocuted._

"_What wrong _Dad_?? Surprised I can actually do something useful." She said slowly walking towards the yellow prison she had created. She never called her father, dad; her eyes had harden over…they told Hisashi she was…bloodthirsty. _

"_Akira…let me out! NOW!" he yelled. _If she can make a chakra prison that means she probably kill with her chakra.

"_You don't get to tell me what to do!" her voice was a low growl._

"_Sweetheart--" he was ready to plead for his life. He could feel his daughter's chakra seep into his pores and wrap itself around his organs. _She isn't even aware of what she's doing_, he thought. _She's much more powerful than I ever thought; she can complete all three phases of our kekki genki; the chakra wall for protection, the chakra prison and the chakra kill. She's the only one who could do it…the only one who can seep their chakra into another person and literally squeeze the life out of you and that's exactly what she's going to do to me.

"_SHUT UP!! You don't get to call me that!" she cut him off. "You never cared about anyone but yourself. You're the reason Hiro left, you're the reason mom's dead and you're the reason I'm left all alone. You deserve to die!!" she yelled. She balled her bloody fists and said, "I HATE YOU!!" _

_As soon as she started to ball her fist Hisashi felt his daughter's chakra tighten around his heart. When those words left her mouth, the chakra inside of him squeezed every one of his organs. He felt his life slip of out him…the last thing he saw was his daughter's eyes, full of rage and fury. _

Gaara pushed himself away from Akira. The walls he had created with his sand dissolved. Gaara was trying to catch his breath. Her eyes…he had seen eyes like that before. So much hate…so much fury…he knew what eyes like that would do.

The afternoon sunlight stung Akira's eyes. She had tears threatening to spill out; she hadn't dealt with her mother's death or her father's murder since it had happened. She had simply blocked it off and refused to think about it and Gaara had slipped himself into the memory. She didn't know how or why but when she looked at him her heart broke into a million pieces. For the first time since they had started their relationship she couldn't read his face. No matter how stony his face was she could always read his features but now it was as blank as a slate. Akira couldn't even read his mind. But his eyes…she had seen those eyes before. He was looking at her with the same eyes the leaf villagers had right after she killed her father, distrust and fear.

"Gaara…" she murmured.

"You…" he began.

She couldn't bear to look at him anymore. She turned away, "I killed him." she said. "You can't even look at me can you? Gaara…"

He didn't know what to say to her. She was in pain…he could feel it. He wanted to tell her he understood…he wanted to tell her it didn't matter…he wanted to say something…but he couldn't. He opened his mouth and no sound came out. He knew his silence was hurting her but he couldn't make himself say anything. _Talk, damn it…say something!!_

Akira took his silence as rejection. She turned around so he couldn't see the tears creeping out the corners of her eyes. She refused to let him see her hurt anymore than he already had.

"Don't worry about the stupid project…I'll complete it and give it to Iruka." It's the only thing she could think of saying to him. _If she stayed any longer she was going to break down. I need air…air that isn't soaked in his essence._

He watched her walk away and did nothing to stop her. _Why can't I just tell her what I feel? Because…I'm not good for her…because I've seen eyes hateful eyes like that before…in me_, Gaara thought to himself as he saw a genin approach Akira.

A small orange-haired ninja approached Akira. _I'm not in the mood_, Akira thought as Kai approached her.

"Akira sensei!! You have to come quick…Aito did something stupid and Neji sensei is going to kill him!" the young ninja exclaimed.

_Just great!_ "How many times have I told you to just call me Akira, no sensei…I'm not even your sensei…just Akira. Show me the way before Neji actually kills the fool." she sighed. Akira followed the small ninja as tried to figure out how to pick up the broken pieces of her heart.

* * *

Temari was laying her bed thinking about this morning's happenings and sighed. _I can't believe she won't tell him why she left him_, she thought staring at the ceiling. _I should tell Gaara and get it over with but then he'll ask who told Akira and I'm not dealing with that drama…Gaara will kill Kankuro!_

She was brought out of her thoughts when Shikamaru walked into the room and plopped himself next to her.

"What are ya doing here?" she asked him. He looked like he was contemplating something.

"I was just thinking maybe we should go to the tea shop…_together._" he said looking at her.

Temari was surprised; it was Shikamaru who wanted to keep their relationship private. She didn't care either way but she was shocked to hear he wanted to be seen in public.

"Why? What's made you change your mind?" she questioned him with curious eyes.

"Akira…she's all alone…with no one to talk to…she won't even tell your brother why she ended it. Mari…I don't want that to happen between us…I don't want secrets between us." he answered in a clear crisp tone.

_He's serious_, she thought. "I thought I was too _troublesome_ to be out in public with." she teased.

Shikamaru smiled, "You are and unfortunately I love you…" _Uh…did I just say that?_ Shikamaru asked himself.

_Did he just say that?_ "You what?" she asked.

"I…uh…love…you," he said.

Temari rolled on top of him, took out his ponytail and ran her fingers thru his hair. "You know that's the first time you've ever said that?" she muttered into his ear.

"Uh…yea…" he answered; Temari was so hard to read sometimes.

"Just so you know…I love you too." she said as placed her lips on his. She licked the corner of his lips and felt him slip his tongue into her mouth. He was the only one who made it feel as though her skin was on fire.

"So…tea shop…together?" he muttered into her mouth.

"Sure…now shut up and keep kissing me," she demanded.

_I don't know what I got myself into…she's always been bossy_, Shikamaru thought as her lips moved to his neck. _It's my own fault._

* * *

Naruto stepped into the brightly lit tea shop and knew he was early. He was suppose to meet Gaara here but didn't see his redheaded best friend anywhere. As he looked around he saw another redhead he knew all to well. _Uh-oh Akira's here_, he thought to himself.

As he approached the booth she was sitting at all alone he noticed two things that told him there was something seriously wrong; there was an almost empty bottle of sake on the table and she had her forehead on the table, while she muttering something to herself. _Shit_, Naruto thought_, she NEVER drinks…she avoids alcohol at all costs._ _This is not good_. Naruto slid into the seat across from her.

"Akira…" he said cautiously.

"Naruto!!" she said a little too excited. "What are you doing here?!"

"What are you doing here alone?" _She's definitely had a little too much to drink._

"OH!! Well I was suppose to meet Neji and Ayame here like always. BUT Neji had a crisis with his genin. LONG STORY. And Ayame…well lets just say I yelled and said some things that I'm not proud of, so I won't be seeing her for a while. So I'm sitting here all alone…I actually don't know why I bothered coming here…I should have stayed home!" she said all of this in a cheery voice that told Naruto that she was far from cheery.

"Akira…"

"OH!! I remember why I'm here!! I want to get drunk…ha…which is kinda hard when you have a high tolerance to alcohol and all you have is sake!" she said sarcastically.

"And before you even ask Naruto, I already asked Miko for something stronger. I told him I needed that Mexican stuff called tequila. I'm sure that stuff will get me drunk fast!! But do you know what he said?? He said that this was a tea shop! What happed to the customer is always right!! He only agreed to bring me sake when I agreed to let him walk me home!! Absolute craziness!! Don't you think?!" The more she talked, the higher her voice got.

"What happened Ria?" he called her by her nickname in order to bring her back to her senses. He was pretty sure it worked when he saw her eyes flash all the pain she was going through.

"Gaara…he happened…" she said so quiet that Naruto had to lean in to hear her.

"What happened between the two of you?" he asked her.

"FUCK…" she said while looking at the entrance of the tea shop. "Now I really am going to need some Mexican stuff." she said as she slammed her forehead onto the table.

Naruto looked at the door and saw what she was talking about. Gaara had just walked into the tea shop…and he wasn't alone…next to Naruto's best friend was none other than Sakura Haruno. _Fuck…_

**A/N: Well that's the end of chapter 4!! Let me know what you think!!**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT I WAS WRAPPED UP IN THE WHOLE TWILIGHT SAGA…which if I might say is pretty damn good!! Hope you enjoy this chapter!! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 5

Ayame Hitsu was worried about her best friend. She hadn't seen Akira in that much distress since her mother's death. She always tried to get Akira to think of THAT day as the day her mother died, not the day she killed her father; it never worked, mainly because Akira refused to talk about that day. The more Ayame thought about what her friend had said to her the more frustrated she got. She was couldn't believe that Akira was in love with Gaara and if that was the case then why weren't they together. She couldn't believe that Akira knew she was in love with Neji…she had been so cautious at hiding her feelings. _How could I not have seen it!! How long were they together?? And how could Neji agree to go along with Akira's plan?? _

Ayame was angry but the problem was she didn't know if she was angrier at herself or at Akira or at Neji. She kept thinking about how blind she's been. It was then she realized she was upset with herself the most; everything Akira had told her was the truth. She _was_ afraid about the feelings she had for Neji. She _was_ afraid that he would reject her. But what she was most afraid of was finding out he felt the same because if that happened then she'd be in a relationship; that's when hearts get broken. Ayame thought she was playing it safe handing Neji over to Akira but it wasn't until Akira bluntly told Ayame the truth that she understood she was just being stupid. She wanted to talk to Akira but she knew that her friend would want nothing to do with her at the moment. So as she turned around she decided that the next best person she could talk to was Neji himself.

As Ayame approached the clearing that Neji trained his genin she heard the handsome Hyuga yelling.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! And you two thinking you'd help him out of the problem instead of coming to me first!! Stupid!! So you'll all get punished as a team!!" he shouted.

She stop in her tracks, _Damn he must be really upset. He never loses his cool_, she thought, _maybe I should talk to him later._ She about to turn around when she heard her name called.

"You shouldn't hide in the bushes Ayame, you'll get hurt," he said. His voice had gotten softer when he said her name.

Her heart was flipping out! He was the only one that made her palms sweat. She walked in the clearing and saw a cloud over his beautiful translucent eyes. It disappeared as soon as he locked eyes with her ocean blue ones. "I need to talk to you…" she said nervously.

"Sure," he said. "You three just sit there. Maybe Aito will have another bright idea, you'll guys will follow!" he said glaring at his genin.

Ayame couldn't help but smile…it was nice to see that Neji could lose his temper; it made him more human…easier to talk to. She followed him as he walked out of the clearing and onto the path in the woods. She realized she needed to get down to business. She had questions and she knew Neji had the answers.

"How long?" she asked.

He stopped in his tracks. "We were never really together. And it's only been for a month. I only agreed to pretend because she didn't want you to know why she was depressed." he said in a rush.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ayame asked confused.

"Me and Akira?" he said uncertainly. "What are you talking about?"

"Akira and Gaara…and how do you even know that I know everything between you two was a sham?" she asked him as he turned around to face her. She preferred talking to his back, if she didn't have to look at his face she wouldn't lose her nerve. Her heart started to race as soon as he looked at her.

"I saw Akira about half an hour ago. She told me you two had a fight, where she ended up telling you the truth; well part of the truth." he said with a worried look.

"How was she?" Ayame asked. "And why are you worried about her?"

"How do you know I'm worried?" he questioned. He was pretty sure he hadn't displayed any emotions.

"You furrowed you eyebrows." she told him knowingly. "And that's not the point…how _was_ she?"

"Not good."

"How bad?"

"Judging by the lack of eye contact she was giving me…pretty bad. But I don't think it was because of your fight with her. I think something happened between her and Gaara." Neji told Ayame. He was worried about Akira but at the moment all he really wanted to do was run his fingers thru Ayame's short magenta hair.

"Why was she here?" she asked looking at his lips. _I wonder if they're soft, Wait what the hell am I doing!! I'm here to get answers!!_

"Kai brought her here, so that I wouldn't kill Aito," he stated simply.

"What did he do?" she asked, she was curious to know what brought her best friend here and for some reason she was a little jealous.

"Aito had the genius idea to take a chest box with valuables which didn't belong to him. He thought he was fine tuning his ninja skills! And his two genius teammates decided to help him put it back where it belonged and that's when all hell broke lose. Akira helped me fix it. She put the box back herself…no problems," Neji answered.

"She did?"

"She's a lifesaver…Ayame?" he said. He continued once he saw her beautiful eyes. "She refused to talk about anything. She refused to talk about you and refused to talk about Gaara. She would only talk about how she was going to help get Aito out of trouble. The only thing I managed to get out of her was she told you the truth about being in love with Gaara. Before she left she told me that she told you that we were pretending to be together."

"How long were they together?" Ayame looked at his eyes and knew he was holding something back.

"Ayame—"

"How long?" she asked him again, cutting him off.

"Two years…"

"Fuck! And I never knew!! I'm her best friend and I never picked up on it!!" Ayame was really upset with herself now.

"In your defense only 4 people found out. They were really good at hiding their relationship. Temari, Shikamaru, Kankuro and Naruto, they were they only ones," Neji said. He could tell Ayame was upset and he wanted to make her feel better.

"That does not make me feel better at all. Temari and Kankuro are Gaara's sibs! Of course they would notice. Shikamaru is Temari's boyfriend, of course he would know. And guess what Neji? Naruto is Gaara's best friend! GAARA'S BEST FRIEND!! OF COURSE HE FUCKING KNEW!!" she yelled at him.

"Your mad at her." he stated.

"Yes. No. Maybe. Damn it I don't know! I know I'm mad at myself for never looking hard enough. I was just happy to see her eyes sparkling. I never figured Gaara was the reason. I just…"

"She didn't want you to know…she didn't want anyone to know. They aren't suppose to be together." He wanted to hug her. _I think that would make her feel better._ He took two tentative steps towards Ayame.

"What?" she said. _He's coming closer_. Her heart started beating even faster then before. It was a weird feeling…being upset about something her friend kept from her and at the same time wanting to be wrapped up in Neji's arms.

"They weren't suppose to be together. Her brother didn't approve. But she ended it because the sand village doesn't like her very much…he's their future Kazekage…but if they're together then they won't give him the job. She didn't want anyone to know…" he told her taking two more steps toward her.

It was then Ayame realized why her friend had kept quiet. Akira didn't want her to know because if it ended badly (and it _did_ end badly because Akira didn't have faith in relationships), she wouldn't want to see the pity in her best friend's eyes. She was protecting herself and the others around her as always. _Damn it!! She should have told me…she wouldn't be so alone! Damn it!! I should have seen it!! Argh!!_

"What are you thinking?" the handsome Hyuga asked.

Ayame was surprised by his question. "Thinking about how much of an idiot I am for not looking hard enough." She sighed.

"You're not an idiot…sometimes the only thing we care about is seeing our friends happy and we don't really question why because we really don't want to know." He was close enough to touch her. She glanced up and stared into his opal eyes. He could she the pain in those endless eyes of hers.

"Was she telling the truth when she said you liked me? Why didn't I see that?" she asked him. Her heart was beating erratically; she could feel his breath on her face.

"I didn't want you to know," he whispered, leaning into her so he could breath her in.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think you liked me…you're a flirt and you've flirted with everyone but me," he said barely audible with a small smile on his lips.

Ayame's heart flipped knowing she was the reason he was smiling. "I didn't think I was good enough for a Hyuga," she said barely audible.

He looked at her; he heard her honesty and cupped her face with both hands. "You're wrong…I'm not good enough for you…" he said looking into her ocean colored eyes.

"I'm setting the record straight Hyuga…I like you…a lot." she said feeling the heat of his hands on her cheeks.

He smirked…_just as feisty as ever_, he thought to himself. "I guess I like you a lot too." He laughed.

Ayame acted like was offended and playfully slapped his shoulder. "Shut up Hyuga!! Would you just kiss me and seal the deal."

"I would love to," he told her.

Neji scooped up her face in his hands and planted his lips on hers. They were relatively cool against hers. _They are soft_, Ayame thought to herself. The world melted away she kissed the pale eyed ninja. She ran her fingers thru this long brunette hair. His scent was making her weak in the knees. _He smells just like vanilla._

Neji's hands slipped off her face and slid down to rest on her waist. He was about to slip his tongue into her mouth when she said something.

"You have to check on her…" she murmured into his skin.

"What?" he asked momentarily confused.

"You have to see if Akira is ok…she's not going to want to talk to me…but you have to see if she's ok…Neji…if she's not…then she's going to do something she'll regret…" She was whispering so quietly he had strain hear her.

"You're worried about her? See you _are_ a _good_ friend." he told her. "I will…later. Right now I have more pressing matters," he said smiling as his lips touched hers again.

* * *

Akira was in pain and usually she could handle it. Pain was her middle name….pain was her best friend and she was use to dealing with it, but today had been too much for her. Today she was done dealing and was ready to forget…at least for a little while. It was then she decided that alcohol was the best answer. It was helping a little, for the pain but she wasn't drunk enough to forget. And seeing Gaara walk in with that pink haired blockhead seemed to sober her up a little. _Damn it!! I need some real alcohol_, she thought, _please don't come over here!!_

Gaara felt her before he actually saw her. Akira was sitting with Naruto and she was drinking. _Oh no…she never drinks_, he thought to himself, _I hope Naruto is taking the alcohol away_. He looked at his best friend was surprised to see what was reflected in those deep blue eyes…fury. Gaara could see that Naruto was furious because he just walked in with Sakura. Naruto was throwing daggers with his eyes. _This is not going to be an easy evening. But my question is, is Naruto mad because of Akira or is it about Sakura?_

"Gaara? I'm going to ask Akira something. I'll meet you at the table." Sakura said breaking Gaara out of his thoughts.

He was going to tell her that maybe that was not such a good idea but didn't have the heart. He watched as Sakura approached a sour looking Akira. Gaara sat at a table so he could get a good view of the girl he was in love with. He wanted to go up to her and take her pain away. But he stopped himself because he knew he was the reason she was drinking sake.

_Fuck!! Why is she walking over her!!_ Akira thought thru fog the sake had created in her head.

"Ria…you're going to have to breath." Naruto whispered to her. She hadn't realized she had stopped breathing.

"WHAT IS SHE DOING?!" Akira whispered.

Sakura had made it to the table. She felt like she was invading Akira's privacy; she saw Akira had a sour face on. _She doesn't look very happy_, the pinked haired ninja thought to herself. Akira's negativity was making her nervous.

"H-h-hi Akira," she stuttered, "Hello Naruto!" she said more confidently. He didn't look happy either but at least he had a small smile in his lips.

"Hello Sakura!!" Naruto said pleasantly. _Please let Akira behave_, he pled silently.

"Hello," Akira said glumly, "is there something you want?"

"Well…umm…actually there is. Lady Tsunade told me that you had excellent chakra control…because of your kekki genki. Well I was just wondering if you could…if you could…show me…or tell me…ummm…how you achieved so much control?" Sakura said nervously.

"Chakra control?? Now why would you want to know that? Word is you have good chakra control too, Bubble Gum!" she said smiling. She decided she was going to make Sakura as uncomfortable as possible. _Maybe she'll go away._

"W-w-w-what did you just call me?" Sakura asked shocked. Akira was always nice.

"Oh…I said Bubble Gum…that's what your hair reminds me of," she said with false cheerfulness.

Naruto was too shocked to stop Akira from talking. She's always been pleasant to everyone. _She's definitely had too much to drink._

"Are you…drunk?" Sakura whispered, stunned by Akira's words.

"Nope…just pleasantly buzzed!" she said cheerfully.

"I'm sorry Akira…I'll ask you--" Sakura began to say.

"Sorry? FOR WHAT?? You have a question and I might as well answer it. Chakra control…let me think," she started sarcastically.

"OHHHH!! My mother started to teach me but she died." Akira voice was slowly getting higher.

"Ha ha…nope that's not it. My father killed her! He killed her because of me…it was my fault…because she was teaching me jutsu I wasn't allowed to know. And then I turned around and killed my father. Ha…so I was all alone…So I guess I taught myself." Her voice started to break.

"Had to really…dead mother, dead father, nobody really wanted to interact with the crazy girl who killed her father! SOOO I guess in order to achieve the chakra control I have you have to suffer a great loss. The kind of loss that breaks you—"

"THAT'S ENOUGH RIA!! ENOUGH!!" Naruto said cutting her off. The look in his eyes told Akira to shut up. He turned to Sakura and said, "I'm sorry Sakura she's not feeling very well."

"Its ok Naruto…I'll talk to her another time." Sakura said turning around to walk over to Gaara. _I wonder what's wrong with her?_

"Wait Bubble Gum! I just wanted to know…are you on a date?" Akira asked suddenly.

The amount of pain Sakura heard in Akira's voice made her stop. She turned around and remembered what Gaara had told her. "Yes."

"Ha…should have known," she whispered. "Call him Hisui…he get a kick out of that!" Akira told Sakura looking straight into her eyes. There was so much turmoil in the redhead's eyes Sakura was forced to look away.

"What…" Sakura said confused.

"Jade eyes…he'll like that," she muttered looking past Akira and straight into Gaara's beautiful eyes.

Naruto slid out of his seat and stood in front of Akira, blocking her view of Sakura and most importantly of Gaara. "Don't listen to her Sakura. She's not making any sense right now."

When he saw that Sakura went to go sit next to Gaara. He sat back down and grabbed Akira's wrists. "Now why would you do that?" he said in a low voice.

"I wanted to see his reaction." she said taking back her wrists. "MIKO!! Can I pleassssssssssssssssssssseeee have another bottle??" she asked the handsome man who was suddenly standing in front of her.

Miko had known Akira since she was ten years old. He remembered meeting the young quiet ninja that sat at the same booth everyday and did her homework. He had never seen anyone as hard working until he met her. He was six years old then Akira, medium build with honey blond hair and stormy grey eyes. He had always been very protective over the beautiful ninja. He had started to worry that she was in real trouble; she had a ridiculously high tolerance to alcohol. He had only seen her completely drunk once and only one who sobered her up was Shikamaru Nara.

_Miko had been the one to supply the alcohol but only because he knew Akira could hold her liquor. She was 15 and needed Miko to help her get drunk. Miko looked at the young ninja with wide eyes as she explained why she needed to get drunk. _

"_Miko!! You're the only one who can get the alcohol for me! Please I won't ask again!! Just this once!!" she pleaded with him. _

"_But you still haven't told me why you NEED to get drunk?" He said eyeing her skeptically. _

"_Because…" she wondered if she should tell him the truth. _What the hell_, she thought to herself. "…I need to forget…temporarily…just for a night…I need to forget who I am and what I've done…Miko I just need a black curtain and I know that alcohol does that…if only for a little while," she said sadly. _

_Miko had never seen this side of quiet redheaded girl. He tried to think of what she would possibly want to forget about and then he remembered the rumors that surrounded her when he had moved into the leaf village. She had killed her father…he never thought that she did it, after all they were just rumors. _Right?

"_Tell me what it is you want to forget. Maybe you don't need to get drunk." He told her cautiously. _

"_Miko…can't you just give it to me no questions asked?" she pleaded looking at him. _Nope? The truth it is_, she thought at she took a deep breath and told him why she was begging him for alcohol; something she'd never do. "Ino and Sakura were talking and I guess they didn't know I was behind them. She they started to talk about…about something I did when I was a kid." _

_She continued cautiously, "Ino said that I had come a long way from the freaky little girl who killed her father. Which in hindsight I guess she meant it as a complement. But lets just say it brought some bad memories…Miko…I don't want to go to sleep watching my father die because of me. The alcohol will make me a blank slate tonight," she said reasoning with her friend. There were tears threatening to spill out. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. _

_He looked at her and knew that she was being sincere. But he still didn't think that the alcohol would solve the problem. "But what about tomorrow night?" he asked her. _

_Her face lit up…a little to fast. "You let me worry about that!!" She flashed him the brightest smile she could manage. _

"_Fine…but only this time. ONLY THIS TIME," he told her. _

_Akira hugged him and said, "So where's the alcohol?" _

"_The backroom…I'll be in there in a minute." he told her as she skipped to the back room._

_But Miko didn't make it to the back room until 45 minutes later because as Akira entered the back room, their were 15 new customers to be served at the tea shop. _

_He regretted not checking up her as soon as she entered the back room. After he had attended his customers he found Akira sitting cross legged on the floor with about 5 bottles of sake, 5 bottles of vodka and 3 bottles of scotch strewn around her. She was working on a tequila bottle. She turned around with a smile on her face as she saw who had entered the back room._

"_MIKO!! What is this stuff?" she asked a little loudly, as if she couldn't hear herself. She was shaking the tequila bottle and studying it as if it were a complicated math problem._

Shit…she really drank a lot and she doesn't even seem as drunk as she should be taking into account all the alcohol she's drunken_. "Its Mexican tequila," he said taking the bottle from her hands and sitting next to her, he was worried. "I think you're done."_

"_Hey give it back!!" she yelled reaching for the bottle. "I'm not done." She pouted crossing her arms across her chest. "I was just getting started!! That stuff is suppose to be really strong!"_

"_I know it is; that's why you're done. No more!" Miko said looking at the redhead._

"_I'm just buzzed…can I please just have enough to black out?" she asked a little too cheerful._

"_No!" he practically shouted._

"_That's not fair Miko!!" she said standing up. She swayed a little but caught her balance. She started to walk away._

"_Where do you think you're going?" he demanded watching her go up the back steps. He started to follow her afraid of what she would do. _Damn it! I should have just let her drink the damn tequila_, he thought to himself._

"_I'm going up to the roof…to…umm…think about where I could get more alcohol," she answered. _

"_Akira you're going to get yourself hurt!!" Miko yelled._

"_No. I. Am. Not." she said each word separately. _

"_I think getting hurt is highly possible," answered familiar serene voice._

"_What do you want Nara?" she asked frowning. _Fun's over_, she thought to herself miserably. _

_Miko was surprised to see Shikamaru right behind him. He had his hands in his pockets and looked completely bored. "What—" he began but was cut off._

"_I thought she was here. I heard the commotion and came to see if you needed some help…dealing with her," he said the last part with a grimace._

"_He doesn't need help! I'm fine!! Why don't you go back to your girlfriend Nara!!" she shouted at him. _What the hell does he want!!

"_Excuse us Miko. Akira and I have a lot to talk about," he said as he walked past Miko. _

_Miko walked down the stairs but didn't leave in case Shikamaru needed help._

_Akira had reached the steps and opened the door to the roof. "I don't think that's a smart idea," Shikamaru warned her. _

"_Of course you would know what's smart, huh Nara?" she asked quietly feeling the cool night air on her face. "I told you, why don't you just go back to your girlfriend."_

"_Ino is not my girlfriend. You know that. She believes you might have heard something you shouldn't have," Shikamaru answered calmly. _

"_Oh that's right!! You only have eyes for the one and only Goddess of the Desert, Temari no Sabaku!!" Akira responded still not turning around to face the boy who always knew how to calm her down. She didn't want to calm down, she wanted to forget. _

_Shikamaru winced at the mention of Temari's name. Yes he was attracted to her but she didn't want anything to do with him. He took a deep breath and thought about how to calm Akira down. He knew that if he didn't cool her down, that she was going to do something stupid. She always did when she wanted to forget what she had done to her father. _

"_That wasn't fair. I haven't said anything about a certain crush you have on a certain green-suit ninja." As soon as that came out of his mouth he regretted it. _That is not going to calm her down.

_Akira closed her eyes. She knew she was taking her anger out on Shikamaru. She knew he was only there to help. She knew he promised his mother he would kept her out of trouble. "You don't owe me anything Nara. I saved your ass once but it doesn't matter. You don't have to deal with me…" she whispered. _

_Shikamaru couldn't help but smile. He did owe her. She did saved his ass; her kick ass chakra wall saved him from a very painful genjutsu. "I'm not here because I owe you…I'm here because you need someone to talk to. And I know for a fact you're not going to talk to Ayame," he said as he slowly walked toward her._

_To his surprise she chuckled and turned around to look at him. "I'm not going to jump…so the don't look at me like I'm suicidal. I'm not that drunk." She went to the edge of the roof and sat down. He had accomplished his mission. Akira was calm. She patted a space next to him and looked at him._

"_I thought of all people you would know if I wanted to kill myself I could think of more inventive ways," she said with dark humor lining her words. When Shikamaru sat down next to her, Akira tilted her head and looked at Shikamaru with curious eyes._

"_How do you do that?" she asked him with a half smile._

"_Do what?" he asked not looking at her. He knew exactly what she was talking about. _

"_How does your presence sober me up? How do you manage to calm me down?" she questioned him with serious curiosity in her eyes. _

_Shikamaru was looking at Akira through half closed eye lids. "I'm charming," he said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. _

"_Ha…charming…that's a joke." _

"_Did you ever think…the reason you're so at ease with me is because you know that I don't judge anyone. That I don't care who you are or what you've done…did you ever consider that you can talk to me and I'll always keep your secrets." Akira could hear the sincerity in his voice. _

"_Did you forget who went to walk with you to school and found you in the corner of the kitchen?" he whispered. Shikamaru didn't open his eyes because he didn't want to see the pain on her face. _

"_You did…" she said barely audible. She closed her eyes because she didn't want any tears to spill out. _

"_Drinking isn't going to help you deal with what happened." Shikamaru said gently. "Talk to me…you don't have to deal alone."_

"_I don't want to deal…I want to forget," she told him quietly. _

"_You're never going to forget."_

"_I know," she stated as she got up and started walking to the stairwell. "Thanks Nara…I owe you. Tell Ino it's in the past." _

Miko shook his head to clear the memory. He sighed and told her, "I think you've had enough."

"How many has she had?" Naruto asked Miko.

"I've only had 2 bottles," Akira answered too quickly.

"Liar…how many?" Naruto asked turning to look at the teashop owner.

"That was her 8th bottle," he sighed.

"God damn it Akira!! No more!!" Naruto practically yelled. The whole teashop turned around to look at him. He shrugged his shoulders and lowered his voice, "You're done."

"Please Miko??" she pleased, her warm brown eyes wide. There was no way he could say no to her.

"Fine…this is the last one" he said retreating to the back room.

Naruto looked like he was ready to strangle her. But Akira really didn't care because if she could forget the look that Gaara gave her that afternoon if only for a couple of hours, then it really didn't matter if Naruto didn't talk to her again.

"What the hell did he do?" Naruto muttered bitterly, knowing he was losing the fight on her alcoholic drinking.

"Nothing," she whispered back. If she spoke above a whisper her voice was going to break and she didn't want Naruto to hear the pain in her words.

"Then what the hell did he say?"

"Nothing…that's the problem…he said nothing," she answered him softly.

Akira perked up when Miko came out with her "last" bottle of sake. She knew she would be able to con another one out of him. She was about to pour herself a drink when Naruto grabbed her wrist and wouldn't let go.

"God damn it Naruto!! Let me go!" she told him, keeping her voice even.

"What the hell is wrong with you!!" he whispered anxiously. He had never seen her like this. He had never seen her so lost that she didn't know what to do. She always knew how to fix herself. He was seriously worried and wanted more than anything for her to snap out of it. The sad smile that appeared on her lips surprised him.

"What wrong with me? The question you want to ask is what's wrong with this village. Nope! That's not the right question. The right question is what the hell is wrong with the people in this village," Akira said with sarcasm tainting her words.

She could feel Gaara's eyes boring into her neck. She knew he was watching her while he was sitting with Sakura and every minute or so his voice would slip into her mind. _Ai, what are you doing_, his voice asked her. Or he would say _Ai, please stop. _And she refused to answer him. She refused to let him know she could hear him. She was convinced that if she kept talking she would be able to ignore him.

"Secrets and lies!! That's what's wrong with people. Secrets that people keep and the lies they tell themselves to maintain their happiness. Did you know that my best friend and my boyfriend are totally and completely in love with each other? But neither of them knew because they were blinded by the lies they told themselves! But let's not kid ourselves Neji was never really my boyfriend. I should know about secrets and lies…my life consists of them" Akira continued to whisper furiously but she could still hear his voice in her head.

"OH!! Did you know that Ino and Choji are a couple but she doesn't anyone to know because she's _embarrassed_?! HA…but he doesn't know that. He thinks it's because her mother would approve!! SECRETS AND DAMN FUCKING LIES!!" She could still hear his voice. Akira knew she should stop her rant. She knew that she was spilling all the secrets she had discovered on her own. She knew she was going to regret it but at the moment she didn't care. She wanted everything off her chest.

"And Shikamaru and Temari…they complete each other! And why is their relationship kept _private_? Because he has commitment issues!! Fuck commitment issues!! Who cares!! He found that one person who understands him completely and he wants to keep their relationship a secret!! Ha…that's a joke!! Secrets never belong to one person. You should know that Naruto. I guess I'm a fucking hypocrite…but maybe that's why I'm so upset. I hate myself for keeping all these secrets!" Her voice was shaking with anger and Gaara's voice was just getting louder.

"But you Naruto!! You have some nerve to ask what's wrong with me!! What's wrong with you?! When are you going to going to realize that that bubble gum haired blockhead is never going to look at you the way you look at her?! When are you going to open your fucking eyes and see that Hinata is head over heels in love with you?! I'll tell you when…when it's too late and Kiba sweeps her off her feet. How fucking blind are you?? How many lies have you told yourself so that you could get pass the fact that every time Hinata says your name her face turns red?!"

"Ria…" was all Naruto managed to say. But it seems like it had done the trick. She put her hands on her face and tried to control her breathing.

"Liar…he swore he'd love me forever. He swore that no matter what he'd never stop loving me. Fucking liar!! It's not fair…that he gets to crush my heart. It's not fair…that I feel like there's a black hole in me. It's not fair…that he doesn't seem as broken…he doesn't get to look at me with those eyes and think it won't hurt," she quietly sobbed in her hands.

Naruto didn't know how to console her. He knew that he wanted to go over and punch his best friend for putting Akira through this much pain. Suddenly she spoke so quietly he had to strain his ears to hear her.

"I'm a freak Naruto…he doesn't want the freak who killed her father."

"We're both freaks…that's how you befriended me. Both of us waiting alone at the park…" he told her softly.

Akira couldn't block Gaara's voice in hear head, she felt as if he was screaming in her ear. _Why the hell does he even care what I'm doing or what happens to me_, she viciously thought to herself. She wanted his voice to stop.

"GOD DAMN IT!! WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP!! WHY DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE WHAT I'M DOING!!" she screamed at the top of lungs. She stood up so fast she knocked her chair over.

The volume of Akira's voice made Naruto jump out if his seat. The pain that rung in every syllable broke his heart. Naruto knew instantly that outburst was not meant for him.

At the very moment Akira yelled, Temari and Shikamaru entered the teashop holding hands and took in the scene before their eyes.

"Uh-oh…time for damage control." Temari whispered so only Shikamaru could hear.

"You got that right," he responded.

The room was spinning and Akira was swaying. _Maybe standing up wasn't such a good idea,_ she thought as she looked at the ground. _I can't keep my balance_. She was pretty sure she was going to fall, which was weird because sake usually didn't do that to her. But she felt a strong pair of hands grab her.

"You know drinking doesn't help," Shikamaru told her as he helped keep her steady.

"I'm fine Shikamaru! Let me go!!" Akira tired to get out of Shikamaru's grip but he had a firm grip on her.

"You don't look fine…you smell drunk," he told her trying to hide a smile. "How many Miko?" he asked the sandy blonde.

Miko was glad to see Shikamaru he knew that Akira was in good hands. "That's her 9th bottle," he answered tilting his head toward the sake bottle on the table.

"I told you I'm fine Nara!!" Akira muttered.

"You're not fine…if you were fine you wouldn't be yelling at Gaara when you're talking to Naruto, right?" Shikamaru asked whispering in her ear. "And I thought we were done with that Nara crap."

"She only calls you Nara when she's upset with you," Temari said. She had come back from _visiting_ her brother. _Stupid, stupid boy_, she thought when she remembered what her brother said.

"I'm going home," Akira stated.

"No you're not. Have you composed yourself?" Shikamaru asked completely serene.

"Of course I have. For some bizarre reason your presence does that…" the redhead answered bitterly.

"Good. Miko do you still have the couch in the back room?" Shikamaru started to guide Akira as soon as Miko nodded.

"What ARE you doing?" she asked incredulously.

"Sobering you up," he stated.

Akira was sick of everyone trying to sober her up. The truth was the only person she wanted to talk to was Gaara. She wanted to hear his husky voice and wrap her arms around his waist, listen to his heartbeat. She just wanted to be with him. But she knew that was impossible; she could feel the sake wearing off. _Damn it!! _

"You ever think I don't need to sober up?" she asked grumpily as she was walked into the back room.

Something occurred to Akira…if Shikamaru was going to make forgetting difficult, then she was going to make him as uneasy as possible. "Does Temari know that I use to have a crush on you?" she asked in a loud whisper.

Shikamaru couldn't help but smile. _Damn she's good_, he thought to himself. "She does now…so you wanna tell me where_ that_ came from?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Temari wasn't surprised that the redhead had had a thing for Shikamaru. She knew he was the one that found her the day after her mother died, the day after she killed her father. It was only natural for her to attach herself to the boy who removed her from the bloody mess that was her home. She smiled…_she's good at taking the spotlight off herself_, Temari thought.

_Damn that didn't work_, Akira thought to herself. "Nowhere," she grumbled as she plopped herself on the comfortable couch. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. If she could physically keep herself together then maybe she wouldn't fall apart as she thought about _his_ clear green eyes.

Naruto and Temari had stopped at the entrance of the backroom. Both of them were worried about Akira. Naruto was concerned because of everything she had just confessed to him. He felt that was just the tip of the iceberg, she had so much hidden in herself. Temari was worried because she knew that her dumbass brother had broken her…how and why he did that she had yet to find out. But Temari felt that after two years of seeing the redhead in her house she loved her like a sister, worried about her like a sister.

Shikamaru sat at the other end of the sofa. He was trying to figure how to make the beautiful redhead talk because it was obvious that keeping everything inside was going to tear her apart. He was thinking about what to say when she said something that completely caught him off guard.

"So you guys are _officially together_?" she asked with a grimace. Her voice was directed at him but her eyes were locked with Temari's.

The intensity of her eyes scared Temari. _It's like she's asking me to declare my love for Shikamaru in front of everyone_. Temari just nodded her head because she was afraid that words would just complicate things further.

"Good," Akira said as she took her eyes off Temari and stared at the fabric of her pants. "One of us deserves to be happy," she whispered.

Temari was shocked, _is that what she thinks?_ "You think you don't _deserve_ to be happy?" she asked. _I'm going to kill my brother._

"I don't…" she said almost inaudible, "…its only fair…I took a life…I shouldn't be allowed happiness…"

"Akira Kioshi don't ever say that!!" said a familiar voice, it was Lee. Standing right next to Lee was Neji Hyuga.

Neji had come to the tea shop because Hiro had told him that Akira was here, he had no idea that she came by herself. He was shocked to find the redhead in the back room. He was even more shocked when he walked in and saw that stupid sand nin with Sakura. He came to check on Akira because Ayame asked him and because he was geninuely worried about her. He was glad he had listen to Ayame but he should have come sooner; he could tell by the tone in Akira's soft voice she wasn't dealing very well with whatever happened today. _She needs to get out of here as soon as possible_, he thought to himself. He took a step forward but her voice stopped him.

"You can tell her I'm fine…you did your job…you can go back to her Hyuga…I'm fine," she said in a broken whisper.

Shocked colored Neji's face but was quickly replaced with disgust. "You think that the only reason I'm here is as favor to her. Did you forget that I've been you confidante this past month?" he spit out.

"Are you denying that she asked you to check up on me?" Akira asked finally looking into Neji opal eyes.

In all the time Neji had known the redhead he had never she so much pain in her warm chocolate eyes. In all the time he'd known Akira her expression was always guarded, she was so good at hiding what she was feeling; he was shocked to see she wasn't hiding her feelings. It was true he was here for Ayame but he would have come anyways just to make sure she had some company. "No, I not going to deny it. But I'm also here as your friend…your outlet," Neji said a little harsher then he meant it to be.

Akira grimaced when she heard Neji's tone. She had offended him. "I'm sorry Neji…" she said as she went back to staring at the fabric of her pants. Neji was going to respond but she stopped him.

"Lee…it's called karma. When you take a life…it usually means you don't get to enjoy your life. It's only fair…don't you think?" Akira asked the green suited ninja looking past his eyes.

"If you look at it that way then your father deserved to die…because he took away your mother's life, your brother's life and yours," Lee responded a little forcefully. He didn't like it when Akira was mean to herself, her father was a bastard who deserved whatever Akira did to him.

Akira processed what Lee just said and laughed. She actually chuckled. She was surprised she could even smile with the pain coming from the hole in her chest. "You don't know how he died." It was a statement not a question.

Akira turned to look at Shikamaru's face and wasn't surprised to find his usual mask of complete boredom on. She knew she could count on him to keep her sane. She looked into his eyes and saw something he wasn't able to hide from her…worry. He was worried about her; the sentiment touched her. She went back to staring at the fabric of her jeans because she was afraid he would see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Do you want to go home?" Shikamaru asked so low only Akira heard him.

"He saw me kill my father Shikamaru. He saw the entire bloody mess…do you get why the sake is necessary?" she asked him softly. Tears were threatening to spill out.

"The whole memory? But you haven't—" he start to say, his face completely distorted with shock.

"—thought about it since you picked me and took me to the Third Hokage to clean myself up. I don't know how…he did it…but he kissed me and relived my worst nightmare. I just want to forget. Don't you guys see why I just want forget, even if it's only for a couple of hours…" she asked choking back a sob.

"Akira—" Naruto was cut off.

"I just want to close my eyes and see nothing. I want to forget the fear and disgust in his eyes. I want to forget the sound of his voice. I want to forget his touch. _I just want blissful oblivion_, just for a couple of hours," she managed to say. One tear spilled out and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand.

Shikamaru was about to give in because he had never seen Akira like this before. He had seen her angry, he had seen her drunk, he had seen her ecstatic but he had never in his life seen her as broken as she was now. Even when he found her after she had killed her father…the pain he saw then was nothing compared to the torture in her voice now. The agony in her eyes gave Shikamaru the feeling that she was being burning alive.

"Go away!" Akira shouted abruptly. Everyone could here the resentment and aguish in her voice. All of them were stunned that she had said that to them. They were just trying to help…they were trying to be supportive.

But Akira wasn't talking to them she was talking to…

"I just need one minute…alone," said a rough voice.

"No," she said curtly. "Leave Gaara!"

Shikamaru turned around to see Gaara standing in the doorway. _When did he get here? _He had slipped pass Temari, Naruto, Neji and Lee. Naruto had one hand on Lee's shoulder and the other hand on Neji's arm; it looked as if he was trying to restrain both ninjas.

Gaara had his arms crossed; his mouth was set into a thin line. He had heard enough. He needed to talk to Akira and he needed to do it alone. He didn't know if they were still keeping up the pretense that they were nothing but classmates; actually he didn't care, part of the sand nin knew that everyone in the backroom knew about him and Akira.

Gaara could feel her misery from where he was standing. She was sitting so still with her arms wrapped around her legs and her forehead on her knees. _It's like she's trying to hold herself together, _he thought, _and she refuses to look at me._ Gaara could tell that everyone including his best friend was willing to forcefully take him out of the room if Akira gave the word. He was waiting for her to tell him to go away again when she unwrapped her arms and waved everyone out.

Without looking up at anyone Akira said, "You've got one minute." She wanted to hear what her gorgeous ninja wanted to say; she couldn't help herself.

Akira could feel Shikamaru's hesitation. "I'm fine," she said finally looking up at him.

"One minute?" Shikamaru asked a little anxious.

"Yes…everyone out," she said fanning her hand out again. One by one they all filed out of the backroom. But no one went to sit down instead they stood against the wall where the entrance to the backroom was. They listen closely to see if Akira needed help…if she was going to make it whole through this encounter with Gaara.

"Can I sit down?" Gaara asked in his husky voice that usually melted Akira's heart. She pointed to where Shikamaru was previously sitting. She looked at him once never really meeting his eyes and then put her forehead back against her knees.

"What do you want?" Akira muttered.

"They aren't going to really leave us alone are they?" he questioned looking at the entrance of the room.

"No," she stated simply.

_Can you hear me?_ his mind asked hers.

_I can always hear you_… she answered him. His stomach did a double flip at the sound of her voice in his head. Only Akira had that physical affect on him; he had yet to meet someone else that could make his head spin.

Gaara sat closer than she wanted. As soon as the redhead sat down Akira could feel the electric current in the space between their bodies. Her breathing increased and she could feel her heart start beating a little faster. She wanted to close the distance between them. Instead she hugged her legs even tighter to herself, avoiding any temptation.

_What do YOU want?_ she asked again.

_What _are you _doing?_ he asked.

"Why do you care?" she asked out aloud.

"I've always cared," he whispered.

_You should really go back and see if Sakura needs you or something_. Gaara could hear the bitterness in her words.

Akira was trying to adjust her breathing so Gaara wouldn't hear her hyperventilating but he was making it so hard. The back room already smelled like him. The electricity between them was mounting and so was the very desperate need to touch him. She wasn't going to give in; she couldn't give in because if she did…she wasn't going to make it through the night.

Gaara slid a little closer to Akira; he could feel the sparks flying off their skin. He wanted to touched her; he was going to touch her but as soon as he slid closer he saw her arms tighten even more around her legs. She was still refusing to look at him. He sighed, _she doesn't need me…would you please look at me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to you and not be able to read your expression?_

_Oh…you wanna read my expression. Poor Gaara…wants to see what dirty little secrets my eyes will tell him,_ she answered sarcastically. _NO._

_Ai_, the redhead sand nin started as he stretched his hand out brush her scarlet hair off her cheek. But his hand didn't make it to her face.

"Don't," she said finally looking at him. Her hand had come out of nowhere, she had her long fingers wrapped around his wrist. "Just don't…"

But it was too late, they had touched each other and there was no denying the other's desires. Akira could feel what everything Gaara was feeling. She was so confused! _What are you doing to me?_ she asked him. _Make up your mind…fear or love? What the hell is it Gaara? _

_It's always been love Ai,_ he told her touching her cheek. He watched her close her eyes and lean into his hand. He could feel the pain coming off her in waves. _Don't you see it was never fear of you…_

_It was fear that you turned me into a monster_, she finished realizing the meaning behind the look in his eyes earlier that afternoon. She opened her eyes and gave him a sad smile, _I've got news for you Hisui…I've always been a monster._

Gaara took her face in both hands. "You've never been a monster! Don't _ever_ say that," he told a little harder than he intended.

She leaned into his face. Their noses practically touching. "I'll believe that when you start believing _you've_ never been a monster."

There was no arguing with the extremely stubborn ninja. Gaara had had this monster argument with Akira before. He always ended up losing; now he understood why she felt so strongly on the subject. If he considered himself a monster than (to her) it would seem that he would consider her a monster too. He would never feel that way about her, never.

Akira's sweet scent was driving him crazy. _I'm going to kiss you feel free to stop me_, he said leaning in to touch her lips with his.

* * *

Outside the room, Lee and Neji were very confused. They didn't hear a real conversation going on. Randomly Akira or Gaara would say something out loud as if continuing a previous conversation.

"What the hell kind of conversation is that?" Neji asked irritated. He had the strange urge to go in there and take Akira home; to protect her.

"They're talking," Shikamaru told Neji. The silent conversations were something Shikamaru, Temari and Naruto knew all too well. It got annoying after a while because they would suddenly burst out laughing when they were together.

"It's this connection they have," Temari explained, "they can talk to each other through their minds. They can hear what the other is thinking. They don't want us to know what they're talking about so…the entire conversation is taking place in their heads."

Lee was surprised that Akira had that deep connection with Gaara. He wished he had said yes to her when he had had the chance. _Of course I decided to like her after she was going out with Gaara. _

"Maybe we should go in there and see if she's ok," Lee suggested. He really wanted to get Akira away from Gaara.

"No. She would have called for us," Naruto said, closing his eyes and putting his head against the wall. _Gaara better fix this mess_, he thought to himself.

* * *

As soon as Gaara's lips touched hers, Akira twisted her arms around his neck. She felt his arms pull her on top of him. She felt a familiar heat envelope her; it happened every time Gaara put his hands on her waist. She felt his kiss was more demanding than normal but she didn't complain. She was beyond happy that she could taste him again.

Gaara felt her fingers wrap themselves in his hair. She was tugging on his head making sure there was no space at all between their lips. They were both breathing heavy and sooner or later one of them would need some air. Akira sighed and Gaara felt her lips part. Gaara traced her bright lips with the tip of his tongue. His hands slipped down tracing her hips, her thigh and finally her calf. He lifted her calf and wrapped in around his torso. He didn't hear her complain so he did it with her other leg. When she was secured wrapped around him, Gaara lifted himself off the coach and laid her back to the cushions. He felt her lips twitch into a smile.

_I forgot you like to be on top_, she sniggered in his mind.

"I forgot that _you_ never forget anything," he said smiling. It was good to be with Akira again. He felt complete.

"Hey!! I never gave you permission to stop," she complained bringing his lips back to hers.

As content as Gaara was he was still curious about something. When she saw Akira's memory that afternoon he realized that when he was kissing her he could sift through her memories and pick which ones he could see. There was one memory in particular he wanted to see. He wanted to know who told her about the Sand Village's dislike of her.

Gaara kept his lips on Akira's, he slipped his tongue in her mouth and heard her moan softly. He didn't let her distract him. He was on a mission. He could see the memory in her mind and he was about to see it when two things happened at the same time.

Gaara forgot that their connection worked both ways. So if he could sift through her memories she could do the same. Akira realized at once what Gaara was doing, she didn't care too much because she wanted to see a specific memory too. She wanted to see why Gaara was at the tea shop with Sakura. All she really had to do was think about the pink haired ditz and she was assaulted with a memory she would have rather not seen.

Gaara and Sakura were kissing…not in the same way Gaara kissed Akira but still their lips were touching. The blockhead seemed to be enjoying it. Akira didn't want to see anymore.

"GOD DAMN IT GAARA!!" she yelled pushing him off her with so much force he flew off the couch and into the wall.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT?!" Akira asked. She was so angry her arms were shaking. _He kissed her!! Damn it!! Could I be any more pathetic!!_ She thought viciously to herself.

Gaara knew he was in a shitload of trouble. She had reached that memory faster than he had reached the one he wanted to see. He could see the strange mix of fury and grief in her eyes. He was going to let her yell because he deserved it and maybe later she would let him explain. If she calmed down then he could tell her that he wasn't kissing her. He could tell her the truth not her interpretation of it.

But he never got the chance because Akira didn't calm down she just got more furious by the second. Naruto, Temari, Shikamaru, Neji, and Lee had rushed into the back room they heard her scream. They stared at the beautiful ninja in shocked as she continued to yell at jade-eyed sand nin.

Akira was so furious she wanted him to hurt the same way she was hurting now. She going to give him the memory he wanted to see so badly. She stomped towards him put her hands to his chest and yelled, "SHOW HIM!!"

Gaara was assaulted with the same images Kankuro had showed Akira months ago. What was worse was that Gaara wasn't just assaulted with the memories he was also it hit all the emotions. Akira was so mad she had forgotten to block the emotions from her jutsu. She watched him wince in pain and lean over to catch his breath.

Akira felt everyone's eyes on her, shocked at what she just did. But the anger in her heart didn't subside it just kept growing. She was so upset she could feel her chakra oozing out her finger tips. She had to get away or she was going to hurt someone. She had to leave or her chakra was going to hurt one of her friends. So without looking at back at them she walked toward the back room's exit; barely touching the door as it blasted off its hinges.

* * *

Akira ran all the way home, making sure not to touch anything she didn't want to destroy. Tears ran freely down her cheeks. She ran into her house muttering a string of profanities and instantly felt Hiro follow her upstairs. She just wanted to be left alone. She wanted to curl up into a ball and let the misery take her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled after her worried. His sister was usually really good at keeping her emotions in check.

He watched her yank the door to her room open and systematically break everything that could be broken with her bare hands. She was sobbing fiercely, as she broke her mirrors, frames, boxes, and everything she could get her hands on. _If she could tear her dresser apart she would_, Hiro thought to himself. He felt helpless watching his sister so broken, so vunerable, so crushed.

When Akira was done destroying everything that reminded her of that stupid redheaded punk, she sunk to the floor and let the misery have its way with her. She watched her brother take a step towards her. She knew he wanted to comfort her but she didn't want it. She wanted to cry herself dry and not have anyone telling her it was going to be all right because that was a lie. She was never going to be "all right".

_Protect_, she thought. She watched her chakra wall form just outside her door. She saw the hurt in her brothers' eyes but didn't seem to care enough. She rolled over and closed her eyes. _When is Gaara going to be done hurting me, when is this torture going to stop? When am I going to stop loving him?_

**A/N: HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER IT WAS A LITTLE SAD!! Don't worry guys things will come together eventually!! **


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! SORRY about the delay…I must tell you NEVER get a real job it's a pain in the ass!! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 6

"Come on guys all I ask of you is to pretend to do some work!" Iruka yelled at the jonin who were suppose to be making lesson plans. Instead they were just messing around. He missed having Akira in the room she always seemed to be doing work.

Iruka sighed as he saw Gaara sitting by himself in back of the room. He needed to break the news to the ninja. Iruka knew that something bad happened between his favorite redhead and the brooding redhead in the back of the room but he didn't know what. Nobody had seen Akira in two weeks. Everyone knew Akira was at home in her room, but she refused to let anyone see her.

Iruka walked over to the sand nin and realized that it looked liked he hadn't slept in days. "Gaara, your entire project was handed in this morning. You can go help another group if you want."

Gaara's eyes lit up. "You saw her?"

"I'm sorry Gaara…Lee dropped it off for her," Iruka said watching the fire go out of the ninja's eyes. "I'm pretty sure Ayame and Naruto need your help…just go and join them."

Gaara really didn't want to go over to where his best friend and his partner were but he knew that Iruka would keep hovering if he didn't move. He really wished that Akira herself had turned that stupid project in so he could get some real Intel on how she was doing.

Gaara plopped himself in the seat next to his best friend and folded his arms over his chest. "Iruka said you guys could use some help," he said answering the blonde's questioning look. Ayame wouldn't even look at him.

"We don't need help…we need new brains," Naruto answered sarcastically. "This stupid project is a pain in our ass!"

"How is she Naruto?" Gaara asked his blonde friend. He asked about Akira everyday and got the same answer.

"Why do you even care?" Ayame sneered.

"We don't know," Naruto answered ignoring his partner. He knew that Gaara cared…he'd been trying to get Gaara to tell him why Akira ran out of the teashop but Gaara's lips were sealed shut. "She still won't let anyone in the room to see her."

"Has she removed—" Gaara began.

"No she hasn't," Ayame told the redhead, glaring at him. "She hasn't called off her chakra wall. The only time she releases it is to get the plate of food Hiro leaves in front of her door. But we actually don't know if she eats it because guess what?? She won't let anyone in to see her!! I hope you're happy that you're the reason she's weakening herself by keeping that chakra wall up practically 24/7!"

Akira had been locked in her room since the night she saw Gaara and Sakura kiss. It should have been easy to drag her out of her room and into some sunlight except for one little problem…her chakra wall. Akira had put up her chakra wall since that dreadful night and hasn't taken it down. That damn wall was keeping everyone out. It had taken five days and a couple of hours of yelling from Neji when she finally took the wall down receive some food from her brother. But she still would not let anyone in to see her and when everyone thought that her wall would come down from exhaustion it would blaze red with a vengeance; her wall hadn't been yellow in a very long time.

Gaara didn't know what do say. His face formed a scowl when his sister and Shikamaru made their way over to them. Shikamaru sat down next to Ayame, right across from Gaara and Temari took a seat next to her brother.

"You don't get to get mad…you don't get to worry about her," Shikamaru said with deadly calm in his voice.

Akira only put her chakra wall down for two reasons. The first one was to grab the plate of food her brother left in front of her door; Hiro would leave breakfast, lunch and dinner but she would only take one plate and leave the rest. The second reason was because Shikamaru would ask her to. Her wall would lighten every time she heard his voice. His calming effect seemed to work better than ever. He knew better than to try on open the door to her bedroom. So everyday since the day Neji yelled at her for a couple of hours, Shikamaru would sit outside of her room and talk to her. And while he was talking she would remove her wall and walk to the door to hear his voice more clearly. Shikamaru could always hear her breathing right behind her door.

He hadn't heard her voice and was worried that she had forgotten how to talk. But this morning was different. This morning she had talked back to him.

_Shikamaru walked up the stairs to Akira's room. He practiced this morning with Temari about keeping the worry out of his voice. He didn't want Akira hear it. She hadn't talked in two weeks and it was really starting to worry him; he was tempted to go into her room and face the consequences…even if it meant an electric shock from her chakra wall._

_He reached her door and sighed. Her wall came down almost immediately. "Akira…" he said._

_He heard her roll out of bed and walk to the door. He heard her slide down to the floor. "We have to do lesson plans today…troublesome work if you ask me," he said sitting down in front of the door._

"_You should do survival skills…" she told him hoarsely._

_Shikamaru was shocked to hear her voice. He had been talking about that stupid project for days and all he ever heard was her even breathing. He wanted to keep her talking. "Survival skills?" he asked._

"_You _can_ act shocked Shikamaru…its ok. I'd figured I owe you for your determination in coming here every day and talking to a door," she answered weakly._

"_I like talking to the door," he answered. "By the way it's nice to hear your voice."_

"_Thanks…Lee was here earlier…" she said timidly._

_Akira hadn't been timid since she was 13, Shikamaru knew she was in more pain then she was letting on. "Lee, huh…what for?" Shikamaru asked._

"_To hand in that troublesome project you've been talking about," she answered; the attempt at humor was weak in her voice._

"_Of course you finished it…I shouldn't be surprised," he said merrily._

"_Shikamaru…." Her voice was getting weaker by the minute._

"_They all miss you Akira…Naruto keeps moping…its so annoying." He wanted her to care…if not about herself then at least for her friends. "You should let them see you…talk to you…"_

"_I can't…"_

"_Why," he asked interrupting her._

"_Because I don't want to think about keeping up appearances…I can barely get through each hour…I can't think about not worrying them because I all I can concentrate on is keeping the pain to a minimum…its harder then you think…" She finished in a whisper; Shikamaru had to put his ear to the door to hear her._

"_But—" He started to protest but Akira's voice cut him off._

"_And before you even say anything…you don't count. You've seen me at my worse…you've seen me almost catatonic, so you really don't count. I can handle you because…your presence is soothing. I can't see Naruto or Temari because they remind me of __**him**__…I can't see Neji or Ayame because they are so happy it makes me sick. You think I'd be happy for them," she sounded as if she was talking to herself. _

"_But I can't because…at the moment my life fell apart, theirs came together. All I really want is to forget about the pain…and you do that Nara…if only for a little while. When you talk I don't have to concentrate so hard…you know what I mean?" she asked him her voice a little stronger than before._

"_I do," he stated quietly. After a couple of minutes of silence Shikamaru asked Akira a question that had been burning in his mind for days._

"_Why do you keep weakening yourself by keeping your wall up? I know you've got this amazing amount of chakra but keep the wall down…you got your point across…no one is going to come barging in there."_

"_My wall is the only thing that guarantees his voice won't invade my mind. I don't want to hear him Shikamaru…I just…don't want..." he could hear her trying to control her breathing to keep any tears from spilling out. "…I just can't handle his voice right now…and maybe just maybe I'd know he'd care if he bothered to come down here personally but he keeps trying to creep into my mind…and I just can't…" she didn't finish._

_Shikamaru could hear the silent sobs through the door. _I should go in there but she'd kill me_, he thought to himself. Something occurred to him. "Then don't."_

"_What?" she asked quietly._

"_Leave…ask for an extended mission. Leave and maybe it will be more bearable…leave and maybe it won't feel like your falling to pieces," Shikamaru explained in his voice he usually used on his genin._

_He knew he had made a mistake as soon as he heard her get off the floor and roll back into bed. _Well that's the end of this conversation_, he thought to himself._

"Shikamaru…he may be a dumbass but he does care," Temari said interrupting the memory.

"Thanks Temari," Gaara said sarcastically. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Shikamaru has a point…" he started.

"Damn right!!" Ayame said cutting Gaara off. Gaara opened his eyes and glared at Ayame, she returned the look with as much dislike he showed her.

"Does any of this even fucking matter? We have to find a way to get her out of that room. We have to find a way to get her to talk!! Who fucking cares if this is Gaara's fault?! If he can think of a way to get her out of her room…then who cares?!" Naruto said glaring at Ayame. He was tired of hearing her complain about Gaara. Of course Naruto was mad at Gaara because he hurt Akira but he also knew that his red headed friend was in pain, real pain, even if he refused to show it.

Gaara stared at his blonde best friend; he was surprised Naruto stood up for him. For the past two weeks their conversations were limited to one or two word sentences. "Thanks Naruto but Ayame and Shikamaru are right…I'm the reason she's in there. I really have no right to worry about her."

Only Naruto could hear the pain in the monotone voice Gaara used. He had been trying to convince the red head to go and talk to her but he refused; kept saying it would make everything worse.

"We should talk to Lee," Shikamaru said remembering what Akira said earlier that morning. "He saw her this morning…he talked to her—"

"WHAT??" Ayame and Temari said at the same time.

"How did you know that?" Gaara asked eyeing Shikamaru.

"She told me," Shikamaru responded.

"She talked to you?" Temari asked quietly, "You said she never says anything…"

Shikamaru was surprised to hear the hurt in Temari's voice. "Today was the first time she said anything…you know I would tell you anything, right Mari?" he asked her looking to her eyes. _Just great all I need is to have Temari mad at me_, he thought to himself.

Temari measured Shikamaru's words and realized he was telling the truth. "Sorry…its just you get touchy when anything involves Akira." She shrugged her shoulders, trying to show Shikamaru she didn't care. She could tell by the look in his eyes that this conversation wasn't over. _Just great…I'll never hear the end of this. I should have just kept my mouth closed_, she thought to herself.

Gaara was taken back by what Temari had just said. He had never realized until now that Shikamaru was a little bit protective when it came to Akira. He was also amazed at the intimacy his sister and Shikamaru had developed since they had been seeing each other. He was also a little jealous…he missed that between him and Akira. He knew he fucked up big time but if he just got a chance to explain everything. _I just need to work up the fucking nerve to confront her_, he thought to himself, _I'm so pathetic!_

"She talked to you AND Lee?! That's great progress!!" Naruto exclaimed. He was starting to get happy. If she was talking than they'd have her out of her room in no time.

"No Naruto," Shikamaru started off exasperated, "she only let Lee in her room because of this stupid project and she didn't say much to me. I asked her to take her wall down permanently and she said no, but that's about it. No progress really..."

"Why did she say no?" Ayame questioned. In all the years Ayame knew Akira, she knew her best friend usually listened to the annoying looking Nara.

Shikamaru looked uncomfortable. He knew that he should have kept him mouth shut. "Because...ummm…" _Shit having friends is really troublesome_, he thought to himself.

"Because of me," Gaara finished for him staring at the table. _I knew that was why she was keeping that damn wall up. I wonder how much it has weakened her, _he thought. The jade eyed ninja felt everyone's eyes fall on him. He looked up and locked eyes with Naruto because he needed Naruto to understand why Akira was doing what she was doing. "It's the only way to guarantee she won't hear my voice. She doesn't want to hear me. Can you really blame her?" Gaara asked quietly.

Gaara stood up and looked at Shikamaru. "Tell her I won't try. Tell her to stop killing herself…I swear to god I won't try," he told Shikamaru. Gaara's words rang with sincerity that Shikamaru never heard before. Gaara turned around and walked out the room leaving everyone at the table questioning their feelings toward the pale skin sand nin.

* * *

Rock Lee was upset. In fact he was so angry he didn't want to be near anyone because he was afraid he would take it out on them. He was a clearing in the forest practicing his taijutsu.

The only thing he could think out was the amount of pain Akira had been in this morning. He hadn't seen her in two weeks and this morning he had gotten a call from her. At first he couldn't believe it was her. Her voice was weak but she still sounded as sarcastic as always. He went to her house like she asked and that's when he wished he hadn't. She wouldn't even get of out the bed. So he didn't even get a good look at her. She was just a lump under the comforter. He did what she asked and turned in her project. She hadn't said much but Lee heard the pain in her voice. That's all it took to get his blood boiling. _Stupid Gaara is the reason she's broken and now no one knows how to fix her; not that she would let herself be fixed,_ Lee thought to himself.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't realized that his knuckles were bleeding. When the pain registered, he looked down at his bloodily knuckle. "Just great!" he whispered loudly.

"You gave that tree quite the beating," said an all to familiar voice.

"Gaara…" Lee hissed. "What do you want?"

"Word is she let you in her room. How is she?" Gaara asked.

Lee had never seen the sand nin show any emotion but he could tell by Gaara's grimace it hurt to ask about her. But that didn't mean Lee was going to go easy on the red head.

"Why the hell do you care how she is?" Lee hissed. He began to unwrap his hands, he was trying to distract himself because he really didn't want to fight Gaara. _That wouldn't help Akira at all. _

Gaara looked at him and realized why Lee was so angry. _He's in love with her_, he thought as his eyes widened widen surprise. He walked toward Lee. "I know you don't like me. I know that you're in love with her. I really don't care about any of it. I care about her. I'm worried about her. And I just need you to tell me if she's ok." Gaara said this in an extremely even voice but he still couldn't disguise the fear for Akira, Lee had heard it clearly.

Lee was surprised that the sand nin knew he was in love with Akira. _I wonder if she knows_, he thought. "You _need_ to know? For what? To ease your conscious? To make yourself feel better? I have a suggestion why don't you ask her yourself!" Lee yelled.

"Oh that's right you've haven't gone to see her. You haven't even bothered to _try_ and talk to her. And I'm talking about a _face to face_ conversation." Lee continued. He was just getting started. Gaara needed to hear all of this.

"You want to know how she is...AWFUL! I didn't get to see her because she wouldn't get out of the bed. She stayed under the comforter and all I really heard was the pain in her voice. Because she IS in pain Gaara. You broke her and you haven't even bothered to put her back together. Is that how much you LOVE her? You love her so much you haven't bothered to fix her!"

Gaara knew he deserved everything Lee was saying. But did no one understand that involving him in the recovery process would just make everything worse? He was no good for Akira. He just kept hurting her. He just kept breaking her heart. She needed to be rid of him. This was the best way.

"Your right Gaara I am in love with her and if I could help her get over you I would. But guess what? She loves _you_. She will always love _you._ Her heart belongs to _you_. No matter how badly _you_ break it, it will always be _yours_. So why don't you do something useful and go, talk to her. Break down the damn door because if you really cared for her then you would have tried already. If you love her TRY to heal her." And with that final word Lee turned his back on the red head and walked back into town.

Lee's words made Gaara think about everything thing. _Am I really going about this the wrong way? Am I really the only one that can take the pain away? There is only one way to find out._ Gaara headed in the direction of the house he used to sneak into all the time.

* * *

Sakura Haruno had a lot to feel guilty about. She knew that Akira Kioshi had locked herself her room because of Gaara, because Gaara did something that had broken her heart. _She must have found out about the kiss between me and Gaara_, she thought miserably for the 5th time today. _Why the hell would he have told her?_

It didn't take much for Sakura to figure out that Akira and Gaara were involved; or used to be involved. Even if Gaara hadn't told her she would have figured it out from Akira's reaction on that fateful night.

Sakura kept thinking about what she could have done differently that night. _Maybe we should have talked in the hospital and not the tea shop_, she thought thinking that night.

"_Sakura I need your help," Gaara stated._

_Sakura was surprised to see the red head in the hospital as far she knew he hated hospitals. It must be serious if he's here. "What can I do for you?"_

"_Ok I need two favors. And you can say no but you're the only one who can help me," he said staring straight into her eyes._

_His pale green eyes were making her dizzy, lose focus. _What could he possibly want from me? _But she had already decided she was going to help him no matter what it was. "It doesn't matter what they are, I'm in," she told him looking away._

_Gaara was surprised he thought he was going have to beg. _This is going to be easier than I thought_. "First favor…I'm going to need to you to kiss me—"_

"_WHAT?? YOU WANT ME TO WHAT??" Sakura screeched at the top of her lungs. Everyone in the hallway looked at her like she had lost her mind._

_Gaara grab her arm and dragged her into an empty room. "What is the problem? You said you were in?" he said letting her go and crossing his arms over his chest. He stared at her like _she_ had lost your mind._

"_Yeah but kissing? Why kissing?" she asked still shocked at the suggestion._

"_You're the only one who can do this."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because two Seniors from the council are here. And I'm pretty sure they are here to see me. I need them to think I'm with you. A kiss seals the deal." He explained calmly. "Normally I wouldn't give a rat's ass what the council thinks. But I know that _SHE_ does care and I have to figure out a way to make them like her. I'd do anything for her."_

"_Who is she?" Sakura was genuinely curious. She wanted to know who had won over the cold nin's heart._

_Gaara looked at her as if she was slow and then remembered she didn't know anything. "Akira…" he proceeded to explain everything to Sakura._

_After Gaara's lengthy explanation Sakura realized she wasn't as jealous as she thought she would be. She had always had a crush on the jade eyed stony ninja but strangely she was happy for the both of them. Akira deserved to be happy, she never complained about what life threw her way. So Sakura agreed on the kiss for Akira's sake. But she still didn't understand why he needed her and why the council needed to see proof of who Gaara was dating._

"_Why the kiss Gaara? Why now?" she asked looking at him._

_He lifted his eyes from the floor and looked at her. "Because it will buy me some time; time to figure out how to make them accept her. I need them to accept her. Not for me because I don't care about the Council. I need them to accept her for Akira's sake. All I want is for her to feel accepted. She's had a hard enough life as it is and I don't want her to feel their hate. Do you see why I need them to see us kiss?"_

"_Yeah…I understand," she said. "So what's the other favor?" she asked cheerfully. If she was going to kiss him she decided she was going to enjoy it._

"_We can talk about that at the tea shop. We only have a limited amount of time to get those old men to see us kissing. So come on and if any one sees us together just tell them we're on a date," he said dragging her out of the room and towards the exit._

_After the kiss, which felt like Sakura had kissed her brother (if she had a brother). They went to the tea shop. That's when everything went down hill. After the drunken encounter with Akira, Gaara told her about the other favor he needed._

"_Is there anyway to remove a memory from a persons mind?" Gaara asked not taking his off of Akira._

"_What do you mean?" Sakura asked just beginning to see the depth of his relationship with the other beautiful redhead._

"_I mean is there any medical jutsu that will remove a painful memory from a person's mind?"_

_Sakura eyes widened in realization of what Gaara was asking, the day Akira killed her father. "No Gaara. She has to deal with the memory. She has to work through it. The reason she hasn't gotten passed it is because she refuses to deal with it. She HAS to deal with it," she said trying to explain the complexities of the mind to the jade eyed sand nin._

_Gaara looked at her and smiled. She had never seen him smile before. It looked good on him. _He should do the more often_, Sakura thought to herself._

"_Is there anyway we can heal that memory?" he asked still smiling. He wanted Sakura to say yes so he decided to use the smiling to his advantage. Akira had always told him to smile more often._

_Sakura sighed. _This is going to be difficult because he's not going to give up._ "Gaara we can't heal that memory. There is nothing we can do except help her work through the memory. It's something she has to do. A person's memory is not something you want to mess with," she told him as sternly as she could. He needed to understand that Akira was the only one that could deal with it. But she knew it was a lost cause because he wasn't listening he was just looking at the back of Akira's head._

"_Gaara!! Are you even listening?" Sakura asked him._

"_Yes…but I don't accept that answer. There's got to be a way around that." He stopped looking in Akira's direction and looked Sakura straight in the eyes. "She's suffered enough, is there anyway we can make it easier for her?"_

"_You didn't see the pain in her eyes. The distress in her voice, I just can't…there has to be a way to help her…" He looked lost in his thoughts._

"_There is…be with her," the pink haired ninja replied quietly._

_That's when Akira stood up and started yelling._

Sakura shook her head, as if that would help cast those bad memories away. Sakura found herself walking in the direction of Akira's house. She was surprised to find herself walking in that direction. Since that night she had avoided all possible contact with the beautiful red head. But now she felt relieved because she finally realized that Akira needed to hear the truth. She was going to tell Akira everything; at least that was the plan.

* * *

"Fuck," Akira whispered to herself. She had just stepped out of bed and cut her heel with the glass that was on her bedroom floor. _Damn needing to pee_, she thought resentfully. She sat down on her bed and watched the blood drip onto the floor; it slowly formed a puddle. Akira mentally shook herself and grabbed her bed sheet to clean up the blood.

She watched at the cotton soaked up the blood. It slowly spread on the sheet like a blossoming flower. She shook herself mentally again, put her hand to her heel and watched as her chakra healed the cut.

She had thought about not healing the cut because the pain would be something to concentrate on. Something to take her mind off the memory that kept playing on repeat in her mind. But dealing with the blood wasn't worth it.

She walked into the bathroom and after she was done she looked at herself in the only mirror that survived her destruction. She watched as her hands touched her pale chapped lips. _Must be from dehydration_, she thought as her fingers ran across her rough lips. She looked at her slightly squinty eyes. She was so use to the darkness in her room that the bright light in the bathroom was hurting her eyes. But that bright light also allowed Akira to see herself better. She was just beginning to take a look at the empty shell she had become.

Other than her chapped lips and squinty eyes, Akira had lost about 15 pounds. She looked depleted, which is exactly what her chakra wall doing. She was paler than usual. Her mouth seemed to be permanently set in a straight line. Her eyes were dead; there was absolutely no sign of life coming from them.

She hated herself for letting Gaara rip her to shreds. This was why she was never enthusiastic about falling in love. It usually meant heartache which she was never really prepared for in the first place. But Gaara caught her off guard, he became a part her before she could even stop it. In Gaara she had found a person she didn't even realize she was looking for.

She felt a tear slip out the corner of her eye. _Damn it,_ she thought quickly wiping away the tear. Akira ran her fingers through her limp hair; it seemed to have lost some of its bright scarlet color. She pulled her hair into a messy ponytail. Her fingers brushed the raised skin where her Ai tattoo was. Suddenly she was slammed with a memory she had been avoiding since she woke up that morning.

"_Stop playing with me Hisui! You need to leave," Akira said pulling Gaara towards the window._

"_But I really don't want to Ai," Gaara told her pulling Akira into his embrace._

_He felt so warm. She sighed into his chest. "We're going to be in a shit load of trouble if Hiro finds you up here," she told him._

"_So let him," Gaara teased. But he knew better. He knew that Akira would be in trouble and he would never be the reason for her distress._

"_You said he wouldn't be home for a couple of hours, so why do I have to leave now?" he asked her taking her face in his hands._

"_Do you have any idea how tempting you are? You stupid redhead," she smiled leaning into his hands._

"_Hmmm…nice distraction, but that doesn't answer my question," he answered leaning towards her face. Their lips were almost touching. He could practically taste her. It was driving him crazy._

"_He could've been lying. He's been acting pretty strange this week. I just don't want to hear him bitch and moan," Akira told him. As her lips moved they lightly brushed against his. She was leaning in to kiss him but he kept her face in place._

_She frowned. "You know you're an ass right?"_

_Gaara smirked. "I know but did you know you're the only one who makes me lose my senses? Did you know you're the only one who makes me want to forget about everything and stay no matter the consequences?"_

"_I know," she replied quietly. "I know that every time we get together. I know because it keeps getting harder to say good bye. It keeps getting harder to pretend I don't care about you in public. But you know what's the hardest?"_

_He shook his head, still keeping her face in place._

"_Not being able to do this in public," she told him. She placed her hands on his face and brought it forward._

_Their lips touched and everything melted away. Every worry she had disappeared. His hands slipped off her face and wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Akira slipped her arms around his neck, increasing the intensity of the kiss. He backed her into the wall. She felt his body pressing her against the wall. He lifted her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around his waist. His lips moved behind her ear._

"_Mmmm…" she moaned quietly._

_She felted his lips curl into a smile. "Yeah I can see how this would be problematic in public," he told her breathing into her ear._

"_Ha," she replied. They were both short of breath. "I meant the tamer version of this," she whispered trying to catch her breath._

"_Tamer…" Gaara mimicked looking her into her warm chocolate eyes. "I guess we could keep your feet in the ground," he laughed._

_Akira laughed. "You know I kinda like that part," she said. "And you know exactly what I meant you punk!" she said swatting his arm._

"_Yeah," he said as he untangled her legs from his hips. His mind always clouded over every time Akira was this close to him. He took her hand and led her to the window._

"_How about we wait here until we can see Hiro and then I'll disappear," he suggested staring at the dirt path that led up to the house._

"_Hmmm…that sounds risky," she replied placing her arms around in tone chest. She was hugging him from behind. She placed her ear to his back and sighed feeling him tense up after what she said._

"_Risky but do-able," she finished feeling her sand nin relax a little._

_He wrapped his long fingers around her hands. "Ai…" he breathed._

"_Hmmm..." She could feel his heart pick up the pace._

"_I just wanted you to know that I don't care what anyone thinks about us…you know being together…" he whispered._

_Akira was surprised; he had never said that before. "You don't?"_

"_Nope…I don't. The only thing I care about is you. You're the only one that matters in my life," he told her kissing her finger tips._

"_Hisui…"_

"_I don't care what happens. I swear that no matter what I will always love you. You don't have to feel the same way but I need you to know that no matter what my heart is yours." He sounded so serious but she needed to look into his beautiful eyes to be sure._

_She turned him around and grabbed his face. "My heart was yours the first time you asked for my help," she smirked. "Do you really promise? No matter what?" she asked staring into his eyes._

"_I swear…" he said. His jade eyes were telling the truth._

The memory had Akira clutching the bathroom sink. Her chest had tightened, she couldn't breathe. That stupid memory had been replaying in her head since that horrible night in the tea shop. She felt tears trickle down her cheeks and drip into the sink. She lifted her head and took one last look at herself in the mirror.

"Liar," she said to the empty bathroom and slammed her fist into her reflection. Pain instantly registered in her knuckles. She watched as the glass shattered on the black and white tile.

"Well that was stupid," she told herself. Watching her knuckles bleed. She wiped the blood with her flannel pants and healed her knuckles. She slowly made her way over to her bed. She tried very hard not to think about the memory that was haunting her every waking moment.

She got under the covers and curled herself into a ball. She desperately tried fall back asleep. That seemed to be the only time her mind was safe. But you could only sleep so many hours a day. And the stupid light leaking through the crack in the curtains was making it impossible for her to go back to sleep.

"I thought I was done with pain," Akira whispered to no one. "Wasn't watching my mother die enough?"

"Couldn't just this once have been different? Why'd you let me fall in love and then let my heart get ripped out? Couldn't he have been different? Does it have to hurt this bad?" she sobbed into her pillow. She didn't know who she was talking to but it felt better getting everything off her chest.

"My mother wasn't enough? I had to experience another type of pain? For what? I just need to know why? Because I don't think I can pull through this. I don't think I'm going to come out in one piece," she whispered letting the tears take her over.

_Leave…ask for an extended mission. Leave and maybe it will be more bearable…leave and maybe it won't feel like your falling to pieces, _Shikamaru's voice entered her mind.

For the first time since that morning she thought about what Shikamaru had said.

_Leave_.

And that's exactly what she was going to do. Akira got out of her bed, called off her chakra wall. Went downstairs, Hiro had left for the afternoon. She pulled on her shoes. Put her coat on over her pajamas and walked out her house for the first time in two weeks.

* * *

Shikamaru was worried about what he had said to Akira. _Maybe that wasn't the best solution for her_, he thought miserably. Having friends was too troublesome but he needed to make sure she was relatively okay. So after lying to Temari about not being able to make it to lunch he headed over to Akira's place to check up on her. What he found did not make him happy.

The door to her house was wide open. _Ok, that's weird_, he thought as he let himself in. But the door wasn't as weird as hearing two voices upstairs. Shikamaru rushed up to Akira bedroom and found her door was wide open too. And inside Akira's bedroom was none other than Gaara and Sakura. They looked as if they were arguing about something.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here?" Shikamaru asked as calm as he could.

The redheaded sand nin and the pink haired leaf nin looked at him. Sakura had guilt written all over her face and Gaara…curiosity mixed with anger.

"Came to see Akira," Gaara answered with no emotion. "It seems she's not here," he said motioning around the room.

The bedroom floor was completely covered in everything Akira destroyed. Everything from picture frames to jewelry was scattered on the floor. But the bathroom floor was what worried him. It was covered in glass and there was blood on the floor. _Shit!_

"Shikamaru please tell me you know where she is?" Sakura asked quietly.

"Why do you care?" Shikamaru retorted.

"Because I owe her an explanation," she said eyeing Gaara.

_So you're the reason they had a fight_, Shikamaru thought as he saw the look she gave him. "I don't think talking to you is the best idea right now."

"Shikamaru she has to know—" she started off but Gaara cut her off.

"No she doesn't. Trust me, she doesn't"

"Has to know what?" Shikamaru asked her ignoring the sand nin's interruption.

"Shikamaru—" Gaara said.

"No Gaara let her continue," Shikamaru said cutting Gaara off. He looked at the pink haired ninja. "Has to know what exactly?"

Sakura told him everything while Gaara brooded against the wall. He gauged every single one of Shikamaru's reactions. He knew he was going to hear get hell from Temari later on. But maybe Nara could help the situation.

"What the fuck made you think that was a good idea?" Shikamaru asked staring at the silent sand nin.

"Seemed like it would work at the time," Gaara shrugged.

"Yep, she definitely needs to know. The only problem now is if we can find her," Shikamaru said worried. _Maybe she took my advice_, he thought to himself, _if that's the case we are definitely screwed_.

**A/N: Hope you liked the chapter!! Did Akira leave…uh oh!! I really enjoy reading the reviews. Animestar001 you're the best!! I will try not to let work bring me down. My goal is to have the next chapter up in the next two weeks!! Love my loyal readers!!**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!! SORRY about it being late…this time it wasn't my job. My Grams passed away and it's been a rough couple of weeks. I really didn't feel like doing much of anything.**

**But this week I got on my computer and was inspired. I'm sure my Grams would have been proud of me. So as promised here is the next chapter!! ENJOY! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME, plus you make me feel better!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 7

Lady Tsunade hated paperwork. In fact when she signed up to be Hokage paperwork was the last thing in her mind. And now she was sitting in her office with pile after pile of paper work. She was in a foul mood and had asked not to be disturbed. So naturally when there was a knock on the door she was ready to bite someone's head off.

_God damn it! I'm going to kill that useless guard_, she thought as she ignored the knocking.

Knocking did stop like she hoped but it stopped for a reason. Someone came into her office. Someone she hadn't seen in two weeks. Hiro had begged Tsunade to knock Akira's wall down but she refused. She knew the ninja too well to know that a visit from an old friend wouldn't help her. There were only two people who could convince her to leave her room and both of them were stubborn redheads.

"Akira," Tsunade said quietly.

Honestly it looked like the redhead had been through hell and back. Tsunade was surprised to see Akira out of her house. She wondered if that knuckle head future Kazekage finally went to go see her.

Her question was answered almost instantly by the first words out of Akira's mouth. "I need to leave. I need _you_ to let me leave."

_I guess he didn't_, Tsunade thought to herself. "Well you look great!" Tsunade said obviously lying.

Akira looked at her and laughed. But it sounded empty...forced. "I guess I do what with the bloody pajamas and the awful looking skin and if you look pass the mess that is my hair...I guess you could say I look good," Akira said sarcasm heavy in her voice.

Tsunade was not surprised that Akira was, well, _still_ Akira. She smiled. _Maybe she's not a lost cause_, Tsunade thought to herself taking a good look at Akira.

The sustained chakra wall did most of damage to the ninja. Akira looked completely depleted; Tsunade didn't even know how the redhead was standing. She should be passed out, completely exhausted! But there she was standing, being sarcastic and looking completely miserable. The only thing gave away Akira's depletion was her body. She must have lost 15 pounds and her clothes and jacket were hanging dangerously loose on her body.

"Its good to know you haven't changed a bit," Tsunade said smiling. "Now what's this nonsense about leaving?"

Akira sighed and sat down in front of the only female Hokage. _Maybe this was bad idea_, she thought to herself. She already missed the comfort and safety of her bed.

"It's not nonsense Lady Tsunade. I need to leave. I feel like I'm drowning here! I'm barely breathing. And I don't know if you've noticed but I look like shit! I'm only asking because I respect this village and I respect you most of all. That's the only reason I'm here. You. If it wasn't for you…I would've left 10 minutes ago when I was at the village entrance because between me and you I could totally have taken those two guards."

Tsunade KNEW Akira could take those guards. The redhead had skills, she actually she helped trained those guards. She was young but her mother trained her well and Akira had continued her mother's training to the T. Tsunade had wanted the young nin to have her own ANBU team but she refused claiming it reminded her to much of her mother.

"But you didn't. I wasn't there, so why didn't you take them out and disappear?" Tsunade asked genuinely curious.

"Why didn't I take them?" she asked.

Tsunade nodded.

"Because of you," Akira answered. "I've been staring at that entrance for the past two hours but I couldn't make myself leave. Because I would never put you in the position of calling me a missing nin. Because you taught me better. Because _she_ raised me better…" Akira trailed off quietly.

"She did, didn't she? Your mother raised you to respect authority, didn't she? Is that why you've always respected what I've said no matter what it was?" Tsunade asked Akira. She watched the redhead gauging her facial expressions to understand why she needed to leave.

"Yes. And no matter what I will respect your decision," Akira said miserably. Because of Tsunade said no, then she was going to stay. Her mother had always said to trust Tsunade's decisions, no matter what.

"You still haven't told me why you need to leave," Tsunade told her quietly.

Akira looked at her with pleading eyes. "Why? Because I spend every waking moment thinking about _**him**__._ Why? Because I'm falling apart here. Why? Because everywhere I go in this damn village, I'm reminded of _**him**_. Why? Because I have this hole where my heart was and I can't fix it here. I can't fix it with everyone worried about whether I'm ok. I can't fix myself with them smothering me! Do you get it Tsunade? I can't do this. I can't do this with my friends…this is something I _have_ to do it alone." Akira ended in a whisper.

"Why do you have to do it alone?" Tsunade looked at Akira; she was just beginning to see the pain Akira was in. It reminded Tsunade of when her brother and the love of her life died. Alone…was the best solution at the time. But having someone to talk to had also helped. And that's exactly was Akira needed.

"Because I've always done everything alone…because the only people that can possibly begin to help me are dead or might as well be. Do you know how bad I want to go to him and just let him hold me? Do you know how bad I want to talk to him? But I can't because he's the reason I'm a mess. He's the reason my heart is missing. So all I'm asking is for a month. Give me a one month mission so that I can breathe without thinking about him. One month so that I can fix myself. Please…" Akira asked in the softest voice Tsunade had ever heard from the young ninja.

"If I give this to you…you won't be the only one leaving for a month. You know that right? You'll take her with you. This village needs you and Hisa. You're the best of the best. It has to be ok with her because a month is a long time Akira. A very long time," Tsunade said somberly.

"She'll go with me. She goes where I go," Akira said giving Tsunade a questioning look.

"Ask her Akira. Remember what your mother also said," Tsunade gently reminded her.

That's when it hit her. Her mother had always told her to ask for Hisa's opinion; to treat her as if she was family. That's what made them such a great rescue team. "She said to treat them like family."

"But are you worried about me not coming back or about not having access to them?" Akira asked genuinely curious.

"I'm worried about you...you're the best I've got. You could probably train the best…you know that right?" Tsunade had a motherly look; which was not a face she showed to anyone. She was either mad about paper work or happy about no paperwork.

Akira felt the tears in her eyes_. I can't cry. I'm done crying,_ she told herself. "I will ask. Does that mean I get to go?"

"It means I will think about it," Tsunade said sternly.

"Sounds good," Akira said. _That means she's thinking about it, which means there's a possibility. _

Akira bit the tip of her thumb and tasted her coopery blood in her mouth. She did the appropriate hand signs and slammed her hand onto the floor where black scribbled appeared with a puff of smoke.

When the smoke lifted in the middle of a circle stood a small black and white panda. She had the wisest eyes for any animal, deep and black. Her black fur was so glossy you could almost see your reflection. The white part of her fur had not yellowed with time. It was as white as snow and looked as soft as cotton balls. Akira had summoned Hisa, one of the many gentle mountain pandas that answered only to Akira's blood.

Akira stared at the beautiful panda remembering the first time she met her.

_Airi was combing her daughters' hair. Akira scarlet hair was so long it the ends touched the small of her back. She was quietly humming while her mother was brushing her hair. She was happy it was just the two of them. Her brothers' leaving was still raw and her father was on a mission and wouldn't be back for four days. _

"_So what do you want to do now my love." Airi asked her daughter when she was done brushing her hair. _

_Akira round face lit up. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. "Train!!" she said bouncing on the tip of her toes. _

_Airi couldn't help but laugh. "All work and no play? How about you meet someone who will teach you a couple things?" _

"_Does that mean you're going to leave?" Akira asked frowning. _

"_No, I haven't called on her in a long time. I want to talk to her too," Airi answered watching her daughters' frown turn into a big smile. _

"_Do we have to wait a while for her? Cuz if we do then I want to practice healing!!"_

"_No my love, all I have to do is summon her," Airi said as she bit the tip of her thumb. _

"_Summon her…" Akira was confused. _

_She watched as her mother made some hand signs and slammed her hand onto the floor and said, "Summoning jutsu." _

_There was a puff of smoke and two beautiful black and white pandas appeared in the middle of a black scribble circle. The first panda was small and her fur shined as if it were brand new. The second panda was a little bigger and instead of having black paws she had white ones. Both pandas had human expressions on their round faces. The small one looked annoyed and the bigger one looked upset. _

"_She called me," said the shiny panda._

"_No I'm pretty sure she called me," argued the white pawed panda. _

_Akira stared at the talking pandas in amazement. She thought they were extinct. She was sure her grandma had said they were just bedtime stories. But they weren't, the talking pandas were right in front of her having a very heated argument._

"_Actually I called both of you," Airi said smiling. "I thought my daughter would benefit in meeting both of you."_

"_Lady Airi, sorry for the argument but Kana is very hard headed," the shiny panda said softly. Her voice reminded Akira of wind chimes. _

"_Hard headed my ass," the white pawed panda spit out. Her voice became softer when she turned her attention to Akira's mother. "My bad Lady Airi, you how Hisa always thinks she's right." Her voice reminded Akira of a cello; it was lower than Hisa's but it was still music to Akira's ears. _

_Airi smiled at the pandas and then looked at Akira. "Come here my love, I want you to meet Hisa and Kana they are chakra sensing mountain pandas," she told Akira gesturing to the talking pandas. _

_Akira could only think of one thing to say. "Grandma said they didn't exist anymore…she said she made up talking pandas for bedtime." _

"_Thought I told mom not to tell you those stories. If you had said anything about talking pandas to your father he would flip out," Airi said sighing. Her mother never really listened to her. _

"_That's why she told me to never say anything. That it was our secret. It's okay mom," Akira reassured her mother. She loved her grandmother and would never do anything to get her in trouble. _

"_So you know part of our story," Kana asked._

"_Yep!" Akira said eagerly. "Grams said you guys are super awesome. Most of you can see chakras and a few of you know to harness chakra to fight. Make it physically appear. That's so cool!!"_

"_Wow it looks like Grandma told you a lot," Airi said laughing. _

"_Not everything, I swear," Akira said earnestly._

"_That's fine little one if you're up for some review we can tell you everything," Hisa's soft voice said. _

"_That would be great," Airi and Akira said at the same time. _

"_Let's start with the basics kid," Kana started off. "We are chakra sensing mountain pandas. Every panda in our clan can see chakra but it's what they do with their ability that makes them unique. Hisa sees chakra but she has a rare power. You see most of us can just _see _a ninja's chakra. But Hisa can see it, smell it and taste it. This makes her the best hunter/rescue panda in the clan. She worked well with your grandmother. They were sent on rescue missions on the time. Me on the other hand, I see a ninja's chakra and harness it to make it my own. I also help the Kimari women learn how to harness their chakra so it can be used offensively and defensively. I worked well with your mother, back when she still practiced."_

_Akira looked at her mother and saw something in her eyes she had never seen before: nostalgia. Her mother missed being a ninja and gave all that up to form a family with good for nothing husband. Akira decided she was totally going to dedicate all her free time to have her mother train her. _That would definitely make her happy_, she thought to herself smiling. _

"_The Kimari women?" Akira questioned the use of her mother's maiden name. _

"_Oh that's right, your last name is Kioshi…like your father. But never forget little one, that in your blood runs Kimari blood," Kana answered trying not to sound resentful. She hated the Kioshi men; they were all good for nothing jerks but she had to respect Lady Airi's decision. _Whatever her reasons were for marrying that bastard_, she thought bitterly. _

"_Oooohhhh! I'm going to call myself Akira Kimari!! I like the sound of that," Akira said excited._

"_Don't get wrapped up in names baby, also long you know who you are…it really doesn't matter what your name is," Her mother told her lovingly._

"_I have a question. Is a ninja's chakra scent and their normal scent the same," Akira asked Hisa. _

"_That is a really good question," the beautiful panda said. She turned to Akira's mother. "She's very bright Lady Airi, we should start training her now. She would learn a great deal of skills." _

_Airi just smiled. Hisa turned her attention to Akira's round eager face. "The two scents are very different. When someone leaves a place their human scents fades over time and eventually it disappears from that place. A human's chakra scent fades but never disappears. It's a completely different scent from what they normally smell like," the wind chime voice ended. _

_Akira looked a little confused and was going to say something but Hisa but her to it. "That was probably a little confusing for a 5 year old. Okay…in this room there are 5 chakra scents; three very sharp scents and two fading scents. The first scent is your mother's…her chakra smells like fresh linens, crisp and clean; always has. The second scent is your father's…his chakra smells like wet dirt. The third scent is yours…your chakra smells like apples and cinnamon, warm and sweet. Sometimes the scent matches the personality."_

"_That is so cool! I knew dad was a dirtball!" Akira yelped with enthusiasm._

_Kana and Hisa laughed. Their voices together sounded like and symphony. Airi shook her head. She knew her daughter didn't think much of her father and she was pretty sure that Akira heard the arguing at night; especially since Hiro left. "Sweetheart, don't call your father a dirtball. It's not nice." _

"_Yes mom," Akira said a little dejectedly. Then she perked up. "The fading scents…who do they belong to? And what color is my scent?"_

"_It's been a while since a child has asked so many questions. You remind me of your mother. The first fading scent is of your brother. His chakra smells like fresh cut lemons. The second fading scent is of Lady Tsunade. Which is weird because she left the village a while ago—" the shiny panda was cut off. _

"_She visits us all the time. Except dad isn't suppose to know! Actually nobody is really suppose to know. Sorry mom," Akira said her eyes downcast. _

"_It's okay…they know how to keep secrets," Airi reassured her daughter. _

_Hisa smiled. If all that came out of Lady Airi's union with her husband was Akira then that was more than enough. This was the first time they had met Akira and both pandas realized the child had so much potential that they knew she would excel quickly. _

"_Your chakra is sunshine yellow…nice and bright, just like you," Kana answered before Akira asked Hisa. _

"_That's so cool!! Ummm…what can you harness chakra into?" Akira asked the white pawed pandas rather timidly. _

"_Glad you asked. I can make chakra flames, kunai, rope, energy balls, but my favorite is the chakra wall. Your grandmother was one of the few Kimari women who could do it. It's a wall that serves as protection, but it also can imprison a person. It was really depends on the will of the person creating it; but expends a huge amount of chakra. Lady Airi was starting to do it. But she hasn't mastered it." Kana turned to Akira and whispered, "But she's mastered everything else. Flames are what your mother does best but she also uses her chakra to heal. It's amazing."_

_Akira had no idea her mother was that talented! She was amazed that her mother had stopped being a ninja. With everything she could do she could probably be the Hokage's personal bodyguard. Something occurred to Akira. "Why don't other ninjas summon you? I've never seen a chakra pandas with any ninja."_

"_We only serve the Kimari women. Along time ago we were sold off to do the bidding of others. Your great-great-grandmother stopped that, offered us her protection. That's how we obtained the chakra wall. Your great-great grandmother gave it to us. She binded her powers to ours, she was a great woman. Treated us like we were human and so did everyone of her daughters. So we agreed as a clan that we would serve the Kimari women if they ever needed us." Kana said with a big smile on her black and white face._

"_So you're like family? That is even more awesome! I have panda relatives!" Akira jumped up and down with joy. _

_Everyone looking at Akira and started to laugh, her excitement had spread. She was such a happy child. _

"_Okay guys let's leave some of the story for tomorrow," Airi said and with that everyone said their goodbyes rather reluctantly. _

_I use to be so happy_, Akira thought to herself as she stared at the stunning panda.

"Lady Tsunade, always a pleasure," Hisa said in a leisurely voice. Her voice sounded like a soft chime of bells.

Akira instantly relaxed. Hisa always had that effect on her. _She reminds me of Shikamaru…without the sarcasm_, Akira thought with a smile. It was the first real smile in a long time.

Hisa's deep onyx eyes turned to Akira and instantly became alarmed. "Lady Akira…"

"You can say it Hisa…you've seen me better," Akira said reading the look on the panda's face.

"That is true…but also I've seen you worse," she said simply.

Akira felt the corners of her lips turn into a sad smile. _Mom_. "I guess you have."

The beautiful panda smiled and said, "It's been a while since we've been sent on a rescue mission Lady Akira."

"That's not why she called you Hisa. She summoned you for another reason," Tsunade said bringing the panda's attention back to herself.

Hisa creased her forehead in confusion. "We don't do assassinations Lady Tsunade, I'm sure Lady Akira made that clear."

"She knows Hisa. She knows we don't take a life unless absolutely necessary. That's not why I called you either. Lady Tsunade wants to know what you think about leaving for a month on an extended mission," Akira knowing what Hisa would say.

"I go where you go, Lady Akira. I'll follow you anywhere." Hisa was confused. No matter where Akira went, dangerous or not she always followed. That was never a question. _What is going on,_ she thought to herself.

Tsunade did not look pleased. She was hoping Hisa would talk some sense into Akira.

"I told you she would agree," Akira told Tsunade looking pleased.

"Tell her why you want to leave."

"It doesn't matter," Akira snapped.

"Tell her," Tsunade snapped back.

The panda looked at Tsunade and back at Akira. Akira would never snap at Tsunade. _What is wrong with her?_

Akira turned to the black and white animal and sighed. She knew Hisa would disapprove. "It's because of Gaara. I'm kinda broken here and I can't heal myself because he's here. So I asked her—" she pointed to Tsunade "—to give us an extended mission so that I can leave and figure out how to think about him without it hurting."

"So that your eyes don't water over," Hisa observed. "But that's not the only reason is it?"

"What?" Both Tsunade and Akira asked.

"The boy isn't the only reason is it my lady?" The gentle creature asked softly.

Akira knew where Hisa was going; _damn she knows me better than anybody else_, she thought to herself. "I don't know what you're talking about," Akira lied.

"He made you remember. How did he make you remember," the wise panda asked Akira.

Tsunade looked at Hisa; it was as if she could see right thru Akira. It looked as though she knew exactly what was wrong with Akira. Tsunade stared at Akira, she was near her breaking point. Her fists were clenched and she was straining to keeping herself together. That's when it hit Tsunade, she knew exactly what the panda was getting at.

"I told you I don't know what you're talking about," Akira said through clench teeth.

"Oh my lady…it's okay…you don't have to deal with it alone."

"Shut up," Akira said sharply. She felt the tears in the corner of her eyes.

"You have forgiven the boy. You forgave him the moment the anger passed. You're mad at yourself for needing him to deal with your parents passing—"

"I said shut up," Akira cut Hisa off. She didn't want to hear anymore. She knew this a mistake. She should have stayed in her room.

"No my lady, you don't have to deal with it alone but you _do_ have to deal with it. You can grieve…you've never really grieved." Hisa walked towards Akira.

"No I said SHUT UP," Akira said, tearing now flowing freely down her face. She sunk to the floor. She didn't want to think about her dead mother. She didn't want to see her father's face. She didn't want to think about being in the kitchen with her dead parents until Shikamaru came in the morning. She didn't want to think about not having Gaara by her side. She didn't want to think about being alone.

Tsunade stood up and walked over to Akira. She put her arms around the young ninja. "It's okay…ssshhhh," she said running her fingers through Akira's scarlet locks.

"She needs a mother Lady Tsunade. She always been mother, father, brother, best friend to herself; never letting anyone in. I'm guessing the sand nin took some of that off her shoulders; I'm guessing she was free with him. She didn't have to deal with things that hurt her," Hisa said approaching the two humans.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Akira quietly whispered to herself. She felt Hisa's soft fur tickle the side of her arms. She wasn't angry with the panda. Deep down inside she was grateful to her because Hisa reminded her of who she was. She wrapped her fingers around the panda's soft ear.

"Everything happens for a reason. People always do things for a reason. She married your father for a reason. Without them you wouldn't be here. You have got to forgive yourself for what you did. He killed your mother he deserved what came to him," Tsunade whispered in Akira's ear.

She killed her father because he had killed her mother. _People do things for a reason. Son of a bitch_, Akira thought to herself. All of a sudden she realized something that would take her mind off her parents or lack thereof and that was good enough for her; because if she didn't have to think about what she did then she wouldn't have to deal with it. She held onto that thought with everything she had.

"Were the Elders from the Sand Village here?" she asked lifting her face off of Tsunade's shoulders and wiping the tears away.

"What?" Tsunade asked confused. _What did the Elders have to do with her parents?_

"Were they here recently," Akira asked again.

"The the entire Council wasn't, only two elders were here. What do they have to do with anything?" Tsunade asked Akira taking the beautiful ninja's face into her hands.

Akira felt something twist in her stomach. Nobody had held her face that gently since her mother died, except Gaara.

"Son of a bitch," Akira said almost inaudibly. Something had clicked. Gaara and Sakura. Everything came together. _That bubble gum haired ditz has a few questions to answer_, Akira thought to herself.

She quickly jumped up and sprinted to the door. "I've gotta go. I need to talk to someone," Akira offered as an explanation to the confused looking Hokage and the wise panda. Without a second thought she ran out the room.

"What just happened?" Tsunade asked Hisa.

"That was Lady Akira's way of not dealing with her parents' death," Hisa told Tsunade. Her onyx eyes were still staring at the spot where Akira had just been standing. "She always finds a way…"

"So now what do we do?"

"We wait until she comes back; because she will come back Lady Tsunade. She wants to leave and she won't leave without your permission," the wind chimey voice said.

"That's what I'm counting on," Tsunade said. _If she wants a mission she's going to have to show me she wants it. _

**_

* * *

  
_**

Shikamaru Nara knew he was in trouble. First, he had lied to Temari about not being about to make it to lunch. Second, he told Akira to leave. And third, Akira was now missing. _She is going to fucking kill me_, he thought to himself as he walked up the steps of the Sabaku house.

As he stood at the top step he took as deep breath and quietly said, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." He was about to walk back down the steps when a strong pair of hands grabbed his vest to stop him.

"Oh no, you don't. If I have to go in there, so do you," Gaara hissed as he let go of Shikamaru.

"She's your sister," Shikamaru grumbled.

"She's your girlfriend," Gaara countered. "And you're the dumb-ass who told Akira to leave."

"Hey I didn't think she would listen. Plus I don't think she left, she's somewhere in this village we just don't know where." Shikamaru said disgruntled.

"And you're the fucking genius who thought it was a great idea to kiss the bubblegum ditz!" Shikamaru shot back. "You get to talk to her first."

"Your news is worse, you get to tell her first," the redhead told Shikamaru.

"Hell no, you go first. Trust me when I say your news is worst." Shikamaru said pushing the sand nin to the front door.

Both ninjas had told each other everything after they met in Akira's bedroom. Sakura, Gaara and Shikamaru waited for two hours but Akira never came home. They waited until Hiro got home and told him everything. He had turned as white as paper and said that he start looking for her. Which is why both ninjas where standing in front of the beautifully ornate front door. They needed to tell Temari everything so that she could help them look for Akira.

Both ninjas entered through the front door. Shikamaru's eyes widen to see Temari sitting on the bottom step waiting for them. She had a grim face on and looked ready to kill one of them, if not both.

She stood up slowly. "So I get a frantic call from Naruto asking me if I've seen Akira. So I asked myself why would I have seen Akira? Because she's been locked inside her room for the past two weeks," Temari said very slow and deliberate.

"And as far as I knew she was still in there. But no, that's not the case. She is missing. Turns out, BOTH OF YOU FUCKING KNEW!! SO DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING TELL ME WHY ITS TAKEN YOU TWO HOURS TO COME HERE AND TELL ME SOMETHING I HAD TO HEAR FROM NARUTO??" She ended screaming her lungs off.

Shikamaru gulped. _I knew I should've gone home_, he thought miserably.

Gaara never let any emotions betrayed his stony face. "Calm down Temari and let us explain—"

"CALM DOWN!! Don't tell me to calm down!! You've got some nerve you nitwit! Where is she?!" Temari shrieked. She was worried about Akira, she was like a sister. And if Akira wasn't with Shikamaru or Ayame then she was definitely lost. _What did Shikamaru tell her this morning!!_

"First of all the reason it took us this long to come and see you…well frankly it's because we're scared of you," her brother confessed calmly.

Temari stared at Gaara and then her eyes landed on Shikamaru. Shikamaru was surprised that the infamous sand nin would confess the fear he had of Temari's backlash. He was surprised but he wasn't going to deny the truth, he was in enough trouble as it was. He nodded to confirm the truth of Gaara's words.

Temari shook her head and sat back down on the last step. Shikamaru walked over and sat down next to her. He knew that she needed to vent, she was always calmer when she vented. He gently rubbed the small of her back and whispered into her ear, "Are you done?" She nodded.

"Your brother's right. We kinda had to build up the nerve to come and talk to you," Shikamaru whispered in her ear. "You're kinda scary when you're mad."

"I know," she whispered back. Shikamaru was still rubbing her back. She was surprised that it was calming her down.

Gaara cringed at the sight of his sister and Shikamaru's familiarity with each other. He was again reminded of what he'd lost with Akira. He sighed as he watched Shikamaru calm his sister down.

_I really did fuck everything up didn't I?_ He asked himself thinking about Akira. He couldn't think of any way to fix the mess that was their relationship. There were only three things he was sure of: the first one, he loved Akira. The second, she loved him. The third, he hurt her and wasn't sure if she was going to forgive him. Sure Akira had hurt him when she broke up without any warning what so ever, but Gaara was pretty sure the Sakura kiss beat that. But the no warning really caught him off guard; one day they were together and the next day they were done and over with. His face turned into stone as he remembered when Akira ended it.

_Gaara was waiting for Akira to show up at his house. He had told her to come over at 4 but she was half an hour late and he was beginning to wonder what was keeping her away. She had been acting a little weird all week but whenever he asked she said it was because she was tired. _

_He heard the door open and close. Temari welcomed whoever came in. Then he saw _**her**_ enter the living room. She looked stunning. He smiled as he took her in. Her scarlet colored hair was curled into loose locks. She had black denim pants on and an auburn colored sweater that almost matched her warm brown eyes. She walked towards him with a small smile. _

"_Your late," he stated. _

"_I know," Akira answered as she plopped onto the tan sofa. _

"_Ayame gets on my nerves. She's drooling over Hyuga but refuses to say anything to him," she sighed laying her head back._

_Gaara looked at Akira and knew she was stressed. Her eyes were squeezed close like she was trying to block everything. It was weird because usually when they were together everything was blocked out. He walked over to her and stood over her blocking out the light. _

"_What's wrong?" he asked._

_Akira opened her eyes and smiled. He was still as gorgeous as ever. His ruby locks were spiked in all the right places and he was smiling. His broad shoulders blocked out most of the light. He was out of his usual clothes and in a pair of navy blue pants and a plain white t-shirt. _He's trying to blend in,_ she thought with a chuckle. _

_All she really wanted to do was lose herself in him. But he couldn't be her escape anymore. He couldn't be anything because she had to end it. With that thought she frowned and squeezed her eyes shut. But not before she saw his bottle green eyes filled with concern. She felt her heart stop beating. _Fuck he's going to make this hard,_ she thought to herself as she considered what she was about to do. _

"_Nothing it's just Ayame," she lied. _

Maybe I should just wait another week_, she thought, _no that's what I said last week_. It had been three weeks since Kankuro told her what the Elders in the Sand village thought about her. Three weeks of trying to convince herself to end it. Three weeks of trying to fall out of love with Gaara. But he made it harder every day. He had this side to him that he only showed her. She saw more and more of that side as time went on. This made breaking up even harder, especially since he had already become a part of her. _

"_That's not the only thing you're thinking about," Gaara said suddenly sounding closer than she had seen him. His breath tickled her ear. Akira refused to open her eyes. _

If I don't have to look at him then it'll be easier_, she tried to convince herself. He hadn't moved. He was as still as a statue. His sweet scent was driving her crazy. _Fuck it,_ she thought opening her eyes. _

_There he was inches away from her face, just looking at her. She took his soft face into her hands. Brushed her fingertips across his love scar and watched at he closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure. _

"_You're right," she told him as she placed her forehead to his, closing her eyes. _

_Gaara thought he knew what was wrong with Akira. Gaara thought it was because keeping their relationship a secret was getting to be too much. They had kept quiet for two years. It's about time everyone knew about them. And he could care less about the consequences. _Screw the consequences, every single one of them_. _

_He leaned in closer. "Let's just tell everyone."_

"_What!" Akira eyes snapped open. She spoke in higher pitch then she intended. "Tell everyone what?!" _

No, no, no, no, no. I gotta end this now! I cannot publically humiliate him_, Akira thought frantically trying to figure out how to do the dirty deed. _

"_Screw the consequences and let's tell everyone know about us," he stated boldly._

"_Are you crazy?! We can't do that!"_

"_Why not," he asked looking into Akira's chocolate eyes. _

"_First of all you have certain responsibilities as future Kage. Second of all I'm not the type of women a Kage would be with. And third of all my brother, remember?" she said an octave higher than before._

"_What part of screw the consequences did you not understand?" Gaara asked smiling. _

"_No, don't do that. Don't smirk like you know something I don't. Stop. You're not listening to me Gaara! We can't…you can't…I mean…" she didn't know how to finish._

_Gaara was confused. He thought that this is what she wanted. He thought she wanted people to know. He frowned at her inability to complete her thought. _

"_So what do you want Akira? What are you trying to say," he asked her confused. He pulled himself away from her…he didn't like the look on her face. It was the same face she put on when she had to do something she didn't like._

"_I'm just saying that there's got to be a reason we haven't told anyone in two years," she answered_ _softly. She could feel the distance between them increasing. She could feel the tension in the room increase. She wanted skin to skin contact with him again. __But__maybe this is for the best,__ she thought, __maybe this will make it easier._

_"What the hell does that mean," he asked, the frustration in his voice was increasing._

_Akira pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She prepared herself for what she was about to do. She knew the right thing to do was letting Gaara go. But as she snuck a glance at the love of her life, she wasn't sure she wanted to do the right thing. She was tired of doing the right thing but she had to this for Gaara. For Gaara's future, at least that's what she kept telling herself._

_"It just means that there's a reason…" she drifted off._

_"Yea there has been a reason. Your brother! That's been your reason since we started this," he said angrily. _

_Akira could hear the tension in his voice. And usually he never raised his voice with her. She could him straining to keep his voice at room level. This would be so much easier if he yelled at me, she thought to herself. That's when it occurred to her, she was going to make him yell. _

_"And what's been your reason," she asked in an even tone. She saw as he clenched his fists. She could clearly see his knuckles as his white skin tighten. __It's working__._

_"What the fuck is that suppose to mean," he asked his voice deadly._

_She cringed at his choice of words. She sighed and prepared herself for the worst. She stood up to face him. His jade told her she was hurting him but his face was ice cold totally devoid of emotion. She hadn't seen that side of him in a long time. _

_"It means we both have reasons. What's yours," she asked meeting his icy glare._

_"I don't have any…I have never said a word because of you," he said raising his voice. But he knew he was lying, he did have a reason. His village didn't like her but he only knew it was because she caused the death of one of the Elders son's. _

_He had fallen for Akira when one day when he had come to visit Naruto. It wasn't until he heard her full name did he realize she was the girl the village detested. He was trying to figure out how to get the village to like her ever since they had started their relationship. But he was having no luck and Temari and Kankuro were no help. _

_"Liar…you've got a reason. You don't want to tell me about it but you DO have it," she said softly. She knew she had gotten him angry enough when she saw his sand swirl at the word liar. __I've got to finish this,__ she thought sadly. _

"_No, you don't get to make THIS about you!! If you've got something to say, say it!" he said loudly. He didn't know why she felt this way. But if they were going to end it, then she was going to do it. He felt himself bracing for the worst. He was so in love with her didn't know what he was going to do without her but he wasn't going to show her he cared._

_Akira winced at the amount of anger in his voice. "Maybe we should just end it, end us. And then nobody would have to know, other than Naruto, Temari and Shikamaru…" she said almost inaudibly. She felt herself breaking as soon as the words left her mouth._

"_End us," he stated in a hollow voice. "Why? Is it because you don't care anymore?"_

"_Gaara…."_

"_Say it. Tell me you don't love me." He needed to hear it to be real. He needed to know she didn't love him because then he could hate her. _

How could he even think that_, she thought miserably. He knew she believed that people did everything for a reason. That she did everything for a reason. But he was too hurt to think logically. She couldn't even begin to say what he wanted to hear. She did love him. She would never tell him otherwise, no matter how much his village hated her. _

"_Love...I…Gaara…" she didn't know what to say. _

_He didn't know if she was going to say it but he did know he wanted her in as much pain as he was in right now. He folded his arms over his chest and said with no emotion, "Stop. You know what, it was just a phase. We were just a phase. I don't care anymore. Your right this thing me and you had its over. Truthfully, it was never really anything."_

_She couldn't breathe. Her heart tighten and she felt tears threatening to spill out. She took a deep breath. "I guess you're right," she breathed out. _

_He turned his back to her. He didn't watch her walk out the living room but he did hear her say very quietly, "I guess you're happy now."_

_Gaara had thought she was talking to him but if he had turned around he would have saw Akira had said that to Kankuro; who had showed up because he heard the argument. _

The jade eyed ninja shook his head. He couldn't believe he had said that to her. He knew he had hurt her. But she hurt him first. That didn't justify his actions but it did explain them. Never cross the sand wielding ninja.

"I know that at this moment you don't like me very much Temari but I do need your help," Gaara told his sister.

She lifted her blonde head up and looked into her brother's beautiful teal eyes. "Whether I like or dislike you is not important right now. But if I am going to help you find Akira, you're going to tell me what you did to her."

"He kissed Sakura," Shikamaru said before Gaara even had the chance to answer.

Temari's eyes widen with shock. "You've done a lot of shit in your life bro but this has got to be number one," she said shaking her head.

"I mean what were you thinking?" She asked looking at her brother again.

"I have a good explanation—" Gaara began to say but was cut off by Temari.

"Save it Gaara. I already know what it is," she said getting up and walking over to her brother.

_She does?_ Shikamaru asked himself. _How does she know? _He walked over with her.

Temari looked at her brother and put both hands on his shoulder. "Where's the Gaara Akira fell in love with? Where's the Gaara that would have sent the Elders to hell? She would never admit it but she wants you to fight for her," she said gently shaking his shoulders.

_She what?_ Gaara thought to himself.

"Has it really been that long? Have you really forgotten who she is in five months? She's never had anyone fight for her. She's had do everything on her own, by herself, fight for herself. You were the only thing she didn't have to fight for until—"

"I told her she told to let you go for our village," Kankuro said coming down the stairs.

"You told her?!" Temari, Gaara, and Shikamaru yelled at the same time.

Gaara was mad. In fact he was beyond mad. He couldn't believe his stupid brother would do such a thing! He was so very close to strangling his only brother. "What the fuck were you thinking?" he yelled.

Kankuro looked as guilty as sin. He was sorry for what he had done. He knew that both Akira and Gaara loved each other but he was so sure that after she broke it off both ninjas would go back to normal. That they would move on. But they didn't. In the end Gaara decided to pester Akira everyday for an answer and Akira, well she withdrew into herself because she didn't have Gaara to talk to. Kankuro knew the moment she ended it that he had committed a very big mistake in telling her to end it for the sake of the Sand Village.

"I don't know…I thought you guys would be okay..." Kankuro said quietly. He couldn't look his brother in the eye. But he could feel the anger coming from Gaara.

"And who told you that _we_ needed _your_ input," Gaara spit out.

"Stop!" Temari yelled at both her brothers. She turned to Kankuro. "You had no right! If Gaara hadn't said anything to her it's because he had his reasons. You should have asked him, you big dummy!"

Then she turned to her redheaded brother. "And _you_, you fucked up big time. So instead of blaming Kankuro how about you ask yourself why you didn't tell her anything?! And why Gaara, why would you think it was okay to kiss Sakura?"

Gaara looked at his sister and knew she meant business. But she brought up a good point, why hadn't he told Akira and avoided all the trouble? That's when it hit Gaara, he knew why. He was afraid she would do exactly what she did; pick his village over their relationship. And Gaara didn't want her to make that choice because he knew loyalty to the village came first. "I thought it would give me time; time to figure out how to…I don't know Temari. Stay with her and have the village embrace her," he said looking into his sister's dark eyes.

"And since when has that mattered. Where's my brother? The brother that would have sent the village to hell! I've got news for you! It doesn't matter what the Old Man Kioshi says; the village needs you. You're the only one who can be Kazekage. Guess what? It doesn't matter if you're blue, green, orange, yellow, white or dating Akira Kioshi you'll always be Kazekage. It's your right. And all of this—has been about controlling you! Do you see it? Do you understand now?" She asked her voice finally softening.

And her sand wielding brother did see it! He understood it completely as the white hot anger spread throughout his body. He was definitely going to talk to the Elders but first they had to find Akira. "We have to find her Temari," Gaara said decisively.

Temari knew she had talked some sense into her stubborn brother. She was pleased with herself. "Now why is she missing in the first place? I thought she was going to stay in her room forever."

"That would be your boyfriend's fault," Gaara said smirking. This would be interesting.

"What?!" Temari practically yelled.

Shikamaru shrunk back a little. _Fuck, I'm screwed_. "Well…ummm…this morning…I sorta kinda told her to leave," he stammered.

"Shikamaru Nara what the HELL were you thinking?" Temari asked incredulous.

"I was thinking she needed some space," he answered defensively. He took one look at Temari's face and sighed. _Great she's mad cuz I didn't say anything this morning. _

Shikamaru sighed. "You didn't hear her voice…she was desperate to make the—" –he took one look and Gaara's face and edited himself— "—I didn't think she would take me seriously," Shikamaru finished as he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

He brought his hands to his face and scrubbed them in frustration. _Where the hell is she? _he thought to himself, his frustration mounting. That's when it hit him. If she was going to leave the village there was only person she would go see before leaving. _Tsunade_, he thought, _is the one person she'd ask for permission._ He was surprised he didn't think about it before.

"I know where she is," Shikamaru jumped up from the couch, startling the sand siblings.

"Where?" Gaara was the first to ask.

"At the Hokage's," Shikamaru answered headed toward the door. "Come on," he motioned to the sand siblings who were staring at himself like he was crazy.

Gaara was the first to move. Shikamaru knew Akira well enough to tell her to leave when she really needed it. He trusted the ninja enough to follow him to the Hokage's mansion. It was one of the only places they didn't check. He walked up to Shikamaru and turned around to his brother and sister, "It wouldn't hurt to try?"

_Please let her be there_, Gaara thought anxiously.

* * *

Sakura had stayed home because Gaara and Shikamaru said that was the best. But she was starting to wonder if that really was the wise thing. At home she couldn't do anything. And she was pretty sure Naruto was sick of her calling every 15 minutes, asking if they had found Akira. _Boy, when Akira wanted to disappear she could,_ Sakura thought to herself.

The pink haired leaf ninja was pacing a hole in to carpet. If Akira didn't show up soon Sakura was going to go out and look for her. She knew she should have told Akira everything the night she had locked herself in her room. But Sakura didn't have the nerve to betray Gaara's trust. So she had kept quite. _A lot good that did_, Sakura thought to herself as she walked over to the phone willing it to ring with good news.

She just as she was about to call Naruto for an update her doorbell rang. _Maybe they found her, _Sakura thought hopefully. She quickly went to go open the door.

She gulped as she realized who standing in her doorway. Well she's not missing anymore, Sakura thought as Akira Kioshi stood at the doorway in her pajamas looking like she hadn't slept in days.

Akira only said one thing before inviting herself into Sakura's apartment. "We need to talk, now."

**A/N: So I hope you liked it. This time I'm really going to try to update sooner. I just wanted to let AnimeStar001 know that I really LOVE your fanfic and once I finish reading all the chapters I'm going to review!! (I'm on ch 6!!) **


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! lol

**A/N: Hi everyone!!!!!! As promised here is the next chapter!! ENJOY! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 8

Ayame Hitsu was sitting next to Neji Hyuga waiting for Naruto to come back from the tea shop. Maybe Akira stopped by, he had said before rushing out of the house and leaving her and Neji alone.

"You need to relax," Neji told her again as he squeezed her hand.

But she couldn't relax. Akira wasn't in her room; she wasn't anywhere she would be when she wanted to be alone. Ayame knew Akira well enough to know there was no way she would leave the village without telling anyone.

"I can't relax," Ayame told Neji. "She's missing…and nobody seems to know where she is. How is that suppose to be relaxing?"

Neji knew she was worried but that was only stressing her out and he knew what happened when she was too stressed out…she would have a panic attack and that would be disastrous. That's exactly what happened when Akira had locked herself in her room and refused to talk to anyone. Ayame started to freak out, so when Neji stood outside Akira door and pretended to yell at her. All he really had to say was that Ayame was hyperventilating and Akira let her wall down for food. But she still wouldn't talk to anyone, except Shikamaru.

_You could only ask for so much_, he had thought to himself. It was then Neji understood why Akira kept everything to herself; it was because she was protecting Ayame, she was doing what she did best…protecting the people she cared about.

"I know something that will calm you down," Neji said as his hands rubbed her shoulders.

Ayame felt herself relax instantly. She still couldn't believe that Neji knew her so well. They had only been together for a couple of weeks and she felt like they knew everything about each other. He was always making sure she was comfortable. And she was always doing the same thing. She was still surprised that every time they were together she felt like she was on cloud nine.

She felt so guilty about being happy because Akira was in such a glum state. That's why they had to visit her separately, so they wouldn't sound _so_ happy. She knew all Akira wanted was to be left alone but Ayame couldn't bear to do that to her. She couldn't leave her alone because what Akira needed was to let everything out. And Ayame had been determined to be there for her best friend when she was ready to vent. Unfortunately Akira had done something very out of character…she left and nobody knew where she was. _God damn it! Where is she_, she thought frantically.

Neji's hands worked like magic. Her skin was warm underneath his touch. Ayame turned around, touched his cheek and looked into his opal eyes. "Thank you," she told him.

Neji shrugged his shoulders. "That's why I love you," he told her in a soft voice. "She'll turn up. It's not like her to leave, she'll be back."

Ayame really did believe Neji but her insides still turned at the thought at Akira leaving. Ayame was still mad at her for not saying anything about Gaara. She was so tired of Akira trying to deal with everything alone. But no matter how upset she was she understood why her friend did what she did.

Ayame sighed, "Patience."

That's when Naruto burst through the door. He was breathing heavily. Seeing Naruto in that bright orange suit was a relief because that meant he had news about Akira.

"She went to see Grandma Tsunade!" He yelped and in the same breath said, "But she left abruptly and now we don't know where she is."

"Grandma Tsunade wouldn't tell me anything no matter how much I begged. She said Akira had to do something alone…" he sighed, sitting across from Neji and Ayame.

"I went to ask the guards at the entrance if they had seen her but they said no. So good news: she hasn't left the village. Bad news: we still don't know where she is," Naruto said rubbing his eyes.

Ayame was happy to hear she hadn't left but was still disappointed to hear that Akira was still "lost". "Can't you think of any place she might be?" Ayame asked desperation creeping into her voice. Neji squeezed her hand, reassuring her.

"Nope…actually I thought you might know where she'd go if she wanted to be alone," Naruto said looking into Ayame's cat eyes.

"We've already checked those places. She wasn't at the tea shop. She wasn't at the park. She wasn't at her mother's grave and she wasn't at the clearing with the big tree. I can't think of anywhere else Naruto," Ayame sighed laying her head on Neji's shoulders.

"Have you asked Gaara," Neji asked cautiously. He knew Ayame didn't want any help from the sand nin but if he found Akira who cares who helped. Neji felt Ayame stiffed at the mention of Gaara but before he could say anything. Naruto beat him to it.

"Stop Ayame. He loves her too. And you already know why they can't be together. So can you please stop being so hard on him," Naruto said frustrated.

"Not until he tells me what he did to make her lock herself in her room," Ayame answered defensively.

"Oh that's easy," Naruto said with a smile on his face. "I figured it out. He kissed Sakura."

"WHAT?!" Both Neji and Ayame said shocked.

"How did you 'figure it out'?" Neji asked making quotation marks in the air.

"Well he was with Sakura at the tea shop that day. And when we left Akira and Gaara alone in the back room they obviously kissed—oh don't give me that look Neji," Naruto said when Neji faced scrunched up.

"You and I both know that Akira and Gaara kissed. Anyways—so they kissed and whenever they do that they can share memories. Don't ask me how or why because honestly I have no fucking idea. So the only thing that would piss Akira enough to lock herself up is Gaara kissing Sakura. She must have seen it." Naruto said ending his rant. He was pretty damn proud of himself; it had taken a while for him to figure it out. His suspicions where confirmed when he asked Sakura about it and she denied it but her face flushed redder than a tomato.

"But why would he…" Ayame couldn't believe Gaara would do that. _Loves her, my ass, she _thought to herself. She felt Neji wrap his arms around her and felt his breath tickle her ear.

"Don't judge him until you have all the facts," Neji whispered into Ayame's ears.

"I do have all the facts," Ayame whispered back.

"No you don't," Naruto answered breaking their private bubble. "You really do need all the facts because no matter how much you dislike him Ayame…Akira loves him. Trust when I say she will always love him. You've never seen them together. They were like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together so perfectly…it was amazing. Don't judge his actions," Naruto said defending his best friend very stupid actions.

"FINE!" Ayame said exasperated. "Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. You win. Does he know where she is?"

"No," Naruto said dejectedly. "He's looking for her too. But no luck."

"So now what do we do," Ayame asked but she already knew the answer.

"We wait until Akira comes to us," Neji said calmly. Naruto nodded his head in agreement.

And all three of them waited in silence. Hoping Akira would show up soon.

* * *

Sakura couldn't believe her eyes. She stared at Akira Kioshi and couldn't believe she was still standing. It wasn't her physical appearance that alerted her that there was something wrong; although she did look rough…to say the least. It was Akira's facial expression that clued Sakura in on how much pain the ninja was in. Sakura knew that over the years Akira had become an expert at hiding her emotions because she hated being asked if she was okay. Akira had mastered the fake smile but as Akira walked in the living room Sakura could tell that the redhead was in pain, no matter how hard she was trying to hide it.

_It's time to fess up_, Sakura thought to herself as she followed Akira into the living room. This was not something Sakura was looking forward to. She hated being the reason for other peoples' pain but she knew Akira had the right to the truth. She was ready to talk to the ninja when Akira turned around and her beautiful brown eyes turned cold.

"I'm only here to ask you a couple of questions and I would really…" Akira paused to take a deep breath. "…I would really appreciate it if you would just answer yes or no. And if you don't want to talk to me Sakura then you have every right to kick me out your house."

"You don't want details…" Sakura thought out loud.

"No…I'm not really interested in details…just a couple of facts," Akira answered her.

"But I could tell you everything that happened—" Sakura started.

"No. I don't want it in narrative. I can't handle narrative right now." Akira said quickly, cutting Sakura off.

Sakura understood. She didn't want to cause the redhead any more distress. "You have my full cooperation," she said sighing. _This isn't going to be pretty._

"Did you guys kiss?" Akira asked. She felt her throat get dry.

Sakura closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes." She was ashamed to hear it out loud. She agreed to that kiss against her better judgment.

_Shit I thought I could handle this_, Akira thought as she felt her eyes watering over. She took another deep breath. "Did he ask you to kiss him?"

"Yes," Sakura answered quietly.

"Did it ever occur to you to say no?" Akira whispered.

Sakura nodded.

"Ha…you got more sense than I've ever given credit for," Akira choked out.

"Thanks," Sakura said with a small smile. "Akira, I'm so sorry I should have never—"

"Stop. What's done is done," Akira said cutting Sakura off.

She took another deep breath and turned around to look at the pink haired ninja in the eye. "True or false-you enjoyed it?"

"True," Sakura said closing her eyes because she didn't want to see the pain flash thru Akira's milky brown eyes.

"True or false-he had ulterior motives?" Akira asked closing her eyes. She knew the answer she just needed confirmation.

Sakura's eyes flashed open. How _does she know that?_ "True," she said a little loudly.

Akira sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch. She put her hands to her face and scrubbed the tears out of her eyes. Once she was satisfied, she stood up and walked out the living room towards the front door.

Sakura was confused. She thought they were making progress. "Wait where are you going?" She asked following the scarlet haired girl.

"Thanks…but that's all I needed," Akira told Sakura.

"All you needed…that's not even half the story," Sakura said.

"I don't need the rest of the story…Gaara made a choice. We all get to live the consequences," Akira said softly. She was opening the door when Sakura said something she was not expecting.

"So did you. YOU made a choice. You ended it with no explanation. He had to deal with that," Sakura said instantly regretting what came out her mouth.

Akira flinched. She knew that was going to come up. "Your right I did make a choice. I guess I have to live with that too." Akira said sadly. She was turning the knob to the front door.

"So that's it…you don't want to know," Sakura said indignantly.

"Don't you see Sakura I don't need you to tell me why he did what he did! I KNOW why he did it. Do you want to know why I ended it with him? Would that _satisfy_ you?" Akira said raising her voice slightly.

"I was done fighting. I've had to fight for everything in my life. I fought for this village to accept me. I fought for this village to trust me. For people to see ME not the girl who murdered her father! I've fought FOR EVERY SINGLE thing in my life." Akira said as her voice rose higher.

"I didn't have to fight for Gaara. He was…my safe place. He made everything else worth fighting for…because at the end of the day he was mine. Because at the end of the day no matter what he loved me. I never had to fight for him. That was until Kankuro clued me in on the Sand Village's hate for me. Turns out I did have to fight for him." Akira said a tear escaping the corner of her eye.

"I thought I was done fighting. I'm so tired of being hated…I just didn't have it in me to fight for him. I'm done fighting."

"Don't you see??? I've been waiting for him to send everyone to hell and what does he do?? He kisses you! For what? To buy time…buy time to get his village to accept me? I am I right?" Akira asked pain clear in her eyes.

"I'm done Sakura…do you have any idea how hard it is to need someone and know they aren't going to fight for you? I'm not going to fight. And neither is he. So you're right. I made MY choice but so did he. So I guess we ALL have to live with the consequences." Akira finished off, wiping the tears that escaped and ran down her cheeks.

Sakura was so shocked that Akira knew exactly why Gaara kissed her. She didn't know what to say to the redhead and everything she said was true, she couldn't even lie. She couldn't think of any words to make Akira feel better. So she just watched as Akira shook her head and walked out the door.

She closed the door and walked into the living room and picked up the phone. She knew exactly who to call.

* * *

Akira Kioshi was lost. Not literally because she knew the way home. But figuratively because she didn't know what to do. All she really wanted to do was go back home into her protective bubble and forget about everything…but she couldn't…because she missed her mother. Because she missed Gaara.

She couldn't because all she wanted to do was go to Gaara. But she knew that wasn't going to happen.

She had to deal all alone…just like always. _Some things never change_, she thought to herself.

_Always alone._ She swallowed her pride and turned around. _I'll do anything in order to leave this place for a month_, she thought grimly as she walked toward the Hokage's Mansion. _Please just let me leave._

* * *

Gaara was walking out of the Hokage's office grumbling about the lack of information Lady Tsunade had just given them. _This was a waste of our time!_ he thought with mounting frustration. He knew Akira had been there because he had seen her summoning panda in the office.

It was weird to have her staring at him like she knew what he did. She didn't say a word to him but he had the nagging feeling she wanted to and out of respect she hadn't said anything. It was just weird! Never in his life had he ever felt uncomfortable in a room even if everyone hated him; he had just never cared but now…

"Well that was useless," Shikamaru said echoing Gaara's thoughts.

"Not useless, we know she hasn't left the village. So that was useful," Temari thought out loud.

"Come one Temari that was useless…we still don't know where she is," Gaara said, still grumbling.

"Okay…that was pretty useless! I wonder why Akira came to see the Hokage?" Temari asked while walking beside Shikamaru. She didn't realize her brother had stopped walking.

Gaara was frozen in place. He felt _her_ before she came into view. He knew she was coming up the stairs. She was headed toward the Hokage's office. He knew she was in an unspeakable amount of pain. It was crushing him. Their connection was stronger than before; it was weird…it was like their impending proximity was making their chakra connection stronger. He was suddenly struggling to breathe.

_How the hell does she manage to deal with all that pain_, he thought breathing deeply. And just as suddenly as he felt her pain…it disappeared.

_Sorry, sometimes when I'm distracted I can't control my emotions_, Akira's beautiful voice filled his mind. It was like an oasis in the middle of the dessert.

When she finally came into view Gaara's breath caught in his chest. No matter how much Akira had tried to hide it, she still looked very worn-out. But he still found her as beautiful as ever.

Akira had gone home and changed out of her pajamas into some actual clothing. She was wearing navy pants and a scarlet sweater that matched the color of her hair. In reality it looked like the clothes were wearing her…she had lost at least 15 pounds and looked absolutely exhausted.

Akira had realized Gaara was picking up on her emotions because she felt him underneath her skin. Which was odd because that only happened when they were kissing and now two weeks later they were more or less 50 feet away and he was creeping in her skin. _This stupid connection is suppose to get weaker with separation! God damn it_, she thought frustratingly. _He's not suppose to be here. He's suppose to be out looking for me in useless places. _

Akira had found out from Hiro that Gaara, Shikamaru and Sakura had come to see her while she had her first visit with the Hokage. He freaked out as soon as she walked in the door. She had told Hiro to chill out and went to get changed. After she changed her clothing and brushed her hair down, she walked right back out the front door. She didn't really care about Hiro at the moment; just like he stopped caring when he left home. All she wanted was the okay from Tsunade so she could leave the village. _Changing my clothes was just another way to convince her to say yes,_ she had thought as she had left the house.

And now Akira was standing in front of the only person who actually knew her, inside and outside…and all she wanted to do was turn back around and run back home. But she couldn't because she soon as she came into Gaara's view, she came into Temari and Shikamaru's view.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Where have you been?" Temari said practically yelling. She ran up to Akira and wrapped her arms around her.

"We've been looking for you everywhere!" Temari shrieked in Akira's ears.

Shikamaru walked behind Temari, took one look at Akira and knew exactly what Akira had been up too. The panda in Tsunade's office confirmed it.

"You want to leave," he stated. "The clothes are a nice touch," he said nodding towards the sweater Akira had on.

Akira looked at him and felt the corners or her mouth crinkle into a small smile. "I'm following your advice."

"Don't listen to him Akira. Shikamaru is a dumbass," Temari said her voice back to normal. She had linked her arm with Akira's and didn't let her go.

Akira's face became grim as she locked her eyes with her favorite pair of jade eyes.

_Stop…please Gaara don't. I don't have the energy to block you out. So I'm begging you to stop your thoughts and try not to get into mine,_ her voice chimed once again in Gaara's mind. The pain in her words broke his heart. But he needed to know where she had been these last few hours.

_Only if you tell me where you've been_, Gaara's deep voice rang in Akira's head. Hearing his voice for the first time in two weeks made Akira weak in her knees. She wanted him to come and wrap his arms around her and tell her they were going to get through this rough spot. But she knew he wouldn't; she knew Gaara well enough to know that he wasn't going to move from the spot he was standing in.

_At Sakura's_, Akira responded. She watched as the realization in his eyes turned into aguish.

_You have my word_, he told her. His eyes shifted to his sister and then to Shikamaru. _Tell them I'm leaving_, he told Akira.

_No…they can go with you,_ she said not taking her eyes off him. She was refreshing her memory of every inch of his perfect face. She knew that she would regret it later but she couldn't help it. She still loved him; just because she wanted to get over him didn't mean she wanted to forget about him.

It was as if Shikamaru knew exactly what was happening because the next thing she saw was Shikamaru in her line of vision. He had a small smile on his face as he leaned in closer.

"I've seen enough of those conversations to know when they're taking place. If you're going to talk then you're going to say it out loud," Shikamaru whispered in her ear.

"Your right," Akira said with a forced smile on her face. "I'm fine…really I am. I just needed some time alone and now I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Temari and Shikamaru said at the same time.

_Damn it, having friends that know you is a pain in the ass_, she thought bitterly. "Fine…I was not fine but now I'm sorta fine…I'm just here to see the Hokage. Gotta ask a favor."

"Which is?" Shikamaru asked.

"To have a couple of weeks to myself…away from…this village," Akira responded quickly.

"You are leaving…" Temari trailed off. "Gaara you big—"

"Temari don't…just don't," Akira said cutting Temari off.

"I'm only leaving if Tsunade says yes and I doubt she will." Akira finished releasing her arm out of Temari's grasp.

"You're not going to tell us where you've been, are you?" Temari asked.

"Gaara knows, you should ask him. It's been a long day and all I really want to do is meet with the Hokage and go back home," she told Temari. But taking one look at the disappointment in Temari's eyes she quickly added, "I promise you guys can stop by tonight or tomorrow morning. I just really want to get this over with."

Temari's face quickly lit up. "That sounds good enough for now! Go ahead."

_The things we do for friends,_ Akira complained to herself. Gaara smiled, he had heard her. _Sorry_, she said looking at him again. _I guess I have to try too._

The entire time Akira had been talking to Temari, Gaara couldn't keep his eyes off her. She looked exhausted but he still saw the old feisty Akira in there. He couldn't help but smile at her sarcasm. All he really wanted to do was kiss her…feel her silky lips on his. He was trying very hard not to go and take her in his arms. He was trying very hard to keep his thoughts blank. But he couldn't help but think about how good he and Akira were. They belong together…both of them knew it.

He was trying so hard not to walk up to her and touch her. So when she walked pass him he couldn't help but brush his fingers across her knuckles; bad idea, very, very bad idea.

As soon as Gaara's fingers made contact with her skin Akira was slammed with one particular memory Gaara was trying desperately to repress. The memory was so strong it brought Akira to her knees.

As soon as Gaara saw Akira fall, he turned to steady her. He took her by the arm to stand her up but that was another bad idea because the sustained physical connection made the memory even stronger.

_Their bodies were tangled with the bed sheets. Gaara felt her soft breath on his chest. From Akira's even breathing Gaara knew she was asleep. His fingertips stroked the bare skin between her shoulder blades. He felt her sleeping body shiver. She moved closer to him and laid her arm across his perfectly sculpted abdomen. _

_Gaara sighed as he ran his fingers thru her maroon hair._

"_What am I going to do?" Gaara whispered in the dark. "How am I going to keep you in my life and have my village accept you?" He muttered to himself. _

"_I am so in love with you, I just don't know what I'm going to do," he said looking at Akira's sleeping form. "If I had to choose between you and my village…I would pick you every time. I'd pick you and never regret it. But would you let me? Do you even know how much they dislike you? It doesn't matter…I'll find a way. I swear I'll find a way," he said kissing Akira's forehead. _

"_Hmmm…" Akira said stirring out of her sleep. She opened her eyes half way and found Gaara staring at her. "What are you doing," she asked rubbing her eyes. _

"_Couldn't sleep," he shrugged, "looking at you sleep is my favorite past time."_

"_Ha…watching me drool," she countered as she rolled over. _

_Gaara moaned. "Does that mean you're leaving?" He asked as she got out of bed. _

_Akira turned around and looked at the only person who had managed to win her heart. Even in the dark she could see the disappointment in his sea-foam eyes. "No…Hiro's on a mission until tomorrow. So I get to stay until morning. But I am looking for my shirt and some underwear," she said smiling as she turned her head to look where her clothes had landed earlier that evening._

_Gaara couldn't help but take in her perfectly molded body that glowed in the moonlight. She was perfect in every way, shape and form. He climbed out of bed and took her in his arms. _

_Akira gasped as he held her strongly. It still amazed her that every time he touched her it would send little bolts of electricity throughout her body. _

"_I prefer you without clothes," he whispered seductively in her ears. _

"_I know you do, but it's cold in here," Akira shot back playfully. _

"_If you insist," Gaara said letting her go and walking over to a pile of clothes and pulling out his black shirt and her black panties. "Here you are," he said handing them over to Akira. _

"_Thank you, my love," she whispered back. She quickly slipped her underwear on and slipped into his shirt. _It smells just like him_, she thought as the shirt went over her nose. _I think I'm going to take this home with me.

_When she was done she watched as he slipped in a pair of boxers and slipped back into bed. "So are you coming back into bed or are you leaving anyways?" Gaara asked staring straight thru her. _

_Her heart skipped a beat. _Damn he gets me every time_, she thought as she walked over to the edge of the bed. "Do you want me to stay," she asked playfully as she ran her fingertips over his bare chest. _

_He grabbed her hand and said, "Don't I always."_

"_Yeah I guess you do. But if I stay 'til morning then you have to find a way for me to sneak past Kankuro," Akira said as she wrapped her legs around Gaara's hips. _

"_I'll handle Kankuro," Gaara said sitting up. Akira was the only person who knew exactly how far to push his buttons. "What do you think you are doing?" he asked raising a non-existent eyebrow. _

"_Nothing," she said as she wrapped her hands around Gaara's neck bringing him closer to her face. "I just want a little kiss," she said mischievously._

"_A little one," Gaara muttered as he leaned in closer. _When did she chew gum_, he asked himself as he smelled her winter fresh breath. _

_Akira nodded slowly. She knew what was coming. Gaara lips touched hers and a thousand little blots of electricity shot throughout her body. He licked her bottom lip as she parted her lips giving him the invitation. He accepted the invitation sliding his tongue into the dark cavern of her mouth. _

_She craved more, just like he always craved more. So she slid her fingers through his scarlet locks and pulled him even closer. His expert mouth moved south looking for her soft spot. He went behind her ear and lightly touched the spot with the tip of his tongue. Her heard Akira moan and he smiled. _That gets her every time.

"_Hey…no fair," she complained. "You're cheating."_

"_No I'm not…your just ease to please," he said smiling his lips still behind her ear. His voice sent shivers down her spine. _

"_What are you doing to me?" Akira asked him quietly, her voice somber. _

_Gaara turned looked at her, hearing the concern in her voice. He took her face in his hands. "What's wrong?"_

_Akira was surprised he had picked up on the meaning behind her words. _This thing we have just keeps getting stronger and stronger_, she thought. She hadn't realized he heard her. _

It's not a thing…it's a relationship_, he answered in her head. "Is that what's worrying you?" he questioned. _

Sort of_, she thought. "I dunno…I just…feel like…" she trailed off._

"_What? That we're falling even more in love with each other," Gaara asked leaning in closer to her face. _

"_Ha…yea I guess that's it," Akira answered softly. _

"_That's just part of it," he said leaning in so that their foreheads touched._

"_Oh you know me so well Hisui," she told him closing her eyes. _

"_I do…are you going to tell me or am I going to have to guess?" Gaara whispered. _

"_I'll spill…it's just…I love you so much it scares me. And it's only getting stronger—"_

"_That's happening to me too," Gaara said interrupting her._

"_I know it is. But I've always relied on myself. All my life that's all I've ever done. But with you…" Akira sighed scared about saying what she was feeling out loud. "…with you…I need you. I need you like the air I breathe. And I'm not use to that and I'm scared that we'll end and I'll still need you…"_

"_Hey…it's okay to need someone. You can't carry the world on your shoulders." Gaara said gently shaking her head. "And what makes you think we will end…I'm in this for the long haul. Me and you, fuck everything else." _

"_Is that why it is just me and you? We keep getting serious and nobody knows about us except your best friend and your sister," Akira said rubbing her nose against his._

"_That's because you don't want anyone else to know…" Gaara countered._

"_I know…but it's not just because of Hiro…I'm scared you'll leave me—"_

"_I'll be here for as long as you want me," Gaara said cutting her off. He lifted his forehead off of hers. "Look at me. If this ends it will because you want it too. I'll always want you, do you understand that?"_

_Akira nodded. She knew he was telling the truth and that was reassuring. "I'm gonna need you for a looooonnggg time," she said stretching the word out. _

_Gaara smiled. "Good…so can we stop being gloomy. It's settled, me and you forever," he said locking his fingers with hers. _

"_I like the sound of that," Akira said smiling. _

"_Now where were we," Gaara said laying Akira with her back on the bed. _

"_Oh, we were just going to go to sleep," Akira said slowing moving away from Gaara. _

"_Oh we were?" Gaara said raising his non-existent eyebrows. "Liar," he whispered as his hand slipped under her shirt. _

_Akira giggled. "Maybe we were about to do something else…I can't remember," she whispered grabbing Gaara and closing the distance between their bodies. _

"_I think I'm going to have to refresh your memory," he whispered huskily. His hand moved closer to her breast. _

"_Ummm…"_

The memory ended sharply. Shikamaru had separated both redheads. Akira was out of breath and Gaara's usual non-expressionless face looked pained. Shikamaru knew that they had shared a memory that's why he had rushed to cut off the physical connection but the damage had been done. And from the expressions on both redheads it was not a happy memory.

"Sorry," Gaara whispered not meeting Akira's chocolate eyes. He hadn't meant to do that.

"Thanks Shikamaru," Akira said shaking out of his grasp.

She walked over to Gaara and placed her left hand on his cheek. It felt natural. She missed his soft skin under her fingertips. "I do still need you," she whispered gently. "Problem is 'we' aren't an option anymore. God Gaara I need you…for starters I need you to help me get my life together. I need you so much it's pitiful but…you aren't mine to have."

"Ai-"

"No Gaara. I just need you to know that my feelings haven't changed since that moment. The pain you're feeling from me isn't because I'm mad at you. It isn't because you kissed Sakura. It's because I need you, it feels like I'm drowning without you. But I can't be with you. That's because you were never really mine. And I'm done…fighting for acceptance…just know nothing has changed since that memory other than the fact that we can't be together," Akira finished reluctantly moving her hand away from his cheek.

He didn't say a word. Akira took his silence as understanding and walked away. She walked past Shikamaru towards the Hokage's office. "I really don't know where you find the patience to deal with me," she said as she passed him.

Shikamaru said exactly what Akira needed to hear. "You belong with him."

"I know," she replied as she reached the Hokage's door. "Take them home Nara…I'll see you later."

She turned the knob and entered the Hokage's office.

* * *

Temari knew the whole time Akira and Gaara were together that they belonged together. She knew that he loved her more than anything in his life. When they had started going out she remembered Gaara had changed, it was a subtle change but a change none the less. He started smiling more. He started talking to his brother and sister more. He started being less anti-social. He was still Gaara just a little friendlier; a lot friendlier to a certain person. It was the friendliness toward Akira that had clued Temari in on their relationship. There was always a hint of a smile on Gaara's face when she was around.

So whatever just happened between her brother and Akira it was obviously something big. Her brother never stayed quiet for anyone. And seeing them both like that broke Temari's heart. They still loved each other and the only thing keeping them apart was village politics.

But watching Akira walk away made Temari mad; particularly at her brother. So when Akira walked into the Hokage's office, Temari walked up to her brother slapped him across his forehead. "Gaara you're a fucking idiot!!"

"What are you doing? You just let her walk away," Temari said her anger swelling.

"Temari leave him alone," Shikamaru said walking over to both sand nins.

"No Shikamaru…did you just hear what I heard? Or is everyone fucking deaf. You said it yourself they belong together," Temari said turning on Shikamaru.

"Temari—"

"No Gaara! What does she need to say for you to fight FOR her? Did you hear what she said? She's done fighting. It's your turn to fight. She's never going to ask you to pick her over the village. Don't you get it? All you have to do is send the Elders to hell. She's the best thing that has ever happened to you. Please don't let her walk out of your life without a fight," Temari pleaded with her brother trying to make him understand. But all she got was stony silence.

"I think he just wants to be alone," Shikamaru said taking Temari by the arm and leading her away from her quiet brother.

Before they walked away Shikamaru heard Gaara ask, "But why wouldn't she fight for me? Why is she letting me go without a fight?"

Temari was about to say something but Shikamaru beat her too it. "Haven't you learned anything from Akira these past two years? She always does the right thing. In this case the right thing to do is to let you go without a fight. To let you become Kazekage without any complications."

Shikamaru knew somewhere deep down inside Gaara knew all of this but maybe he needed to hear it from some else to make it real.

"Don't you see Gaara? To her you were never hers. To her there's no competition. To her your village comes before everything else. She doesn't believe she's worth the fight…not worth the complications. And if you don't fight for her you're just proving her right. You're the only one who can show her she's wrong…" Shikamaru said severe but gentle enough to get through the sand nin.

"I'm the only one who can show her she is worth it," Gaara said calmly.

"Yea," Temari said looking at Shikamaru with new eyes. She had no idea that he could get through to her brother. _He must have picked up on a couple of things from Akira_, she thought, _that's why I love him_.

"Do you understand now?" Temari asked her brother.

"Yep," he said walking down the hallway. He was determined to show Akira that she was worth every bit of fight he had in him.

* * *

As soon as Akira entered the office she felt Tsunade's and Hisa's wise eyes on her.

She knew she was going to have to beg. But she really didn't have the energy. What just happened between her and Gaara had completely drained her spirit.

She knew she shouldn't have told Gaara how she really felt which why she held herself back in the end. She wanted to tell him to fight for her. But she knew that that would be wrong; which is why she walked away. He was still holding on to 'them' and Akira should have shattered that concept. But she couldn't, she just couldn't do that to do. She had hurt him enough.

"Hisa said you'd be back," Tsunade stated looking straight into Akira's eyes.

"She knows me well." Was all Akira managed to say.

"Akira—"

"Okay here's the deal. I just don't have the energy to fight or argue with either of you. Gaara is the main reason I need to leave but I will also admit it's because of my parent's death. I'm on overload here. I would be able to deal if it was just one but it's both. My main problem is Gaara is the only person, other than Shikamaru, that even begins to understand how I feel about my parent's death. He's the only one who would be able to help but he can't or I won't let him. Because I won't be the reason he doesn't become Kazekage. So I'm begging you here…if you won't give me a month, can I PLEASE have two weeks to get myself together," Akira said in a low voice.

"I get what you're saying. I will give you a month…if you need it BUT there are conditions," Tsunade said softly.

"While you were gone Hisa and I came up with a plan that will please you but also displease you," Tsunade began cautiously. "You will be able to leave for a month of training with the mountain pandas. BUT you have to get your act together in a week."

"WHAT!" Akira said a little louder then she intended.

"You can leave if you if you can get yourself back to normal in a week," Tsunade said as if it was the simplest task in the world.

"But the reason I'm asking to leave it so I can get back to normal," Akira argued.

"Then pretend. Your good at that right? Pretending your okay? Show your friends your okay and then you can leave," Tsunade said sternly.

"But why?" Akira asked stubbornly.

"Because Lady Tsunade doesn't want your friends coming to ask her if you're okay. You have to show them even if you have to pretend," Hisa chimed in, speaking for the first time since Akira had entered the room.

Akira looked at the panda and knew she was right. _Pretend, that's what I've been doing for the past five months, right._ _Breaking inside because I'm not with Gaara but they never knew because I'm good at faking happy_, Akira thought glumly. Just thinking about how much energy it took to fake she was fine made her was to crawl into bed and never get out.

"Do we have a deal?" Tsunade asked jarring Akira out of her thoughts.

"If it means I can leave then we have a deal," Akira said; her voice dark.

"Good. Your week starts now," Tsunade stated.

"Great," Akira said sarcastically.

_I was better off locked in my room in bed_, Akira thought darkly as she left the Hokage's office.

**A/N: There you are my loyal readers. Hope you liked the chapter! Let me know what you think! I just wanted to let you guys know I'm totally excited about TWILIGHT coming out this FRIDAY!!! If you haven't read the books I totally recommend it!! But go see the movie first!! Okay I'm done my rant! It's just my two loves are TWLIGHT and NARUTO!! Lol…don't forget to let me know what you think about this chapter. **

**PS…it's okay if you think I'm a little random and crazy **


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! lol

**A/N: Hello my loyal readers!!!!!! As promised here is the next chapter!! Truth be told I've had this chapter complete for about a week and half but haven't been able to edit it because the holidays have been very stressful. I HOPE YOU GUS HAD A GREAT HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!! **

**The underlined passage is a dream :)**

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 9

_She was running through the forest breathing heavily. The low branches were whipping past her face, scratching her cheeks. Her stomach was wet and her hand was pressing down on the leaking spot. She looked down at her slick hand and saw blood that was darker than her hair. None of that mattered. She had to get to_ him_. She had to make sure he was okay. _

_She didn't have time to heal herself and she was aware of the consequences. Her stomach wound was severe and needed to be taken care of. But she had to save all her energy in case she needed it. _

Where is he?_ she asked herself. _

_The farther she ran the more lost she became. Finally she stopped to take a breath and looked at how much blood she had lost. She knew it was a lot because her head started to spin. She felt herself fall when a strong set of hands steadied her. But they weren't the hands she wanted._

"_Akira, you need to stop," Shikamaru said with a dark look in his eyes. _

"_No. I have to get to Gaara," Akira said trying to escape Shikamaru's grasp. _

"_Akira…" he said sadly. "He's dead."_

_That's when everything went black. _

Noooooooooooooooo, Akira heard herself screaming before she woke up. She woke up fighting for air. There were tears running down face. She was scared to death. She had never had a dream like that. Her dreams were always memories, never…never something she hadn't experienced. She felt like her heart had jumped out of her chest. _Not Gaara_, she kept thinking, _no he's okay. I saw him yesterday._ But that was not reassuring; she still had this dark shadow over her heart.

Her heart stopped when she heard him in her mind. _Akira…are you okay_, he asked worry lining his words. _I know you said not to…do this but I just need to know if you're okay. _

_Gaara_, she said questioning her sanity. Maybe she was still dreaming.

_You were screaming. Well I think you were screaming in your mind. I heard you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay_, he answered quickly.

She realized he had heard her mental scream and she wanted to slap herself. For five months she had managed to block him out mentally. Ino had taught her how to block his thoughts. And in the past couple weeks she hadn't been able to do it, she had to rely on her chakra wall to do that. And she would have put it up but that doesn't count as getting back to normal according to Tsunade. She knew she had to learn the mental block over again but….hearing his voice was reassuring. It proved to her his death was just a dream; a very bad dream. A weirdly bad dream…

_Sorry…bad dream_, she answered.

_How bad_, he asked.

_Bad enough that you heard me. Sorry about that Gaara that was my fault. I should really be trying harder,_ Akira told him. She was still fighting for air. But now it wasn't because she thought he was in danger. Now it was because hearing his voice in her head just reminded her of the countless soundless conversations they had had in the past.

_It's fine. I was just worried,_ Gaara managed to say. He was trying to figure out a way to tell her he was going to fight for her but…

_I'm sorry Gaara this isn't fair to you. Usually I'm pretty good a cloaking my thoughts but it's been a rough couple of weeks. This won't happen again I promise,_ Akira said quickly. The longer the conversation the harder it was going to be to cut it off. If she kept hearing his voice then her resolution would dissolve.

She did the only thing she knew would work; she called her chakra wall before Gaara could say anything. She kept it up for five minutes just to block his voice. Then she took it down, she listened but he wasn't there.

She sighed and scrubbed her face in the dark. "God damn it, how am I suppose to get back normal in a week," Akira said out loud clearly frustrated.

She checked the clock to see what time it was…five o'clock in the morning. _Great!_ _There is no way I'm going back to sleep,_ she thought as she rolled out of bed. _I might as well prepare myself for a very long day!_

_

* * *

  
_

Gaara was so mad he could scream; which is exactly what he did early that morning. That was a very bad idea in a household of sleeping ninjas. The next he knew Temari and Kankuro bust through his bedroom door. He would have laughed if he wasn't so frustrated.

Temari was still in her pajamas and Kankuro had only managed to put on a pair of pants. Both his sand siblings had umbrellas in their hands. As if that would stop an intruder; as if Gaara needed an umbrella as protection. When Temari realized her brother was in no real danger and had screamed for no apparent reason she was ready to strangle him.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Temari screamed at the top of her lungs and hurled her umbrella at Gaara.

Gaara's sand quickly deflected the umbrella. "Sorry Temari," Gaara began, "I just realized it's going to a lot harder to get Akira to talk to me." Gaara said visibly irritated.

"And you decided that the best solution to that problem was to yell at five o'clock in the morning?" Temari said her tone softening but still a bit angry.

"She blocked you out, didn't she?" Kankuro asked his eyes downcast. He hadn't been able to look his brother in the eye since he told him that it was he who told Akira the truth about the village.

Gaara was still upset with Kankuro, so he ignored his older brother's question. "No…I thought that yelling would make feel better but it didn't." He said directing his response to his sister.

Temari noted Gaara's dismissal of Kankuro. _Still mad, huh?_ she thought to herself. "Don't be mad at Kankuro because he did what you failed to do. You know she was going to find out sooner or later. Get over it," she said walking over to her disgruntled brother.

"She shut you out? How'd she do that?" Temari asked sitting down on the edge of the Gaara's bed.

"We still have our connection and it's stronger than ever. But she won't have it Temari. She won't have it. How am I suppose to talk to her if she's just going to shut me out?" Gaara said clearly frustrated.

"You keep trying until she listens," Kankuro said still standing in the doorway; his umbrella was at his side.

"Is that what you did," Gaara spit out.

"Stop it," Temari said slapping her redheaded brother across the head. "Listen to him."

"No. I would still be with Akira if it hadn't been for him," Gaara said giving Kankuro a resentful look.

"It's okay Temari. He's right…I shouldn't have said anything," Kankuro said quietly as he hung his head.

"No he is not," Temari said angrily. "He is a dummy who should have told her the truth. I would have done it if you hadn't."

"What?!" Both of her brothers asked surprised by Temari's confession.

"You heard me. Akira had the right to know and you refused to tell her. If Kankuro hadn't beat me to it, I would have told her. Gaara we are here for you, we are here to help you. But if you don't stop thinking about _what if_ then we are never going to get her to listen," Temari told Gaara.

Gaara folded his arms across his chest. _Maybe she's right_, he thought groaning. "Fine, give me a couple of days to get over Kankuro interfering in my life. But how are the two of you going to make Akira listen to me?"

"Oh don't you worry about that. I've got a plan," Temari smirked as she walked out of the room. "She'll talk to you, just leave that to me."

* * *

Akira closed her eyes for a second, as if that would make her forget the curious faces that were staring at her as she walked in the tea shop. _Ugh, maybe I should have met Naruto at home. What was I thinking_, she thought to herself as she sat down at a booth.

As soon as she sat down she could hear the whispering.

"…she had a nervous breakdown…"

"…it's too bad she's a great ninja…"

"…I wonder what cause her breakdown…"

"I heard it was a guy…"

"…who would have fallen for her…"

"…maybe everything she's done just got to be too much…"

Akira was ready to stand up and leave. _Fuck being normal. I'll just stay in my room for the rest of my life_, she thought as she was about to stand up. But all the whispers were drowned out as a certain annoying blonde entered the tea shop.

"RIA!!!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto said excitedly.

"Ugh," Akira groaned as soon as she heard him. _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this_, she said trying to convince herself. But she knew she was lying to herself. There was another audible groan as she realized who was right behind him, Ayame and Neji. Akira wasn't quite ready for their show of affection. She could handle Temari and Shikamaru's relationship because they were much more subtle. But she knew Ayame and she was anything but subtle. _I definitely should have stayed home,_ she thought miserably. But she remembered what Tsunade said and put a fake smile for her approaching audience.

"Do you know how worried we were?" Naruto asked as he sat next to her. Ayame and Neji sat across from here right in her line of vision. Both ninjas had worried looks on their faces.

"Didn't think you cared," Akira said sarcastically.

"What the hell is that—" Naruto started ranting.

But Neji cut him off. "She was just playing, Naruto."

Akira was pleasantly surprised that Neji still seem to know her better than her best friend who looked as if she was about to cry.

"I was," Akira seconded. She could tell the others had tons of questions. Some she was ready for…others not so much.

"Akira…" Ayame started off.

Akira took a deep breath. She was not ready for the personal questions. For the why, or what now or are you still in love with him questions. _No, no, no, no, no, no, I definitely can't handle that_, she thought to herself. She was about to tell them she really wasn't in the mood for talking when Ayame said something that surprised her.

"We missed you; your company, your sarcasm and even your annoying silence. We just wanted you to know that we missed you," Ayame finished with a small smile. Neji as squeezed her hand for encouragement.

That small gesture sent an ache throughout Akira's body; she didn't realized what it was until it was too late. Gaara…he used to hold her hand like that. Under tables, through deserted hallways, in their respective bedrooms. _Damn it, how am I suppose to act normal when everything reminds me of something that I can't have!_

Neji noticed Akira's warm brown eyes flash the pain she was so desperately trying to hide. The pain in those eyes was short-lived and she quickly got a hold of her emotions, no one even noticed except Neji. He carefully removed his hand out Ayame's grasp. He knew exactly what caused the ache in Akira's eyes. _She misses Gaara…more than she'll ever admit. More than she'll ever truly show. _

Ayame looked at Neji and then back at Akira. _He knows what's wrong with her_, she thought to herself. _He spent a couple months as her pretend boyfriend and he knows her better than me. Am I really that bad a friend?_ She felt like there was something wrong with her. Was there something about her that explained why Akira kept her at arm's length? _Why would you keep your best friend at arm's length?_

Akira looked at Naruto because she needed to look at someone other than Ayame. If there was one thing Akira was good at, it was reading people; she could see all the doubt in Ayame's face and Akira really couldn't handle it. So she looked at the face that always gave her relief...Naruto.

He was smiling at her. He knew that she wasn't back to normal but she could tell that didn't matter to him. But the best part of watching his face was that the fact he didn't have any of the questions in his eyes that Ayame and Neji's had. She felt the corners of her mouth curl into a genuine smile.

"What are you smiling at?" he said with a smirk on his face.

"Nothing," Akira said. "You're just a sight for sore eyes."

"Am I? Should have thought of that before and maybe your eyes wouldn't be so sore," Naruto said with a laugh.

"Ha…I guess you're right," Akira said sighing into her hands.

"I know you guys have a lot of questions," Akira said not really looking at anybody. "So I'm just going to lay some ground rules. PLEASE do not ask me if I'm ok. Don't ask me what's wrong. But most of all PLEASE DO NOT ask me if I miss _him_."

Akira saw Ayame's face. She looked as if she was in mid-sentence, trying to think of how to phrase what she wanted to say. Akira beat her to it. "Yes I still love him Ayame. That is exactly why I don't want to talk about him. I would rather not address the issue. But you look like you still have question, so this your once in a lifetime opportunity. Shoot…ask me what you want," Akira said watching Ayame.

Ayame's face flushed a light red. She was ashamed she was so readable. But it was rare for Akira to give a free-shot question. So she took the opportunity to ask what had been bothering her since she found out about Gaara and Akira.

"Why didn't you tell me anything? Why did you keep all of it to yourself? Why aren't you with him if you love him?" Ayame asked weaving her fingers back into Neji's hand.

She saw Akira nose crinkle in what Ayame thought was annoyance but realized it was actually a twinge for something she didn't have; something she had lost, Ayame instantly regretted taking Neji's hand.

Akira felt herself smile and was surprised that she had the strength deal with that question. "What do I do best?" she asked her best friend.

Ayame tilted her head and closed her eyes realizing exactly what Akira was getting at. "Protecting people," she said quietly. _I can't believe I didn't see it before,_ she thought to herself.

"Yep…I was protecting you…from having to deal with my problems. I should have been protecting myself," she said quietly. "As for why I'm not with him…I'm not ready to talk about it…"

"Sorry…"

"Can we talk about something else?" Akira asked to no one in particular.

"I got my ass kicked by one of Neji's genin," Naruto said offhandedly.

_That's why I love you_, Akira thought as she suppressed a laugh. "Let me guess…Kai?"

"Hey! How did you know?" he asked genuinely surprised.

"Because that boy is a pain in the ass," Neji said begrudgingly. "Akira has firsthand experience with that brat."

"Ha…he not a brat; he needs guidance and you refuse to give to him," Akira said shooting Neji stern look. "He reminds you of Naruto which is why he annoys you."

"HEY!" Naruto yelped.

"Sorry N…it's true," Akira responded. "No offense."

As their conversation continued, Neji and Naruto kept bickering at each other. Every now and then Neji would wrap his arms around Ayame or Ayame would carefully play with Neji's hair and every time Akira noticed she felt her more hollow than before. They tried to keep it at a minimum but Akira caught every touch and every time she did she felt that hole in her heart get bigger. It got so bad she did something she knew she would regret later on in the day.

The conversation had gotten to the point that all they needed to hear was Akira go "uh huh" or nod. So she put her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. She nodded every so often and let herself get lost in her own mind. She knew that they weren't going to notice…Naruto, Ayame and Neji never knew when she drifted off in her own mind. She smiled as she let herself remember Gaara, so that she wouldn't have to see Neji and Ayame restrained affections.

_Ayame had just left Akira's room. They had been talking about what they were going to do that weekend. Akira had been happy to see her friend go because all she really wanted was sometime to herself. Later she was going to go Ayame's house which meant no Gaara time. _

_Akira laid on her bed and closed her eyes. She frowned at the thought of no time with Gaara…they always managed to spend a couple of hours together every day. But he had been in the Sand Village training with Kankuro and Temari, so she hadn't seen him in four days. He was coming home late tonight and she desperately want to go to him but she had promised Ayame she would spend the night and help her with her ninjutsu; which meant she wasn't going to be able to spend the night at Gaara's. She sighed, her frown deepening. _

"_This sucks," she said out loud. _

"_What does?" she heard a deep voice ask. She recognized it instantly. _

_Her eyes flew open. Gaara's brooding self was standing at the frame of her bedroom door. "What the hell are you doing here?!" she exclaimed. "And how did you get past Ayame she was literally JUST here."_

_A smile formed on his handsome face. "I can leave if you want," he said simply. _

"_Bullshit," she said returning a dazzling smile. _

"_Yeah…bullshit," he said remembering the game they played when one of them knew the other was lying. _

_He walked over to her. She took him in, the last time she had seen him was four days ago, and as always he was still as gorgeous as ever. Their two year anniversary was in a couple of weeks but she still felt like they were just starting to date each other. It probably had to do with the fact that nobody had ever seen them together in public but Akira didn't like to think about that. _

_He was wearing a black cotton shirt without the mesh underneath and dark navy blue pants. The dark colors contrasted with his perpetually pale skin. She could see his muscles move against his shirt. He took her breath away every time she saw him. _

"_You still haven't told me 'what sucks'," he said finally reaching her. He stretched his hand out and touched her cheek. _

_Akira smiled and leaned her cheek into his soft touch. "Not seeing you today. You're suppose to be in training with your brother and sister."_

"_I am."_

"_But you're here."_

"_Let's just say Temari owes me and I cashed in," he said sitting next to her. He took her hand and weaved his fingers thru hers. His touch was making her dizzy._

"_I missed you," Akira said not looking at him. She didn't want him to see how much she really needed him. _Its pitiful_. _

"_I missed you too," he said lightly kissing each one of her fingertips. He knew she was trying to hide how strongly she missed him. "Do you know why I came home early?"_

"_Home? Suna is your home," she said suddenly looking at him. Her eyes told him she was confused. _

_He smiled at her. "You are my home."_

"_Bullshit," she said before she could stop herself. She saw the hurt in his eyes but he quickly looked away. _

"_You think?" he asked, getting up and walking toward the only window in Akira's room. _

"_Hisui…that's not what I meant," Akira answered softly. The physical space he had created was agonizing._

"_I know," Gaara began, "but I'm not bullshitting you Ai. I thought I could go a week without you. I was wrong," he sighed, walking back to her. _

_Akira stood up and closed the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around his waist and put her ear against his chest. She could hear his steady heartbeat. "I'm sorry."_

"_We're in this too deep, aren't we?" Gaara asked quietly as he ran his fingers thru her scarlet hair. _

"_By the end of day two I was ready to come back to see you. I had to call in a favor from Temari because I knew I wasn't going to see you tonight. If I couldn't come back early I would have probably sneaked into Ayame's house to see you," he confessed softly. _

_Akira's head snapped up. "That would have definitely gotten us caught." There was a small smile on her face. _

"_I know but at this point I really don't care," her jade eyed beau said calmly. "If we can't go without seeing each for a couple of days than it's about time everyone finds out about us. Screw the consequences."_

"_I know," Akira confessed. "But you're going to have to give me some time to ease Hiro into the idea of being in a relationship before I tell him that I'm with the one person he told me to stay away from." _

"_Time…we have all the time in the world as long as we spend it with each other," Gaara said placing his hands behind her ears. He gently pulled her face close to his. "You are you're the only person I've ever loved this much."_

_His breath tickled her cheeks. He was close enough to kiss. Akira knew that she shouldn't be ashamed of how much she needed him because she could tell he needed her just as much. She looked in pale green eyes and sighed. _

"_I feel the same way," she whispered. "So what do we do now?"_

"_We figure out how to out ourselves without your brother freaking out," he said smiling._

_Gaara gently kissed it one of Akira's cheeks and then moved to her lips. Their lip barely touched but she could still feel his hunger for more. _

"_You really do miss me," Akira thought loud._

_She felt his lips form a smile. "You doubted it?" he questioned._

"_No," she said playfully. She pulled away and walked toward her window. She heard him grumble about the physical distance she created between them. _

"_What are you doing?" he asked as he reached her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. _

"_Nothing," she said her back falling into place with his chest. "Just seeing how short your temper is today."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yep," she said teasingly._

"_So?" _

_Akira could hear the chuckle in his voice. She smiled. "It's short…you grumbled…you usually never grumble around me."_

"_Is that so," he asked whirling her around so she could look into his beautiful jade eyes. "Do you know why that is?" he asked walking backwards, never once breaking eye contact. _

"_Yep…you miss me. I keep you sane," she said as serious as she could manage. But a smirk still crept on her lips. "You're going to trip," she told him as he was walking backwards over the rug. _

"_No I am not," he said and as soon as the words left his mouth he did trip. But before Akira could laugh she felt herself falling with him. She was waiting for the both of them to thud onto the floor but realized Gaara's sand had caught the both on them. _

"_Ha…you're protected even when you trip," she said as wove her fingers thru his scarlet locks. _

"_So are you. I am grumpy because I miss you. I was getting on Temari's nerves. Even Kankuro asked what the fuck was wrong with me," he said still cradling Akira in his arms. _

"_You just need some love," she said mischievously as she slid her hand under his shirt. She felt him shiver as her hand moved across his perfectly toned chest._

"_Yes I do. If only until you have to leave to go to Ayame's," he said with a little resentment in his voice. His hand slid under her shirt and she felt his long fingers go up her back. _

"_Oh I don't _have_ to go to Ayame's," she said as her lips kissed the hollow spot right below his Adam's apple. She heard him moan. _

"_I could just stay here…with you," she said, her lips still on his sweet spot. _

_The vibrations her voice was making were driving him crazy. "Don't tempt me," he whispered huskily as he pulled her even closer to his body. _

_He took her shirt off and laid thousands of gentle kisses on her naked shoulders. Akira didn't know where one kiss began and the other one ended. _

"Now you of all people know damn well you shouldn't be doing what you're doing," whispered a voice in her ear. It abruptly disrupted her memory. She turned to look at the face whose voice she had already recognized.

"Nara…what the hell," Ayame whispered back. She had been so wrapped up in the memory she hadn't even realized Shikamaru's arrival much less if he was participating in the conversation she had been a "part of".

"I've know you for a long time. And while they—" Shikamaru's eyes turned to Naruto, Ayame, and Neji "—might not recognized when you're remembering something about Gaara, I can. I can spot it from a mile away. So STOP. It's not good for you and it's not good for him cuz I'm pretty sure he's probably reliving that same memory. And by the look on your face and the level of distraction it was a VERY good memory." He said all this in an intense whisper, so the rest of the group wouldn't hear anything he had just said.

Akira couldn't help but smile at Shikamaru's very truthful insight. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"No the right question is what are YOU doing Akira?" he retorted still whispering.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"You asked them—" again he looked at Naruto, Ayame and Neji "—not to ask you anything about Gaara and yet you sit here and submerge yourself in thinking about him? Doesn't make much sense to me," he said with false disinterest.

Good thing Naruto, Ayame and Neji were so engrossed in their own conversation to even register the side conversation that had started between Shikamaru and Akira.

"Just because I asked them…" Akira started off. She was going to lie to Shikamaru and tell him that she wasn't thinking about Gaara but thought better of it. This was Shikamaru, she could tell him just about anything. She closed her eyes and let a wave of emotions pass thru her.

"I miss him. When you spend time with a person for two years, you miss them when they aren't around. I miss him almost as much as I miss my mom," she said in a low voice.

Shikamaru turned to look at Akira. He looked at her as if he was trying to solve a difficult math equation. "Then why don't you just tell them that?" he said, his eyes moving toward Naruto, Neji and Ayame.

Akira sighed, he had a point. Why didn't she just tell them? She looked at Shikamaru and knew exactly why she couldn't tell them. He had a worried look on his face, which was rare for the lazy ninja. She knew he was trying to hide it because his face told her he didn't care but his dark eyes said he was very _worried_ about her. If Shikamaru couldn't hide the worry from his expression then Akira didn't even want to think about Ayame's face. She was going to tell him just that but opted for a more diplomatic way of saying what she was thinking.

"Because my goal is NOT to get them to worry about me. My goal is to get them to think I'm okay…so I can leave. Plus you've seen me at my worse so I'm pretty sure I can tell you about anything," she whispered with a sad smile.

He shook his head. "But Ayame is your best friend. This is something she should know."

"No, Shikamaru. I am HER best friend. MY best friend…the closest thing I have to a best friend is…you," she said not looking at him. She had always considered Ayame her best friend but recent events had made her rethink that label. Out of the corner her eye she saw as Shikamaru closed his eyes.

"Akira…"

"Before you say anything, just listen to me," she said in a fast paced whisper. "You know me better than anyone else. You even know me better than Gaara does. You know exactly when I need to talk and when all I need is silence. And you know exactly what to say when I'm not listening to anybody. You know me Shikamaru…bad, good and everything in between. You know me the way a best friend is suppose to know me."

There was a slight smile at the corner of his lips. "That's because I was in love with you for like 4 years."

Akira was a little shocked by the confession. But not the way she should have. She knew his affections were more than just friendship which is why she had been crushing on him, that was until she met Gaara. He stole her heart and she didn't even know who he was.

"That's why I know you so well. And then I met Temari and I don't know when I stopped feeling that way about you and starting feeling that way about Temari," Shikamaru said looking at her reaction.

"If we hadn't met those Sand siblings we would have made a great couple, wouldn't have we?" she said thinking about how uncomplicated life would have been without ever having met Gaara.

"That maybe true but then you never would have experienced the kind of love that knocks your knees right under you."

"That maybe true but I could do without it at the moment," Akira shot back using the same words Shikamaru used on her.

Shikamaru sighed laid his hand on top of hers and said, "You belong with him."

"He made his choice," Akira said automatically.

"You made it for him," Shikamaru said squeezing her hand.

Akira looked at him shocked at his choice of words. "No I didn't. He chose not to fight for me."

"No Akira. He would have fought for you; he was willing to fight with you. And then you broke it off for no apparent reason. Do you know what that said to him? That you didn't want him to fight and he'd do anything to make you happy," Shikamaru said, his voice a little harder than before. He wanted Akira to understand Gaara's actions.

"Where's the Gaara that didn't give a shit about what the village thought of him," Akira asked harshly.

"You turned him into a man who wanted respect from his village, not fear," Shikamaru answered, his voice calm again.

"I did, didn't I?"

Shikamaru nodded. He knew Akira understood what he had been trying to say along. He wanted her to tell Gaara to fight for her.

"But I'm not going to ask him to fight for me," Akira said rather stubbornly.

Shikamaru grumbled underneath his breath. Akira managed to catch a couple of words: why, troublesome, girls, complicate, life. She couldn't help but smile…she was annoying him. It was good to know that she was back to normal with at least one person.

"Why?" he asked his voice slightly irritated.

"Because we tried it once and it didn't work out," she said making an excuse.

Shikamaru didn't buy it. "That's a shit ass excuse. The real reason…why?" he asked again.

"FINE! Jesus fucking Christ!! I will tell you but you can't tell anyone, that includes Temari! Understand?" She saw him nod.

She took a deep breath and prepared to pour everything out. "I can only handle using him once Shikamaru. I've known him since I was 13 and now I'm almost 20 and I feel like I'm 45 and divorced. For TWO YEARS my life revolved around him. For TWO YEARS he made me feel like I wasn't this freak bitch who killed her father. I was someone he loved, someone important to him. And for the first time since my mom's death I felt like I belonged. I belonged with him. But I was wrong…" She felt tears threatening to spill out the corner of her eyes. She took another deep breath. "I can't handle being hated and feared anymore, you of all people should know that. The only families that accepted me were yours and Choji's. And to the rest of this village I was this little murderous girl. It took forever to change their opinion."

"So even though I keep saying the reason I broke it off is because I refuse to be the reason he doesn't become Kazekage. That's really just an excuse. The real reason is…he should have told me. I shouldn't have heard it from Kankuro. Gaara should have said something. GOD DAMN IT Shikamaru, I was with him for 2 years and he never said a word. I had to hear it from _his brother_." Her voice was dangerously close to rising to the point of being heard by their distracted companions.

"We weren't suppose to keep secrets from each other. He should have told me and he didn't. And if he had…if he had just said something, then things would be different. I would have fought with him; I would have fought by him. I put my heart and soul into that relationship and then _I _had to rip it away. Do you want to know what my prize was? A BIG GAPING THROBBING HOLE where my heart used to be and while the pain may dull on occasion, it never really goes away. So please don't ask me to pour my already damaged heart into a relationship that will probably end up broken again. Don't you get it?" Akira's voice had returned to whispering level when she finished.

"I do but I won't accept it," Shikamaru said calmly. "I just realized something as you were talking...you love him but the real reason why you won't try again is because you don't feel like you're worth it. But I don't blame you because he hasn't done anything to show you that you are worth it. Because TRUST me you are worth it." She could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Oh god! There's no winning with you is there?" she asked laying her head on his shoulder. "Can we just agree to disagree?"

"Sure but that just means we're at a draw," he said, his voice had a hint of humor in it.

"We are always at a draw," Akira said remembering that when it came to Shikamaru she never won an argument.

When Akira had laid her head on Shikamaru's shoulder the other three ninjas suddenly looked at Shikamaru and Akira.

"What's a draw?" Neji asked squinting his pale eyes.

"Nothing," both Akira and Shikamaru said at the same time.

"Yeah right, what were the two of you talking about," Naruto asked a little loudly.

_Uh oh,_ Shikamaru thought. Thank god Akira was very quick on her feet.

"Well if you must know Naruto we were talking about what to get Temari for her birthday. I told him to take her out of town but he says it's too troublesome and he would rather buy her a gift. So I called him a hard headed and he called me stubborn and now we are at a draw," Akira lied skillfully.

"The both of you are stubborn," Neji said.

"I guess we are," Shikamaru said with a small smile.

All of a sudden everyone started talking about what Temari was doing for her birthday and what they were getting her for her birthday.

When everyone was distracted Shikamaru leaned over and whispered "Nice save," onto Akira's ear.

She smiled. "I know." She noticed that she was genuinely smiling whenever Shikamaru was around. _Maybe I should hang around him this week and everyone will believe I'm back to normal_, she thought to herself. She thought this morning was going to be horrible but it was going better than she thought. (Oh boy was she wrong.)

_I guess friends do help_, she thought sighing.

"Well I'm going to go. I have to go and talk to Iruka," Akira said motioning for Shikamaru to slide out of the booth.

"No!" Both Naruto and Shikamaru said at the same time. In an instant both nins had guilt written all over their faces.

"What do you mean no," Akira asked glaring at the both of them.

"We mean…uh…that we haven't seen you in two weeks and…uh…we can go with you to see Iruka-sensai later," Naruto said nervously.

"What the hell are you two up too," she asked suspiciously. She knew they were up to something.

"Nothing," both of them said in chorus.

"Bullshit," she started off. "I know you two are up to something…so I'm leaving before—"

But Akira never got to finish her sentence because she knew exactly what Shikamaru and Naruto were up to. She looked up and her voice failed her because she as saw Temari walk into the tea shop with her red headed brother.

Akira took one look at Gaara and shook her head. She leaned in and said, "Shikamaru Nara I'm going to kill you."

Shikamaru had no doubt that knew she would keep her word. _Maybe this was a bad idea_, he thought with a gulp.

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!! So my goal is to have the next chapter out in two weeks. I'm happy with where the story is going…if you wanna to see more of something please don't hesitate to ask!! **


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! lol

**A/N: Hello my loyal readers!!!!!! I got this chapter out sooner than I thought mainly because I've been off of work. But sadly I go back next week!! But I promise I will keep writing. As promised here is the next chapter!! ENJOY! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 10

Shikamaru Nara knew he was in trouble. For the second time this week he knew that he was in danger of physical pain. He could feel Akira's anger, she had her hand on his leg and her nails where digging through his pants. He was pretty sure she was going to make him bleed. But as he looked at her he realized she wasn't holding on to him in fury; she was holding onto him in concentration. What she was concentrating on he had no clue, but he could tell it wasn't on not looking at Gaara because the two of them had not broken eye contact since he had walked into the tea shop.

All of a suddenly her grip relaxed and she looked a little smug with herself. For the first time since Gaara walked in she looked at Shikamaru and he could see the anger and betrayal in her eyes.

"I am totally going to kill you, but no now because it would be messy and I'm pretty sure it will upset Temari. Although I'm pretty sure she put you up to this," she said, her voice was tense.

"What were you just doing?" Shikamaru asked.

"I was blocking him out. I haven't been able to do it without my chakra wall but I just did it right now. And starting right now I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU," her voice went up when she said those last words.

She looked at Naruto and he squirmed under her gaze. "And don't think you're going to get out of this Uzumaki," she finished off angrily.

"Assholes," she muttered under her breath.

Ayame looked at her best friend and knew she was upset, she wasn't showing everyone how mad she was because over the last two weeks she had somehow managed to control her output of emotions. Ayame could tell all Akira wanted to do was leave. But why wasn't she?

"Want us to go with you to see Iruka?" Ayame offered.

"I can't leave now," Akira said resentfully. "If I leave now then everyone will assume it's because Gaara walked in and I refuse to give into that assumption." She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Akira, you can't seriously stop talking to us," Naruto whined.

Silence….she didn't even register that she had heard him. She was completely ignoring him.

"Akira…" Naruto said again.

Again nothing.

Neji couldn't help but laugh. When you pissed of Akira there was no way out of that one. He could tell Akira was serious, which is why Shikamaru had more sense than to push is luck with the angry redhead.

"What's so funny," she asked tersely.

"You didn't even see it coming," he chuckled out.

Akira looked at Neji and realized she had no clue. He was right she never even saw it coming. She was so far off her game it wasn't even funny. A couple of months ago she could have seen the scheme five miles away. _And now I'm stuck in this damn tea shop,_ she thought bitterly.

"I'm off my game," she commented. She saw Neji nod.

She could feel Gaara's eyes boring into her but she refused to look. She could feel Gaara trying to get into her mind, if she thought about too much she was going to let him in. His voice was always comforting when she heard in her mind. To take her mind off of Gaara she looked at Ayame and saw that her friend was looking at her in a way she hadn't in a very longtime.

"What are you up too?" Akira asked.

"Akira please stop ignoring us," Naruto whimpered.

Again nothing.

Shikamaru finally spoke up. "In this situation I find it best to keep our mouths shut Naruto. She's not happy and you really don't want backlash…so just keep it shut," he said in an off-handish tone.

Before Ayame could answer Akira whipped her head in the direction of the characteristically lazy nin.

"BACKLASH?! You have no idea what backlash is!! What the hell were you thinking when you agreed to this," she said waving her hands. "Are you fucking crazy?! You wanna know what backlash is? Talk to Temari after I tell her about a certain incident from 3 years ago! Does she know Shikamaru…does she?"

"You wouldn't," he said anxiously. He knew exactly was she Akira was talking about and he hadn't told Temari about it and never planned to. It was so embarrassing it wasn't even funny.

"I would," she said glowering at him.

"Akira…"

"I could literally kill you right now. You came to my door for two weeks, _two weeks_. You knew how I felt. You KNOW how I feel right now and you still agreed to whatever bullshit your girlfriend is cooking up! I'm going to tell her but not now because I want to enjoy her reaction and right now I'm too pissed to do that," Akira said retraining the volume of her voice.

Shikamaru knew it was best to keep his mouth shut. He knew she was not joking and gauging the betrayal in her eyes she would most likely keep her word. He didn't want to be around when she did. He started to slide out of the booth when she grabbed his arm.

"Oww owww," he complained as her fingers squeezed his arms.

"I said I wasn't talking to you. I did not say you could leave the table," the fierce redhead said quietly. "You stay until I leave…got it?"

Shikamaru nodded and threw Temari a pleading look but she wasn't looking in their direction. It was all part of the "plan". Shikamaru thought about it and realized the plan may have needed some work. He was suppose to stall Akira long enough for Temari and Gaara to get to the tea shop and after that they were suppose to wing it. _Okay…the plan needed a lot of work!_ He knew it was a bad idea from the beginning but he agreed because Temari begged him too. He never expected Akira to have the reaction she did. He was off his game too.

Ayame did not want to be in Shikamaru's shoes at the moment. _Man that nin is in trouble_, she thought slightly amused. But she knew what would cheer Akira up; at least she wondered if it still worked.

"I was just thinking about The Bet," Ayame smiled.

Akira looked at her blue eyed friend and felt a grin form. "Not bad Hitsu, not bad at all."

The Bet was the name of the ongoing dare they had going since they were kids. Whenever one of them were feeling off they mentioned The Bet and they would feel better instantly because it meant they were going to have some fun. When they were little they would dare each other to annoy the sensais but as they got older the dares became more elaborate. One time Ayame had dared Akira to steal a pair of Kakashi's underwear. Akira won but not without difficulties, she remembered when Shikamaru bailed her out of the very tight situation (but that didn't mean she was anywhere near to forgiving him at the moment). She was up for a difficult task.

She looked at Ayame and chuckled. "Bring it on…I could use the distraction."

Ayame looked at her best friend and smiled. She had Akira's full attention and there was never a dare Akira didn't take. Ayame folded her arms on the table. "I dare you to kiss every single guy in this tea shop," she said quietly and slowly.

"What!" Everyone at the table exclaimed.

"Now Gaara can be excluded out of the dare because of the history but then if you kiss every guy, people are going to wonder why not the Sand Village's pride and joy. You can leave him for last if you like or you can reject the dare and accept the consequences," Ayame said smiling. She looked around the table a saw everyone's face full of shock and a little fearful of Akira's reaction. But they didn't understand what The Bet meant to the two mismatched friends.

And to everyone's surprise Akira gave Ayame a big smile and said, "You're on! But you do realized there are 17 guys in this establishment, seven of which I know personally," Akira said with a snicker. She was surprised to see she was actually feeling better. Hanging around Ayame wasn't such a bad idea.

"Scared?" Ayame countered.

"Nope but if I do this I start with your boyfriend," Ayame said smiling.

Neji didn't know what the hell was going on but he had never seen this side of Akira or Ayame, it was like they were in their own little world. He kind of liked it. He was now beginning to understand why they were such good friends. They understood each other on a level no one had ever seen before. Part of him wanted Akira to stop but the other part of him wanted to see how far she would take it.

He looked at Ayame and watched as she stared back at her friend. "Deal," he heard her say. He couldn't believe she agreed to it. _OH MY GOD! What are they doing?_ he thought frantically.

Shikamaru stared at the two nins and was amazed that Ayame had gotten Akira to agree to that outrageous dare. Even more he was amazed at how quickly Akira's mood had lightened at the mere mention of The Bet. He had only heard stories of what they dared each other to do but he had never seen The Bet in action. He'd seen the aftermath of The Bet, in fact he bailed Akira out once when she was caught in a comprising situation. But actually seeing it in motion was quite amazing.

Akira stood up in her seat climbed onto the table and cleared her voice. Everyone's eyes turned to the beautiful redhead that was standing on the table. She could hear people in the tea shop starting to whisper. Before she lost her nerve she said, "Now I've got this bet…my friend here doesn't think I can kiss her boyfriend and not have it mean a thing. A kiss is a kiss right? Just a physical connection, no emotions, no strings attached. I am I right?" she asked looking at all the males in the shop except one.

"But my friend here seems to think a kiss means much more than a physical connection. She thinks it means it means you become a part of the person. That's just complete bullshit. I am I right?" Akira heard some of the guys in the tea shop mummur in agreement.

Akira also heard Ayame mutter "cheater" underneath her breath.

_You never set the rules_, she thought with a smile. "So I'm going to ask for the help from all the males in this fine establishment…wanna help me prove her wrong?"

"Hell yea." She heard a couple of guys mutter.

She could feel Gaara's eyes burning into her but she refused to see his reaction. She didn't want to think about him. She just wanted to have some fun. As she reached down for Neji's hand she saw another male walk into the tea shop…Lee. _Just great…18 males_, she thought as Neji refused to stand up.

"Ayame I could use your help here," Akira said under her breath.

"You have to…I dared her and I'll be damned if I have pay her back because you refused to kiss her. Go," Ayame said urging Neji. He reluctantly stood up.

"You act like I'm going to kill you," Akira laughed. "You can close your eyes if you like," she suggested.

"Hell no," Neji said. "The both of you are crazy. What have you done with the real Akira?" Neji said grumbling as he climbed on the unstable table.

"She's here sweetheart. She's trying to have some fun," Akira said smiling.

"What about Gaa—" Neji started off but didn't finish because Akira's lips fell over his.

They were soft…the kiss didn't feel like anything he had experienced with Ayame. Even though Ayame's kisses took his breath away Akira's was sweeter, softer…a different experience. And before he could stop the thought he wanted more; more of her soft touch, more of her sweet lips and more of her.

Akira felt absolutely nothing. She wanted to say it was like kissing her brother but she would NEVER kiss her brother. It felt like when you give your best friend a kiss while the both of you are drunk as shit and neither of you are aware of what you are doing. But she was aware of what she was doing and she was very aware of aware of Neji wanting more…she could feel it in his kiss.

Gaara had always told her she was an exceptionally _skillful_ kisser but she always thought he was exaggerating but now she was reconsidering it. It was the only explanation for why she could feel Neji's lips ask for more. So before he did something he's regret later she broke the kiss.

She turned around to look at the crowd that had formed. She saw everyone's face was "ohh" in complete shock. "See...nothing," she said smirking.

"Absolutely nothing," she said stepping down from the table. Neji was still standing on the table.

"One," she whispered to Ayame.

Akira turned and walked over to Naruto. He looked at her, his blue eyes were wide in complete amazement. _Might as well get the one's I know over_, she thought as she took his face in her hands.

"You up for it Naruto," she whispered. But she didn't wait for an answer. Her lips lightly touched Naruto's.

Absolutely nothing…nothing made her skin crawl; nothing took her breath away…nothing. And she could feel Naruto could feel nothing too. He sighed into the kiss. Both nins broke the kiss at the same time.

He grinned, "I thought you weren't talking to me."

"We don't have to talk to kiss," Akira countered. She really was feeling better. Back to her old self. The Akira before Gaara.

"Well I'll give you one thing," Naruto whispered, "you're one damn good kisser."

"Ha, thanks. Now if you don't mind," she said motioning for him to move over so she could get to Shikamaru.

She always wondered what it would be like to kiss Shikamaru but they had never allowed themselves to get involved, even before they met the Sand siblings. She looked at him and saw him shaking his head.

"No it's okay…I opt out," Shikamaru said shaking his head.

"Are you scared?" Akira taunted. "Scared your girl's gonna get mad?"

She sat next to him. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "You owe me Nara, you owe me BIG time."

She heard two chairs scraping the floor and was pretty sure Temari and Gaara had gotten out of their chairs. She was sure they hadn't left because she could still feel Gaara's eyes on her like a hawk. She could also feel his fury…it was coming off of him in waves, tidal waves. She knew he wanted to know what she was doing.

"You owe me," she said again.

"Fine but if I get my ass kicked then I'm staying at your house for protection," he grumbled.

"Come on, aren't you just a little curious what it's like?" Akira said teasing him.

He was, he always had been, but it didn't mean he had to give into his curiosity. _Damn it Temari is going to kill me_, he thought miserably. But he did owe Akira and he hoped this would make up for his participation in Temari's plan.

"I owe you," he said quietly. He knew Akira was going to be a pain in the ass and he prepared himself for the worst

But it never came. Instead he felt the softest lips he had ever tasted. It was weird; it was nothing like when he kissed Temari. It was different, not bad…just different and as hard as it was to admit it felt good. She tasted like strawberries and against his better judgment he wanted more. He was fighting the urge to pull Akira closer. He keep thinking if this is what it would have felt like if he had given in to the urge to kiss her years ago.

Akira thought she would feel nothing. She thought it would be like it was with Neji and Naruto but it wasn't. For the first time ever, another guy had caused some emotion in the pit of her stomach. His lips weren't as soft as Gaara's but they were just as skillful. She could feel his tongue asking her lips for entrance and against her better judgment she let him in. She thought it would feel like an intrusion but it didn't. It felt wonderful; she felt a golden warmth spread from the pit of stomach to the tips of her fingers. She was enjoying herself and she knew she shouldn't.

Her lips were tingling and she wanted more. She wanted to run her hands thru his hair but fought the urge, not because she knew it would be wrong; she fought it because they were in the middle of the tea shop and there were witnesses present. She broke the kiss before the rest of the shop became suspicious.

"Damn," Shikamaru whispered not able to look Akira in the eye. He was afraid she would see the desire for more.

"Damn Nara, if I knew it would be that good I would have done it a long time ago," Akira said so that only Shikamaru could hear her.

_What the hell had gotten into Akira_? Shikamaru thought to himself and then he realized something. He remembered _THIS_ Akira…the fun, never took shit from anyone, never let herself get attached to anyone Akira. The Akira before Gaara, the very crazy Akira he had fallen in love with.

He watched as she turned around to some very random stranger and said, "I don't kiss strangers, your name sir?" she asked.

He looked bewildered but offered his name. "Mao."

She took his face and planted her lips on his. Nothing. Broke it pretty quickly.

Picked another guy, asked for his name and still nothing except him trying to slip his tongue in her mouth. She broke the kiss pretty fast after that.

_Take that Ayame_, she thought as she kissed the 7th guy. After the 10th guy nothing felt like it did when she kissed Shikamaru. She couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. It was sweet and demanding but he never took more then what she gave him. She could now feel two pairs of eyes wondering what the hell she was doing. She could hear Ayame soft giggle. As she blocked everything out, she wondered if she would let herself kiss Gaara.

* * *

Gaara was beyond mad. He was infuriated; he was so upset he could feel white hot anger flowing out of him. _What the fuck was Akira doing?_

"What the hell is she doing," Gaara asked through clenched teeth.

"I have no fucking idea," Temari said not knowing whether to be mad that Akira had kissed Shikamaru or amused that she was smooching total strangers.

"You really should take a breath and calm down Gaara," Temari said sensing the anger coming off her brother.

"We came to get her to listen to me. Not to see her kiss a bunch of fucking strangers," he said barely above a whisper. "And how come your not over there yelling at her? She KISSED Shikamaru!"

"I'm curious," Temari started off.

"About what," her brother asked still furious.

"Well if she kisses every guy in this shop then that means she's gotta come over here because if she doesn't then people are going to wonder. And if I know Akira she doesn't want people to wonder. Now if she's going to kiss you…I really don't know. I think she will because she doesn't want people to talk. And if she kisses you then you got your way in," Temari finished off smiling.

"What makes you think I'd want to kiss her after all this," Gaara retorted. He was annoyed his sister wasn't as angry as he was. "Why aren't you pissed?"

"Because my amusement is winning over my anger and I really want to know why she's doing what she's doing. Of course you're going to want to kiss her. You're mad because you're jealous. Gaara open your eyes, _this is_ the Akira you met. She was responsible in every aspect but her social life, she loved to have fun and she enjoyed every minute of being reckless. And then she fell in love with you and reckless wasn't something she wanted…all she wanted was you. Maybe…she just wants to be reckless again. It doesn't matter because once you kiss her you'll know why she's doing what she's doing," Temari said still smiling. Her eyes never leaving Akira; _that must have been her 13__th__ guy_, she thought to herself.

"I don't know if that's going to work," Gaara grumbled. "She's got me completely blocked off and it got stronger once she kissed Shikamaru."

Temari's head snapped over to her brother. "What does that mean?"

"I mean as soon as we walked in she blocked me from entering her thoughts but she could do that before so that's not surprising. BUT I've always been able to feel what she's feeling. As soon as she kissed Shikamaru it was gone. I've got nothing Temari she's a blank fucking slate! So I don't even know how she's feeling right now," he complained.

"She's never been able to block you out that way?" Temari asked wondering what the hell was going on. She saw her brother shake his head. "Then you have to kiss her."

Gaara closed his eyes as Akira reached Rock Lee. He couldn't watch her kiss him because he knew that she crushed on him in the past and he knew that the stupid green suited ninja was still in love with Akira.

* * *

Lee didn't know what was going on. He watched in complete shock as Akira kissed every possible guy in the tea shop. He realized as she walked toward him that there were only two guys left in the shop she hadn't put her lips on, himself and Gaara. _Shit_, he thought as he back away towards the door.

"Now, where are you going Rock Lee," Akira asked deliberately bringing everyone's attention to the both of them.

"Nowhere," he blurted out.

"Really? Cuz it looked like you were trying to slip out," Akira said quietly as she reached him.

She crossed her arms across her chest and said, "I'll give you a choice…you can walk out the door or you can let me kiss you. Your choice."

She was smiling because she knew exactly which one he _wanted_ to pick. But she was curious to see which one he would _actually_ pick. She could tell he was trying to figure out what she was doing but she didn't even know why she agreed to this insane bet. All she knew is that she felt better than she had in the morning and that was worth everyone thinking she was crazy.

He stepped forward and said, "I'll step up to the challenge!"

"Good. Now that's the Lee I like," she said stepping closer and gently placing her lips on his.

Lee felt her silky lips and knew he had gone the right way. He could taste her lips and even though they had been on every male in the tea shop they still taste like her…like strawberries. He never asked for more than what she was offering and to his surprise it was her tongue that slid across his bottom lip asking for permission to enter.

For the second time that day Akira felt her lips tingle. It wasn't like Shikamaru's kiss, which was full of unbridled passion and left her wanting more. As soon as her lips touched Lee's, everything felt right. The kiss felt right, it didn't feel like it something she was doing to make herself feel better. Lee felt…right. She found herself wanting more from the simple kiss he was offering her. She licked his bottom lip and he cracked open his lips. She took the opportunity to slip her tongue in to see how it felt.

She felt his hand touch the small of her back and slowly bring her body closer to his, as if asking for permission. She smiled in encouragement and felt her hands wrap themselves around the back of Lee's neck. She gave herself into the kiss. It felt like the natural thing to do. The kiss didn't take her breath away but it did feel good. It wasn't forgettable. It was something she felt herself wanting more of…Lee's soft touch.

It was Lee who broke off the kiss. As soon as his lips left hers she felted like she had lost something. "I think everyone will get jealous if I get more lip time with you than anyone else," he told her softly in her ear.

All Akira could do was nod. _If this isn't the weirdest day ever_, she thought as she tried to compose herself. "Why don't you have a girl if you can kiss like that?" Akira asked the bushy browed nin in front of her.

"Because I've only been interested in one person and she hasn't been available," he answered softly.

"That's one lucky girl," Akira said softly as she turned her back on Lee.

She was going to walk towards the only guy left when she turned around to face Lee and said, "If she's not interested you could always knock on my door."

As soon as the words left her mouth she heard Gaara growl, quietly but still audibly. She heard Shikamaru mutter "crazy" and took a look at Ayame's face and saw the biggest grin on her friend's face she had ever seen.

She turned and slowly walked toward Gaara. She heard the rest of the shop whispering and caught only a few words as she made her way over to her forbidden redhead.

She knew what they were whispering about. NO GIRL had ever gotten into the Sand nin's good graces. Apparently no girl was good enough for him. He never gave the time of day to any female. But Akira knew why, Akira was the reason for Gaara's indifference to the other women in the village. She smiled as she reached the person who held her heart.

She could still feel his anger and knew it had gotten ten times worse when she kissed Lee. Mainly because everyone in a 5 mile radius could tell Akira had enjoyed that kiss. She looked at him and still felt her heart skip a beat. _Damn it. He still has it_, she thought as she stood in front of the very angry jade-eyed nin.

"Are you up for it?" she asked him not breaking eye contact.

"Are you?" he countered.

"Always."

She took his face in her hands and felt his hands come on top hers; she felt the electricity his touch always had. She leaned into his ear and whispered, "You know you really should get over me. We're no good for each other."

Her breath tickled his ear and he felt goose bumps rise on his skin. She always did that to him. She was the only one who ever made him feel that way. The physical touch still had done nothing for their connection. She was still as blank as a slate and that was really starting to irritate him.

"Is that what you're doing? 'Getting over' me," he whispered into her ear. He felt her slightly shiver as his thumb caressed hers. He took pleasure in knowing he still had that physical affect on her after all the useless guys.

She gave him a small smile. "Gaara you're going to get in trouble," she said quietly.

"Akira I really don't give a damn," he countered just as quietly as she did.

He looked into her milky brown eyes and knew that she was going to kiss him. She wasn't going to back out. Maybe the kiss would restore his ability to feel what she was feeling. It was very frustrating not be able to be inside her head.

"Stubborn redhead," she grumbled.

"Could say the same for you," he muttered back but he couldn't continue because her lips had touched his and everything and everyone melted away.

Their lips touched and it was as if no time had passed. His arms wrapped themselves around Akira's waist and pulled her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to catch her breath. There was no comparison in Gaara's kiss, no competition. Gaara's kiss was in another league. Her skin was on fire and she remembered why there was so much passion between them.

He felt her velvety lips and knew he was in. Gaara nibbled on her bottom lip and heard a soft moan that always drove him crazy. She was under his skin again and all he wanted to do was cover her in kisses. He had forgotten they were in the middle of a tea shop. He had forgotten there was a crowd of people in the room. The only thing he cared about was being with Akira. The taste of her lips was intoxicating. He was fully enjoying the fact that he was the only one who could literally take her breath away.

Akira felt her knees weaken and against her better judgment (there seemed to be a lot of that today) she tightened her grip around his neck and felt him lift her effortlessly so that she could wrap her legs around his perfectly toned torso. It was instinctive, something that came naturally when they were together. She heard everyone's very audible gasps but she didn't care for two reasons; the first one because she was enjoying herself way too much and the second because she was having her own private conversation with her forbidden Sand nin.

As soon as their lips had touch every barrier Akira had put up had been broken down and Gaara had full access to the inside of her mind. He could see every memory she had been trying to hide from him. He could feel everything she was trying to keep to herself. And even though he saw the memory that led to this crazy kissing streak he still couldn't help but ask.

_You want to tell me what the hell you're doing?_ His angry voiced filled her mind.

_Just having some fun_, Akira responded smiling.

_Are you enjoying yourself_, he growled.

_Are you jealous_, she snapped back.

_Akira…_

_Gaara, we're no good for each other_, her sweet voice told him softly.

_This _feels_ good_, he retorted as he walked her body into the wall of the teashop. _Tell me you want me to stop._

_You know I don't_, Akira told him as she ran her fingers thru his uncontrollable scarlet locks.

_So what are you doing_, she heard his voice ask softly.

_I am trying to get you to see we can't be together_, she replied still running her fingers thru his hair.

His hand moved to her hair and he felt her legs tighten around his abdomen. _I don't care._

_Don't say that._

_I love you_, he said as his hands moved down her back.

_Don't say that_, she begged him.

_Why?_

_You know why_, she answered.

_Because we don't belong together,_ he spit out. _I don't care. You already left your mark. Don't ask me to move on. Don't ask me to get over you._

She felt his hand on the small of her back. She shivered. _Damn it Gaara_.

She broke the kiss before they dug themselves in an even bigger hole. She was breathless. "Still the best," she whispered so only he could hear.

"Let me back in," he demanded realizing that as soon as their lips separated he was locked out of her mind again. He was a little pleased when he realized he could still feel what she was feeling. He was delighted to feel she still wanted more.

"Let me go," she murmured in his ear.

"You're worth everything I have to give up," he whispered in her ear. He slowly let her go. "Don't ever forget that."

"It's a little too late for that Gaara, a little too late," she muttered as her feet hit the floor. "Please just let me go," she said as she separated her body from his.

He felt every drop of Akira's pain and knew she wasn't trying to hurt him, she just trying to do what was right for him. Before she walked away he whispered, "It's a little too late for _that_."

Akira tried to compose herself and realized everyone was in complete and utter shock to see the reaction both she and Gaara had. She tried to think of something to say but came up blank. Thank God Ayame came to her rescue.

"Ha ha…while that kiss was a little steamier then the rest, it was still just a physical connection. You win," she said laughing nervously. She walked over to her friend and put her arm around Akira's shoulders.

"You sure proved me wrong. Can we get a round of applause for my very ballsy friend," Ayame asked as she led Akira back to the booth where Naruto, Shikamaru, and Neji were sitting at.

Akira heard a loud applause as she walked with Ayame. "Thanks," she said almost inaudibly.

Ayame smiled. "Anytime."

Akira heard some of the guys in the tea shop whisper, "She can use me to prove her friend wrong anytime."

"That was not smart," Akira muttered as she sat next to Shikamaru. "Not smart at all."

"Actually if you ask me, even if you don't ask me, that was the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life!" Ayame exclaimed.

"I totally agree," Naruto said nodding his head.

Neji wouldn't look Akira in the eye and Shikamaru was busying himself with the sugar cup in the table.

"Stuuuuuupid," Akira muttered to herself.

But Ayame refused to let Akira ruin the moment. "But you do _feel _better, don't you?" she asked her best friend.

"Better?" Akira questioned and then thought about what had just happened. There were only three memorable kisses: Shikamaru's, Lee's and Gaara's. She realized she was going have to talk to Neji later but as she thought about those three very different kisses she realized she _did_ feel better. "Yeah, I guess I do feel better."

"Then it was all worth it," Ayame said nonchalantly.

"You're bad," Akira said simply.

"Not as bad as you," Ayame responded smiling. "Which reminds me, that kiss with Lee was _something_," Ayame said with a sly smile.

"Damn, where is Lee," Akira muttered as she looked around the tea shop for a green suit. She saw Gaara at the door with Temari. He was waiting for something.

"He left, didn't seem to like watching you and Gaara kiss," Shikamaru said with little emotion.

Akira was pretty sure Shikamaru hadn't liked it either. "Damn."

"So…" Ayame pushed.

"So what?" Akira said tilting her head at her ocean eyed friend.

"Which kiss was better? Lee or Gaara?" Ayame asked with genuine curiosity.

"Gaara," she said without thinking. Akira heard Shikamaru whisper "shit" and wondered what the hell was wrong with him.

"But," she continued, "Lee's was different. Not bad different but make me want more different. It's hard to describe."

"Would it make you happy to know that Gaara was PISSED to see you kissing a bunch of random strangers," Naruto said lively.

"Bad," Akira said in a mock scolding tone.

"He _was_ mad," Shikamaru said.

"Mad enough to get over me," Akira asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nope," Naruto said. "I've known him for a long time and he wasn't _that_ mad. But he is mad enough to do something stupid. Like that make out session you guys just had."

"Stop smiling like a goof ball," Akira told Naruto. "We are not back together."

"I know but the village now knows that Gaara is now interested in a certain someone," Naruto said with a huge grin.

"ARGH!! That's not what I wanted," Akira complained. She scrubbed her face with her hands. She very confused, mainly because she couldn't stop thinking about the three particular kisses.

"I know but it's what _he_ wanted," Naruto said pointing to Gaara. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to get details from my best friend," Naruto said giggling as he walked over to the Sand siblings. But to his surprise he found Gaara and Temari were walking over to the table where Akira was. _Uh-oh._

Gaara reached the booth, sat down next to Akira and leaned into her ear. "This isn't over, you owe me an explanation," he whispered softly in her ear.

And for the second time that day Akira felt herself revert back to her old self. "If you wanted another one sweetheart all you had to do was ask," she whispered delicately. She lightly kissed both his cheeks.

Her lips moved to his ear. She lightly kissed his earlobe. Responsible Akira would not have done it. Reckless Akira was enjoying every one of Gaara's responses. "Let me go Hisui."

He didn't know what got into Akira but the more reckless she was the more attracted he became. He placed his hand behind her ear and brought it to his lips. "You know you should have been like this when we were together. I kinda like you reckless," he whispered huskily.

She smiles and licked his earlobe. "I know you do. The best part when we were together was the danger being caught. But you know you really should go, people are going to start talking. And you don't want that."

"This isn't over," he murmured as he kissed her earlobe. "Not over," he repeated letting her go and standing up.

He stood over her and crossed his arms over his chest, put his usually stone face on and said, "Are we leaving now Naruto?" But he looked straight at Akira never breaking eye contact until Temari touched his shoulder.

"I'll see you at home Shikamaru," was all she said.

"Yeah let's go," Naruto said as he touched Gaara's other shoulder. All three shinobis walked out of the tea shop.

"What the hell has gotten into you," Shikamaru complained with wide eyes.

"Nothing," Akira said turning to look at him.

"Nothing?" he question. "That did not look like nothing. You go like 5 months not acknowledging his existence and now, NOW you decide to throw that all that out the window and act…act…_crazy,_" he said stressing the last word.

"What is wrong with _you_ Shikamaru," Akira said raising an eyebrow. "You come to my bedroom door for two weeks and tell me that I need to get back to normal. That I need to be the Akira I've always been and then when I act like the girl that you've known forever and you freak on me. What the hell is that about?"

"I'm not freaking out. It's just…I haven't seen this side of you in a long time and…" he was quiet while he thought about what he wanted to say. "It's just…what the _hell_ did the Hokage say to you?"

"Ha…that's what you wanna know? Bullshit," she said smiling. She had some idea of what was wrong with him. And they were going to deal with it right now.

"Excuse us," she said grabbing one of Shikamaru arms and dragging him out of his chair. "Sorry Yame, I'll see you tonight and tell you about all the details. Right now me and this butt head have a couple of things to talk out which I don't want to bore you," she said as walked away and out of the tea shop.

* * *

It was mid-afternoon and she realized she had been in the stupid shop for a very long time. She was aware of Shikamaru's reluctance to be alone with her. She dragged him to the back of the tea shop where she knew they would be alone with no interruptions.

She pushed him against the wall and put her hands on her hips. "You're going to tell me exactly what the hell is wrong with you."

"Nothing," he said stubbornly.

"Nothing?" she questioned. She saw him nod his head.

"Nothing," he whispered.

"Nara…" she said looking at him and knowing exactly what was wrong with him. "You're mad you kissed me back."

It was a statement not a question. He looked at her in silence. He was mad he kissed her back. He was mad he felt something he shouldn't. He was mad he didn't get to kiss her the way Lee did. He was mad she kissed Gaara the way she did. But most of all he was mad that he was feeling jealous. He was in a relationship and he shouldn't want to kiss Akira again.

"So you're going to give me the silent treatment," she observed quietly. "That's just awesome," she said as she stood next to him with her back against the wall.

"I wanted more…and I shouldn't," he started off quietly as he slid down to the cement floor. "I shouldn't be thinking about your lips but I am. I shouldn't be jealous but I am. And this wouldn't be happening if you hadn't agreed to that stupid bet."

Akira sighed. She wasn't surprised by his confession but strangely she didn't feel any guilt. She was starting to wonder maybe there was something wrong with her. "Would it help to know I wanted more too," she asked just as quietly. "And I shouldn't because…"

"You're still in love with Gaara," he finished.

"That obvious, huh?"

"What about Lee?" Shikamaru asked.

"That was weird. I would have never thought I'd want to kiss him. It was just weird," she said closing her eyes.

"You're confused," Shikamaru observed.

"You still know me the best," she confessed.

They sat next to each other in silence. Akira was confused. She still love Gaara he was the only one would made her feel like her world was upside down. But Shikamaru had passion she never thought he had BUT he was unavailable. And Lee…Lee was available. Lee didn't make her blood boil but he did make feel wanted and she didn't feel it was wrong to be with him. At was all very confusing. She put her fingertips to her temples and pressed down on them.

"You're _very_ confused," he noted when he saw her massage her temples.

"I've got a theory Shikamaru," she whispered more to herself.

"About us?"

"Yep. There's a reason you want more of me," she started off.

"Which is?"

"because in there—" she said pointing to the tea shop "—I was the Akira you fell in love with. I haven't been her in a _long _time. But that's not the only reason."

"Really?"

"When we were growing up we never let ourselves hook up," she said smiling. Her fingertips were still rubbing her temples. "I think we've got an overflow from never letting ourselves—"

"Be together," Shikamaru finished off. "So what's your proposed solution?"

"What? The smart ass doesn't see the solution. I thought you were always three steps ahead," she chuckled.

"I know what it is. I'm hoping you've got an alternative," he sighed.

"No alternative Shikamaru," she muttered.

"Do you really think letting ourselves give each other another kiss is the smartest idea?"

"No I don't. Personally I think we should…just to get it out of our systems. Morally I think it's wrong. Personally I don't care. Morally I should. Morally Shikamaru I shouldn't be thinking about you that way and not just because your Temari's boyfriend; also because you're my friend and I really don't want to lose you because I did something stupid. Soooo I'm just going to go before something else happens," she said standing up and dusting off her pants off.

Shikamaru knew his next move was going to be stupid but didn't care. He stood up and before Akira knew it he had her pressed up against the wall. "Get it out of our systems right," he said a little breathless.

"Nara…" Akira cautioned as she felt his hands pin hers to the wall.

"I've got to be able to look at you and not want you. So if this works then why don't we just forget about our morality," he whispered in her ear.

She felt the hair rise on her arms. She was trying to convince herself to walk away but her reckless half won out. "Forget morality," she said as she freed her hands and took his around her waist.

"Out of our systems," were the last words Shikamaru said as his lips touched hers.

As soon at their lips touched it was just like before. She still tasted like strawberries. Her lips were softer and now he didn't have to restrain himself because nobody was watching them. His hand went up her back and landed right behind her neck. He felt her hands slide up his shirt and he involuntarily shivered. She chuckled but never broke the kiss. Shikamaru press his body closer to hers to feel her body heat. He was letting himself go too far and he knew it.

Akira felt his tongue slip into her mouth and she sighed. She was all too aware of his body pressed against hers; all too aware of the need for more his kiss was asking. She was also all too aware of her need for more of him. Instead of breaking the kiss she felt his lips move to her jaw and then to her neck, all the while planting small soft kisses. She didn't stop him because for some reason she wanted more and she didn't know why. She knew she should, she knew she should not have been enjoying herself but all she could think about was what he looked like without his shirt.

And that was a thought that should have never entered her mind. So before she did something that she'd regret later she called out his name, which seemed to bring them both back to their right senses.

"Damn it," he muttered. His grip on her had loosened but his body was still tightly pressed against hers.

"You can say that again," she whispered, letting her hands fall to the side.

Neither one of them made any move to separate their bodies. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She felt his forehead gently fall on her right shoulder.

"Damn it," he said quietly. "We should not have made that pact when we were young," he complained softly.

"The one where we pinky swore we'd never hook up," Akira laughed quietly. "Why?"

He lifted his head off her shoulder and took her face in his hands. He waited until she looked him in the eye. "Because _this_ would be out of our system."

"But it's not," she confessed softly.

Shikamaru saw her smile. "What's there to be happy about?" he asked miserably.

"I've got an idea," she continued to smile. "We could just pretend this never happen!"

"Akira Kioshi that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say," he said. But he smiled because he knew she was just trying to lighten the mood.

"So what now Nara?" she asked placing her hands on top of his.

"We forget that—" he began.

"—that we're attracted to each other," she finished off. "That should be easy," she said sarcastically.

"Hey I could use your help here…a little will power," he said finally pushing himself off of her. There was about an inch of separation between their bodies.

"Right…forget…I can do that," she said lightheartedly.

"Akira…"

"I'm sorry Shikamaru," she said softly.

"For what?"

"For reverting back to my old self," said with a small smile.

He took her hand in his. "I like you better like that."

She smiled. "You belong with Temari."

"You belong with Gaara," he whispered.

"No," she answered as she pushed herself away from him. "I belong…alone. Always have," she finished off sincerely.

"Kioshi—"

"Go home Shikamaru," she said as she walked away from him. "Just go home."

He watched as she disappeared around the corner.

Now all I have to do is forget. Great! Maybe I should have asked her how to do that, he thought miserably as he put his hands in his pockets and walked to Temari's place.

* * *

The room looked different from the way he remembered it. He remembered sneaking into it in the past. The dressers and the walls were bare. There was a small glow from an alarm clock on her nightstand. It was waaaaaay passed midnight and he knew he shouldn't be there. But after everything that happened that afternoon he couldn't help but come and see her.

He slowly walked over to the edge of the bed. He was surprised he didn't trip on the stupid rug in the middle of Akira's room. He looked around for it and realized it was gone. He reached the edge of her bed and watched her; he watched her even breathing as she slept. The moonlight hit her ivory skin making it glow. She was beautiful just laying there hugging her pillow. He walked around to the side of her bed to catch a glimpse of her face. Her striking scarlet hair was brighter against her white linen sheets. One strand of hair had fallen across her face.

Without a second thought he brushed his fingertip across her resting face and moved the lock of hair behind Akira's ear. Suddenly he felt her fingers grip his wrist and he froze into place.

Her sweet voice filled the quiet room. "Subaku just what do you think you're doing?"

**A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this chapter! And I hope to have the next one in the next two weeks. Let me know what you think!!!! **


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! lol

**A/N: Hello my loyal readers!!!!!! As promised here is the next chapter!! ENJOY! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 11

"Did you kiss her again," Temari asked Shikamaru as he walked into her room that night.

"What?" he asked mustering as much surprise as he could. How could Temari possibly know that he had kissed Akira again?

"Oh don't put that 'I have no idea what you're talking about' face. You know damn well what I'm talking about," Temari said with her hands on her hips.

This is exactly why Shikamaru hadn't come over after the alley incident with Akira. He was pretty sure he had guilt written all over his face and he didn't want Temari to see it, so he had taken a walk. A walk that had lasted hours and by the time he got to the Subaku's place it was midnight and Temari was waiting at her door ready to chew him out.

"Now why would you think that," Shikamaru asked as he walked around her and sat down on the floor.

Temari was so mad. He was treating her like she was a dummy. She wanted to strangle him but instead she grabbed her brush and threw it at him. She hit it him straight in the chest.

"Owwww, what the hell was that for?" he complained, rubbing the spot where the brush as landed.

"For treating me like a dumbass," she said as she sat down the edge of her bed. She was a satisfied that he would get a bruise on that spot.

"I wasn't," he said still rubbing the spot.

"Yes you were. I asked you if you kissed her again and you act like I'm crazy. Here's how I know you kissed her again. Gaara was talking to Naruto this afternoon and all of a sudden he threw his glass against the damn wall. We didn't know what the fuck was wrong with him. Turns out he was completely locked out of Akira's mind again. He couldn't feel her anymore. That's only happened once," she paused looking at him and then looking way.

"In the teashop when she kissed you. She became a blank slate. So you tell me Shikamaru…did you kiss her again. Is that why my brother got locked out again?" Temari said the last part not bothering to look at his reaction. If he was going to lie, she rather him not do it to her face.

_So that's why Gaara was so mad_, he thought off topic. _What the hell is so special about me?_ "Temari…"

"Don't even think about lying to me," she said angrily.

"I wasn't. I did…we did," he confessed hanging his head. He wasn't ashamed he kissed Akira; he was ashamed he hurt Temari.

"Why?" she asked trying to mask the hurt in her voice.

"I don't know," he sighed.

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Temari…"

"No…why…why would…you want to kiss her? And don't say I don't know cuz that's not an answer Shikamaru. Just tell me why," she said not even bothering to hide the pain his disloyalty had caused.

"Temari…"

"Why? Tell me why," she said the disappointment heavy in her voice.

"I don't know Temari. I was in love with her for 4 years—" he started off. Trying to think of an alternative explanation for what he and Akira did.

"And what you're not in love with me anymore?" she said cutting him off. She was really starting to get mad and was very close to kicking his ass out of her house.

"No! That's not it," he said a nervously. He stood up and walked over to her. He knew she was too upset to be touched so he stood in front of her until she looked him in the eyes.

"It's just there was something there the first time and I had to make sure it was nothing," he explained to her.

"Was it nothing?" she asked gauging his reaction.

"Yeah there was nothing," he lied. Of course there was something. But both friends had agreed to forget about it.

"So why did Gaara get cut off?" she asked stubbornly._ It had to mean something if he got cut off_, she thought to herself.

"I don't know! I don't know about their connection. I just needed to make sure there was nothing in that second kiss. It was stupid…." he said sincerely. Because it WAS stupid…he still didn't know why he did it.

"You needed to make sure you loved me?" she questioned titling her head to the side.

"No, I needed to make sure I didn't love her. I never had doubts about loving you. It's complicated with Akira and we had to make sure we were just friends." Half of that statement was true and the other half was a lie. He didn't know why he was lying but he knew Temari didn't need to know that both friends had felt a lot more then something in the second kiss.

"And?"

"We're just friends," he said trying to look as honest as possible.

"No feelings for each other?" she urged.

"No feelings," he lied skillfully. He had his fingers crossed that she would believe him because that would prevent lots of heartache.

Lucky for Shikamaru Temari bought his lies. She really believed him…he had never lied to her before and she was sure he would never start. She stood up and took his hand, "I want you to remember the next time you wanna think about lying to me I will strangle you!"

He was pretty sure she wasn't playing judging the smile on her face. "Consider that remembered," he said quietly.

"Good," she said walking out the room. "Now we need to talk to my very angry brother."

"What?"

"Let's go talk to Gaara," she said as if he were slow.

"Why? If you didn't kill me he will. Maybe we shouldn't say anything to him," he suggested hoping she would say yes. He did not want to talk to Gaara.

Temari looked at him and considered what her boyfriend had just said. He was right Gaara would probably hurt him; so maybe not such a good idea. "Fine," she said sitting down on the floor. "Just swear to me there was nothing and it won't happen again."

"It was nothing," he lied once again. "And it won't happen again," he said hoping it was true. Now all he had to do was forget. _Great! I wish Akira had taught me how to do that_, he thought as he sat next to Temari.

* * *

"YOU WHAT!!!!" Ayame said screaming at the top of her lungs. She had a shoe in her hand and threw it in Neji's direction.

He dodged the shoe. "You said be honest," he yelled back as he put distance between himself and his extremely pissed off girlfriend.

"Not if you enjoyed it you asshole," she said still shouting. There was no one home because Ayame's mom had decided to give Ayame some space with her new boyfriend. Right now all she wanted to do to that so called boyfriend was strangle him.

"You said to be honest! How was I suppose to know you wanted me to lie! Can you PLEASE calm down," he yelled back. He was gaining the distance but he knew Ayame was fast so he wasn't taking any chances as he kept walking backwards.

"OH MY GOD NEJI! Calm down! You chose now! Now at 2 o'clock in the fucking morning to tell me you felt something when you kissed Akira and you want me to calm down?! Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Oooookay, I can see your upset maybe I should come back in the morning," he suggested moronically.

"Oh no you don't!" Ayame said slamming him against the wall in seconds. "You don't go anywhere until you explain your _feelings_!" She shrieked. She had him pinned to the wall.

He was very tempted to use his Gentle Fist to take her out but he knew she was mad and probably had every right to be. "Nothing I felt nothing," he lied trying to dig himself out of the hole he had created for himself. _I should have just lied in the first place_, he thought angry at himself.

"That's not what you said," her voice returning to normal levels. "You said and I quote 'Well she can kiss really well and for some reason I felt myself wanting more'. That doesn't not sound like nothing you ass," she said releasing him from the wall.

"Do you like her Neji?" she asked quietly.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. "Ayame…she's a damn good kisser but that doesn't mean I feel anything for her other then friendship. I love you…and I really didn't think you wanted me to lie to you," he said softly.

"She's been better at everything and for once I just want to I wanted to hear 'No Ayame your better'…at least from you," she said looking at him.

"But you are better," he said honestly. "I said she was great Ayame but I never said she was better," he said walking towards her.

"Stop trying to please me," she said backing away from him.

"I'm not. If I wanted to do that I would have lied in the first place. I never said she was better. I'm in love with you…you'll always be better," he said realizing for the first time since he had kissed Akira it was the complete truth. Even though he had enjoyed the kiss it really meant nothing. It really was just a physical connection…just like the bullshit excuse she gave for kissing every single one of those guys.

"I'm not lying," he said taking her in his string arms. She struggled a little but gave up pretty quickly.

"I'm still mad at you," she said under her breath.

"I know," he said into her hair. "But you know this could be considered your fault. Seeing as you're the one who dared her to do it."

That was not a smart move for Neji. She sucker punched him and walked away. _It was going to be one of those nights,_ he thought miserably. _There I go opening my mouth when I should have just kept it shut. _

But it really was Ayame's fault for agreeing with Akira when she said she'd kiss Neji first and that was the real reason she was mad. She had agreed to it and he liked and now she had to deal with the consequences. _Damn it and I thought this Bet wouldn't have any consequences_, she thought as she threw a pillow in Neji's direction and told him to sleep on the couch.

* * *

Akira had been sleeping when she heard someone come into her room. At first she thought it was Hiro so she feigned sleep because she did not feel like talking to him. He was really trying hard to get her to open up and that was the last thing she wanted with Hiro. But as the steps got closer steps got closer…she knew exactly was in her room. Gaara….and she could hear everything that was running thru his mind. She thought he was just going watch her sleep and she was fine with that because she would still be able to hear him…and that was all she wanted. But then his fingers brushed against her cheeks and she felt his familiar electric touch and before she could stop herself he had grabbed his wrist.

Gaara froze. _Shit! I really shouldn't have done that_, he thought as he watched her open her eyes halfway. Once she confirmed it was actually him he watched her close them with a smirk; he knew that smirk…

"Can you hear my thoughts?" he asked a little annoyed. He watched her smirk become wider. "Not fucking fair," he said with realization.

"I learned how to keep you from entering my mind. I never thought it was necessary to learn how to keep out of your mind," she said softly. She never opened her eyes or released her grip on his wrist.

"Not fucking fair," he said again.

"Never said it was fair," she whispered.

"You kissed Shikamaru again." It was a statement. He watched as she smiled.

"What makes you think that?" she asked quietly.

"I have my reasons," he growled.

"What makes you think I didn't kiss Lee again?" she asked testing his temper. She felt a new wave of irritation from him as he remembered what happened that afternoon.

"Did you?"

"You're jealous," she observed.

"Damn fucking right," he said infuriated.

"Gaara…"

He watched as she concentrated on her breathing. "What are you doing here?" she asked more to herself than to him.

"Come on Ai, a couple of months you would have asked me what took me so long," he said knowing he got her as her sweet laugh filled the dark room.

"Good one Gaara," she whispered. "Good one."

"You're in a good mood," he observed.

She smiled but kept her eyes closed. "Why wouldn't I be…you're here," she said gently.

"Its 3:15 in the morning…you should be grumpy," he told her as he freed his wrist and intertwined their fingers. She didn't stop him, as soon as their hands were together she squeezed it as if to make sure he was really there.

"But I'm not…"

"Why?" he asked.

She was silent for a minute, out of nowhere she moved over and made room for Gaara in the bed. He should have thought about what he was going to do next. But instead of thinking he just acted and he slipped into bed with her.

She pressed her body against his hugging him but still refusing to open her eyes. She breathed him in, not wanting to release her grip. She gently laid her head on his chest and heard his heart beat. God did she miss him…God did she want to look into his pale green eyes but she couldn't. She felt his strong arms wrap themselves around her; felt him breathe in her hair. None of what they were doing was a very a good idea but neither cared at the moment. Five minutes passed in complete silence while Gaara ran his fingers thru Akira's hair and she listened to his even breathing.

Akira wanted nothing more than to stay like that forever. She missed sitting in silence with him, missed lying in bed with him. She missed…him and while she laid there with her head on his chest, she felt the hole in her heart get just a little bigger because she wanted nothing more than to be with him and she couldn't. Everything she had ever been taught was screaming to tell him to leave, screaming that they didn't belong together and that injustice was making everything hurt just a little more.

Gaara would have stayed the entire night in silence if that meant he'd spend it with Akira but he wanted to know something. So he was the first to break the silence. "Why won't you open your eyes?" He felt her sigh.

"Damn it Gaara…what are you doing here," she said almost inaudibly squeezing him a little tighter.

"I'll tell you if you tell me why you won't open your eyes," he whispered as he placed his lips on her forehead.

"You first."

"You cut me off. I couldn't feel you anymore and I wanted to know why," he confessed quietly.

"Your turn," he said as he placed his hand under her chin bringing their faces together.

She could practically feel his lips. Their faces were millimeters away from each other. She sighed and placed her forehead against his but kept her eyes closed.

"I don't want to open them…because if I do…then you're really here. If I keep them closed…then when I wake up in the morning…alone…it'll be easier to convince myself this was all a dream; which is easier to handle then accepting that your actually being here." Her voice was heartbreaking…like she knew she was in for some heartache in the morning either way.

Gaara watched her but she didn't open her eyes. He didn't want her to feel that way. He didn't want to hear that absolute helplessness in her voice. She was never helpless, never lost; she was always so sure of every decision she made.

He leaned in a little but that's all it took for their lips to touch. "But I am here," he whispered.

His lips brushed against hers and even though her eyes were closed, she felt like everything was spinning. As always he turned her thoughts inside out, her world upside down. As always he made her feel wobbly and completely desired. She wasn't strong enough when he was this close to her and it didn't help that it was three something in the morning.

"Open your eyes Ai," he ordered. But she shut them even tighter. "I'll stay until the morning." That work.

Her eyes shot open. "That would not be a good idea," she whispered as her milky brown eyes locked with his jade ones. It was real. He was there and there was no denying that.

"Nothing about us ever is," he countered.

"We were good together Gaara. Fit together perfectly. That's what makes it hurt so much. That's why _this_ is so difficult," she said, her voice serious. Her hand touched his cheek and she watched as his sea green eyes closed. He leaned into her touch without saying a word. She watched him breathe, the air from his lips drifting on her lips. She pulled her face away from his causing him to open his eyes and complain.

"Hey, I was enjoying that," he said frowning.

"I know you were," she said, a sad smile on her lips.

"Stop doing that," he told her sternly.

"Doing what?"

"Looking at me like it's the last time you'll see me," he replied.

She looked at him. Her hand was still on his cheek. She brushed her thumb across his frown. "You shouldn't do that," she said softly, keeping her thumb on his lips.

"Frown?" he asked his voice muffled by her thumb. She nodded, her ruby locks cascaded across her face.

"Then stop looking at me like that," he said, his fingers brushing her hair out of her face.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. She kept watching his face. Now that her eyes were open she couldn't help but keep them on him. "I forgot you had that scar," she said as her fingers traced the small crescent shaped scar on the bottom of his chin.

"I almost forgot how divine your touch could be. Almost forgot how good it was to hear your voice in the middle of the night," he whispered. "Which reminds me…where's your brother?"

"He's in his room," she answered smiling.

"You're smiling," he observed.

"You're here," she said simply.

"You're not worried about getting caught," he asked raising one nonexistent eyebrow.

"He already knows what happened between us. Plus I think half the world found out after the teashop kiss," she exhaled. She removed her hand from his face to scrub her face in frustration. That damn teashop was going to get them in trouble. _Not that Gaara cared_, she thought as she looked at him.

"They know I like you," he said as he took her hand back and placed it back his cheek.

"That's not good Gaara," she whispered as sternly as she could.

"I don't care," he said stubbornly.

"Hisui…"

"Don't. Don't tell me to let you go," he said closing his eyes and trying not to get angry.

"I wasn't going to," she said more to herself than to him.

"You were…that's the same voice and the same face you had on at the teashop," he said opening his eyes and taking her face in his hands. She closed her eyes and leaned onto his touch.

"You know me well," she confessed.

"Well don't even try cuz I don't want to hear it."

"I won't. I've decided that right now in this moment I'm done fighting between what I _should_ be doing and what I _want_ to do. Right now in this moment it's just you and me. I don't have the energy to care about anything else," she said pressing her body closer to his.

"Is that so," he said his hand moving to her hip. It slowly made its way to her thigh.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she asked stopping his hand from moving any further.

"Nothing, making myself more comfortable," he answered smirking. He freed his hand and placing it in the hollow behind her knee.

She knew exactly what he was doing. "Ha…liar," she whispered in his ear as she rolled him on to his back and straddled his hips as she got on top of him. "I know what you're doing."

"Really?" he asked as he enjoyed the view. She was beautiful. Even in the dark she was absolutely stunning. Her ruby hair cascaded down her shoulders and her small smile made her face brighter. As he placed both hands on her hips he could really tell that she had lost a lot of weight when she locked herself in her room.

His slender fingers brushed past the skin above her pajama pants. She exhaled a little louder then she expected and heard him snicker. She stopped his hands before they reached the strings of her pants. "I know exactly what you want Hisui. It's something you haven't gotten in what…six months," she said grinning.

"Part of what I want," he said softly freeing his hands again. "Don't you want it too?"

"Did you really just ask," she laughed quietly. "You wouldn't have gotten this far if I didn't."

"You seem a lot happier," he whispered feeling her shiver as his fingers brushed the bare skin below her belly button.

"You're here," she said again as she leaned down, their faces inches from each other. "You know we shouldn't be doing this, right?"

"I know," he whispered.

"You don't care," she observed.

"Don't give a damn," he said placing his hands behind her head and gently moved her face closer to his so they could finally kiss.

It was sweet and soft. Not rough and desperate, like at the teashop. He tasted her lips and knew they were his and just like at the teashop he found he was in her mind again. He replayed everything that had happened after he left the teashop with Naruto. Let's just say he wasn't too happy.

Akira relieved those memories just as Gaara did and felt a new wave of anger as he saw what had happened with Shikamaru in the alley. She smiled as he broke their kiss. "Hey I was enjoying that," she said complaining. Her lips were still stinging from their kiss.

"You kissed him _and_ enjoyed it," he accused. He was angry but not angry enough to leave. He was just _too_ comfortable in the position he was in at the moment to yell at Akira for kissing his sister's boyfriend for a second time.

"You're jealous," she stated looking at him with a small smile on her face.

"With reason," he said roughly.

"You're jealously is not necessary," she said, the smile still on her face.

"It's not funny and I'm pretty it is," he complained. "How could—"

Her lips silenced his but her quiet voice filled her head.

_Because I had to make sure you were the only one who turned me inside out_, she confessed.

_And?_ He asked anger still apparent in his voice.

_You're the only one_, she answered as she licked his bottom lip.

_Are you sure?_ He questioned, doubt in his voice.

She stopped kissing him and looked at him. "Look at who's in my bed and you tell me," she said out loud.

"Good point," he said as he looked into her milky chocolate eyes. "I upset you," he observed as he looked at her pale face.

"You doubted me," she answered softly.

"You kissed Shikamaru…"

"And you kissed Sakura," she shot back.

"But I—"

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it because you did. Maybe not as much as I did with Shikamaru but you did and I didn't complain. I didn't say anything to you. So if you're going to bitch and moan—" she was cut off.

"Hey hey…can I just be your jealous boyfriend for five seconds. I thought I was the only who made you hot," he said cutting her off.

She smiled, glad he had confessed his jealously. "You aren't my boyfriend anymore," she said seeing a flash of anger in his eyes she added, "But you are the only one who makes me hot."

"Ai…"

"I'm sorry I kissed him…I had too…I had to make sure. But trust me when I say this...you are the only person I love. The only person I've ever wanted to be with. Got that?" she asked her fingers tracing his love scar.

"Got it," he said. "But you are just so frustrating you know that?" he asked as he rolled over and placing her on her back. Her legs were wrapped around his torso hugging him tight. She laughed as landed on her back. She wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him closely so her back wasn't touching the sheets.

"I know," she whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be…that's why I love you," he whispered back feeling her weight dragging him down.

She finally let go and plopped onto the mattress. She heard him mutter something under his breath and felt his hands on her thighs again. "Could you please not let go of me," he asked faking exasperation. "I would appreciate body contact at all times."

"No problem," she giggled as her legs wrapped themselves around torso again bringing him down on top of her. She slipped her hands underneath his shirt and traced his shoulder blades. He sighed and buried his face in the crook between her neck and her shoulder.

She felt his soft lips on her shoulders. He slid the string of her tank top off her shoulder blade and gently kissed the tip of her shoulder to her neck. He kissed up her neck until he reached the hollow behind her ear. He ran his tongue across the hollow heard her moan softly. He smiled satisfied with her reaction.

"Do you really think this is the smartest idea," she managed to ask quietly.

"Nope…but I don't care," he muttered his lips still behind her ear. The vibrations of his voice made, sent shivers down Akira's back. Gaara smiled pleased that he managed to break her reservations.

"Not fair," she complained at she rolled him over so she was on top.

"Hey I was having fun," he whispered as he rolled her over. He underestimated the space left on the bed because both of them hit the floor with a THUMP.

"Ouch," Akira muttered as she landed on top of Gaara. He was laughing silently, in fact he was laughing so hard his shoulders were shaking from the laughter.

"I'm glad you find this so hilarious," Akira mumbled. "Shit…Hiro definitely heard that. Did you lock the door?"

"Always," he whispered back, still quietly laughing. "I'm the one who should be complaining...you landed on me."

"Shut it," Akira snapped.

Both of them heard Hiro roll off the bed and hit the floor running. He slammed into Akira's door thinking it would open but found it was locked.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

"Akira!! Are you okay? Open the door!" Hiro yelled as he banged on the door.

"I'm fine! I just rolled out of bed and fell," Akira half lied. She punched Gaara in the arm when he snorted from trying to hold in his laughter.

"Are you sure? Why don't you just let me see," Hiro said still trying to bang open the door.

"Jesus Hiro! I'm not five! I said I'm fine! I fell off the bed! Chill and go back to sleep," Akira yelled back irritated. _Still thinks of me as a kid._

"Akira..."

"I'm fine Hiro…trust me!"

"Okay…" he said uncertainly. She could hear him still at the door tiptoeing around.

She stayed on top of Gaara until she heard her brother shut the door to his room. Meanwhile Gaara had kept himself occupied by taking his shirt off.

When she heard Hiro's door shut, she exhaled. "That was not funny, you jerk," she said getting off him, she softly kicked his shoulder and got back into bed.

"I thought it was a little amusing," Gaara said climbing back into bed with her.

"I'm glad you did," she said turning her back on him.

He grabbed her from behind amidst her protests. Wrapped his arms around her slim waist and touched the bare skin above her belly button.

"You know your intoxicating," he whispered into her ear.

"You are too," Akira shot back quietly. "That's why we do stupid shit together. I don't think we should do what we were about to do," she said as she turned her body to face him.

"Hey…how about you go with your instincts instead of that big brain of yours," he suggested refusing to let Akira back out of the situation.

"Gaara…"

"Come Kioshi! Close your eyes," he urged and continued when she did as he asked. "Tell me what you need without thinking. Tell me what you want without overanalyzing." His breath tickled her nose.

_He __**is**__ intoxicating_, she thought to herself. _I should have kicked him out when I had the will power_. She took a deep breath to clear her mind but that didn't help at all. She wanted him but she knew that when she woke up in the morning it was going to be rough. But should that matter? Wasn't that the price she had to pay for falling in love with the one person she wasn't suppose to fall in love with. She opened her eyes and whispered, "I want you…I'm always going to want you…always."

He looked at her, brought her face closer to her and said as quiet as he could, "Then right now…in this moment…fuck everything else," he said and before she could protest he put his lips on hers.

She pressed her body closer to his so they were touching in every way possible. His expert lips moved to her collar bone while his hands were working on taking off her pants. They hadn't been together in months and she could feel his desperation in his every touch and his every kiss. He wanted her and nothing else and truth be told after everything that happened that afternoon they only person Akira wanted was Gaara. So for the first time in a long time she gave into what she wanted disregarding everything else.

* * *

The morning sun shone thru Akira's thin curtains and stirred her out of her sleep. She refused to wake up and face reality. She refused to wake up and know she was alone. So if that meant that she was going to stay in bed all day hugging her pillow then so be it. That's what she would have done if she hadn't realized a couple of things that made her open her eyes.

The first one was that her legs were tangled not only with her bed sheets but with some else's legs. The second that her 'pillow' was breathing. The third was his voice.

"I forgot that the sun hits this room like it's a freakin' stadium," Gaara's sleepy voice filled the room.

Akira slowly opened her eyes just in case her ears were playing tricks on her but he was really there. Looking down at her, his unruly crimson locks a complete mess. He had his hand on the back of her neck touching her Ai tattoo.

"That's why I always went to your place," she managed to stay. After a couple of minutes in silence she managed to say what she was thinking. "You stayed."

"I told you I would," he said tracing her love tattoo with the tips of his fingers.

She hugged him tighter knowing that eventually she was going to have to let him go. They laid in silence for a couple of minutes but Gaara was the first to break it.

"You're going to leave," he said, no emotion in his voice.

The sound of his voice was breaking her heart. All she could do was nod.

"That's why you went to see the Hokage?" he said emotionlessly. "To ask her if you could leave."

"Yea…" she said her voice cracking. She knew him staying was too good to last.

"Why?" he asked still tracing the love scar he created on her.

"Because Gaara I need to be able to—"

"Get over me," he said cutting her off.

"No," she said looking at him. "No…getting over you…is impossible. But I do need to be able to think about you without…"

"It hurting," he finished off for her. He knew exactly what she meant because he felt the same way but he knew that solution was to be with her no matter the consequences. But he knew that she wasn't going to let that happen. And that is what was killing him. He knew it because he saw it, he felt it, he had heard it all last night.

He closed his jade eyes and sighed. "I know that there's nothing I can say to change your decision but I won't try to stop you, I won't make it any harder if you just tell me the real reason you don't want me to fight for you," he whispered to her. That was the only thing she had kept protected last night.

"Gaara…"

"Just tell me."

"Akira…" he urged after her silence.

"Because I wanted you to tell me," she confessed burying her face on his well-built chest. "I wanted you to tell me they didn't want me and you never did. Even after we broke up…you never said a word. I wanted to hear it from you and when I didn't I thought maybe just maybe you felt the same way…maybe that's why you didn't say anything."

"Ai—"

"I know you don't feel that way now," she said quietly. "But…"

"You still have to do this," he finished off.

"Yea..." she said her voice drifting off.

"But I love you," he said simply as sat up causing Akira to sit up with him.

"I know," she answered looking into his pale green eyes.

"And you love me," he stated stroking the side of her cheek.

"I know."

"And you leaving…you think will help us?" he asked trying to understand why it was so important for her to leave.

"I don't know," she confessed shifting her eyes to the alarm clock and that's when she saw what time it was…10:55AM. _Damn_.

"You need it," he realized. "You _need_ to leave. It's not about wanting…you need it." He should have realized it sooner. It was part of her personality…her independence. It didn't mean she stopped loving him…she just had to do it to make sure she could…do it without him.

"Gaara—"

"I'm not going to stand in your way…." he said placing his lips on her cheek. "But I am asking you, I am begging you…come back," he murmured as he placed a soft kiss on each cheek.

Akira closed her eyes and nodded.

"Keep your eyes closed. I'll make this easier," he whispered. "If you can do it…I can do it. But don't forget I love you." There was a swish of air and he was gone. She opened her eyes and saw her window open, she could smell the fresh morning air but his aroma was still on her, still strong in her room. But she was alone and she knew that loneliness was going to kick her ass.

"Great," she said out loud. "That made it loads easier." She made her way to the shower and got dress.

_Don't I feel awesome_, she thought sarcastically as she slipped into a faded pair of linen pants. _Just awesome_.

She walked down the stairs hoping distance from her room would help the aching that was starting in her heart. She knew she should have kicked Gaara out before did something stupid but she didn't and they did. And now his smell was all over her and his touch still under her skin but she was alone…all alone.

She walked into the living room and saw her brother reading the paper on the sofa. He looked up at her worry lining his eyes.

"Up late?" Hiro asked.

"Sorta," Akira answered as she sat next to her brother.

"The Hokage wants to see you," Hiro said still looking at his sister.

"What?" she asked looked up at her brother. "Why?"

"I don't know. The messenger didn't tell me," Hiro answered.

"Great," Akira muttered as she picked herself up from the sofa.

"Akira…"

"Yea," she answered looking back at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked standing up from the sofa.

"Nothing," she answered, her skin was on fire from Gaara's touch and the shower did not help at all. She wanted to go to his house and let him know that she would stay if he asked her. She did not want to deal with her brother.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…rough morning is all. Didn't want to get out of bed this morning." She rubbed her wrists where she could still fill Gaara's lips. She turned around and began to walk away.

"Why won't you talk to me," Hiro asked quietly.

Akira didn't know where all this was coming but she was not in the mood to deal with her brother. "I'm just not in the talking mood."

"Your never in the mood," he countered.

"What the hell do you want Hiro?" Akira asked irritated. She really needed to get out of this house maybe then would Gaara's scent fade.

"Some participation. I'm sitting here trying to be your brother and you're giving me nothing!" He said swinging his hands in the air.

Akira was tired but if Hiro wanted to fight then so be it, it was his funeral. "That is the problem. You…you trying to be my brother," she told him. She turned around to see the shock in his eyes.

She started talking before she lost her nerve. "I don't need a brother now Hiro. I haven't needed a brother in a long time. I needed one when I was six…that's when I needed you."

"I remember you were always there for me. Talking to me whenever mom and dad were fighting. I remember when you tried to tell me stories so that I would block out the yelling. The louder they got the more intricate your stories got. You were the best, I depended on you because I felt safe with you and then one day you were gone. Not good bye I'll see you later gone. It was more like you never existed gone. One day I came home from school and you weren't there. Nothing that belonged to you was there…all your clothes, books, shoes, pictures…all of it gone. You never came back to tell me why you left…why you left me there…alone." Akira finished as a couple of tears escaped her eyes. She wiped her cheeks with the back of her wrist. She refused to cry over this. She was over needing her brother…she was over his abandonment. Or at least she thought she was.

"I thought you'd be okay with mom," he said his voice cracking. He had no idea Akira was still upset about his departure. There was so much resentment in her voice…so much anger. _She must have been keeping it to herself for years_, he thought to himself as he watched her face turn emotionless. _She's always been good at making sure everyone around her is okay but I've never bothered to see if she was okay. _

"If you had left me with just mom then yea we would have been okay. But you left us with dad. You knew how he was and you left us with him. You left me to deal with all of it alone. So don't stand here and ask me why I don't talk to you. Don't stand here and ask me what's the matter. There are a lot of things the matter, none of which you are equipped to handle," she finished her voice still full of anger.

Hiro was thrown back by what Akira said. He had no idea that leaving his sister would have bothered her so much. He thought he was doing her good. He thought she didn't need him anymore. He sure that his leaving would have given his mother the courage to leave too. He told his mother, begged her to come with him but she had said no. She must have never told Akira.

"What would you have wanted me to do Akira? What? I am here now and you want nothing to do with me. What do you want from me?" he asked his voice rising slightly.

"You could have taken me with you. After mom said no she wouldn't leave…you could've taken me with you. But you left without a word. And I had to deal with dad. And you see how well that turned out. Dad killed mom. I killed dad…I became an orphan and you came to pick up the broken pieces. I've got news for you Hiro, some of the pieces are so small you'll never be able to find them. And now it's even worse. You know the one person who could help is the one person I'm suppose to stay away from. You can't fix me Hiro. I'm defective…thus the killing if dad. That's where the feeling of always being alone comes from. That's why I fell in love with Gaara cuz I'm fucking defective. It's like I have a fascination with everything that causes me pain. So stop trying to help…I don't need it," she said coldly.

"Akira…" He didn't know what to say to her. She was hurt for so many reasons he couldn't begin to figure out how to fix it. He could see her compartmentalizing her pain so that she could deal with it later. Something happen that had her itching her skin and wanting to forget.

"I can't do this now Hiro…I've got to see the Hokage," she said running up the stairs. What she needed was another shower to scrub Gaara's scent off her skin. What she needed was something to scrub her memory of the kisses and touches and caresses and feelings….

* * *

It was a quiet morning in the Subaku home. Kankuro was downstairs eating breakfast. He was waiting for his siblings to make their way to their way to the kitchen. As he was sitting he looked at his eggs and wondered if there was something he could do that would bring his brother and Akira back together. His thoughts were interrupted when his sister walked into the kitchen.

"Do you know where Gaara is?" She asked as she sat down next to him taking his fork and eating some of his eggs.

"Sleeping?" Kankuro suggested as he watched Shikamaru serve himself a glass of milk. _He's spent the night here_, Kankuro thought to himself.

"Nope…we checked. He's not in his room," Shikamaru said a little solemnly.

"I didn't hear him leave this morning," Kankuro said thinking it was weird that Gaara wasn't in bed. He wasn't a morning person and enjoyed sleeping in.

"So where the hell is he," Temari asked.

"I don't know," Kankuro said. "I've been waiting for him to come downstairs. The Council sent a messenger…turns out they want to see him at the end of the week."

"Uh-oh," Temari said. "You think they already heard about yesterday's kissing episode?"

"I don't know…but I hope Gaara sets them straight," Kankuro said gravely.

"I think he's with Akira," Shikamaru said quietly.

"Why do you think that?" Kankuro said.

"Cuz he's hasn't been that close to Akira in a long time…I'm pretty sure the separation was driving him crazy. Plus it's what I would do," he said looking at Temari's and then hastily adding, "If it were you."

"I don't think he's in the talking mood," Temari said eyeing Shikamaru. She was still a little upset with him but it was fading. "After his blow out yesterday I'm pretty sure he's locked up somewhere where he doesn't have to talk to us."

"Now why would you say that?" Gaara voice drifted into the kitchen before anyone saw him.

He walked in with dress all in black, his burgundy hair was a mess and it looked like he might have gotten about 2 or 3 hours of sleep. _So you weren't in your room_, Temari thought as saw watched her brother go to the fridge to get something to drink. There was something different about him…she just couldn't put her finger on it.

"Cuz you were a little upset yesterday," Temari said off-handedly.

"I was, wasn't I?" Gaara watched as Kankuro and Temari nodded their heads.

"Couldn't sleep. Took a walk," Gaara lied as he took a sip of water. He watched to see if they believed him. They didn't but it didn't look like they'd try to pry the truth out of him. He really didn't want to talk about it. But looking at Shikamaru made everything that happened last night between him and Akira leave his mind. He felt himself get angry. He took a deep breath and smell strawberries…Akira. He could smell her, that's when he felt the anger leave him.

"A walk?" Temari questioned. "In the middle of the night until now?" She said with both eyebrows raised.

"Yea…" Gaara answered subtly bringing his wrist across his nose so he could catch Akira's scent.

"Oooooooookaaaayyy," Temari said still skeptical. _Maybe Shikamaru is right_.

Kankuro eyed his sister. He wished she would just shut up. He cleared his throat and said, "A messenger came and said the Council wanted to see you on Friday."

Gaara groaned. "Where's the scroll?"

"Upstairs," Kankuro said getting out of his chair. "I'll go get it."

"Sooo what are you going to tell them?" Temari asked as she ate the rest of Kankuro's breakfast.

But before Gaara could answer there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," she said getting up and Shikamaru stood up to follow her but Temari was already out of the kitchen.

That's when Gaara took his chance. In an instant he slammed Shikamaru against the wall. He was so jealous about the connection Shikamaru and Akira shared he was ready to literally crush the Leaf nin in front of him.

"Here's the deal…I find out you kiss Akira again, then me and you are going to have a problem. Got it?" Gaara growled.

Shikamaru nodded. He knew Gaara wasn't playing and his current reaction confirmed he had gone to see Akira.

"Good. And just for the record this isn't just jealously. 85% of it maybe jealousy. But it's also because you're dating my sister. Don't play with me Shikamaru…I will hurt you, that's a promise." Gaara hissed menacingly.

"I got it. It was a mistake," Shikamaru said. It was a mistake. He had to remember what Akira told him…_forget_. _That should be easy…I should have gone home when I had the chance. _

Both of them heard footsteps coming toward the kitchen and Temari walked in.

Gaara had let go of Shikamaru and stepped away from him.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing," both of them said.

She looked at them suspiciously. "Whatever," she said shrugging her shoulders. "Shikamaru the Hokage want to see you."

"Okay," Shikamaru said as he backed out of the kitchen. With a last glance at Gaara, he couldn't help but think…_if looks could kill…_

**A/N: So this chapter was fun to write and kinda of sad! I really do enjoy writing Akira and Gaara moments!! I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!! Hopefully the next chapter is out in two weeks!! (If my boss doesn't kill me with my workload:))**

**Just wanted to take a moment to thanks those who reviewed the last chapter!! Thanks to: ****Animestar001****, ****.Tinkerbell****, **

**ANBU are Sexy****, ****A Slave to Words****, ****Michele****, ****Live-by-words****, and ****Akizu Miko**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! lol

**A/N: Hello my loyal readers!!!!!! As promised here is the next chapter (and as it turns out my boss hasn't killed me with work)!! I really hope you ENJOY this chapter! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 12

Tsunade had so much paperwork that she didn't even want to deal with a certain Leaf nin who was starting to annoy her like Naruto. She was signing some papers as she thought of Akira and what she had done yesterday. The whole damn town was talking about it. One of her best shinobi's had lost their god damn mind. _What was Akira thinking_, Tsunade thought angrily as the pen snapped in her hand. Sometimes she forgot her own strength.

There was only one way to solve the problem and she should have just done it before but noooo she wanted to give Akira time. Look at what she did with her time…ruin her reputation. All of Tsunade's guards were talking about what a kick ass kisser Akira was. _That's what happens when I give her time_, she thought as she looked for another pen, _she kisses all available men in a three mile radius_. _I say act normal for a week and I get party girl Akira! I thought I help take that out of her! _

There was a soft knock that interrupted her angry thoughts. "Come in," she said a little harshly.

Akira walked in and closed the door behind her. "You called for me," she stated quietly.

Tsunade looked at the redhead that stood in front of her. She looked 200% better then she had two days ago. Her skin color had returned to her. Her hair was pulled up and out of her face in a neat ponytail. She was actually wearing clothes and not pajamas. Tsunade could still tell that Akira had lost a lot of weight but there was something different about her…something she couldn't put her hands on. Tsunade watched as Akira stood there with her hands digging into her palms looking pretty uncomfortable. Which was weird because no matter what Akira was always pretty comfortable around her.

"I called for you 4 hours ago," Tsunade said looking her with furrowed eyebrows.

"Hiro told me about 45 minutes ago," Akira said looking at Tsunade and then sighing. "I know that look…I don't need a lecture," she said quietly looking away.

"I kind of think you do," Tsunade said sternly putting her pen down and pushing the paperwork away. "Sit down."

"I'd rather stand, thank you," Akira said still not returning her gaze to Tsunade.

"Akira—"

"I'd rather stand," Akira said cutting Tsunade off.

"Fine…but you're getting yelled at regardless," Tsunade snapped.

"I said I didn't need—"

"I don't care what you said. You're going to tell me what the hell you were thinking when you kissed everyone in that damn teashop!" Tsunade said impatiently.

"I wasn't…thinking," Akira said softly. "I wasn't…I…I just wanted to be care-free…at least for five minutes in my life."

"Carefree? Carefree…so carefree you kiss your best friend's boyfriend? So carefree you kissed the one person you've have been trying to protect not to mention every male in that damn teashop?" Tsunade said taking a deep breath.

"I didn't say it was smart! Is that why you called me? So you called for me so you could lecture me on the consequences of my very stupid behavior?! I got news for you Tsunade...I'm very aware of the consequences. I woke up with them this morning!" Akira said her voice rising. _I shouldn't have said that last part_, she thought regretfully.

Tsunade raised her eyebrows. "Woke up with them? What exactly does that mean?"

"Yea…like I woke up thinking about them," she lied.

"_Thinking_ about them?" Tsunade said doubtfully. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Akira said a little too quickly.

"Akira—"

"I said nothing," she said again finally plopping herself in the chair in front of Tsunade's desk.

Tsunade didn't believe her but decided to drop it because she didn't want to think about what Akira did. She looked at the redhead that had her elbows on her legs and her forehead in her hands. She was miserable, that much Tsunade could tell.

"Akira…we've worked so hard for you to get the reputation you have and in one afternoon you what? Throw it out the window?" Tsunade said her voice still stern but softening a bit.

Akira scrubbed her face and lifted her head to look at her mentor. "Have you ever committed a mistake and known it was a mistake while you were committing it?" She asked quietly her eyes full of anguish.

"Yes."

"I knew it was a mistake and I did it anyways because I was weak. Because I needed him. Because I love him. Because for some reason I've got a pension for pain. And now I've got his touch under my damn skin. I can smell him no matter how much I scrub my skin. I can feel his lips everywhere. I knew it was a mistake and I did it despite everything," she said softly closing her eyes trying to breathe evenly. Even breaths diminished his scent and that's what she needed at the moment.

Tsunade didn't know if Akira was talking about yesterday events or what _she woke up with this morning _but she felt for the girl. She was going to continue lecturing her but as she looked at Akira she knew Akira was punishing herself enough for the both of them. She sighed, "You can leave. You can leave for a month."

Akira's eyes shot open. "What?!"

"You can leave and train with the pandas. But there's a condition," Tsunade said.

"Name it," Akira said not really caring if it meant she could leave.

"You leave with an escort," Tsunade said folding her hands in the desktop.

"I don't need one," Akira said quickly.

"It's not an option," Tsunade answered firmly.

"But—" Akira started off.

"It's not an option," Tsunade repeated even firmer than before.

"Fine," Akira sighed. "Who?" she asked wondering who the Hokage would appoint for this lame ass mission.

"Well that's where we encounter a problem," Tsunade said evenly.

"A problem?"

"Yes, a problem. I called in your best friend and her boyfriend to ask them if they could accompany you. Want to guess what they said?" Tsunade said looking at Akira.

Akira cringed. _Uh oh..._she thought remembering the kiss between her and Neji. "Ummm no," she suggested.

"More or less," Tsunade said and then continued as she saw Akira give her a questionable look. "I asked Neji and Ayame answered for him. And then I asked her if she would rather be the one and her exact words were 'not at this moment'."

_Ouch_, Akira thought to herself. _Guess he fessed up_.

"So then I called Shikamaru," Tsunade continued and heard an audible groan from Akira. "I thought he would say yes seeing as he's always willing to help you out but his exact words were 'hell no'…you wanna tell me what you did to him," Tsunade asked raising her eyebrows.

_It's not so much what I did as it is what I think Gaara did_, Akira thought to herself remembering her redheaded ex took the Shikamaru news a little too easy. "I didn't do anything to him," Akira lied.

"For some reason I find that a little hard to believe," Tsunade said. "But if that's something you don't want to talk about then that's your decision. But you see that this makes finding someone to escort you a little harder."

"All the more reason for not needing an escort," Akira said brightly.

"I told you it's not an option. If you want to leave you leave with another shinobi," Tsunade said strongly.

"What about Choji or Kiba or Hinata or Ino or Naruto," Akira asked understanding that if she wanted to leave it had to be with someone. At this point she didn't care who it was as long as it meant she could leave.

"Choji, Hinata, Kiba, and Ino are on missions and Naruto would defeat the purpose of your departure seeing as he's Gaara's best friend," Tsunade said sighing. "Luckily I still have one more person to ask…maybe he won't say no."

"Who?" Akira asked.

Before she could answer there was a knock on the door. "Come in," Tsunade said a little loudly.

"Crap," Akira muttered under her breath as she saw the person walk into the office. _Luck is not on my side today, _she thought as she turned back around to look at the Hokage.

"You called for me," Rock Lee said as he entered the office. When he saw who was in the office with the Hokage he realized he walked into something private. "If I interrupted I can wait outside until you two are finish," he said never talking his eyes off Akira.

Her eyes were downcast. He was staring at her back willing her to look at him but she didn't. He thought those navy pants fit her perfectly. And the white shirt she was wearing contrasted perfecting with her crimson hair that was in a ponytail that kept her hair out of her face but didn't obscure the Love tattoo on her neck. He had a pretty good idea who gave her that tattoo.

"No Lee you are not interrupting. Actually you're here just in time. I want to ask you something," Tsunade started off. "I'm letting Akira go and train with the chakra pandas but she needs an escort. It's not a high ranking mission but I won't let her leave without someone else accompanying her. You wouldn't have to stay…I just want to make sure she gets where she needs to go. Since Akira is not _required_—" she said the word as if it left a sour taste in her mouth "—to go, I want you to know this is your choice. Yes or no?"

_I'm never going to get out of this village_, she thought miserably. She lifted her head and turned around to look at the bushy browed ninja. "You can say no…its okay," she sighed.

He looked at her and knew something was off. _It probably has to do with Gaara_, he thought to himself. _I can't believe she wants to leave_. He looked into her eyes and knew that if it were for her she would leave alone without telling anyone but her responsibilities had her standing in the office waiting to see what the Hokage would do. _I might as well_. "Yes," he said decisively.

Her chocolate eyes flashed gratitude. "Why?" Akira asked wondering why Lee would do her a favor after what she did yesterday.

"Because sometimes people need breaks…from everyone and everything. I don't think you'd be here if you didn't need it. So if you need it, then I'll do what I can to help," he answered sincerely.

She mouthed thank you before she turned back to face the Hokage who still a little a taken back by Lee's sincerity. "Well…you can leave tonight," the Hokage said shrugging her shoulders.

"Thank god," Akira muttered trying to stay as still as possible so Gaara's scent would remain minimal. She was itching to get in the shower and scrub until his scent was gone, until she could think wouldn't feeling his touch on her skin.

"You are dismissed Lee. Meet her at the gate at 9," Tsunade said offhandly, waving him out of the office. When she saw Akira taking her leave too she stopped her. "Akira…you and I still have a couple of things to work out." She watched as Akira sighed and turned around to sit down again.

Before Lee was completely out the office Akira whispered, "Thanks Lee I owe one."

She knew he had heard her because she heard him say, "No problem."

"You're lucky…you know that?" Tsunade asked Akira when she saw the door click close.

"More or less," Akira said softly closing her eyes. Every time she moved her lips, she could feel Gaara's lips along her jaw line. It was killing her to talk.

"I know you think you're alone in whatever it is your dealing with but you're not. Do you wanna talk about him," Tsunade asked her voice softening.

Akira shook her head and smelled him. _Damn it! Either way I'm reminded of what I did last night_, she thought bitterly.

"Why?" Tsunade asked her voice still soft.

_Why do you care_, Akira thought and heard a soft chuckle in her mind. He was eavesdropping on her thoughts. _Jerk_, she told him and heard his chuckle again. She was going to shut him out but thought better of it. If she spoke out loud he wouldn't be able to listen in on the conversation.

"Because talking about him would mean we actually have a chance and we don't. Talking about him would give me hope. And hope is something I don't want because my heart can't afford to be any more disappointed at this point in my life," Akira said quietly.

Tsunade stared at the young shinobi in front her. She was too young to have such burdens, such heartaches, such loneliness on her shoulders. _She reminds me of me, _Tsunade thought suddenly. _Taking on burdens that don't belong to her and making them her own. _

She decided to drop the subject for Akira's sake. "You have four weeks to work out whatever you need so that you can come back relatively normal," Tsunade said her voice returning to normal. "Listen to me very carefully, if you don't come back in four weeks I _will_ send a team to get you. You're too important to this village, do you understand?"

Akira nodded, "I'm I free to go?"

"Yes." Tsunade said as there was a knock on the door.

Both females furrowed their eyebrows not knowing who was at the door. "Come in," Tsunade said in a commanding voice.

As the door swung open Akira didn't have to turn around to know it was Gaara walking into the office. _Damn it_, she thought and heard him chuckle out loud.

"Am I interrupting," his husky voice filled the office. Akira refused to turn around. She had just seen him this morning and right now all she could handle was his voice. The pain in his eyes this morning had been haunting her and she refused to see them again.

"We were done," Tsunade said with a questioning look at the young sand nin whose eyes were glued to Akira.

She was if possible even more beautiful than this morning. As always she was dressed perfectly. Her navy blue pants hugged her curves in all the right places. Whenever she wore white her scarlet hair was always more striking. He always favored her hair in a ponytail; that always meant he could see her stunning face and it also meant he would be able to see her love scar he created. He remembered the problems that tattoo caused…she was so mad the day after he'd done it. Not at him but mad none the less.

_Gaara was on his way out to meet with the Hokage, she had asked to see him immediately and he had no idea why. He hoped it had nothing to do with Akira because they were so careful. Careful to make sure no one ever saw the affection they had for each other. Careful to make sure they never showed more interest in each other then what acquaintances would show. _

_As he was getting ready to leave the very person who had been on his mind all afternoon breezed into his room. With her she brought the scent of strawberries, sweet but not sickly sweet. _

"_Arghh," she groaned as she plopped herself in his bed and closed her eyes. _

"_What's that about," Gaara asked walking towards his bed completely forgetting about his meeting with the Hokage. _

"_My stupid brother, and my stupid best friend and your stupid best friend," she grumbled. She opened her eyes when he overshadowed her. She smiled…she couldn't be mad when he was looking at her like that; like she was the only person in his world. _

"_What about them," he asked when he saw her dazzling smile. _

_She sat up enough to reach his shirt and pull him on top of her. "They get on my god damn nerves," she whispered into his ear. When she felt his body respond she laughed quietly. She weaved her fingers thru his maroon locks and sighed into his shoulder. _

"_What did they do?" She could feel his Adam's apple move up and down. _

"_Nothing," she said quietly. Right now she didn't want to think about them. _

"_Tell me," he whispered. He knew how to coax the truth from her. "Tell me what it's about."_

"_It's not import—" she began but his lips cut her off. _

_He kissed her softly and stopped when he felt her resolve dissolve. "Tell me," he asked again his lips barely touching hers. _

"_You're an ass, you know that," she asked smiling. She knew exactly what he was doing._

"_I know," he smirked. "So…"_

"_So I totally forgot about the Ai your sand carved into me last night," she started off putting distance between their faces so she could gauge his reaction. He was still smirking. "I committed the grand error of wearing my hair up this morning."_

"_I like your hair up," he said interrupting. _

"_I know you do," she said smiling. "But that's beside the point. So I go downstairs and of course that's the first thing he noticed. Got an ear full of where the hell did I get it, what the hell was I thinking, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it didn't stop there! If I had some kinda common sense I would have let my hair down. But ever since I've hooked up with you common sense has been thrown out the window. So I walk out the house with my hair up and a little irritated that Hiro had the nerve to lecture me."_

"_Where were you going," he asked his nose touching hers. _

_She closed her eyes. "Tsunade volunteered me to help train Shikamaru's and Neji's genin. Do you really wanna hear the rest?" She asked opening her eyes and getting lost in his. _

_He nodded, her head bobbing up and down with his. "Fine. On my way I ran into Ayame and Naruto," she groaned. "Ugh. That was my first mistake. Well technically my first mistake was not putting my hair down," she complained but smiled as she heard his almost silent laughter. "It's not funny you jerk," she said pushing him away. _

"_Hey…no separation," he complained as they both sat up. He intertwined their fingers and waited for her to continue. _

_She watched as his fingers squeezed hers, encouraging. "Ayame was the first one to notice it. She totally flipped out. You would think that she would approve seeing as she's more of a dare devil than me but noooo. She totally freaks, sorta like Hiro. Personally I think she's jealous but whatever," Akira said rolling her eyes. "So I get an earful of where I get it. Why did I get it and she just wouldn't let it go. And then you're STUPID best friend goes and says 'She got it because of a guy'. I could have killed him right there! It's not funny!" She said slapping his shoulder with her free hand. _

"_It's kind of funny," he said silently laughing. "It's Naruto…of course he would say that. I'll talk to him if you want."_

"_Nope I took care of Naruto. Not in front of Ayame but I did take care of him," Akira said smiling. _

"_What did you do?" Gaara said smirking. Knowing Akira, Naruto was going to be in pain for a couple of days. _

"_Ask him when you see him," she responded with a knowing smile. "It took me a freaking hour to convince Ayame I got it to piss Hiro off! A FREAKING HOUR! It was sooo annoying!! She named just about every guy in this village. Everyone but you," she said sighing. _

"_You really should tell her," he said wrapping his arms around her. _

_She settled into his arms and put her ear to his chest. His heart beat was calming. "I can't."_

"_She's your best friend," he said simply._

"_I know," she answered quietly._

"_So why not," he asked breathing Akira in. He squeezed her to make sure she was there. Sometimes had a hard time believing she wanted him. He was a loner and girls generally sensed that and had common sense enough to stay away from him. Not to mention he never really showed interest for those ditzy girls that always seem to surround him. But when he met her, he knew she was different and it was hard to believe she felt the same way about him._

_She looked up at him and once again got lost in his eyes. "She had the biggest crush on my brother when we were young. When we were 12 she dared me to throw all of Hiro's socks into the well near where Shikamaru lived. And you know me…never says no to a dare. So I did it. I knew Hiro would be angry but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to see Ayame's face after I did it…priceless," she chuckled. _

"_So anyway, he was on a mission and wasn't due back until late that night; Ayame slept over to keep me company. I went to bed and the next thing I know Hiro is shaking me awake, yelling about his socks. He was so mad and he knew I had something to do with it. He kept yelling and kept telling him that I didn't know where his damn socks were. Then he looked at Ayame who had woken up in the middle of our screaming match. He stopped yelling and asked her as sweet as he could if she knew what happened to his socks. In less than a heartbeat she told him that I had thrown them in the well. I was so mad at her I didn't talk to her for a week," Akira said remembering the incident with little anger. _

"_So you don't trust her?" Gaara asked thinking about what Akira had just said. _Maybe that's why it's so hard for her to trust people.

"_Me and you…that's not her secret to hold, its mine," she said simply softly touching his cheeks. _

"_Naruto knows," he said closing his eyes and concentrating on her touch, soft and careful. _

"_You trust him," she said quietly. "Although you should tell him butt out of who I should tell."_

_He smiled at the instant frustration in her voice. "I will. But right now it's just you and me. What do you want to do?"_

_She gave him a mischievous smile. "I dunno…"_

"_I'm sure we can think of something," he said as his lips traced her jaw line, finally after what seemed like a lifetime they found her lips. _

_His lips were soft but full of passion. She could feel his want for more, his need for more. She laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck bringing their bodies closer. She could feel his breathing pick up pace. His hands moved up her back for her bra. She fell back into his bed never breaking the kiss._

"Stop," Akira said weakly. She was gripping Tsunade's desk. "Just stop." She had just relieved the same memory Gaara had running thru his mind. She knew not shutting him out was not a smart idea.

_Sorry_, his voice said in her head.

She took a deep breath. "Thanks Tsunade." She turned around to face him.

He was just as handsome as ever. He was wearing all black, which always looked stunning in contrast to his pale skin and ruby hair. He looked at her with a smile playing on his lips.

_You look beautiful_, he told her silently.

She couldn't help but smile. She tried to get her stomach from flipping out but was unsuccessful. There was no way around it, she had to walk pass him to get out of the office. She walked towards him, his scent getting stronger the closer she got. As she walked passed him his fingers brushed against hers and she felt a jolt of electricity restart her heart. _Damn, every time._

_Why haven't you shut me out_, he asked as she reached the door.

She slipped thru the door but before she shut it close she whispered, "Because you asked me not too."

* * *

_I can't believe I'm sitting here in this stupid ramen shop waiting for two people who probably don't even want to see me_, Akira thought miserably as put her head on the table. It had been a couple of hours after she talked to Tsunade. She had called Ayame to tell her she had some news for her. But Ayame didn't sound very enthusiastic and Akira doubted that her friend would even show up.

She should have gone home to pack but she didn't want to deal with Hiro so she had opted to visit her mother's grave. She had sat there thinking about the memory Gaara had that morning. She had never known he had insecurities about their relationship. She had always thought he was the crazy one for letting himself fall for her. He had to have known some of the rumors in that flew around the Leaf Village not to mention the nasty rumors in his very own village. But he never cared about them, never asked her to clear them up either. She really missed her mother; this would be a perfect situation to have asked her what she should do. She did ask but a tombstone can't talk back. So she walked home and called Ayame.

_Upside…I'm leaving. Downside…I won't see him. Upside…if I don't shut him out I'll still be able to hear him. Downside…if I don't shut him out I'll still be able to hear him. _She went back and forth between the pros and cons of leaving for a month as a hand on her shoulder interrupted her internal debate.

"Word on the street is your leaving," Naruto Uzumaki said as he stood behind Akira with his hand on her shoulder.

"The street? Or is that particular news from Gaara," she asked picking her head up to look at the blonde.

"Gaara," Naruto said walking around to sit across from Akira. "So what are you doing here? I thought you'd be packing, ready to leave as soon as possible."

"I have to talk to Ayame and Neji. I figured neutral ground was the best way to go," Akira said looking into the blonde's ocean blue eyes.

"So, were you going to tell me? About leaving?" He asked hurt lining his voice.

"I figured Gaara would take care of that?" she answered looking away. If she was the reason for hurting another person she was going to shoot herself.

"And if Gaara hadn't found out?"

"I would have told you," she answered.

"You know I'm your friend too," Naruto said unusually quiet.

"I know," she said softly. "I know."

"So…"

"I dunno Naruto. I'm all mixed up inside," she said whispered shaking her head. "He probably told you about last night. I just don't know. I've must've taken about 20 showers and I can still feel his lips on my wrists, my shoulders, my lips. Sometimes I think I'm alone in this. Alone…"

"You aren't. You've got a bunch of us that actually want to help," Naruto said taking her hands into his.

"I highly doubt Ayame and Neji even want to see me at the moment," Akira said with a weak smile.

"Yeah…I talked to them this morning. She's pissed…but I don't think it's at you. I think she's mad at herself and Neji. That guy is in the dog house," Naruto said cringing as he remembered their encounter from that morning.

"I know, Tsunade told me. I'm hoping it's not too bad," Akira said looking at the door to the ramen shop to see if her friend had come in.

"Soooo…are you going to tell me why Gaara was so pissed yesterday," Naruto asked trying to hide his curiosity.

"What he didn't tell you this morning?"

"Nope…refused to talk about it," Naruto said shaking his head.

Akira sighed. She knew he took the kiss with Shikamaru a little to calmly. He was still mad about it. "I kissed Shikamaru."

"Well duh. Everyone saw that. You also kissed me. That can't be the reason," Naruto said as if she was slow.

"No Naruto. I kissed Shikamaru _again_. After you guys left. I kissed him _again_," Akira said closing her eyes and putting her head back on the table. She really didn't want to see Naruto's reaction. Too bad she still had to hear it.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Naruto screeched. When he saw that everyone in the shop looked at him he lowered his voice and said, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Akira mumbled. "There was something in the first kiss and I had to make sure it was nothing. I just wasn't thinking."

"And?" Naruto whispered.

"And what?" Akira asked.

"Was there something?!" he whispered.

"Nope," Akira lied expertly.

"Nothing?" Naruto questioned.

"Absolutely nothing," Akira lied. "I mean it was nice. He can kiss but if you're asking me between him and Gaara…it will always be Gaara."

"What about between him and Lee?" Naruto asked not being able to help himself.

"Argh," Akira groaned.

"I mean you Gaara were hot and heavy yesterday but you and Lee…there was something there. That's why I thought Gaara was mad," Naruto said in a low voice.

"Ugh…I don't wanna talk about it," Akira said shaking her head. She liked the feel of the cool table against her head.

"So is that why Lee's the one accompanying you when you leave?" Naruto asked trying to push his luck.

Akira's head snapped up, her arm reached across the table and grabbed Naruto's shirt roughly pulling him towards her. "Now how the hell do you know about that?" She asked her voice full of ice.

Naruto was completely blown away by her reaction. He knew he might as well tell her the truth. "L-l-lee told me," he stuttered.

Her grip on his shirt loosened. She took a deep breath. "Lee told you? Why would Lee tell you?" Her voice still had ice in it.

"Because I kinda of annoyed it out of him," Naruto confessed hoping that would melt Akira.

It worked…sort of. She let go of his shirt. "Sorry Naruto I was just hoping to keep that quiet until I actually left," Akira said her voice melting. "You're going to tell him aren't you?"

Naruto knew who she was talking about. "I would rather he hear it from me than someone else," he said sitting back into his chair.

"Understood," was all Akira said not looking at him.

Naruto knew he should just keep his mouth shut but he couldn't help but ask even if it did get him in trouble. "So how do you feel about Lee?" He looked into Akira's milk chocolate eyes and saw all the pain and confusion she had but they were gone in an instant when she looked away.

"I love Gaara. But when I kissed Lee it felt…right. Like nobody hated me. Like I didn't have to fight to be with him. Like I wasn't being judged. It was new. Like I said…I'm all mixed up inside," Akira said quietly. "I just need to get out of here so I can think straight."

"And you need Lee to do that?" He really should not have said that.

Akira whipped her head to look him straight in the eyes and slammed her hands on the table. "For your information I didn't ask for a fucking bodyguard. I can take care of myself. If it were for me I would have left a long time ago by myself without anyone knowing. But unfortunately I was raised right and I actually adhere to rules. So I asked and those were her conditions and right now if it means I can leave then so be it! And for your information Lee wasn't the first choice he wasn't even second choice…he was the only one she could think of at the moment. He was only one who said yes." Akira voice had turned to ice again. She was pissed and she really didn't want to deal with this. She sat back down and put her forehead back on the table.

_There is definitely something off about her_, Naruto thought. _I should've kept my mouth shut_. "Sorry," he said almost inaudibly.

"That's a five letter word that means nothing without actions backing it up," she muttered not bothering to look at the blonde who was effectively pissing her off.

"Your right. I'm just mad you didn't think about me…that I wasn't your first or second choice. I would have said yes," Naruto said still quiet.

"You were considered," she replied her voice softening a little. _So that's why you're acting like an ass,_ she thought to herself.

"So why didn't Grandma Tsunade ask me?" he asked with a confused look.

Akira lifted her head off the table and looked into her friend's ocean eyes. "Because every time I see you—"

"You see him," Naruto finished.

"No…I _think_ about him," she corrected. "Like you'll say something and I'll actually think of what he would say back or what look he'd give you…it's actually very unhealthy."

"Ha…that is unhealthy especially if you want to forget about him," Naruto said with a small smile. "For a second I thought you didn't ask because you didn't like me anymore."

"I don't want to _forget_ about him Naruto. I want to _get over_ him. He's the best thing that could ever happen to me…that's not something I want to forget about. I just need to be able to think about him _without wanting_ him, you know what I mean?" Akira asked placing her forehead in her heads. She wasn't sure she was making any sense.

"Good luck with that," Naruto said sarcastically.

_Yeah_, Akira thought to herself as she shook her head. Neji and Ayame were an hour late. They aren't going to show. "I never asked…what are _you_ doing here Naruto?"

"Ummm…maybe I should have mentioned that before," he said as the door to the ramen shop dinged open.

"Damn it Naruto! You get me every time," she said frustrated. She should have known. She folded her arms on the table and buried her head in them. The tips of her ponytail brushed across her arms. She felt Gaara's eyes on her as soon as he spotted Naruto. Obviously God did not like her, getting to the end of this day was not going to be easy.

"Sorry!! In my defense I didn't know you were going to be here," Naruto whispered sincerely.

"Its fine…I might as well leave anyways. Neji and Ayame aren't going to show up," Akira muttered as she picked herself ready to leave.

"Actually…" Naruto said as the door dinged again and Neji and Ayame walked in.

"Just great," Akira mumbled sitting back down. "You go sit with Gaara before he comes over here."

"Akira I really am so—"

"Yea, yea sorry. I know," Akira said softly.

"About it all," Naruto said as got up and gave her a hug before he walked over to Gaara and Temari.

Akira waited until a disgruntled looking Ayame and an annoyed looking Neji sat down across from her before she started speaking in her order to distract herself.

* * *

"What the hell Naruto?" Temari said as the blonde approached their table.

"I didn't know she was here," Naruto replied.

"What's she doing here?" Temari asked Naruto as she watched her brother. His eyes hadn't left Akira since they came in.

"She's talking to them about leaving," Gaara said shrugging his shoulders.

"What?!" Temari said. "Leaving?"

"You might want to kick the staring down a notch Gaara; one might consider it a little stalker-y. Plus I would have thought you got enough of her yesterday," Naruto whispered, his words taking a double meaning.

"You ass," Temari said slapping her brother's shoulder. "I knew you didn't take a walk. A walk my ass," she muttered finally understanding why her brother wasn't home this morning.

Gaara looked stopped looking at Akira and looked at his sister. He gave her a small smile. "I'm surprised you bought it. Usually you're much more observant."

"I was distracted this morning," she responded. "What do you mean she's leaving?" Temari asked rising one eyebrow.

As the Sand siblings talked Naruto took the opportunity to order three bowls of ramen for himself. He waited patiently as he watched the conservation develop between Gaara and his sister.

"She's leaving," Gaara said repeating himself; there was no emotion in his voice. He had worked on trying not to care that she wouldn't be in the village in for a month even though he was leaving tomorrow for his village. "What's there to know?"

"And you're letting her leave," Temari said exasperated. "I thought we talked about this Gaara! You're suppose to fight for her. What the hell! You're acting like her leaving is okay."

Gaara had felt Akira turn around to chance a glance at him. But as he lifted his eyes to meet hers, she quickly turned around. He was still pleasantly surprised to know she still hadn't shut him out. _Did she mean what she said when she walked out of the Hokage's office this morning?_

_Yes,_ her familiar voice answered.

_I miss you_, he told her.

_I know_, was her answer.

"Earth to freakin' Gaara," Temari said getting in her brother's face.

"It's not _okay_. I asked her to come back," he told his sister calmly.

"What happened to fighting for her?" Temari questioned annoyed at her brothers lack of emotions.

"That's what I'm going to do at the Council meeting," Gaara said smirking.

"What are you going to do?" Temari asked skeptically. The food arrived, she watched as Naruto downed his first bowl. "What you didn't order any for us?"

"I difn't kgo ifff cho waaaan anknee," Naruto said his mouth full of ramen.

"Forget it Naruto," Temari. She poured water from the pitcher into her glass and her brothers'.

"I'm going to give them a piece of my mind," Gaara told his sister as he sipped water from his cup. Through the corner of his eye he watched as Akira stopped in mid-sentence and shake her head and then continue.

_That's not smart_, her soft voice said.

_Don't care_, he responded.

"I like it," Temari said smiling. The Council needed a piece of Gaara's mind. "So when is she leaving?"

"Tonight," Naruto said finishing off his second bowl.

"Damn that is soon," Temari said. "You don't leave until tomorrow…maybe you could _convince_ her to wait and the both of you can travel together," Temari suggested with a mischievous smile.

"I don't think so," Naruto said without thinking.

"Why?" Both Sand nins asked.

"Because the Hokage assigned a bodyguard," Naruto said choosing his words carefully.

"Bodyguard?" Gaara said the word slowly.

"Yea…just to make sure she gets to where's she's going," Naruto answered quickly.

"Who?" Gaara asked raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"Ummm….Lee," Naruto said cringing at the instant anger in his friend's face.

Gaara could not believe that that stupid green suited fool was going to accompany Akira to the mountains with the pandas. He could feel his white hot anger mix with the green eyed monster of jealously. And he knew Akira felt it too. He was so mad he hadn't realized that he was holding onto his glass cup so tight that in shattered in his grip.

_Fuck_, he thought as pain registered in his bleeding hand. It was weird that his sand didn't protect him. He watched at the maroon river flowed from out of his hand.

* * *

"Stupid," Akira muttered. She stopped in mid-sentence when she felt Gaara's white hot anger. But when she heard the crunching she knew he had done some damage to his hand, she could feel it.

Neji and Ayame were staring at her like she was crazy. Without thinking, she quickly stood up and walked over to her pissed off redhead. He was cussing and Temari was calling him stupid while she trying to pick the glass out of the wound.

"So why didn't your sand protect you?" Akira whispered as she reached him and softly took his hand into hers.

He was surprised she had come over without thinking of what it would look like to others. There was still some glass in his hand, he could feel it. But he couldn't help but concentrate on her angelic face. "Wasn't consciously trying to hurt myself."

She gave him a small smile that was still stunning. "Well Temari's right. You are stupid," she whispered as she took a small piece of glass out of his palm, her finger slippery with his blood. "You should go to the hospital."

"I'm good…with you," he said as she took the last piece of glass out of his hand.

"This needs to be cleaned," she said watching his palm bleed. "Come on get up," she said pulling him up.

_Stupid_, she told him.

_I know_, he shot back. _But it got you to come to me._

"Still stupid," she muttered. "Hey, Nolo can I use the sink in the back," she asked the shop owner as she walked through the back doors. She reached the sink and concentrated on getting the water the right temperature before putting Gaara's hand under the running faucet.

"Why won't you look at me," he asked wincing as the soon as the water hit the cuts. He was watching her reaction. He watched as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She opened her eyes and turned off the water and wrapped his hands in a towel.

She turned to look at him and touched the side of his cheek with her free hand. She wasn't worried if Nolo caught them because he owed her a favor anyways. "If I look at you for too long I'll lose my nerve. If I'm around you for too long I won't be able to leave."

Her touch made him forget the fact that Lee was the one leaving with her tonight. Made him remember how much he wanted her, how much he needed her. "Don't go," he whispered.

"Don't…don't do this. You promised," she begged as she watched his face trying to memorize every line of his face. She wasn't going to see him in a while she wanted to remember his face, his voice, his eyes.

"I know," he whispered feeling his blood soak thru the towel on his hand.

She looked down at his towel wrapped hand. She watched as the blood spread across the towel. She concentrated on flowing her chakra to her left hand as she unwrapped his hand. Once she saw her hand glow with her (now) red chakra she placed it over Gaara's hand and watched as his wounds healed.

"Plus your leaving tomorrow anyways…why would you want me to stay?" she asked so quietly that Gaara thought she hadn't said anything.

"How do you even know about that?" he asked lifting her chin so she would look at him.

"A little bird told me," she answered looking away.

"What little bird," he asked place his newly healed hand on her chin and forcing her to look him in the eyes.

"Nobody," she lied as she lost herself in the feel of his skin against hers.

_Liar_, his husky voice accused.

She gave him a small smile. _How do you know I'm lying?_

_Let me see who wants to redeem themselves. Who would think that this would bring us together_, his voice asked her. _Would this little bird happen to be my brother who likes to stick his nose where it doesn't belong?_

"Why didn't you tell me," she asked out loud.

"I'll take that as a yes," he answered his anger rising because. "I'm going to fucking kill him…maybe then he'll understand to stay the fuck out."

"Hey," Akira said harshly. She grabbed both of his shoulders and guided his body against the wall, made sure he was pinned to the wall before she continued. She knew how to calm him down. "He was just trying to help. He didn't know I was leaving. He thought that I would go with you…he wants us to be happy. So leave Kankuro alone," she whispered furiously. "When were you going to tell me you were leaving…you had all of last night and most of this morning."

"I didn't know until I got home this morning. I was planning on telling you tonight," he whispered his voice still angry.

"Stop," she commanded still hearing the anger in his voice.

"What?!"

"Stop with the angry," she told him her face dangerously close to him.

He was calming down even though he didn't want to. He wanted to stay mad so when he got home he could punch his brother but Akira was working him down. He could not bring himself to be angry when she was this close, when her lips were inches away from his. "Fine I won't be angry with Kankuro."

"You're still mad. Why?" she asked tilting her head to the side and pulling away slightly.

"Because Lee is going with you," Gaara said practically spitting out the words. "Why did you want Lee?"

"I didn't you ass," she said pushing away from him.

They were completely divided and Gaara was beginning was to believe bringing up Lee wasn't the smartest move. His arms felt empty without her in them.

"For your information I never asked for a fucking bodyguard! For you information I wanted to go alone," Akira said quiet rage in her voice.

"I know," Gaara said shaking his head. "The Hokage explained that to me."

"Then why are you acting like an ass," she asked her voice still full of anger.

"Because I'm jealous. Because you kissed him and enjoyed it. Because he's going with you. Because you're leaving to forget about me. Because I'm not going to see you for a month and he is," he said softly.

Akira stared at him. He had never had reason to be jealous before because when they were together he was sure he was the only one she wanted; because she always showed him he was the only one for her. And now he was unsure. Now…he was insecure. That melted her anger and she walked closer to him. "I'm not leaving to forget you. I could never do that even if I wanted to. No matter what, no matter who I'm with, part of me is always going to love you," she whispered.

He took her in his arms. She could feel his forearms flexing around her. Reluctantly she wrapped her arms around his waist. This is how he always got her. Whenever she was this close to him she couldn't help but return his affections.

"I don't want part of you to love me. I want all of you to love me," he said quietly.

"Hisui…"

"Yea, yea…we don't belong together. How many times am I going to have to tell you I don't care," Gaara said as his hands rubbed her back.

"I know you don't," she said placing her head on his chest. "Just for the record…Lee's not staying he's only going because Tsunade wants to make sure I go where I'm suppose to go."

"That helps a little," he said, hands still rubbing her back. "But only a little."

_I'm still jealous_, he confessed.

_No need for it_, she reassured him.

_Actually there is…tell me you haven't thought about kissing Lee again. Just to make sure if there was something there_, he asked her.

She sighed. She couldn't deny it but she wasn't going to tell him that. _Could you just hold me? she asked_.

And that's what he did. Both redheads stood there, arms wrapped around each other in complete silence. Both of them knew they were going to have to let go and every time they thought about it they squeezed each other even harder. Gaara measured her breathing and when she lifted her head off his chest he took the opportunity to kiss her.

His kiss was softer than ever before. It didn't ask for anything in return. She could feel her knees turn to jelly. She grabbed into his shoulders for support. He squeezed her even tighter to make sure she'd stay upright. The kiss wasn't a goodbye kiss. It wasn't a kiss you give someone when you're not sure when's the next time you'll see them. He kissed her like he knew…knew that one day they'd be together. It scared her…

He was the one to break the kiss and when he pulled away Akira was left breathless. _Damn it_, she thought to herself angrily.

He smiled that perfect smile she loved. "Remember that every time you're around that green suited fool."

She nodded. "I'm gonna go because people are going to start wondering." She reluctantly pried herself from his arms and started walking towards the door that led back to the dining area. She stopped when she reached the door. Without looking back at him she said, "Hisui…this is our goodbye. Please don't come tonight cuz…" she couldn't finish so she walked out the door.

He watched door close behind her. He crossed his arms and finished for her, "Because you won't be able to leave."

_I love you_, he shot into her mind.

_I love you too_, she said right before he felt her put her mental barrier up.

* * *

Akira was at the gate waiting for Lee to show up so they could leave. After the ramen shop she went home and locked herself in her room. Her brother was in a talking mood and she really didn't want to talk to him. Not after their brother and sister conversation from that morning. So when he stood outside her door and refused to leave she opened it and told him she had to pack because the Hokage was sending to train with the mountain pandas. That seemed to appease her Hiro, so when he left she decided she did indeed need to pack. While she was packing she found herself folding clothes that Gaara had always liked. She couldn't even get away from him when she was getting away from him.

She sat on her bed staring at the clothes until Shikamaru walked thru her door and folded the clothes quietly and put them in the backpack. When he was done he sat down next to her in complete silence. She had put her head on his shoulder and told him thanks. He knew exactly what to say to her to get her back on her feet. Knew exactly what to say to make sure she would leave without too much heartache. They had their goodbyes and he walked her to the gate and quickly left.

And now she stood there alone, sitting at the village's entrance waiting for Lee who was late. The guard looked at her like was crazy when she stomped her foot in the ground damning the leaf nin to hell because he was late. When she heard a group of voices, she understood why Lee was late.

He was surrounded by Naruto, Neji, Ayame, Temari, Shikamaru and Kankuro. _Great a going away party,_ Akira thought miserably as she pasted a fake smile on her face. _Thanks for the heads up Nara_.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked a little too cheerful.

"You didn't think you could leave without saying goodbye?" Naruto said loudly.

_Of course not_, Akira thought to herself.

Naruto was the first to reach her and crushed her with a huge hug. "How did you do it?" he asked whispering into her ear.

"Do what?" she whispered back as she returned the hug.

"Get Neji out of the dog house. What did you say to Ayame? Cuz after your conversation it was like nothing was wrong," Naruto whispered amazement heavy in his voice.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Akira said smiling as she pulled away. "Never forget how good I am Naruto…never."

"You are damn good," he said with a goofy smile on his face. "Come back okay?"

"Okay," she said.

Ayame and Neji were right behind Naruto. Akira was amazed with her handiwork they _did_ look as if nothing was wrong. But Ayame looked like she was never going to see Akira again.

"God Yame…I'll be back, could you wipe that miserable look off your face," Akira said playfully as she hugged her friend.

"A month is a long time. Who am I suppose to talk to," she asked returning the hug.

"To Neji and Naruto," Akira suggested. She pulled away took her friends face in her hands. "Don't forget what I told you. You do deserve him…don't think anything different…okay?"

Ayame nodded and gave her redheaded best friend another hug.

Neji waited patiently for his girlfriend to say bye to her friend. When she was done he looked at Akira as she walked over to him and gave a quick hug. "You're standing there like I have an STD or something."

He laughed. "Sorry…just being cautious."

"Smart," she said nodding as she walked over to Temari.

"Hey," she said as she stopped in front of her ex-future sister-in-law.

"I don't care what anyone says you and him make each other happy and personally that's all that should matter," Temari told Akira.

"I know," Akira said simply.

"Come back," Temari said.

"I will," Akira told her.

"I'll miss you," Temari admitted shrugging her shoulders.

"I'll miss you too," Akira said giving her a hug. She really was going to miss the blonde. She kept things interesting.

Then it was time to say bye to Shikamaru. There was nothing to say. They had said their goodbyes that afternoon when he stopped by to help her pack. She gave him a quick hug and whispered, "Thanks for everything, sorry for the all the confusion…it'll work itself out."

"No problem," was all he whispered back.

Akira turned to Kankuro. "Thanks for everything. For being the only one with enough nerve to tell me the truth." That's when heard a growl in the back of her mind. She had shut him out at the tea shop but Shikamaru had persuaded her to remove the mental barrier that afternoon. She knew she should have kept it up.

Gaara was here and she didn't know where. She could feel him watching her.

She gave Kankuro a quick hug and turned around to see where Lee was. He was standing there talking to Naruto about something. Akira closed her eyes and concentrated on Gaara's presence. She knew he was near, looking at her from the dark cover of the trees. She opened her eyes and looked to her left, that's when she saw a quick movement.

_I thought you weren't coming_, she said in an accusing tone.

_You said not to come…I never agreed_, he retorted still not coming out of the darkness.

_Gaara…_

_I only wanted to see you leave. Don't worry I'll stay right where I am_, he said in a reassuring voice. _We said our goodbyes…remember?_

_I really am going to miss you_, she told him.

She turned walked towards Lee. "Are we ready to leave?" He nodded. "Good. Then let's go," she said walking towards the gate.

They waved goodbye once again and Akira turned her back and walked into the night with her bushy browed friend.

_I'm going to miss you to Ai…more than you know_, he told her as she disappeared into the night. _More than you know._ And with that thought he walked back to his place to so he could get some kind of sleep before leaving for his village tomorrow morning.

**A/N: So that's the end of chapter 12!! Tell me what you think! I really hope you like it! As always my goal is to have the next chapter out in the next 2 weeks but my boss is always giving me extra work. Personally I think he overworks me…lol. So hopefully my workload will be low enough so that I can spend time writing:) PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!! **

**Just wanted to take a moment to thanks those who reviewed the last chapter!! Thanks to: Animestar001, Absolutely Amazing, Jeane, April, Jeanius, A Slave to Words, Michele, Live-by-words, and Akizu Miko**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! Lol

**A/N: HI GUYS! Sorry it's taken me this loooooooooooooooong to write this chapter. I feel overworked and underappreciated. My boss had me do overtime on top of my overtime. I've barely had time to sleep much less for myself. But thanks for hanging in there for me. I won't keep you any longer!!! I really hope you ENJOY this chapter! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!! **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 13

The bright moon lit a path for Akira and Lee who were traveling in silence in silence at the moment. They had been traveling for two days and Lee had talked about everything and anything. Akira had grown used to his voice filling the silence but now even though Lee's silence was nice it, was driving her crazy because he distracted her from things that she didn't want to think about.

She had shut Gaara out on day one, mainly because she found it a little too tempting to talk to him and lose herself in his voice. She _would have_ talked to him if she were alone but since Lee was walking right beside her she couldn't afford to get lost in Gaara's thoughts…in his voice.

She shook her head and tried to lift her thoughts out of the hazy fog that consisted of kisses between Gaara and herself and occasionally Shikamaru's kiss. She didn't allow herself to think about Lee's kiss because she didn't want to become even more confused.

"So you don't want to stop for the night," Lee asked confused.

"W-what?" Akira asked not realizing Lee had been talking. _Crap, that's what happens when I'm left with my own thoughts._

"I was asking if you wanted to crash for the night. Get some sleep," Lee said as he stopped walking grabbed her arm. His touch raised goose bumps on Akira's skin. "Were you listening to me?"

"Yea…" she said discretely slipping out of his grip. "Of course was listening to you."

He notice her nervousness around him, which he thought was funny because he was a thousand times more nervous about being around her…alone…with nobody watching them. "No you weren't," he said with a small smile.

"Yes I was," she said feigning confidence. "You were saying something…about…" She watched as Lee raised one of his bushy eyebrows in anticipation. "Fine…I was kinda distracted," she confessed.

"About what?" Lee asked.

"Nothing in particular," Akira said lying.

"Nothing?" he said skeptical.

"Nothing," she confirmed. She shook her head and looked him in the eyes, "So what were you saying?"

Lee had some idea of what was distracting Akira but decided that the best thing to do was to drop it. "I wanted to know if you wanted to crash for the night…I thought you'd want to sleep," he said shrugging.

"Sleep…sure," she said knowing she wasn't going to sleep at all. Oh how she wished she could sleep but she hadn't slept since they left the village no matter how hard she tried. She would just stare at the stars trying not to think about anything, trying to sleep but it never came. Her mind refused to shut down.

She watched as Lee set up camp. She watched as he took his sleeping bag out and laid it out neatly on the ground. She hadn't noticed until he stopped and stared at her that she had sat on the ground to watch him.

"What…you too tired to help me get a fire going," he asked smiling.

She blushed furiously. Usually she was better at disguising her exhaustion and her admiration. "Hey…I was going to. Give a girl a chance to catch her breath."

Once they got the little fire going, Akira laid her sleeping bag across from Lee's and sat down. There was no way she was going to get any sleep. Her mind was fully awake. She missed Naruto and his annoying voice. She missed Ayame and Neji sickly affection for each other. She missed Temari and her snappy remarks. She missed Shikamaru and his silent insights to her life. But really she missed Gaara more than she was willing to admit. She missed his voice, his eyes, his touch…she knew it was going to be hard. But she really hadn't prepared herself for total withdrawal from Gaara. She was about to release the block so that she could talk to Gaara but Lee started talking to her, which distracted her from the release.

"Do you really think this is going to help you?" he asked staring at the fire.

She was surprised because in all the chatter from the past couple of days he had never once questioned why she was leaving…why she was in desperate need of a hiatus. She looked up at Lee and saw all the sweetness she had fallen for when she was young…before she had fallen in love with Gaara.

"I think it will," Akira said softly staring at the cackling fire. Something occurred to her.

"Why aren't you mad at me Lee? Why don't you hate me? More importantly why did you agree to escort me to the mountains?" Akira asked quietly not daring to look at his reaction.

Lee looked up at her thru the flames. He watched as she curled her legs to her chest and wrapped her slender arms around them as if trying to keep herself together. And even though her eyes refused to look at him, he could still see all the pain and confusion they contained. "Why would I be mad," he asked still looking at her.

"I dunno…after that stunt in the teashop I'd be pretty mad," she answered shrugging her shoulders. The act had caused her hair to curtain around her face.

Lee smiled, he was mad. Mad that she kissed him, felt something and then turned around and kissed Gaara. He was mad that he was hopelessly in love with her, when she was so obviously in love with the Sand nin. "I was mad," he admitted still staring at her. He loved the way the fire made it look as if her long scarlet hair was shifting colors.

She lifted her eyes to meet his. "Was?"

"Yeah…was. And then I kinda got over it," he said returning her gaze. Her chocolate eyes were soft and a little sad.

"Over it?" she asked skeptically. She didn't believe him. You don't get over someone hurting you the way she did.

He could feel she didn't believe him. He walked over to her and sat down next to her. He thought it was a good at idea but now with Akira this close he was tongue tied and so nervous he couldn't remember what he was going to say. She was breathing slowly. He wanted to reach out and touch her but first he tried to gather his thoughts.

"I got over it…it's hard to stay mad at you…there's something about you…" he said quietly, still fighting the urge to touch her cheek.

"Yeah…like I'm crazy," Akira retorted. She felt Lee's arm brush up against hers and it made her all jittery inside. She didn't want to feel that way but couldn't help but keep her arm as still as possible in case Lee's arm brushed against hers again.

"You are not crazy. You're likable…what else would attract the sullen Sand nin," Lee added without thinking.

Akira closed her eyes as she thought about Gaara. She was going to lose him…she knew it…she could feel it. But isn't that what she wanted…for him to move past her? She deserved it anyway, deserved whatever pain came her way. She opened her eyes and exhaled slowly. "Likable…" she tested the word on her tongue. "Too bad my dad never liked me."

"Akira…that's not what I meant," Lee said hurriedly. "I meant…you…h-have this way about you…"

"Relax Lee. I was joking," Akira said with a small smile. "At least I was sorta joking. Likable…you think that's why Tsunade keeps me around?" Akira asked turning her body to face his.

Her leg accidently brushed against his and he felt his heart stop and then pick up at lightning speed. He wouldn't have been surprised if Akira could hear it. He knew the she wanted an answer but he opened his mouth and nothing came out. He felt like his heart was going to come out of his chest. In all the years he had been friends with Akira, he had never been this close to her.

She looked at him in silence. She knew being this close made him nervous. She felt it and she couldn't help but chuckle softly. The only person she made this nervous was Gaara. At the beginning whenever she was within breathing distance Gaara was always speechless. "Sorry," she said softly as started to turn back around. But Lee's hand stopped her. It landed softly on her knee. She could feel the warmth thru her linen pants.

"I'm pretty sure she keeps you around for more than just that," he said unusually quiet. He kept his hand on her knee and found that it got rid of some of the nervousness he was feeling.

She gave him a small smile. "I do kick ass pretty well," she with a chuckle. Still feeling the warmth from Lee's hands she sighed and laid her head on top of his hand. "I still don't understand why you agreed to this stupid ass excuse for a mission. Why did you agree to be my babysitter," she asked her voice slightly muffled.

He was slightly taken back by her closeness. The intimacy in her touch surprised him. He was momentarily quiet. She lifted her head off his hand and he instantly regretted not answering quickly. "Does it really matter?" he asked earnestly.

She looked at him for a moment and then put her head back onto the back of his hand. She was surprised to find it quieted her thoughts. "It does to me," she answered with her voice muffled.

He wanted to keep their skin to skin contact so he spoke up quickly but quietly. "Because I like you…_a lot_. And I wanted to help you out of a jam...and on some level…I wanted to be with you…alone. Even if it means I'm babysitting you." When he finished he looked away not wanting to meet her gaze. He felt her lift her head again.

She wasn't surprised by his confession but the sincerity in his voice cleared something in her mind. She shifted her body and he moved his hand away from her knee. She took his face in her hands and turned his face towards hers. "You know that's the first time you've ever said you liked me?" He nodded and she continued. "I like you too Lee. Unfortunately it will never be the way you deserve," she said softly with a sad overtone. She removed her hands from his face and placed them beside her. "Sorry for that."

"What if I don't care," he said swiftly. She took her soft cheeks in his hands and stroked them softly. "What if I don't care," he said softer this time.

"You should," she said quietly. "I do." She gave him a sad smile. She wanted desperately to feel like she belonged…like she was safe from judging eyes. Lee did that for her. His touch calmed her in ways Gaara's touch never did. His touch gave her the safety that Gaara's touch never would. And as much as she wanted to…give in and let herself be with Lee she couldn't…because she was irrevocably in love with Gaara. She didn't deserve Lee's affection and she knew it. She slowly inched out of his touch.

He held her face gently but he wasn't going to let her go that easily. He had done enough of that over the years. He leaned closer to her the fire hissing next to them and whispered, "You liking me is enough…don't you think we could make this work?"

She felt his closeness and was tempted to say yes but she knew the truth no matter what she felt at the moment. But against her better judgment she leaned forward her forehead touching his. She could feel her heart pick up the pace…anticipating the feel of his soft and gentle kiss but she refused to do that to him; to give him hope and then take it all away. She remembered what her dad always told her: _You don't deserve to be happy_. Maybe he was right…she looked at her life and _knew_ he was right.

She sighed and touched his nose with hers. Their lips barely touching. "We can't do this Lee…I can't…"

"Why?"

"Because…Lee please don't make me say it…" she pleaded quietly.

He wasn't going make her say it but he did say it for her. "Because you're still in love with Gaara."

She nodded causing their lip to touch for a second. He was tempted to kiss her anyways but knew that in the end it would be a mistake. "I could help you…get over him."

She exhaled slowly, her forehead still against his. "I can't do us right now. In this moment…because if we do…if I let myself…I'll just feel like…" she couldn't even finish her thought.

"Because if we do us…it will feel like you're cheating on him," Lee said finishing her thought.

She closed her eyes to stop them from spilling any tears. "I feel like I'm cheating on him now. Even though I'm the one who told him we were done. Even though I'm the one who told him to let me go. It's really hard to explain…to put into words. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he told her as he stroked the side of her cheek. "I've waited this long what's a little more time…I'll wait until you're ready." They were both quiet for a moment.

"Unless I met the girl of my dreams and then I'm sorry to say sayonara," he added breaking the tension.

She couldn't help but laugh as he let her go and walked over to his sleeping bag. "When you meet her you let me know so I can congratulate her," she chuckled.

She knew he was breaking the tension so that it would be easier for her…for them. "Lee…" her voice had taken a serious tone. "Thanks…for everything."

He looked at her and knew she meant it. "What are friends for…get some sleep. We should get to the mountains by tomorrow afternoon. I mean it…sleep."

"I'll try," she answered as she slid into her sleeping bag. She laid on her back and looked at the bright stars. _Sleep…I wish I could sleep_, she thought bitterly to herself. She concentrated on Lee's breathing and knew he was asleep when she heard his soft snoring.

She couldn't shut her mind down. She kept thinking about Gaara and Lee and how different they were but that difference didn't matter when she took in account her feelings for both of them. If she was confused before…now she was beside herself. She realized that she really did need this break…if only to gather her thoughts and make a damn decision. She rolled over and groaned wanting nothing more than to scream at herself for putting herself into impossible situations!

And then she remembered something. Gaara…she really wanted to hear his voice. She took a deep breath and promised herself that this was the only time she would take the mental block down. Whether she was telling herself the truth or not only time would tell. She felt the release and slowly waited to hear him inside her head.

She took a deep breath when she realized that his slow and even mental breathing meant that he was asleep. She cursed herself for even trying and concentrated on putting the mental block back up. She took a deep breath but before she could do anything she heard him…heard his just woke up voice.

_So you block me out…lift the block and try to put it back up without even trying to talk to me,_ his sleepily voice entered her mind.

She couldn't help but smile. Her stomach instantly fluttered when she heard his voice. She got goose bumps but in the good way and knew that she shouldn't have done it. It was going to be just a little harder to break the connection.

_I thought you were sleeping,_ she told him.

_I was…I was thinking about you and then suddenly I felt you. I haven't felt you since you left…you wanna tell me why?_ he asked. Even though his voice was even she caught the hint of irritation in it.

_You're mad_, she stated.

_Why wouldn't I be_, he said his voice angry. _I knew you were gone…that I wasn't going to see you but at least I could talk to you. And then a couple of hours after you leave, you shut me out. Completely. Shut. Me. Out. After you promised not to. How the hell else am I suppose to feel. _

He was very angry. Akira could hear it in his voice. Feel it in her body. She was going to tell him she had never promised but he said something that put his anger into perspective.

_You kissed him didn't you? You kissed that green suited fool, didn't you? That's how you shut me out?_ His voice had turned accusing.

He was jealous and with reason…sorta. _No I did not kiss him_, she shot back sounding offended. _I wouldn't do that. _She sighed and let his anger wash over her until she felt it in every inch of her body. Because with the anger came his pain and she needed to feel that. His was her pain…his pain made everything clear.

_I'm sorry Gaara, so sorry. That's not something I wanted to you to think. Sorry…I just thought that it would be better for the both of us…that this would make it easier. And now you're mad and hurt and jealous…this is my fault_, she finished talking more to herself to him.

He listened to her voice. Let everything she was feeling sink into him. He could feel her confusion, her sadness, her pain in what she was doing but mainly he could feel how much she loved him. So much it hurt…physically hurt. He realized that's why she wanted…needed the physical distance. He instantly felt bad for snapping at her.

_Ai...It's not your fault_, he started. But she interrupted him and suddenly he felt determination from her…determination that was blocking everything else.

_Did you get to your village?_ she asked abruptly changing the course of their conversation.

He felt that determination before. This was not good…it usually led to a very stubborn Akira. He knew this determination…it was what he felt when they broke up. _You're going to block me out again aren't you?_

_Did you get to your village?_ she asked ignoring his question.

He knew she was going to ignore the question. _I'll be there by tomorrow afternoon. It's your turn to answer my question. Please tell me you're not going to block me out._

Akira closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was the reason he was hurt. It was her fault no matter what he said. _Did Naruto tag along?_

_You're not going to answer me, are you? Damn it Akira! _His voice was agitated. She knew she was pissing him off. But she rather feel his anger than his pain and jealousy.

_So did Naruto tag along?_

He knew what she was doing. He took a deep breath…if this meant that their conversation was longer then he'd play along. _Yeah…he invited himself._

She could hear the aggravation in his voice no matter how hard he tried to hide it. _So any idea what The Council wants to talk about_? She wanted a normal conversation. Because if this was the last time she would hear his voice for a month then she wanted to remember it as a normal conversation.

_I have an idea_, he answered vaguely.

_And?_ she pressed.

_You're unbelievable, you know that? Absolutely un-fucking-believable. I'll answer your question only if you answer my ONE question._ His voice completely flooded her mind.

_Deal_, she said without a fight. _I'll answer it at the end._

_No I want it now,_ he argued.

_No deal. At the end or this conversation is done,_ she bluffed. She didn't want to stop talking to him and was hoping he wouldn't call bullshit.

_Un-fucking-believable_, she heard his quiet voice. _Fine, at the end._

She smiled. He didn't want to stop talking either. _So…why do they want to talk to you?_

He smiled at the sugary sweetness in her voice. _Because of you_, he stated. Instantly he was knocked breathless with her fear. Instant fear. He never felt that before…never felt her scared as she was now. _Damn Ai…I was bullshitting. I really have no idea why those old teabags want to see me. Probably something about being Kazekage._ He tried to saying it in a reassuring tone. It only half worked. Her fear diminished but it was still there…underneath the surface.

She felt like her heart jumped out of her chest. She could hear the blood pumping thru her veins. She was still trying to get a hold on herself when she heard Gaara's voice again. It calmed her adrenaline fueled heart. She hadn't felt fear like the one that just gripped her since the death of father. And as she listened to Gaara's voice she had no idea why she was seized with that amount of fear.

_Sorry_, she started of her voice a little weak, _I don't know what that was about. I hope I didn't scare the crap out of you. _

Gaara could hear the anxiety in her voice. She was desperately trying to hide it but he could still hear it. _I _know_ what that was about_, he answered inside her head.

_You do?_ she sounded surprised, which was weird because he rarely surprised her.

_Yea,_ he said slowly. _It's because of your dad…and your grandfather_, he told her quietly.

_That man is not my grandfather_, she said bitterly. She was surprised Gaara had picked up on her father. Even now that he was dead she was still scared of him. And deep down inside she believed Old Man Kioshi was the same way. But why the fear…she wasn't the one meeting him. But Gaara was…_her_ Gaara was. And that old man's hate for her could have dire consequences for him. That's _why_ she was scared. She didn't want to be the reason Gaara got in trouble.

_I know…you know what I mean_, he said softly.

_Can we talk about something else_, Akira asked thinking about a way to change the subject. This is not something she wanted to think about when she was talking to Gaara…possibly for the last time in a month.

_Sure_, he answered. He wanted to hear her happy…or at least as happy as she could be in this situation.

_Could you tell Temari Happy Birthday for me? Tell her I'm sorry I'm going to miss it this year,_ Akira said finding a perfect change of subject.

_I already did_, he admitted. _She's not too happy about you missing it but…she_ understands. Suddenly he started chuckling.

_What's so funny?_ she asked genuinely curious.

_Do you remember last year's birthday disaster_? he asked his voice heavy with laughter.

She smirked. _How could I forget? You locked us in Temari's closet when we were suppose to be setting up for her surprise party._ Akira was now quieting laughing with Gaara. _And then Shikamaru and Temari came in—_

_And they started making out and we were stuck in the closet trying not to make any noise._ He remembered laughing along. _Man Temari was so mad when we got their late and nothing had been set up. You remember how long it took us to get her to forgive us?_

_Of course. It took like a month…you were about to tell her that she needed to get over it because the only reason we were late was because we didn't want to interrupt her hot and heavy make out session with Shikamaru, _Akira said smiling.

_I would have told her if you didn't stop me,_ he said laughing quietly.

That's when it hit Akira. That's how she wanted to remember Gaara's voice. Full of laughter. If she wasn't going to hear him for a month she wanted to remember his voice with laughter. She knew she had to end the conversation before the subject changed to something more serious.

_I've got your answer Hisui, I have to…I really don't have a choice_, she said quickly before she could stopped herself. So before she could hear him protest she closed her mind off and concentrated on remembering his laughter filled voice. She held on to that until she finally fell in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Gaara was still mad as he woke up from a couple of hours of sleep. The last time he had heard Akira's voice was two days ago and she had shut him out so swiftly it took him a couple of minutes to realized what she had done. And then after that he was pissed. It wasn't fair that she controlled their communication. It wasn't fair that she could shut him out. It wasn't fair that she refused to take her stupid block down. No matter how hard he tried to break thru it…he had no luck.

So the only thing left for Gaara to be was…mad. Unbelievably pissed off. Not even his siblings could stand to be around him at the moment. So when The Council announced they wanted to see him this morning he decided now was better than ever to give them a piece of his mind.

As he strapped on his gourd on he heard someone walk into his room without knocking. There was only person that ever walked in without knocking. He looked up expectantly and then remembered that a. Akira was gone and b. He was not in the Leaf Village. It was Temari. She looked at him with worried eyes but didn't voice her concern.

"What are you doing in my room," Gaara asked his sister avoiding eye contact. He didn't want to see the concern in her eyes. It just made him think of Akira.

"You're going to be late for your meeting with The Council and I'm accompanying you," she answered quietly.

"I don't need a babysitter," Gaara responded. He didn't want Temari there when he spoke to old geezers.

"It's not an option. I'm assigned as your bodyguard," Temari said crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Bodyguard? For what?"

"I dunno. I just do as I'm told. Kankuro is already with The Council," she answered as she walked over to her brother in order to shove him out the room.

"Get off of me," Gaara said shrugging out his sister's grasp. "I can walk."

"Fine. Let's go," she said not moving until he started walking out of the door.

* * *

The room was enormous even with the Seniors from The Council. The walls were the clean color of desert sand. The chairs in the room were a dark oak with tan cushions. As Gaara walked into the room he noted that everyone looked uncomfortable except for a tall gray haired man who was standing in the middle. He looked like an overconfident peacock. Gaara instantly recognized him as Akira's grandfather. They had been whispering amongst themselves but as soon as the young redhead stepped into the room they grew quiet.

"You called," the redhead said in a lazy voice.

"Your late," Kioshi said walking to stand in the front of the crowd. "Please sit down. We have a couple of things to talk about." The old man gestured to a chair in the middle of the room.

"No thanks I'd rather stand," Gaara said extremely polite as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall near the door frame.

"As you wish," Kioshi said rather roughly. He looked at the Sand nin with weary eyes. There was something in them Gaara couldn't describe…something between the lines of hate and disgust.

"So…what can I do for The Council," Gaara asked his tone hinting he could care less what they said.

Temari looked at her brother with concern. He had been extremely pissed off for days. She knew Akira was the reason but he had refused to talk about it. She looked him now and he was acting as if he didn't have a care in the world. He was scaring her…she rather see him mad than careless.

"We are concerned with the company you have been keeping in the Leaf Village while you have been staying there," Kioshi said in a matter-a-fact tone.

"Concerned?" Gaara said raising his nonexistent eyebrows. He could feel the anger building up in his blood.

"Yes, concerned," the old man snapped.

"What company?" Gaara asked trying very hard to piss the old man off.

"Gaara," Temari hissed under her breath.

Kioshi had looked as if he didn't care what Gaara was going to say. But when Gaara asked about what company, his eyes flashed a certain anger Gaara was very familiar with.

"What company?" he asked incredulous. "Let's not fool about Subaku. Akira Kioshi. She murdered one of our village's most prized ninjas and got away with it and you go around _associating_ yourself with _her_ as if she were your best friend or _something more_," he said the last part like he knew for a fact there had been something more.

Gaara looked at him and thought of a million comebacks but opted out of them and just shrugged his shoulders knowing that would piss the old man off. He looked at the rest of The Council and saw a variety of looks. Some of them were worried, others were full of discontent and then there was one man who looked disgusted at Old Man Kioshi. Gaara stared at the white haired man who looked a little younger than the rest of The Council. He was curious as to why the man was looking at Kioshi like that. His attention was interrupted when Kioshi practically yelled at him.

"So this is how you show your loyalty to your village. By _associating_ yourself with a known murder. That's how you show us you want to lead our village," Kioshi voice was full of disgust.

Temari looked at her brother and knew he had enough. His muscles flexed underneath his shirt as if he were trying to control himself. He pushed himself off the wall and Temari knew that there was about to be trouble. How much trouble she just wasn't sure of.

Gaara had just about enough the Kioshi's mouth. He wanted to wipe that look off his face but he knew better. So he tried to control his temper. He was pushed himself off the wall and walked over to the old man until he was face to face. Gaara was about three inches taller than Kioshi. He looked at the man and saw Akira's milk chocolate eyes. But where Akira's eyes were always warm and welcoming no matter how mad she was. Old Man Kioshi's were cold and iced over. It seemed as though their eye color was the only thing that Gaara could see they had in common.

"_Loyalty_," he spit the word back at him. "You have some nerve to talk about loyalty," he said each word slowly and deliberately. "Where's _your _loyalty to your _granddaughter_. Does your blood not run through her veins, don't you owe her loyalty?" Gaara asked spitting Kioshi's words back at him.

Kioshi's staggered back as if he had been slapped. He looked as shocked as everyone in the room. He never thought that Gaara would stand up to him, especially for a girl that had killed his son. He was absolutely speechless.

Gaara wanted to smile when the old man stepped back at his words but he controlled himself. He let his eyes roam over the rest of The Council and found equally shocked expressions. But the white haired man he had seen before now had a clear smirk on his face, as if he were pleased about Gaara's outburst. Now Gaara was really curious. But before he could talk to the white haired man Kioshi had found his voice.

"How dare you—" he started off at the top of his lungs.

"How dare me?" Gaara said interrupting. Gaara filled his voice with as much venom as possible. "No you got it wrong…how dare _you_? How dare _you_ judge Akira before ever having met her?! How dare _you_ blame a child for defending themselves from an abusive father?! Before judging Akira for what she did, did YOU ever stop to consider that she did what she did because of the monster you raised?" He had kept his voice icy and even, never letting it go up an octave.

"You, this Council…you guys aren't anyone to tell me who I should _associate_ with. You want to know something about Akira. She's got more loyalty then anyone in this room. She's willing to give up the one person she's ever loved in order to make sure he gets what he wants. She's willing to forfeit her happiness to make sure I became Kazekage. Every time I think about it, I love her more," he stopped when there was a collective gasp from the Council. Out of the corner of his eye Gaara saw the white haired man's smile grow even more.

"And other thing about Akira…she could kick your ass any day. She got more power and courage then everyone in this room combined. So I'm going to tell this room something," he said as he let his eyes lock with the curious looking white haired man. "You want me as your Kazekage then so be it. I'll be the best damn Kage this village ever had. But if you wanted to let this man—" he pointed to Kioshi "—cloud your judgment than that will be your mistake. But I will not let anybody tell me who I can _associate _with. Is that understood?" he asked knowing he wouldn't get an answer. And with his speech over he felt a lot better…knowing he defended Akira, knowing he had done right by her. He turned his back to The Council and mentally noted that he had to talk to the white haired man later.

"When you guys reached your decision about Kage, you know where to find me," Gaara said calmly and without looking back at The Council when he had reached the door and his awed looking sister.

Temari watched as her brother opened the door and walked out leaving The Council complete silence. _Now that's what I'm talking about_, she thought cheerfully as she closed the door behind her brother and followed him out of the building.

* * *

Talking about Akira…saying how he felt out loud to people other than his best friend and his siblings had made him remember how much he missed her. How much he missed her voice, the way her hair bounced when she was walking, and how animated she was whenever she talked about something she was passionate about. Thinking about her didn't do him any good because now all he felt was loss. He knew she was going to come back but would she comeback changed, would her feelings for him have changed…especially now that The Council knew how he felt.

Thinking about all that made him miserable and that pride and pleasure he had had before from telling off The Council had now dissipated. All he wanted was to find Akira and tell her he had sent them to hell but he couldn't. He couldn't even tell her because of her stupid mental block.

He let out a frustrated sigh and walked into the teashop Temari had said she's meet him at. She was suppose to bring Kankuro and Naruto. He was still brooding as he let his eyes roam the shop for an empty seat. As he looked around he saw a girl with long dark raven hair. She was curvy and tall, maybe that's why she drew his attention. It was like she could feel his eyes on her because all of a sudden she looked up and locked eyes with Gaara.

He was surprised to find himself drawn to her. He walked towards her without thinking and sat in a chair across from her. She gave him a smile.

"Hello," she said. Her voiced filled him up. As he looked into her eyes he realized why he was so drawn. She was looking at him the same way Akira looked at him…all heart, no fear. It was freaky knowing someone else had that look.

He realized he hadn't said anything when she said hello again. "Oh…hi," he said quietly. His hands were sweating.

"Everyone knows who you are," she said leaning in. Her hair fell down forming a curtain around her face. He was again reminded of Akira and then a stab of pain shot throughout his body from missing her. "But I'm pretty sure you have no idea who I am," she whispered cheerfully.

"My name is Misa," she said extending her hands. "It's nice to meet you Gaara of the Desert."

Gaara looked at her hand for a second and then took it. There was no spark but there was something there he couldn't describe. "It's nice to meet you too," he said pleasantly knowing things were going to change whether he wanted them to or not.

**A/N: So there it is! Let me know what you think. I know I left it at sort of a cliff hanger but for some reason I love anticipation…lol…I promised to try and have the next chapter out in two weeks (planning work functions are not fun!!!) THANKS AGAIN FOR READING!!!!!**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! Lol

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers!!! I hope you guys haven't given up on me. It's been a tough couple of months but I'm back and hope to update at a regular pace. I hope you guys like this chapter…it's been a LONG time coming. **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 14

_Breathe, breathe, breathe_, Akira kept telling herself as she closed her eyes and concentrated on letting her chakra flow through her to her fingertips and materialize. She concentrated on letting the chakra form the shape of a dagger but it was taking a lot more concentration then she remembered. She felt the dagger start to take shape and opened her eyes, accidently breaking her concentration.

"You weren't concentrating," Kana scolded Akira for not holding her concentration.

"I was totally concentrating," Akira grumbled under her breath. She looked at her hand and watched her chakra glow around it.

She had been with the mountain pandas for two weeks and was amazed to see the yellow in her chakra. On her first day Kana had told her that they had tons of work to do because her chakra was off sync. When Akira asked what she was talking about, it was Hisa who answered "your chakra is the wrong color."

_The wrong color_…Akira still wondered if that's what had her acting like she didn't have any sense when she was in the Leaf Village. When she arrived, her chakra was completely deep maroon and now after two weeks of training with the pandas she had managed to pull her sunshine yellow out into the open. Now her chakra was bright yellow with red swirls, which the pandas assured her, was what it was suppose to be. Apparently nothing could be done about the red swirls…those were part of Gaara's chakra.

The pandas had explained that whatever happened between Akira and Gaara, it had sealed their chakras within each other; there was no reversing that process. At least there was no safe way of reversing the process. The only thing she could do was make sure that his chakra didn't overshadow her own chakra and that was easier said than done. Every time she thought about her red head the swirls seemed to get bigger, which just reminded her of how much she missed him. But Hisa kept reminding her that instead of fighting against Gaara's chakra, she needed to integrate it within her. _Whatever the hell that meant_, Akira thought grumpily.

_Okay so maybe I'm a little distracted_, she thought to herself. It's not like she didn't know how to make a dagger, she did. But she didn't want to…which is why she was stalling. She could feel Kana's frustration and it was really starting to get on Akira's nerves.

"Why won't you make the dagger? You've made arrows, energy balls, flames and you can't make a dagger? You need to stop thinking about that _boy_ and start thinking about your chakra," Kana said pacing around Akira.

Akira felt her anger and tried to keep it in check. "I'm not thinking about that _boy_," she said heated. "I just don't want to make a dagger…I don't like them."

"Don't want to? Why?" Kana asked as she stopped pacing and stood directly in front of Akira. "Why?"

"I just don't, okay?" Akira responded.

"That's not an answer. WHY?" Kana asked.

"WHY?" Akira repeated, her voice rising. "You want to know why? You keep telling me that I need to stop thinking about _that boy_. Like it's something I can turn on and off. But guess what?! I used to train with him. My specialty was daggers. That's what got closest to breaking through his sand defense. He loved it when I made daggers because I could make him sweat. Do you get it now? Do you understand why I DON'T WANT TO MAKE DAGGERS?!"

"That's enough," said a soft stern voice behind Akira. Hisa's coal eyes were filled with concern as Akira turned to look at her. "Take a break Akira."

Without a word to either panda Akira walked away with her fists balled up at her sides.

As soon as Akira was out of earshot Hisa turned to Kana.

"Why are you so hard on her," she asked quietly shaking her furry head.

"I'm hard on all the Kimari women. I am the one that prepares them for battle. That's my job or have you forgotten?" Kana said gruffly.

"No. You're particularly hard on _her_. And if you haven't noticed she's not going into battle. She's here to _train_," Hisa said approaching her sister. "What's the real problem?"

"There is no problem," Kana said avoiding eye contact.

"Is it because she looks like her mother," Hisa asked.

"That has nothing to do with it." Kana replied walking away from her sister.

"Or is it because she fell in love with the wrong person," Hisa said as she followed her sister. She refused to let Kana drop the subject.

"It's nothing," Kana said walking faster.

"It's not nothing Kana, tell me," Hisa said cutting in front and blocking Kana's path.

"I just did. It's nothing," she said stopping in front of her stubborn sister. "Would you move?"

"It's because she looks just like her mother." It was a statement.

"No," Kana hissed. Hisa was getting close…looking like Ari was part of the reason she was so hard on the girl.

"No…it's not just that, is it?" Hisa said reading her sister's reaction. "It's because she looks like her mother _and _she fell in love with the wrong person." _Of course_, Hisa thought to herself.

"No," Kana lied. But she knew her sister hit home.

"She's not her mother," Hisa said softly.

"I KNOW she isn't. Ari was stronger than her daughter. Ari married the wrong person because she had too. Because she thought it was the RIGHT thing to do. Akira…she's weak. You can see the pain she carries in her eyes. Her mother never showed any pain." Kana walked in a circle, remembering her favorite mistress.

"Never showed you," Hisa said quietly. She watched her sister stop pacing but didn't look up. "She never showed you any pain because you've always thought loving someone was a weakness. She fell in love Kana, what was so wrong about that?"

Kana looked up and looked in her sister's coal eyes, "Love does make you weak. She fell in love and what good did that do her. She got pregnant and he died. So then she married that awful man because it was the _right thing to do_. Akira is no different. She came here to forget the Sand nin and yet he was in every one of her thoughts. Weak."

"He's part of her Kana, literally part of her…chakra and all. And why didn't you ever tell Ari how you felt about her marrying Akira's father. Ari fell in love…I don't see the crime." Then it clicked and Hisa saw it. She understood why her sister was so angry at Akira.

"You thought you'd get a second chance with Akira. You thought you'd get to shape Akira into the warrior her mother refused to be after she got married. But Akira didn't choose the assassination path. She chose the rescue missions, so she was paired with me. And you never got your second chance. Do you think you're doing her any good Kana? Do you? Working her so hard?" Hisa's voice rose slightly because she knew her sister was being irrational.

"I think she needs to be worked hard. She keeps thinking about the Sand nin and what good has he done her? What good has falling in love with him done her? What good has her _good behavior_ done her in _that_ village? That village that never really appreciated her talent. That village that always feared her. That village that seemed to idolized her bastard father. You sit here and talk about love, Hisa. But at the end of the day the only thing love has done for Akira is bring her more pain. You think that falling in love with the Sand nin was a good idea? She was better off with Nara, at least his family is accepting. She belongs with Nara," Kana said furiously.

"She belongs with whom she chooses. Even though you're right that falling for the Sand nin was a mistake but it's done and he loves her back. I've seen it in his eyes. We are the closest thing she has to family don't you think we should help her work through her feelings?" Hisa asked her sister.

"I think we should tell her the truth..._about everything_," Kana stated. She saw something flash across her sister's coal eyes...anger. Hisa was never one to get angry...

"You know we are sworn to secrecy. Her mother didn't want her to know, so why bring up the past," Hisa said with a quite anger.

"Because I think she has the right to know. She goes around with half the people she knows lying to her. The red head lied about his village. Her brother lied to her about why she couldn't see the red head. And she doesn't even know the real reason her father detests her? The real reason why the Old Man hates her...hates her mother?" Kana was tired of not telling Akira what she had every right to know. But her sister had other plans.

"That is enough. We keep our word and if Lady Tsunade wanted her to know she would have told Akira herself. This is the end of this discussion. And you better change your attitude around her. Stop holding things against her. Things she has no control over." And with that Hisa walked away.

There was finality in her sister's voice that Kana never heard before. She was starting to wonder if there was something she didn't know.

* * *

Akira could feel the anger coming off her in waves. _What the hell was Kana's problem_, she thought angrily.

She had walked as far away as she could from pandas because she didn't want to disrespect them. That was her mother's number one rule: Never disrespect your chakra pandas. Never.

She looked around to see where she ended up walking to. She was at the edge of the forest that surrounded the mountain panda's home. There was a straight line of trees and the sun was dipping low between them, shining through the branches, giving the place an orange-red glow. Akira closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing. That always seems to help when she needed to calm down.

She could hear the sounds around her, the birds in the surrounding trees singing to each other, the breeze shifting the colorful branches. She took a deep breath and her eyes snapped open. It didn't smell like the ever-changing leaves. The air didn't smell the way it was suppose to. It smelled just like Gaara, crisp and fresh...just like it smells after it rains.

_It can't be_, she thought frantically. Akira looked through the trees looking for a flash of maroon that didn't belong. But after five minutes she convinced herself that she had imagined the smell...because she missed Gaara. She closed her eyes and thought about how much she missed her red-head. God did she miss Gaara. She missed seeing his stern face. She missed talking to him. She even missed making him pissing him off.

"What am I going do?" she said softly to herself.

She felt a soft breeze and Gaara's scent doubled. "You could stop talking to yourself," answered a soft voice.

Akira's heart stopped. Her eyes opened slowly. _Oh great I miss him so much I've started to hallucinate_, she thought to herself.

There he was standing in front of her. His arms folded across his chest, a slight smirk on his handsome face. His beautiful jade eyes were boring into her. His gourd was strapped to his well defined back. He was completely dressed in black, which made his ivory skin even paler. His ruby locks were shifting in the breeze. The whole image was made even more surreal with the sunset right behind him, making the edges of his well toned body glow.

Akira was amazed at the accuracy of her hallucination. She could even see the worry lines in between his non-existent eyebrows. She closed her eyes and shook her head to clear it, to get rid of the unhealthy hallucination in front of her. She wasn't in the mountains to think about Gaara. She was there to stop thinking about him. She took a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes again.

"I'm not part of your imagination Ai," Gaara said quietly.

Akira's heart stopped again. She took two steps back. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not suppose to be here. You're not..." She took him in again. He hadn't moved an inch. His smile became a little more pronounced but he didn't make any sudden moves.

"I'm not what? I'm not here? I'm not in front of you? I'm not in love with you? I'm not mad at you? Well actually that last one is kinda untrue. I am mad at you," he said a matter a factly. His expression hadn't changed but a shadow passed over his eyes.

Her heart had picked up the pace and was rapidly beating inside her chest. She could feel the adrenaline that her heart was pumping into her body. Despite her futile attempt to convince herself she was imagining Gaara, she couldn't help but smile at the fact that he was actually standing in front of her. That he was in fact very mad at her. She could see it in his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here Gaara," she asked in a whisper.

"I needed to see you," he answered simply. He still hadn't moved an inch.

She watched him as his eyes roamed her body. His smirk was still visible. She had repaired the damage she done to her body when she had locked herself in her room, still slender but curvy. Her hair was longer and moved softly in the breeze. Her eyes were sad but her body language was telling him she was upset. She was in a white linen jumpsuit that made her beautiful features pop out. Her brown eyes seemed warmer, her ruby waves seemed brighter and her fair complexion seemed paler against the white she was wearing. When he finally made eye contact with her she could feel him trying to get her in her mind. But something was wrong. It wasn't working and she wasn't blocking him. She watched as his smile turned into a scowl.

"It won't work here," Akira said watching his change of expression. "Something about this being sacred ground and something about the panda's protection. Hisa explained it when I got here but I wasn't listening. I can't get into your mind and you can't get into mine. I'm not blocking you out if that's why you're frowning."

"But you blocked me out two weeks ago didn't you," Gaara accused quietly. He watched as Akira nodded. "So you could be alone with Lee?" He watched her change of expression. Her forehead creased as she was trying to find the right words. But then he saw the flash of anger in her eyes.

"How did you get here," Akira asked taking another two steps back. There was something off about Gaara and she couldn't quite put her finger in it.

"You didn't answer my question," he stated, watching her step back.

"I'm not going to answer that question. Plus I don't think you'll believe me and I'm pretty sure you've come to your own conclusions about me and Lee. Even though I was perfectly clear when I left that he was just accompanying me here. But believe what you want. And if that's the only reason you came here then you are more than welcome to leave," she answered anger very clear in her voice. With that she turned around and started to walk away.

Akira had barely taken a step when Gaara stood in front of her, blocking her way. "You're upset."

"You're in my way," she stated avoiding eye contact.

"You're very upset," he said his brow creasing in concern. He reached for her face when he felt her fingers wrap themselves across his wrist.

"Stop," she whispered. "Just stop. You don't trust me and that was clear the moment you asked me about Lee. I don't blame you but if you're only here to hold that against me, then I don't need it. I've got enough to deal with and you should go home because if they find out you're here I'm dead."

"I know you miss me. I can see it. Feel it in the way you're holding my wrist. Just talk to me," he said without moving an inch.

"Do you miss me?" she asked letting go of his wrist. The lost of physical connection was devastating. But she still felt like something was off.

"Would I be here?"

"That's not an answer."

"Of course I miss you," Gaara said, trying to figure out if Akira knew. She was always so good at picking out lies. He did miss her, that was the truth. But he had filled the emptiness with Misa's company and he was afraid Akira was going to pick that up.

"Spit. It. Out. Gaara." she said trying to side step him.

But he wouldn't let her. He came here to talk to her and that's what he was going to do. "I told The Council about us," he said hoping that is what she was referring to.

"I know," she said not making eye contact. All she wanted to do was kiss him but...

"You know? How?"

"Naruto sent a scroll as soon as you told him. He seems to want to keep me informed. Thinks it will help what he calls Gaara withdrawal," she finished with a ghost of a smile.

Gaara shook his head. "That sounds like Naruto. Has it helped?"

"A little," Akira admitted looking back up at Gaara's handsome face. "But I still miss talking to you."

"I miss that too," Gaara said softly. "I apologize about the Lee thing. I do trust you. Always have."

He closed the gap between their bodies and placed his arms around her waist, embracing Akira. It felt so good being with her. She closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulders. She took a deep breath and said, "They don't know you here do they?"

"Which they? My they? Or your they?" he asked kissing the top of her forehead.

"Both," she said looking up into his sea-green eyes.

"None of them know," he said quietly as he squeezed her tightly. "I'm going to kiss you and feel free to stop me if you want."

"I don't want to stop you," she said lifting her head up to meet his lips.

As soon as their lips touched, she felt there a warm sensation fill the pit of her stomach and stretch to her fingertips. It was strange not being in Gaara's head when they were this close. Strange to feel his lips and not hear his voice. There was something in his kiss that Akira was trying to figure out. His lips felt like they had something to prove...she just wished she could see his memories, but wasn't that what she had been fighting so hard to stop?

His hands slipped under her shirt and landed on the small of her back. He could feel his need for Akira increase with every second of the physical connection. She loved him he could taste that but he couldn't help but wonder: if he could feel how much she missed him, could she feel that he had found someone to talk to that wasn't her. Could she feel that he had kissed someone who wasn't her?

He tried not to think of it as he held her in her arms. As much as he wanted to be in Akira's mind he was thankful that the pandas had protection here because that meant she couldn't be in his mind and that's what worried him the most.

She broke the kiss sensing his distraction. There was something Gaara wasn't telling her and it was bugging the crap out of her.

"You're not here," she said softly untangling herself from him.

"I am here," he answered softly. _She picks up on everything_, he thought to himself.

"No you're not _here,_" she said pointing to his head. "You're not entirely here." She took a deep breath. She knew this was her punishment for pushing him away. "We're over aren't we?"

She watched as shock temporarily crossed his features. "We can never be over. I love you Ai," he said softly caressing her cheek.

"Then what aren't you telling me?" she asked still trying to put some physical distance between the two of them.

"Nothing," he lied.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me anything?" Akira asked knowing there was something Gaara wasn't saying. She wondered if it had something to do with The Council. "So The Council is okay with you and me?" she asked hoping that would be enough to make him talk.

"In enough words I told them it didn't matter if they were okay with it. That I didn't care. I want to be with you and they aren't a reason not to anymore. I came here to tell you, that when you come back I'll be waiting."

He wasn't lying about that. He was ready to be with her and have everyone know it. He had already told himself that Misa was a substitution for the loneliness that Akira had left but now they could be together and nothing was going to stop them. He had already told himself that he was going to talk Misa about just being friends. There was no way he'd lose Akira.

Now his only worry was how to tell Akira he had been with another girl just after she left. She was only gone for two weeks and the only thing Gaara could think about in those two weeks was Akira and Lee and how close they might have gotten. He thought she had kissed him and that's why he couldn't hear her anymore but it was this place that was keeping their thoughts to themselves.

Akira looked in Gaara's sea foam eyes, there was something he wasn't telling her but she wasn't in the mood to drag it out of him. She was pretty sure it had to do with Lee but thinking about Gaara not believing her just made her mad, so she just took a deep breath.

"I've gotta get back before Hisa thinks I ran away," Akira said walking back.

Gaara shook his head. No wonder she was looking at him like there was something wrong. She was upset when she walked to the edge of the forest and any other day he would've asked her what was wrong. He would have been worried about what was upsetting her. He would have asked what was bothering her but in all his confusion he never asked. He never bothered to ask how she was doing. He came here for himself without wondering how she was coping here.

"Wait," he said and when she stopped he walked over to her, "why were you so upset?"

She smirked. There were a lot of reasons she was upset but she settled with the simplest answer, "It doesn't matter."

He frowned. She wasn't going to tell him. She wasn't going to talk to him. Had they grown apart in two weeks? He watched as she made eye contact, he could see her sad chocolate eyes.

"Akira," he started off but she cut him off.

"I'll see you in two weeks Gaara," and with that she turned around and started walking off in the direction she had come from. But before she disappeared she stopped.

"I never kissed him after the tea shop. Lee…I never kissed him again. He wanted me too when he accompanied me here but I couldn't because every time I thought about it I felt like I'd be hurting you. So I didn't...I couldn't kissed him again." and with that she took off at a run leaving Gaara feeling more guilty than before.

* * *

Akira didn't sleep very well. She kept thinking about why Gaara had come and what it was he was hiding. And when she thought about Gaara she ended up thinking about everyone; Shikamaru and his silence, Ayame and Neji, Naruto and Lee. Her thoughts clouded her sleep so all she did throughout the night was toss and turn. So naturally when she saw the sun shining through her curtains she was ready to pull the covers over her head and call it a day. But she didn't even have the chance because as soon as she rolled over a very obnoxious blond stormed into her room.

"Why aren't you awake?" Naruto asked a little louder than he intended.

"Naruto what the hell are you doing here," Akira muttered grumpily.

"We came to visit you," he said brightly.

_We?_ she thought to herself. "When you say we...what does that mean?"

"Me, Ayame, Neji and Lee," he said smiling.

For a second Akira wished Naruto had said Shikamaru. She missed talking to him. He was her best friend. At least he was the only one who knew her the best. He'd know what to say about Gaara. And she was pretty sure that he'd tell her what Gaara was so desperate to hide. The more she thought about it she realized there was a reason Shikamaru didn't show up.

"Where's Shikamaru?" she asked watching Naruto's reaction. And sure enough he gave her one.

A secret passed through Naruto's eyes. She watched as he tried to come up with a lie. "Ummmm...he had to visit the Sand village."

"_Visit_ the Sand village," Akira questioned him.

"Yep," Naruto said looking away. He couldn't look into her eyes and lie.

"Whatever," said she said rolling over pulling the covers over her head.

Naruto looked at the lump of cloth that was Akira. She purple shadows under her eyes which meant she hadn't slept, she looked so tired. But the pandas had said she was doing so well. That's why they were given permission to come and visit. What happened in the last couple of days that caused her loss of sleep? If Shikamaru was here he would know. But he didn't want to come because he refused to withhold _some_ information.

Naruto walked over and pulled the covers back off. "Get up," he said cheerfully.

"I don't want to get up," she grumbled. "Why don't you guys just eat breakfast and I'll be down when I'm ready."

"Yea right," Naruto said. "If you're anything like me you'll try to go back to sleep. Don't you want to see everyone?"

Akira sighed. Of course she wanted to see them. Just not now. Not now when she was confused. Not now when she knew there was something Naruto was withholding. She knew he wouldn't tell her so she didn't even bother trying to get it out of the persistent blond.

"Fine," she said getting out of bed. "I need to get dressed so I'm going to need you to turn around."

Naruto stood there frozen. She was a pair of oversized pajamas that didn't look like they belonged to her. And he was pretty sure he recognized the owner.

Akira turned around to see if Naruto had looked away but instead of seeing his back she saw a shocked look at recognition. She looked down at what she was wearing. _Fuck_, she thought to herself.

"Naruto," she started.

"Those aren't _your_ pajamas." It was a statement in an accusatory tone.

"No, they aren't. Well they sorta are," she sighed. "I can explain."

"Please do."

_Great, just freaking great._ "Okay. They were Shikamaru's but he gave them to me. So they're mine…mine now," she said quietly.

"I can see that," his eyes said judging her.

"STOP. Stop looking at me like that. Stop. It's a running joke between me and him. Okay? Not that I have to explain anything to you but it's a running joke…he said I didn't have enough girly pajamas. And when I asked him what difference was between girly pajamas and manly pajamas was. He proposed a challenge. I was to go shopping and find girly pajamas I liked and bring them to him. To say the least I couldn't find any so I bought a bunch of guy pajamas and gave them to Shikamaru. So every once in a while, he'll return one of them to me with a note…to make me smile when he thinks I need it. So STOP judging me," she said a little breathless. She was tired of seeing that look in other people. Tired of seeing that looked directed at her. And of all people she would have never thought Naruto would give it to her.

Naruto looked at her frustrated stance. "I am judging you aren't I? I'm sorry…I just saw Shikamaru's pajamas and thought—"

"Thought I was _sleeping_ with him? Thought me and him had some secret thing on the side? Sure I kissed him Naruto. Sure I liked it. Sure I might've wanted more. But I've got news for you; me and him are just friends. He's in love with Temari," she said stripping the damn pajamas off. She didn't even care that Naruto saw her semi-naked. Bra and panties that was nothing compared to the humiliation she was suffering from at the moment.

_He thinks I'm a slut, just great. A back stabbing slut at that_, she thought as she shifted through a pile of clothes looking for her blue jumpsuit.

"You never said you felt anything…wanted more," Naruto said, his voice was quiet.

_Fuck_, she thought. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. That's what I get for opening my mouth. Fuck_. "You know what fuck it. I don't even care anymore."

She turned to look at him as she slipped into her suit. "You've got some nerve to look at me like that. Look at me like I'm a freak…a disappointment…like you don't even know me. I'm _done_. I never asked you anything you can't tell me Naruto. _Never_. And do you know why? Because sometimes there are things that stay between you and Gaara. But if you think I don't know you're keeping a secret from me that has to do with Gaara, then you better wake up because I'm not fucking stupid," she said with as much venom as she could muster.

"Akira."

"Oh no, I'm not done. No matter what you did in the past, I stood behind you. I never asked you to keep a secret for me. That was always Gaara. So trust when I say go ahead and tell Gaara what I just said. Because I'm done with secrets. The only thing they are good for are mudding things up. Go ahead and tell him about my unresolved feelings for Shikamaru and if you want you can even add my mixed feeling for Lee into the mix. But the next time you want to look at me like you are now, just remember how everyone used to look at us when we were little kids," she finished with her fist balled at her side. There was something in her eyes Naruto had never seen before...defeat.

He realized he was looking at her like he was judging her. He felt disgusted with himself for making her feel like that. She was his friend before Gaara ever was. She defended him when they yelled at him in the schoolyard. And she never burdened him with secrets she knew he couldn't carry because they would conflict with the friendship he had with Gaara.

"Akira..."

"Don't even apologize. I don't want to hear it. I don't want your apology. Now if can you please leave the room so I can finish getting ready," Akira said her voice was full of ice. She walked over to the door and held it open for Naruto.

He looked at her. She refused to make any eye contact. She had her stubborn face on and there was no way he was going to get through to her. He wanted to tell her he was sorry but he knew she wasn't even going to listen. So instead of insisting which is what he should have done, he walked out the room and felt it slam behind him.

* * *

Ayame and Neji were in the kitchen looking for some breakfast when they heard a door slam in the upstairs quarters.

"Maybe we should have let her sleep in," Ayame said listening to Naruto's frustrated steps coming down.

"Maybe," Neji said looking at Naruto come into the kitchen. "I've seen you look happier," he said to Naruto.

"She's grumpy," he said sitting down a small table that looked like it was for children. "And kinda mad."

"What did you do Naruto," Ayame asked sighing. "They said she was happy here. What the hell did you say to her?"

"Nothing I didn't do anything. I don't think she slept very well," he half lied.

"But they said she was doing well," Ayame said with a worried look.

"_I am doing well_," Akira said walking into the kitchen startling Ayame, Neji and Naruto.

_I didn't even hear her come down the stairs_, thought Ayame as she looked at Akira. She did look better but Naruto was right she look like she didn't really sleep last night.

"I didn't even hear you," Neji said looking at her. She had pulled back her scarlet hair into a simple braid. She looked tired but she had that usual smile on her face that suggested that she was anything but okay. He frowned at her.

Akira looked at her friends and knew they were genuinely here to make sure she was doing okay which she was...sort of. She sighed, they weren't going to let her off that easy. She wasn't in the mood to talk about anything deep.

"I got a bad night's sleep...I'm just tired and thought I could sleep in but you guys are here...so sleep can wait," she sighed.

Naruto looked at Akira. _Shikamaru was right she is a damn good liar_.

Ayame walked over to her best friend and gave her a hug. "We missed you."

"Me too," she said returning the hug.

"How are you guys doing," she asked sitting on the floor next Naruto but refusing to look at him.

"Nothing much. It's been pretty boring two weeks," Ayame answered wondering what Naruto did to get the cold shoulder from Akira.

"How have you been? What have you been doing?" Neji asked taking a seat next to Naruto.

"Nothing much," Akira said shrugging her shoulders. "Training. They want me to learn to effectively control my chakra."

"I thought you had excellent chakra control," Ayame said puzzled.

"So did I," Akira said lightly. "They seem to want me to integrate Gaara's chakra with mine."

"Whatever the hell that means," she muttered darkly.

"Integrate?" Naruto said speaking for the first time.

"Own up to it. Make it own. Like I said whatever the hell that means. It seems to be very important to them," Akira said coldly.

Ayame watched as Akira mentioned Gaara's name like it was any other person. Had two weeks really help her get over him or did they simply help her become a better liar? Because if Ayame was to admit anything, it was that Akira was the best liar in their group of friends. She had to have been to keep a relationship a secret for two years and then act like it didn't hurt when she ended it. Shikamaru would know if Akira was lying about being okay...too bad he didn't want to come.

"Have you figured out how to do that," Neji asked gauging Akira reaction. There was something she was keeping to herself and he was curious about it was.

"Nope," she said indifferently. "Speaking of Gaara...how is he doing?"

Two weeks ago she didn't want to hear his name and now she said it like it meant nothing...like there was no meaning attached to the redhead's name.

"He's okay," Naruto said sincerely. "He misses you."

"He does?" Akira said raising an eyebrow.

"Of course," Naruto said like that was dumbest question he ever heard.

Akira sighed. "I miss him too," she said quietly. It was the first sign of the Akira before she left. Then she shook her head and the indifferent Akira resurfaced. "Does he know you guys are here?" She asked really looking at Naruto; his reaction would tell her the truth. Maybe even give her a clue as to why Gaara was different yesterday.

"No," they all said at the same time.

Naruto had shaken his head a little too hard and avoided Akira's eyes for a little too long. Of course that might have been because he thought she was still mad about what happened in the room.

"We were strictly forbidden from telling any of the sand siblings," Ayame said looking at her best friend. She was wondering if staying here was really doing her good.

It looked like physically it was doing her good. She could see that Akira had regained her muscle tone. She looked healthier, her scarlet hair had returned to its normal glossy sheen. Her skin color, a soft white contrasted brightly with the navy blue jumpsuit she was wearing. She hadn't quite smiled yet...which made Ayame think she wasn't really happy.

"Sounds like Lady Tsunade," she said shrugging. Then she turned directly to Naruto and asked, "So where is he? In our village or his village?"

"His," Naruto said quickly.

"Really," Akira said skeptically.

"Yep," Naruto said mimicking her tone of voice.

"Okay what the hell is going on?" Neji said tired of their cryptic conversation.

"Nothing," both of them said innocently.

"Then what the hell are the secret looks you guys are giving each other," Ayame asked a little insulted they thought her and Neji were that naive.

"Fine I doubt Gaara doesn't know your here. Naruto his best friend...he probably told him." Akira said her voice was a blank as her face.

"I did not tell him," Naruto said defensively. "Did you forget I'm your friend too?"

"You didn't act like a friend upstairs," Akira voice was full of anger.

_Ouch_, Naruto thought, _she won't be getting over that very soon_. "I told you I was sorry."

"Whatever," Akira said getting up to get a glass of water.

"Word is their making him Kage," Ayame said trying to ease the tension in the room. She knew she wasn't going to get anything out of Akira but Naruto would tell her what was going on...sooner or later.

Akira froze in mid-step. _Is that why he came yesterday?_ "You never said that Naruto," she answered softly.

"He didn't want you to know. He wanted it to be a surprise for you got back," Naruto said getting up and giving Ayame the evil eye.

_Ooppss_, Ayame thought.

_Like I said he's Gaara's friend_, Akira thought to herself. "Congratulate him for me," she said lightly. "What's the Council think about his decisions on his private life?"

"At first they weren't happy but I now I think they're okay," Naruto said cringing as he thought about a certain girl in the Sand village.

_I wish he'd learn to lie better_, Akira thought resentfully knowing there was something that Naruto wasn't telling her which is probably why Shikamaru didn't come. Which reminded her…

"Why didn't Shikamaru come?" she asked turning around to face her friends. _Let's see who tells the truth…_

They all spoke at the same time.

"Because he's on a mission."

"Because he's with Temari."

"Because the Hokage had work for him."

Akira shook her head and smiled. "A piece of advice, if you're going to lie then get your stories straight and if you're going to lie to _me_, then try harder because that was pitiful."

"He didn't want to come," a familiar voice said honestly.

_Lee_, she had almost forgotten he came because she hadn't seen him in the kitchen. "Thank Lee," said walking over to him and giving him a hug. She was pleasantly surprised to know she actually missed him. She was surprise to find out that he was a source of comfort.

Lee felt as Akira tighten her embrace and felt his heart skip a beat. He didn't know why he agreed to come...seeing her and knowing she was unavailable was unhealthy for him and he knew it.

"It's nice to see you too," he whispered into her ear and saw as she gave him a genuine smile.

The other three nins watched the interaction with a slight amazement. It was first time they saw her genuinely happy. _What happened when he accompanied Akira here?  
_  
Naruto watched as Akira disengaged herself from Lee and even though she wasn't touching him you could sense their closeness. _Maybe Gaara was right about being jealous._ "Where were you Lee?" Naruto asked.

"I was talking to Hisa and Kana. They seem to think you're distracted," Lee said looking as Akira. The dark circles underneath her eyes told him she was distracted. That's how she looked when he dropped her off two weeks ago.

"Kana would say that," Akira said with coldly. One thing she promised herself right now was to kick as in everything so Kana couldn't blame anything on distractions.

"They want to see you...right now," Lee said quietly.

_Of course they do_, she thought annoyed.

"We'll wait here," Ayame said sitting at the mini table next to Naruto.

"I really do suggest you guys think up another lie. Maybe if you put your heads together I'll actually believe you," Akira said without looking back. She left her friends upset and she knew it.

She was surprised to find Lee following her out. As she left the front door she turned around to face him.

"Why are they lying to me," she asked him. She knew Lee wouldn't lie to her.

"I don't know," Lee answered honestly. "All I know is Shikamaru didn't want to come. Naruto tried to force him to come but it didn't work. They got in to a big argument about it. I'm sorry Akira I know Naruto and Neji are hiding something but I really don't know what."

"It's not your fault Lee. I'm just so tired of being lied to," Akira sighed and started walking to where Hisa and Kana might be. "Want to walk with me," she asked Lee.

"Sure," he said matching her stride. She looked a little better than before. She seemed a little more at ease than she was in the village.

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Thanks for coming Lee," she said suddenly into the quiet.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," he said earnestly. "I miss seeing you red hair in the village."

Akira chuckled. She knew he meant it. She remembered how easy it was to talk to him when he had dropped her off. For some reason she felt some butterflies on the pit of her stomach. She reached out and took his hand into hers hoping that would ease the butterflies.

"What's that for," Lee asked trying to calm his heart.

Akira shrugged. "For being honest." She watched as Lee shrugged.

They walked into more silence and Akira felt safe, which was something she hadn't felt in a while. She sighed because it didn't matter how safe she felt she didn't feel the fire she felt with Gaara. She shook her head wondering if she would ever feel that fire again.

Lee watched as Akira kept what she was feeling to herself. He wished he could help her but he knew she wouldn't accept it. Instead he said what he knew she wanted to hear. What he knew was true.

"I know you don't feel the same way I feel about you and I want you to know it's okay," he felt her squeeze his hand a little tighter. "I'm fine just being your friend Akira. I've never expected anything more. Don't worry about my feelings. Just do whatever it is that you need. And if your feelings ever change then I'll be here," he finished off quietly.

She had stopped walking and stood in front of him. Everything he had just said was true. She didn't feel the same. She wanted to so that things would be a lot less complicated. But deep down she still held on to the hope that she and Gaara would be able to be together. So instead of lying to Lee, which is something she would have done two weeks ago, she told him the truth.

"Thanks Lee. I don't want to lose you as friend. I'm sorry I can't return your feelings it just..."

"I know," Lee interrupted. "Can you promise me you'll do what your pandas say so you can come back better? Better than before?"

"I promise," Akira told him honestly. She gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I hope you mean that," said a sing song voice behind her.

"Hello Kana," Akira said without looking back.

"Thank you," Hisa said to Lee as she stepped beside her sister.

He nodded and turned around to walk back to the house. He stopped when he heard Akira call his name.

"Lee," she said softly. He turned around. "Stay honest." She watched him nod and with that she turned around to see what her pandas had to say to her.

**ALL DONE!!! I hope you guys enjoyed that!! **


	15. Chapter 15

*Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara!!!! Lol

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers!!! I hope you guys haven't given up on me. It's been a tough couple of months but I'm back and hope to update at a regular pace (if life doesn't get in the way). I hope you guys like this chapter…it's been a LONG time coming. **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 15

Akira's room looked exactly the way she left it when she left a month ago. The bed was perfectly made except for a slight wrinkle, from when Shikamaru sat on it when he came to see Akira before she left. The room was empty of anything personal except a small box that looked like a child had made it. It was hand painted with about 20 different colors and had the initials A.K. on it. The small box looked as if it would fall apart if you touched it. It was the only thing that said this was Akira's room.

The lonely room use to scream of Akira's personality but that was before she had systematically destroyed everything in her room about two months ago. The beige walls were bare. The picture frames that once hung on the walls were gone. The large mirror that had been in the middle of the room was gone. The hundreds of books that Akira read were packed away somewhere. Now the room looked abandoned, unwanted and alone.

Kakashi Hatake looked at the room with the mid-day's sun shining through the window and wondered what Akira did with all her stuff. This was not the room he remembered as Akira's, of course it had been years since he had stepped foot in her room but still seeing it this bare was disturbing. He walked over to the cherry wood dresser and saw it was empty...no clothes. He walked over to the closet that was off to the side of the room and saw it was empty. _Where were all of the red head's clothes? Where??  
_  
He looked at her sheets and thought he had hit gold. But when he picked them up they smelled like they had been washed. Kakashi walked over to the colorful box that Akira had made as a child and saw a small piece of paper attached to it. As he read the small note he found himself laughing and shaking his head.

"What's so funny," asked a brisk voice behind Kakashi.

Kakashi turned around still smiling. "Your sister is _very_ smart," he told a sour looking Hiro.

"What do you mean _smart_? You think she's being _smart_ right now? She's four days late. She should have been here four days ago. Smart isn't the word I was thinking of," Hiro said sternly. He didn't like Kakashi; he hadn't liked him since they were young.

"You don't give her enough credit. Can I ask you something?" Kakashi asked but before he got an answer he continued, "Where are all of Akira's clothes?"

"In her closet," Hiro answered like it was a stupid question.

"Wrong," Kakashi answered with a hidden smirk. "I think your sister considered not coming back home. There's nothing in here with her scent. No clothes, no books, no pictures. She washed her bed sheets before she left. I'm pretty sure she wanted to make finding her as hard as possible."

"What the hell are you talking about Hatake?" Hiro asked annoyed.

Kakashi walked over to Akira's brother and handed him the small piece of paper. Hiro took it and instantly recognized Akira's neat handwriting:

_If you're looking for my clothes, I hid them. _

_If you want to find me you're going to have _

_to do it without the help of the hell hounds.  
-A_

It took a minute for Hiro to process what he had just read. Now he understood why Kakashi was laughing. Akira knew that if she didn't come back home the first person they'd send to find her was Kakashi and his hounds with her scent. But if there was no scent then the dogs were practically useless. _She was smart..._

He shook his head and looked at Kakashi, "Are you going to tell the Hokage about this note?"

"I'm afraid I have to," Kakashi answered looking down.

"But don't you see? This was pure genius on her part," Kakashi said chuckling. _She has gotten smarter over the years_, he thought to himself.

"I don't see what's so genius about this...this just proves she was never planning on coming back. What the hell is wrong with her," Hiro said frustrated.

_A lot of things_, thought Kakashi, _starting with you_. "Give her some credit Hiro. Maybe this was her backup plan. She's probably on her way here and everyone is overreacting like always."

"Backup plan? What the hell does she need a backup plan for? And you wouldn't be here if she was on her way back. The pandas said she left a week ago. A week ago! Where the hell is she???" Hiro said practically shouting.

"She probably needed some time on her own," Kakashi said a matter a factly. God knows he probably would have left, if he had a brother like Hiro.

"Time on her own?!!! What the hell do you think she was doing with the pandas?? That _was_ her alone time. I swear she's going to throw her reputation in the trash...and all for…nothing," Hiro said throwing his arms up in the air.

"That's what you're worried about? _Her reputation_? Have you stopped to hear yourself? More like ruin _your_ reputation. Have you even bothered to stop and listen to anything she's had to tell you," Kakashi asked. He was tired of Hiro's indignant voice.

"Stop to listen to her?? When?? She won't open up. She won't talk to anyone. What the hell do you know anyway? You don't even _know_ Akira," Hiro yelled at Kakashi. _How dare he pretend to know Akira?!  
_  
Kakashi smiled. He knew Akira. He knew her _very_ well. "_I_ don't know her," Kakashi said his voice slightly rising.

"_You_ don't know her. _You_ treat her like a child, like the child _you_ abandoned. But I've got news for you. She's all grown up and _maybe_ if you'd stop treating her like a kid she'd open up. _Maybe_ if you stop trying to make up for the fact that you left her when she needed you the most, she'd actually talk to you. _Maybe_ if you just you'd just let her be herself, she'd look at you like her brother and not the boy who left her," Kakashi said, his voice a deadly calm ocean.

Hiro looked like he had been slapped in the face. How dare someone who never even socialized with Akira pretend to know who Akira is? But what shocked Hiro the most was that Kakashi was right on target. For someone who didn't talk to Akira very much he knew her _very_ well.

"How do you even know all of that," he asked trying to mask his shock.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Kakashi said walking toward the bedroom door. "I have some advice for you Hiro. Do with it what you want."

He walked past Hiro without looking at him. "Next time you want to judge your sister just look in the mirror and ask yourself if _you_ know your little sister as well as you think you do."

And with that Kakashi walked out of the room leaving Hiro feeling as confused and guilty as ever.

* * *

_Tick, tick, tick, tick_, went the second hand on the old clock in Ayame's living room. She sat on the sofa with a magazine in her lap. She was flipping through the pages but wasn't really paying attention to anything it had to offer. Her mind was on other things.

Ayame's living room had a warm and welcome feeling. There were three sofas strategically placed in the room so that everyone was facing each other, giving the people in the living room a feeling of familial comfort. The light blue walls gave off a relaxing atmosphere and the framed pictures on the walls gave the room a lived in feeling. But none of it was working to calm Ayame's nerves or worries. She kept looking up at the entrance of the living room like she was waiting for someone to come in.

Neji sat across from Ayame on another sofa on her orders. She was jittery enough and there was nothing he could really do to help with her nerves. So she had told him to go home but he refused and settled with sitting quietly and watching her. She hadn't kicked him out of the room yet. Neji had tried to tell Ayame not to worry because Akira could take care of herself. And he was confident that she would be home soon. But talking to Ayame was sometimes an impossible task.

The front door opened and closed. Ayame threw her magazine onto the table and nearly jumped off the sofa when Shikamaru and Naruto walked in looking glum.

_Not good news_, Neji thought sighing.

"So," Ayame said impatiently.

"No Akira," Naruto said flopping on to the free spot on the sofa.

Shikamaru stood in the living room entrance. His hands were characteristically in his pockets. He tired to look a bit bored because he knew Akira was on her way, in fact he was pretty sure she had already reached the village. What he didn't know was what was keeping her from _coming into_ the village. But as he looked around the room he decided to speak up and defend Akira's actions. It was the least he could do as her friend.

"She's not here _yet_," he said emphasizing the last word. "She'll come home."

Naruto looked up at him. "You honestly believe that after what Kakashi told Grandma Tsunade?"

"Have you given up on Sasuke?" Shikamaru asked the orange suited nin. He watched as a shadow passed over Naruto's expression. "That's what I thought. She'll be back." He said confidently.

"What did Kakashi tell the Hokage?" Ayame asked confused.

Akira should have been home four days ago but she hadn't. Some people, like Akira's brother, thought something had happened to Akira that was keeping her from coming home. But others, like Ayame and Naruto, thought Akira didn't want to come home. But Neji and Shikamaru stood firmly in their belief that Akira was on her way home, she was just taking her sweet time.

Ayame wanted to believe that Akira was on her way back to the village but after the way they left things when they went to go visit her, she doubted Akira wanted to come home. She shook her head as she remembered how they left things on the mountain.

_Ayame touched the emerald green grass. She still couldn't believe the grass was so vibrant. In the three days she had been on the mountain she had to keep touching things to make sure they were real because their colors seem brighter and alive. For example, she had come across a vivid red flower and as soon as she had picked it up a thought occurred to her: The surface looked as if it would taste like a cherry if she licked it. Thankfully Akira had stopped her from doing just that; it turned out flower was poisonous. _

_She didn't want to leave the magically colorful place. Maybe that's why Akira seemed so relaxed her. The mountain seemed to ooze relaxation. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn't know how much time had passed because she opened her eyes to see a grumpy looking Akira. _

"_I've been looking for you everywhere," Akira said. "How did you even find this place?"_

"_I don't know," Ayame said honestly. "I was walking and it was like it called to me. I mean look at the view. Tell me that the edge of the forest isn't breath-taking."_

_Ayame watched Akira's eyes roam the edge of the forest. The branches held the brightest colored leaves she had ever seen. The trees seem to blend in with the emerald grass, as if they were one. Come to think of it everything seemed to blend into one another. The leaves on the trees looked as if they were brush-painted without lines. The field looked more like a painting then an actual place that she was standing in. _

_Ayame watched Akira take in the meadow. She watched a dark shadow pass over her friend's eyes. She wasn't happy. The meadow was suppose to make her _feel_ happy. Ayame wondered what Akira was thinking about. _

"_What is it?" she asked her red-headed friend. _

_Akira shook her head. "Nothing," she said quietly. "Nothing, I thought we were agreed on meeting on where I trained."_

"_We did, but you were taking too long. So I took a walk. How long have I been gone?" She asked as she got up, brushing some grass off of her skirt. _

"_An hour," Akira said taking one last look at the edge of the forest. She started to walk away. "Let's go."_

"_Why don't you want to stay here? This place is beautiful," Ayame said standing in Akira's way._

"_I don't like it," Akira said curtly. "Can we go?"_

"_What's wrong Ria?"_

_Akira was tired of the game. She looked at her friend and sighed. "What is it you guys are hiding from me?"_

"_What are you talking about," Ayame asked knowing where Akira was going. _

"_Shikamaru. Why. Didn't. He. Come." She asked staring at her friend down. _

"_Fine. You want to do this, fine. But I get an honest answer out of you. Why don't you like this place?" Ayame said her arms crossed in front of her chest. _

_Akira smirked. "Whatever. You first."_

"_Do you think I'm stupid? You first," Ayame said shaking her head. _

_Akira shook her head. She walked over and picked up a maroon flower. It reminded her of the color of Gaara's hair. She breathed in the sweet scent. To someone like Ayame it was intoxicating but to her it was just a sickly sweet flower. None of it got to her. The bright colors were dull. The smells were stale. The air was stagnant. She didn't know why but it was all so…old. She could feel the rich history of the mountain. She could see the blood it took to regain the mountain. It weighed heavy on her. So _beautiful_ wasn't a word she'd use to describe her second home. _

_She took a deep breath and decided to tell Ayame the truth about why this particular place bugged the crap out of her. _

"_I don't like it here because this is where I saw Gaara. This is where I talked to him. This is where I kissed him. This is where he told me we could be together. But you really want to know why I can't stay here? It's because it was right here where I realized something in Gaara changed. I can't pin point it but I know there was something different. And I'm 100% sure Shikamaru knows what it is. So I'm going to ask you again. Why didn't he come?" Her voice was neutral but Ayame could hear the sadness every time Akira said Gaara's name. _

"_He came here?" Ayame asked looking at her friend. She hated it when Akira kept things to herself. Friends were suppose to share. What was it about Akira and her silence?_

_"That is not an answer to my question," Akira said quietly as she looked toward the forest as she dropped the flower onto the grass. Sometimes her imagination made her think there was a red-head in there somewhere._

_"We've been here for three days and you never said Gaara came here," Ayame said sounding a little hurt._

_"Talk to Naruto," Akira said still looking at the colorful trees._

_"No you talk me. Talk. To. Me." Ayame said stepping into Akira's view._

Stubborn_, Akira thought with a smile. "He came. He left. There's nothing left to tell."_

_"Bullshit," Ayame said fiercely. "He came and you what? Didn't care? I'm your friend. Talk to me."_

_"What do you want to hear Ayame. I had an epiphany and I know we are meant together? Didn't you pay attention to what I just told you?!!! There's something different about him. Something has changed and I'm damn tired of being lied to. So why don't you tell me why Shikamaru didn't come," Akira finished off, her voice was deadly calm._

_There was something in Akira's voice that told Ayame that lying was not an option. "He didn't want to," Ayame told her friend quietly._

_"He didn't _want_ to?" Akira said doubtfully._

_"All I know is that he told Naruto he wasn't going to come if he had to lie to you. So he opted out. They had a __**HUGE**__ fight over it. Come to think of it, Shikamaru refuses to go visit the Sand Village. I think he's mad at Gaara," Ayame watching her friend's reaction._

Lie to me_, Akira thought about what her friend just told her. "What was the fight about?"_

_"I don't know," Ayame said sincerely._

_"You don't know? You don't know! Let me ask you something Ayame," Akira said her annoyance clear in her voice. "You bug the crap out of me to get the truth. To get me to tell you something I'd rather to keep to myself. You stubbornly refuse to let a subject drop. But you don't know what Shikamaru doesn't want to lie about? Have you even bothered to ask your boyfriend? Did you even bother to ask Naruto?"_

_"I did ask Neji!" Ayame said defending herself. "He said he had no idea." _

_  
"And you believed him? I've got news for you Ayame. He was lying. If you looked a little harder you would know your boyfriend knows exactly why Shikamaru didn't want to come. How about you use some of that stubbornness on someone other than me," Akira said pushing pass Ayame. Ayame watched as Akira ran down the green path. _

Ayame shook her head, trying to clear her mind. Akira had been right, Neji had known why Shikamaru hadn't wanted to come. And Ayame had been furious when she found out he had been lying to her. In fact she was still a little peeved two weeks after the fact. Ayame wouldn't want to come home to this either if she was Akira.

"What did the Kakashi tell the Hokage?" Ayame asked again looking at Shikamaru.

"He found something in Akira room that seems to be a little incriminating," Shikamaru said with a shrug. He wasn't worried about it. Akira was coming home regardless of the note, he was sure of it.

"Incriminating? What the hell are you talking about," Ayame said her nerves on edge.

"He's talking about the note Akira left," Naruto said quietly. "Grandma Tsunade sent Kakashi to get Akira's scent. It turns out she removed her scent. There is **nothing **there that has her scent. No clothes. No books. No pictures. Nothing! And she left a note that essentially says if we want to find her, we have to do it without her scent," Naruto said miserably as he buried his head into one of the pillows on the sofa. He knew Akira was mad he just didn't know she was mad enough not to come home.

"What do you mean her scent is gone," Ayame asked in disbelief.

"He means she removed everything from her room that had her scent," Neji said, speaking for the first time.

Ayame shook her head in disbelief. "Where did she put all her stuff?" Ayame watched as Naruto and Shikamaru shrug their shoulders.

"So what now?" Neji asked.

"We wait," Shikamaru said.

"For how long," Ayame asked.

Naruto groaned into a pillow on the sofa. "Until tomorrow morning," he said, his voice was muffled but Ayame heard the despair in his voice.

"What happens tomorrow morning," Ayame asked knowing the answer but she didn't want to be the one to say it.

"She's declared a missing nin and Grandma Tsunade sends a team after her," Naruto said quietly.

"Has she picked the team?" Ayame asked. She looked at Neji, Shikamaru and Naruto and knew the answer was yes. "Is it you guys?"

"No," Naruto said.

"Then who?"

"Kakashi, Asuma and Lee," Naruto said quietly.

"Why Lee?"

"The Hokage thinks he's the best chance they have in convincing her to come home. And if that doesn't work then Asuma and Kakashi helped train her so…they're the best for dragging her back here," Shikamaru said calmly.

He watched at everyone took in the information. They looked miserable when thinking about Akira being _dragged_ back to the Leaf. He couldn't stand the look on their faces and started for the door.

"Where are you going?" Naruto asked as Shikamaru reached the door.

"To do something," Shikamaru muttered as he shut the door behind him.

* * *

Night had set upon Kohona and the dark blue sky was lit with teeny stars everywhere. People where going about their own business. Some were closing up their shops and preparing to go home. Others were walking through the village with nothing to do, while others went about their way with something specific on their minds. One of these people was Shikamaru Nara. He walked towards the gates of the village with purpose in his stride. Akira had to come home tonight because if she didn't then...Shikamaru didn't want to think about it. He shook his head and stop short of the guards at the gate. He looked around and founded the tree that would give him leverage to get over the wall surrounding the entrance of the village. When he found the tree he had used the night before, he climbed it and jumped over the wall.

He wiped his hands and stood up from the ground. He had a feeling Akira had been in the forest surrounding the village the entire time. And if she was in the forest, he knew exactly where she was. He had given her enough time waiting for her to come back on her own. Now it was time to bring her back home.

* * *

Akira sat on the highest branch she could find. She could see the Hokage's faces that were carved in stone above the Hidden Leaf Village. She had watched the sunset over the rock and stared at the faces of the people who had been in charge of her village. She had been sitting on the branch for hours and was surprised to find that her body had not stiffened from sitting still for so long.

She jumped down from the branch and gracefully landed next to her camping gear that she had already packed up. Akira knew she had stayed away long enough. She was very surprised the Hokage hadn't sent a team for her. Especially since she hadn't come home when she was told to; that in and of itself was a very punishable offense. She had to report to the Hokage tonight because if she didn't she was pretty sure there would be hell to pay.

But there was a reason she didn't want to set foot in the village. Actually there were _many reasons_ she didn't want to go home. Four weeks away had made her a stronger Shinobi and she was pretty sure the Hokage was going to want to see how much she improved. But the main reason she didn't want to step into the safe walls of the village was because she would have to face her friends. She hadn't been very nice to them and it was hard for her to explain why she felt so miserable. It was hard for her to explain that sometimes she just rather keep to herself. Sometimes things were too hard to talk about. Sometimes things were too complicated to talk about. How do you tell your friends you'd rather depend on yourself then be disappointed, without sounding rude?

Akira sighed as she picked up her gear and secured it to her shoulders. She was just going to apologize for being such a bitch these past few weeks.

_I'm so pitiful_, Akira thought to herself as she left the safe haven of the forest. _I've been in the damn woods trying to figure out what to say to them and all I've got is sorry for being a bitch?! Pitiful!!  
_  
She froze in mid-step, there was someone in the woods ahead of her. She could feel it. She did her hand symbols and a little orange fireball appeared in her hand.

"You've got about 5 seconds to show yourself before I seriously hurt you," Akira said as she prepared to throw her fireball.

"I knew you'd be here," said an all too familiar voice.

Akira swashed the fireball in her hand and waited for Shikamaru to show himself.

"What are you doing here Nara," Akira asked as she walked towards her friend.

"Nothing," he answered, his voice sounding as bored as ever. "I thought I'd drag your behind you home." He shrugged his shoulders.

"_Drag_ me home," Akira repeated with a smile. "What makes you think I would have let you?"

"I was going to try," he said as he gave her a hug. "How long have you been out here?"

"What? No, I missed you? No, how are you doing?" Akira asked sarcastically.

"What do you think the hug was for," Shikamaru said walking toward the village.

"How mad is the Hokage?" Akira sighed and she matched his step. She was pretty sure she knew how mad but maybe Shikamaru would tell her otherwise.

"Well with that stunt you pulled, she's pretty pissed off." Shikamaru said confirming her thoughts.

"What stunt," she asked innocently.

Shikamaru shook his head. "What stunt? The note, smart ass. That was the worst thing you could have done."

"I know," she acknowledged. "So how long do I have to show my face before I'm in even deeper trouble?"

"You _are_ in deep trouble. But she gave you 'til morning to show your face," Shikamaru said sneaking a glance over at his friend. She looked like that was the least of her worries. Worry was etched into the lines in her face. He really should tell her that Gaara was in town.

"Who was on my retrieval team?" Akira said stopping and grabbing Shikamaru's shirt, making his stop and face her. "I'm guessing you weren't picked."

"How did you even know _that_?" He asked surprised.

"Cuz she would not send you when you _respectfully_ refused to escort me to the mountain," Akira said with a shrug.

"Asuma, Lee and Kakashi," he said watching her reaction. He could have sworn that he saw something flicker in Akira's eyes when he said Kakashi's name, which was not the reaction he was looking for. He thought she would seem relieved when she heard Lee's name.

She started walking again. "I bet Kakashi was pissed about my empty room," she said with a smile in her voice.

"You better wipe that smirk out your voice when you go report to the Hokage. She was not pleased with the note OR the empty room. Which reminds me, where the hell is all your shit?" He asked pulling her to a stop.

She was smiling, a genuine smile, with her eyes crinkling. "I moved it out of the room. Most of the stuff was trashed after my _episode_," she said stressing the last word.

"But the rest of my stuff I moved out of the house…to somewhere safe," she answered still smiling. She started walking towards the gate entrance to the village that had now become visible.

"You should know something Akira," Shikamaru said as he matched her stride.

"I know he's here, Shikamaru."

"Ohhh the chakra connection," he said worried she knew more then she was letting on.

"No…that's been acting funky. I can't feel him. I really don't know why but whatever," she said shrugging.

_Crap_, Shikamaru thought to himself. "Then how do know Gaara's here?"

"Because I was suppose to be home this week. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't miss it," she said as they reached the entrance of the village and was approached by the guards at the entrance.

_Miss it? He should have stayed home_, Shikamaru thought to himself. "I'm taking her to the Hokage," he said as the two guards crowded Akira.

They looked at him doubtfully but didn't question him. _I guess their orders are to make sure she doesn't leave again_, he thought as he took Akira's arm.

"Hey, hey, hey, I can take care of myself," Akira said shrugging out his grasp. Shikamaru was a little more protective then she was used to and she didn't like it. It usually meant he was feeling guilty.

She looked at him and said, "Spit it out…now."

Shikamaru wasn't surprised Akira sensed his guilt. He should have told her personally. Nobody wanted to, but _he_ should have and now it was too late. "Spit what out?"

Akira wasn't in the mood to play games she wanted to report to the Hokage, receive her punishment and then go home and sleep in her own bed. She would deal with Shikamaru in the morning.

"Whatever," she said as she walked past him and into an alley that would take her to the main street in the village.

He watched her walk away and was surprised that she didn't try harder. Something was off about Akira and he wanted to know what it was. He rushed to keep up with her.

"So what tricks did you pick up," he asked innocently enough. Maybe small talk was best until he could work up the courage to tell Akira the truth about Gaara.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she answered quietly.

"Akira…"

"Look Shikamaru. I'm not in the mood to play guess what I'm hiding? Because I do know you're hiding something. But if you don't want to tell me, that's fine because sooner or later you'll spill and I will be there. So please don't mess with me right now," she said just as quiet as before.

There was a tinge of sadness in her voice he knew she was fighting to hide and he knew as her friend he had to tell her the truth and he was about but two things happened very quickly made Shikamaru think: _Maybe Akira was better off in the forest. _

Akira knew Shikamaru wanted to tell her something, she was just waiting for him to be ready. Before crashing in the forest for a few days she had been ready to interrogate him about why decided to opt out of visiting her at the mountain. But the more time she spent in the forest she decided maybe she really didn't want to know. (At least now right away).

But she could sense his need to spill so she was about to turn around and face him when she saw a dash of red hair from the corner of her eye as she stepped onto the main street. But before she could turn around and see Gaara's face she was slammed to the ground by images she would have rather _never_ seen.

**What did you guys think of this chapter? Stay tuned for the next chapter! (That hopefully won't take me months to write! I blame my damn job XP)  
**


	16. Chapter 16

*Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara! Lol

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers! I hope you guys haven't given up on me. I hope you guys like this chapter…it's been a LONG time coming. **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 16

Akira Kioshi felt her knees give out from under her as she fell to the ground. She was dragged into a living nightmare of memories. She could barely breathe. She could feel her brain trying to keep up with the constant flashes of memories each one unique and just as horrible as the rest. And then all of a sudden they stopped. She was standing in the middle of a room. You could tell a girl lived there because of all the romance novels scattered about the floor and the blue lace bra thrown over a light sandy colored chair. Akira walked around the room that she didn't recognize and saw the bed was neatly made with sheets that had intricately sown on sand flowers. The room was painted an ugly color of fuchsia; it hurt Akira's eyes if she looked at them too long. Along the walls were intricately drawn pictures of playgrounds. They all had one thing in common…sand.

She realized that the only place she could be was the Sand Village. She walked over to one window in the room and looked out. Sure enough she saw the very Sand Village she used to see in Gaara's memories. Beautifully built sand houses were on both sides of the window. There were people walking around the street, in traditional Sand Village clothes. There was a little girl that was running from one window to the next with the biggest smile on her face.

_It must be the middle of the day_, Akira thought to herself and then she panicked. _How the hell did I get to the Sand Village?_

She ran for the door with a golden knob and tried to open it. Instead of opening the door her hand went right through the door knob.

_What the hell_, she thought to herself. She walked over the desk with a ton of paper work and tried to pick up the scroll that was on the desk and again her hand went right through it.

_This is just wonderful_, Akira thought to herself. _I died and my limbo is some stupid room in the Sand Village that I don't even like. Oh my god maybe this is my hell._

She tried to move the bra from the chair so she could sit down and think but everything she tried to touch went right through her hand. She sighed and sat down in the middle of the room with her hands in her face.

_Well this is just awesome_, she thought, as she wondered what the hell happened before she landed in limbo. And then all of a sudden she heard two voices outside of the door. Stood up at once when she realized she recognized one of the voices.

She knew it was Gaara before he walked through the door. She recognized his voice. But the ravened haired girl on the other hand was a complete stranger to Akira. She was beautiful, tall and curvy and had a smile that lit up the entire room. Her dark eyes gave her a smoky look.

Akira felt her heart stop when she realized that Gaara was holding her hand and she was bringing him into the room. See scrambled to her feet and tried to find a place to hide. Then she realized that if her hands went through everything she touched then she probably wasn't visible. As she watched Gaara's interaction with the girl, she realized something.

_Oh my god_, Akira said out loud. She connected the dots and realized she wasn't dead; she was in a living memory. Instead of flashes of memories, she was now living through one.

Akira felt her heart break as she realized she was living one of Gaara's memories with the beautiful raven haired girl. Her heart sank when she saw the girl give Gaara an encouraging kiss on his lips, as if to say _its okay if you're in my room.  
_  
Akira crumpled to the floor and closed her eyes. She tried to concentrate on breathing and blocking everything out. _I've_ _got to get out of here_, she kept telling herself but she could still hear what was going on in the room. _What did Kana say about living memories, what?  
_  
Both Gaara and the girl fell on the bed with a _whoosh_. The raven haired girl's voice was soft and inviting when she spoke.

"Come one Gaara it's been two weeks. Don't you want to do more than just make out?"

"Misa, you know how I feel-" Gaara started off but was cut off.

"I know what you're going to say but guess what? You mouth says one thing but your body tell me another," she said her voice seductive. She leaned down and kissed him.

Akira opened her eyes and watched as they kissed like they knew each other for ages. She walked up to the bed and watched Gaara's hand go up Misa's shirt and quickly walking away to stop torturing herself. _I need to get out of here now_, she told herself desperately.

And then just as suddenly as she was placed in the memory, she was taken out. Akira struggled to catch her breath. She could hear someone asking her if she was okay but they sounded so far away. She watched as more memories flashed through her mind. More of Gaara's memories with the girl who was name Misa.

_When they first met. When they first kissed. When they went out and took walks at night. When she first told him to come to her room. Gaara without out a shirt. Misa without a shirt. Both nins holding hands. Both nins kissing passionately. Gaara's roaming hand. Misa's hand unbuckling Gaara's pants._Akira was struggling to breathe and the racing memories were crushing her. Making her want to stop breathing because at least that would guarantee the memories would stop flooding her consciousness.

She could feel the dirt underneath her clothes. She realized that she was on the floor. Now there were lots of voices saying her name and asking her if she was okay. Someone touched her wrist, as if to check her pulse and the memories stop. She could feel that person's fingertips slowly releasing her wrist. Before the memories came back, with every ounce of strength in her, she grabbed that person's wrist to make sure she was still touching them. She opened her eyes slowly and saw about 8 people staring down at her. Some of the faces she recognized as shop owners and one of them was Miko from the tea shop. She saw serious concern in Shikamaru's dark eyes. She turned her head to see whose wrist she was holding and felt her heart stop.

Kakashi Hatake was looking at her with worry wrinkles in the corner of his uncovered eye.

"Son of a bitch," she said out loud as she stared at him. Her voice was raspy and her tongue felt like sand paper.

She saw his eyes crinkle into a small smile and heard him say quietly, "You used to call me differently but I'll take it."

"Give me a minute." Akira choked on a laugh and said so quietly that Kakashi had to strain to hear her.

With every fiber in her being she concentrated making her chakra coat her like a second and invisible skin. She felt the serenity and power it gave her and knew everything about Gaara was blocked. She let go Kakashi's hand and rolled over to stand up. As she was getting up she felt someone put their hands on her small of her back. She tried to shrug out of the touch but felt herself sway off to the side like she was going fall again. Two strong pair of hands grabbed her by the shoulders to steady.

"How about I give you more than a minute," Kakashi's hoarse voice said in her left ear.

Akira felt herself smile against her will. Once she felt that see could stand on her own she looked up at the crowd and looked at the faces of the crowd that had gathered around her.

"So I seemed to have fainted," Akira said softly, she was still trying to regain her voice. "Sorry about that. I'm fine now."

"Are you sure," she heard Miko ask.

She nodded and watched as the crowd dispersed with worry in their eyes. She became very aware of Kakashi's hands on her shoulders. "I'm good, Hatake," she said shrugging out of his grasp.

Kakashi let her go, knowing it was better not to argue with her. He still couldn't believe she came back and walked through the village's gate like it was nothing. He watched her focus on breathing before she looked around the street. Once she saw what she was looking for, he saw her hands make a fist so tight that her knuckles turned white with the force of them.

Akira felt her emotions run through her. She let them take over for a second before she focused her breathing and opened her eyes.

_He has to be around here_, she thought as she looked around the street in front of her_. He has to be close. That's the only explanation for the assault of memories.  
_  
She looked around and found him leaning against the walls of one of the shops. His eyes showed concern but his body language told her he didn't care to move. She felt her body want to crumple from the heartache but it was gone in a second and replaced with insurmountable anger. She curled her fingers into her hand and dug her fingernails into her palm of her hand. She broke eye contact with Gaara and looked at Shikamaru.

"You son of a bitch," she said as quietly as she could because didn't make a scene.

She felt Kakashi take two steps towards her. So she took two slow and deliberate steps toward Shikamaru.

Shikamaru looked at Akira and could felt the hurt and anger coming off her in waves. He watched as she walked towards him. He knew it was in his best interest to retreat but he owed it to Akira to stay and let her blow off steam.

"You lying son of a bitch," she said trying to control her anger.

"I wouldn't take any offense," Kakashi said. "She called me that when she opened her eyes."

Akira turned around to look at Kakashi. She didn't know if he had used that to distract her but it worked.

"I didn't call you a son of a bitch. I used it as a form of expression. Like son of a bitch I feel like a ton of bricks are on my chest," she said watching his reaction. She saw his covered mouth twitch upward.

_He's trying to release the tension_, she thought as she watched him take another step toward her. She turned around refusing to be swayed by Kakashi and focused her anger on Shikamaru.

"You knew and you what? Decided it was in my best interest not to know? Or did you _girlfriend_ ask you to keep it quiet?" She put as much venom as she could on the word girlfriend.

"Akira, I didn't think you needed to know. I thought it was best to let everything work itself out. I thought you wouldn't want to hear it. I thought it was for the best," Shikamaru said quietly.

"You thought? You thought?" Akira said her voice getting louder. "You didn't think I would want to know Gaara had found himself a girl. You didn't think I would want to know? So you thought what exactly, Shikamaru? That I wouldn't find out he had a girlfriend. That I wouldn't find out he replaced me," Akira said the last words loud enough that everyone looked at in her direction.

"Enough," Kakashi said harshly as he grabbed her wrist.

Then in a softer voice he said, "You need to get a hold or yourself before you hurt someone."

She looked down at her hand and saw her chakra flaring out of her finger tips. She could feel the buildup chakra in her body, begging for sweet destructive release. But she didn't let it guide her. She didn't let it take a hold of her. Instead she concentrated on her breathing and matched it with Kakashi's soft breathing next to her.

When she felt the chakra subside she turned at looked at Shikamaru, "You call yourself my friend? You're nothing but a traitor Shikamaru. You chose your side, so know you get to stick with it. Don't come after me. Not now. Not ever."

She turned her back on him and started to walk away. She tried to keep her steps measured and even. She didn't want it to look like to Gaara that she was running away. She stopped and released her chakra block long enough to send two words to the other red head.

* * *

Gaara had felt Akira's presence before he even saw her on the street. She had just stepped out of a side alley when he spotted her. But before she could take another step he watched as she crumpled to the ground and a crowd gathered around her.

He wanted to run over there and see what was wrong. He wanted to know why she fell to the ground. But he was out without Misa and that would have raised questions he was not in the mood to answer. He hadn't told her about Akira and she hadn't heard any of the previous rumors. He looked at his hand holding onto Misa and wondered what the hell he was going to do.

She looked at him and followed to where his eyes were looking.

"Oh my god! Is she okay," Misa asked with concern in her voice when she notice Gaara looking at the girl who fell with the same color hair as his.

She started to walk toward the girl but felt Gaara pulling her back. She looked back at him.

"You don't want to get involved," he told her as he leaned back. All he wanted to do was go over to Akira and she if was okay. Touch her…kiss her…but he couldn't as he looked into Misa's eyes.

"What are you talking about? She might need help," she said looking at him as if he were crazy.

"Look she has help," he said nodding as a group of people gathered around Akira. "You don't want to get involved because she's trouble at least that's what everyone says."

Misa looked at the group of people around the red headed girl. They all looked really concerned about her and she wasn't responding to their voices. She watched as Gaara watched the girl. There was something in his eyes she couldn't read. _Concern? Need? Desire? Despair? Fear?_

She watched him tense up as the legendary Kakashi Hatake ran over and picked up the red headed girl's wrist and then as quick as lightning the girl grabbed onto his wrist. _What the hell is going on?_ Misa thought as she watched Gaara and the scene playing before them. _Is this the girl from the Leaf Village Gaara was rumored to have messed around with?_

Then she definitely read anger in his eyes as he watched her release Kakashi's wrist. But as quick as she read it her face was a mask again.

"Who is she," she asked.

"Akira Kioshi," Gaara said as he watched Akira look around and make eye contact with him. He tried to tell her could explain but the just kept hitting a wall. He could read the hurt in her eyes and realized she must have been hit with memories of him and Misa.

"_The_ Akira Kioshi," Misa asked with awe in her voice. She watched as Akira glared at them and then suddenly turned around and started arguing with Shikamaru Nara.

"The only and only," Gaara said his voice strained. He felt Misa's eyes on him. He looked at her and saw worry.

"What's wrong Gaara? Why did she look at us? Do you know her?"

Gaara shook his head. "She's Naruto's friend. So yeah I know her and I have a good idea why she looked at us but let's not get into that right now." She glanced down at his hand holding onto Misa's and wanted to let go and walk over to Akira.

"Oh my," gasped Misa when she saw some chakra flare out of Akira's fingertips. "So what they say about her is true, huh?"

"Don't believe everything you hear," Gaara said quietly, still holding onto Misa's hand. He watched as Akira walked away and all of a sudden he felt her anger.

_Lying bastard_, were the first words Gaara heard in his head from Akira in a month. _Lying Bastard_. And then just like that her voice was gone.

* * *

Akira was beyond the point of anger. She was so mad she didn't even know what to with it all. She realized that the anger helped masked the pain she was feeling from seeing Gaara with another girl especially after the last time they saw each other. She had thought they were going to work everything out. _Wrong!_

"I fucking knew it," she said to herself angrily. "I knew it!" she watched as a bit of chakra flared out of her fingertips.

"You know, if you don't get a hold of yourself you're going to end up hurting someone," said a calm voice right behind her.

She whirled around and faced Kakashi Hatake. "Why are you following me," she asked harshly.

"Orders," he said shrugging.

"Figures," she said bitterly. She stood staring at his masked faced and told herself he wasn't the reason for the anger inside her. In fact back with Shikamaru he actually helped her calm down.

"So are you going to get hold of yourself?" His voice was still calm. He stood there looking at the red head knowing her to well for his own good. He knew she could control the chakra but the last time the she lost control she killed her father.

"Already done," Akira said waving her hands around. "See no chakra." She turned around and started walking towards the Hokage's mansion.

"That's a pretty neat trick got there," Kakashi said as he walked behind her. He watched as she stopped walking and turned around again but this time she wasn't angry, at least not at him.

"What are you talking about," Akira asked. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

Kakashi smiled. "That orange layer of chakra you have pasted to your skin," he said nodding in her direction. He walked up to her and looked her in her warm brown eyes.

Akira started walking again and this time Kakashi walked right beside her. He still made her nervous. "I picked it up training with the pandas. Seems to be an extension of my wall, more discrete I guess," she said shrugging her shoulders.

"Does it work like your wall," Kakashi asked as he remembered the electrical current that runs through Akira's wall.

She smiled a little. "Afraid you'll get zapped?"

He turned his head to see her face. She really did have a beautiful profile. The moonlight made her red hair shine a little brighter and her smile reminded him of the Akira before Gaara.

"Nope," he said matching his steps to hers. "I grabbed a hold of you back there and I you didn't zap me."

"Then why are you asking if it works like my wall?"

"Because your wall does other things," he said a matter a factly.

Akira shook her head. _Of course he'd find out what other things my wall does_, she thought to herself.

"It can but it required more energy and concentration," she said breathing evenly.

"So why did you put it up?"

Akira stopped walking and looked at him. "Mental protection." She looked ahead and saws they were almost at the Hokage's mansion.

"Mental barrier," he corrected looking straight into her eyes. It was easy for anyone to get lost in those warm eyes. Although she was good at hiding her emotions, if he looked long enough in her eyes he could see the hurt she was trying to mask.

"You won't lie to me right Kakashi?"

She asked so quietly he almost thought he imagined it.

"No," he said honestly.

"How much trouble am I in? Like on a scale from 1 to 10?" She sounded concerned.

"Why do you care if you're in trouble," he asked wondering where her worry was coming from. Usually she could less about the amount of trouble she was in. She was actually really good at talking herself out at bad situation.

"Just trying to figure out how apologetic I need to be," she said breaking eye contact with him. He was making her nervous and the way he was staring at her made her feel like he could actually see _her_and not the her she pretends to be in front of everyone else.

"Liar," he said calmly as she started walking again.

_I am a liar_, she thought to herself. "I'm serious. I just needed to know how mad she is, so I know what to say."

She was walking faster now. He reached out and grabbed her arm. Out of nowhere she slammed her elbow into his chest, throwing him to the ground. In a second she had him pinned to the ground. His reflex kicked in and without thinking he kicked her in her stomach and rolled on top of her holding both her wrists to the ground.

"What the hell was that? I could have hurt you," he said visibly upset. He felt her instantly relax her muscles.

Akira looked at him and wasn't surprised he had reacted as fast as he did. "I'm sorry...sorry," she said her voice shaking. "Sorry...I had to deal with some stuff and...sorry I don't like being grabbed. It was a knee jerk reaction."

His grip on her wrist relaxed a bit but he didn't let go. "You don't like being grabbed? Since when?"

She was breathing evenly, like she was trying to keep herself calm, "Since now."

"That answer is not good enough," he said still holding her wrist and pinning her to the ground.

"Could you may be let go of me," she said it as a statement as she struggled out of his grasp. She could feel his knees digging into her ribs.

"No," he said calmly. "Not until you tell me why you don't like being grabbed."

"Let go or-"

"Or what? You'll zap me with you chakra," Kakashi said cutting her off. "I. Dare. You." For a second it looked like Akira really was going to zap him but he felt her go completely still and she looked him in the eye.

"Since, I haven't been sleeping because the nightmares are back and you know why the nightmares are back? Because I had to replay my mother and father's death on repeat until I learned how to control my chakra and how to mold it onto my skin. That's why. Now will you please let go of me," she whispered.

"_The_ Nightmare," he asked as he let go of her wrists. He still sat on top of her with his knees still digging into her ribs.

"Yes the one and only nightmare," she said as she shoved him off and stood up brushing herself off. She couldn't quite look Kakashi in the eye so she started walking toward the Hokage's mansion again and the next thing she knew Kakashi was standing in front of her lightly holding her shoulders.

"What now," she sighed looking at him.

"Why would you do that to yourself," he asked quietly.

She shrugged, moving his hands further down her arms. His fingertips grazed her exposed skin at the end of the sleeve on her t-shirt and she shivered against her will.

Kakashi felt her shiver and removed his hands from her arms, "Sorry."

Akira looked at him and sighed. She was a tornado of emotions and adding Kakashi in the mix was giving her a headache. "I'll tell you if we can keep walking," she said still looking at him.

Kakashi nodded and started walking to the Hokage's mansion.

Akira walked beside him and said, "Apparently I can go into my memories and look at them like I'm watching a movie. I can pause, rewind, go slowly, you know what I mean."

"How?"

"I'm still a little confused on that front but from what The Pandas explained to me, and please take into account I wasn't paying too much attention. It's an extension of being able to receive other people's memories and the emotions attached to those memories. So technically, although I haven't tried it, when I take or receive other people's memories I should be able to pause or fast forward them as well. Theoretically I should be able to separate the emotions for the memory too but I haven't tried that either," she finished as she stop walking and looked down at her shoes.

She stood there looking down at her shoes and holding her breath. All of a sudden she felt like it was all too much. Talking to Kakashi, Remembering the way Gaara was holding that raven haired girl, that memory of them together, Shikamaru refusal to tell her the truth, not having her mom around. She felt like all of it was crushing her and she had no idea where it was coming from.

_Kept it together Kioshi,_ she told herself. _You can fall to pieces at home; keep it together because you cannot fall apart right now. _

Kakashi realized Akira had stopped walking and turned around only to see her staring down at her shoes.

"Hey, what happen?" He asked turning around and walking toward her again.

Akira heard him but didn't say anything just in case her voice would give her away. She concentrated on deep even breaths so that the tears welling up in her eyes would go away. Then she felt Kakashi's hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong," he asked with concern in his voice.

"Everything," she whispered when she felt the almost tears subside.

Kakashi placed a finger under her chin and lifted up chin. He looked at her and saw everything she was trying to keep to herself. Something in him stirred and all he wanted to do was protect her and take all that pain away. He wanted to see her smile.

"You are stronger than all of this," he whispered, "You have always been stronger than anyone here. Do not forget that."

Akira looked at Kakashi and knew being this close was probably not a good idea but what he said really got to her. He was the only person after mother and her grandmother died that believed that she was stronger than she appeared. _I am stronger_, she thought to herself.

She took his hand away from her chin, feeling a current run up her arm. She knew better than to maintain physical contact.

"Thank you," she replied honestly. "Thanks for reminding me."

Kakashi shrugged and matched his stride to hers when she started walking again. They walked in silence the rest of way. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, watching her controlling her breathing and knowing that maybe all Akira needed was a friend and knowing he couldn't be that, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

* * *

_Paperwork, Paperwork and more paperwork_, Lady Tsunade thought as she looked at her desk.

"I'll get to it tomorrow," she said to herself and she got herself ready to leave.

Tomorrow was something she'd rather not think about. She couldn't believe Akira left that note practically saying she wasn't going to come back. She was so unlike her mother, Ari was always straight and by the books and even stopped an ambitious career to be a mother. Akira was unusually impulsive, powerful and her destructive behavior was going to be her downfall, Tsunade knew it.

She was almost to the door when Shizune walked in breathless almost hitting Tsunade in the face.

"Shizune watch—"

"She's back," Shizune said cutting Tsunade off. "Akira is back. She just entered the mansion."

"What?" Tsunade asked, feeling her anger for Akira boil to the surface.

"She just walked in with Kakashi Hatake and said she was here to see you," Shizune answered still trying to catch her breath.

"Send her up now," Tsunade said practically spitting the words out.

"No need to call for me. I was coming up here whether you wanted to see me or not," Akira said walking in with Kakashi and two other nins who were escorting her.

Tsunade looked at the red head nin and knew that something was off. The way she was holding herself made Tsunade think something was bothering her. Something was making her miserable and furious at the same time. But that was not going to get Akira off the hook.

"Well it's sure nice of you to grace us with you pleasure," Tsunade said angrily.

Akira looked at her and shrugged.

"Sit down Akira," Tsunade said looking at her through silted eyelids.

"I'd rather stand," she replied without emotion.

"Sit. Down. Now." Tsunade said practically spitting out each word.

"No," Akira said obstinately. "I'd rather stand."

"Maybe you should sit," Kakashi said stepping forward and next to Akira.

"Maybe the Hokage should just get her yelling over with, so that whatever punishment she has in store for me she can give it to me sooner," Akira not taking her eyes off of Tsunade.

Kakashi leaned in and whispered in her ear, "So we're going with cold hearted bitch now."

She clenched her fists in response and said nothing. She was not going to fall apart, not today.

"Everybody except Akira out," the Hokage ordered.

Tsunade watched as everyone walked out of the office and she walked to the door and locked it. She looked at Akira's back and realized how rigid her posture was. She saw the muscles grow taut and she could practically see the angry coming off her in waves.

"What the hell is the matter with you," Tsunade demanded as she walked over to her desk and sat down in her chair. She was exhausted and dealing with Akira was not something she was expecting to do tonight.

"Nothing," Akira said walking behind the chair Tsunade had ordered her sit in. Instead of sitting she held the back of the chair and watched as her knuckles turned white from squeezing her hands around the edge.

"So nothing is the matter. That's why you come in here four days after you were suppose to arrived with an attitude problem. Is _nothing _also reason you left that smart ass note in your room? Is _nothing _also the reason you're so angry right now? Is _nothing _the reason you decided to disregard your orders of coming back on time or I was going to send a team to bring you kicking screaming. Did you think that was an empty threat? So how about you stop bullshitting me and sit your ass down and tell me what the hell is the matter with you and why you are you late," Tsunade said raising her voice as she pointed to the chair.

Akira looked at her and knew that Tsunade was not the reason for her anger or misery. But that didn't mean she couldn't be angry at her. Being angry at the Hokage help her forget everything thing, it made her forget how much she wanted to fall apart. So she looked at the Hokage and focused on that particular anger so that everything else paled in comparison.

A full minute had passed when Tsunade shook her head and quietly said, "Your mother would be ashamed."

That was the string that pulled everything apart.

"My mother! MY MOTHER, wouldn't just be ashamed, she'd be disgusted with my behavior!" Akira yelled as she picked up the chair she had been holding and threw it against the back wall.

Kakashi, Shuzine and two other nins crashed through the locked door with alarm bright in their eyes. Kakashi went over and stood in front of Akira and the other three nins went and stood in front of the Hokage.

"You don't think I know how my mother would feel about her daughter who lies to everyone around her! You don't think I know how ashamed my mother would be if she knew I had become involved with the one person I was told to stay away from! You don't think I know my mother would be disgusted with the person I have become. My mother…you don't have to tell how _my mother,_ would feel about me because I think about it every day of my life," Akira yelled at Tsunade as she stood rooted in the same spot since she had thrown the chair.

Akira was vaguely aware of the fact that she was dangerously close to getting tackled and locked away for the night, if not for a couple of days. Kakashi placed his hands on her shoulders and looked her dead in the eyes.

"Have you lost your mind," he whispered focusing only on her. He watched as her darken eyes focused on him.

She shook her head. "Then get your shit together," Kakashi whispered.

"Everyone out," Tsunade boomed. She was beyond furious but she knew Akira would never hurt her, she just knew.

Everybody started talking at the same time.

"My lady-"

"…don't think-"

"…should stay."

"I believe I said out," Tsunade said looking at all the nins talking at once. "I can handle myself and Akira and I have some things to talk about. So everyone out. Do not make me repeat myself again."

The threat in her voice was very real and Kakashi knew it, so turned around and said, "We'll be right outside the door, Hokage." With that all the nins walked out closing the door with a broken frame.

"Your mother…" Tsunade started off quiety, "Your mother…thought the world of you. Did you know that?"

"I was seven when she died," Akira said, barely above a whispered. "Seven, when I killed my father. Seven, when I realized I was nothing but a murderer. Seven, when this village was scared of me. Seven, when I realized I had all this power and I was still nothing. Seven, when I thought my brother didn't love me, that he was just as scared as everyone else. Seven, when my grandma died. Seven, when my world fell apart. I was just seven…" Tears had welled up in Akira eyes and she let them run down her face.

Akira looked up at the Hokage and said in quiet voice, "My mother thought the world of me when I was _seven_, I'm twenty-one now and I'm pretty sure my mother wouldn't even recognize me."

"Akira," Tsunade said sadly as she walked over to her. She stood in from on Akira unsure of whether to embrace her or not. "Akira…your mother loved you. She'd still love you now."

Akira sunk to her knees and hung her head down, "I wished I could believe that." She looked up with tears falling freely down her cheeks. "Could you just yell at me and give me my punishment. Could you maybe not look at me like you pity me? I'd rather have you angry at me than feeling sorry for me."

"I don't pity you," Tsunade said sinking to the floor with Akira. "I've never pitied you. I've always thought you had a more strength in you than anyone in this village. You've always been stronger than any of us."

That was the second she heard someone tell her she was stronger. But they were wrong. She wasn't strong, she had always been that scared seven year old girl who spent the night lying next to her dead mother.

"Punishment please," she whispered.

Tsunade looked at Akira and was reminded of the little girl that was scared of her own shadow after her mother's funeral. Her punishment could wait until the morning. "Your punishment can wait until the morning," the Hokage said standing back up and wiping her hands on her robe.

"Kakashi," Tsunade said as she the white haired nin walked in through the broken door.

"Yes, Hokage."

"You are to take Akira home and not let her out of your sight. She is your assignment until I tell you otherwise. I want you to be her shadow, to make sure—"

"—she doesn't disappear again," Kakashi finished for the Hokage. He watched her nod and turn to look at Akira who was still on the ground.

"I do not want to hear you that you do not need a babysitter. Right now I believe—" Tsunade started off but Akira interrupted her.

"It's fine," she said still quiet as she stood up and walked over to Kakashi. "I don't even care anymore."

Tsunade looked at Akira and felt her heart break for the girl. In all the years she had known her, she had never seen Akira this defeated. "I want the both of you in my office tomorrow morning."

Tsunade watch both nins nod and watched as Kakashi gently guided Akira out of the office by her elbow and into the hallway. _I hope I made the right choice_, Tsunade thought sadly as she watched them disappear.


	17. Chapter 17

*Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara! Lol

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers! I hope you guys like this chapter, I tried to get it out a little quicker than before :) **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 17

Kankuro sat on the ledge of the windowsill of his room. He had watched the sun go down and knew that another day had passed without Akira coming home. As he looked at the bright full moon he wondered whether Akira had found out about Misa and that was why she was choosing to stay away. He remembered when Gaara first introduced Misa as his girlfriend.

_Kankuro was sitting on the couch worried about his brother when Gaara walked in the mansion holding hands with a raven hair girl who was smiling at Gaara._

"_Hello," Kankuro said as he looked the two of them. They looked like a couple, which was weird because as far as Kankuro knew Gaara was still hung up on Akira. _

"_Hello," said the raven haired girl as she went up to Kankuro and stuck out her hand. "My name is Misa."_

"_Nice to…meet you," Kankuro said hoping he was masking the confusion in his voice as well as his face. _

"_I'm sorry you're probably wondering what I am doing," Misa smiled. _

"_Umm…" Kankuro started off but was interrupted by his brother who stood next to Misa. _

"_She's here with me," Gaara said as a matter of factly. _

"_Well, duh he can see that," said Misa as she playfully punched Gaara in the arm. _

_Kankuro was more than just a little confused. It had only been like 17 days since Akira had left to train with the pandas and for four of those days Gaara had gone missing. He couldn't have possibly moved on so quickly, Kankuro thought as he looked at his brother. _

_Gaara looked at him without emotion as Misa said, "What Gaara means to say is that I'm his girlfriend."_

_She laid her head on Gaara's should and looked at him, "Right?"_

"_Yep," said Gaara quietly. _

"_WHAT?" said a voice in the entrance of the living room. "You're his…WHAT?"_

"_Temari," Kankuro said looking at her. "This is—"_

"_I heard her. Misa, Gaara's girlfriend," Temari said shaking her head as she interrupted Kankuro. "Your girlfriend?" She questioned looking at Gaara. _

_Kankuro watched as Gaara closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opened his eyes and said, "Yes, my girlfriend."_

_Temari narrowed her eyes and said "Un-fucking-believable." Then she turned her heel and walked up the stairs leaving Misa looking shocked._

"_I don't think she likes me," Misa said, trying to hide the hurt in voice._

"_That's not it," Gaara said. "It's something else entirely."_

_Kankuro looked at his brother and his new girlfriend and realized from this day on nothing was going to be the same in their family._

Kankuro shook his head, remembering the memory didn't make him any less confused than the first day Misa walked into their lives. He sighed as he watched the people from the Leaf Village coming and going from his spot at the window. He still couldn't believe his brother insisted on being in the Leaf this week of all weeks. He watched as his brother appeared out of the shadows with Misa at his side. They were holding hands and Misa's head was on his shoulder. They were walking slowly until Shikamaru came up from behind grabbed Gaara's shoulder and punched him in the face in a matter of second.

_Oh shit_, Kankuro thought as he watched Shikamaru swing again. In a matter of second he was running through the house to the front door to get to the two nins before they caused any real damage to each other.

"Temari! Get out here before your boyfriend and our brother end up killing each other," Kankuro yelled as he passed her bedroom. In a couple of seconds she was right there with beside him running through the front door of their mansion.

When Kankuro and Temari reached them, Shikamaru and Gaara where all the floor kicking and punching each other and Misa was yelling for them to stop. Temari went right in the middle of the fighting nins and grabbed Shikamaru by his green vest but as she yanked on it came off and Shikamaru yelled for her to leave him alone.

Kankuro pushed passed Misa and reached Gaara only to get an elbow in the gut. He doubled over and tried to catch his breath. He decided the only way to separate the two was to become part of the fight, leaving one of the nins distracted. He punched Gaara on the side hoping that would distract him enough that Temari would be able to pull Shikamaru out of the fight.

Sure enough Gaara turned his body and punched Kankuro in the eye. Temari took advantage and grabbed Shikamaru arm that wasn't swinging and yanked hard. Shikamaru yelled and pushed himself up yelling at Temari as she positioned herself right between her brother and her boyfriend.

"Can the two of you STOP!" Temari yelled as she used her whole body to push Shikamaru away from Gaara.

"Stay of out of it Temari," Shikamaru yelled as blood dripped out the corner of his mouth. "You're a bastard Gaara! Is that why you came? So you could rub it in her face?" Shikamaru yelled as he tried to get to Gaara.

"STOP," Temari yelled as she pushed back Shikamaru. "Stop it!"

"Why don't you mind you own fucking business," Gaara yelled as he pushed passed his brother and headed toward Shikamaru. He was stopped in his tracks as Misa ran in front of him.

"What the hell is the matter with you two," she asked as she put her hands on Gaara's chest, instantly holding him off.

Everyone's heavy breathing could be heard for a couple of seconds. It was Shikamaru broke the silence.

"He's a prick, that's the matter," Shikamaru said as he wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth. He had stopped the struggling with Temari. "Your boyfriend is a prick."

Misa turned around and looked at Shikamaru, she could he see was angry but more than that sad. "Does this have to do with the girl that fell down in town?"

Misa instantly felt Gaara tense behind her and the same time she saw Temari look at Gaara and say, "What…girl?"

"The red head," Misa said quietly. She felt like she was missing something, like there was something nobody was telling her.

"I wasn't asking you," Temari said not bothering to look at Misa. She looked at Gaara who had kept his eyes firmly trained on the ground. "That's all you wanted, right? To rub it in her face you found yourself an acceptable girlfriend? You come and find me when _my brother_ Gaara decides to make an appearance. I'd rather not talk to the brain washed version of Gaara," she said as she grabbed Shikamaru's arm and walked away into the night.

Misa turned around to look at Gaara and Kankuro. "Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on," she said throwing her hands in the air.

"This is on him," Kankuro said. _Gaara's got a lot of explaining to do_, Kankuro thought as he walked away from Gaara and Misa and ran in the direction he saw his sister leave.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake walked right beside Akira Kioshi without saying a word. He watched out of the corner of his eye, how her shoulders were slumped and her head was hanging down. She looked beat and as un-Akira as he had ever seen her. He was going to say something but she stopped walking at looked right at him.

"Could we go to your house instead," she asked her eyes sad.

"Why," he asked back. "I thought you wanted to go home."

"I changed my mind," she said as she looked down at Kakashi's chest. She didn't think she could take the worry in his eyes.

"I think…you should sleep in your bed tonight," he said quietly.

"With my brother in the house," she asked looking at him again. She watched Kakashi nod.

"There is no way I could convince to take me to your house," she asked as she watched him shake his head. She sighed and continued walking.

They walked in silence until they reached Akira's house and before they reached the front door Kakashi watched as Akira tensed up and turned around looking in the direction they had just come from. In a second Akira had her left hand up. He saw her chakra wall surround the entire house as it glowed orange.

_Orange?_ He thought as he watched Shikamaru, Temari, Kankuro and Naruto skid to a stop so that they wouldn't slam into the orange wall.

"Akira—" everyone began at once. But they stopped talking as soon as Akira opened her mouth.

"Stop. Just stop," she started off quietly. "I don't want to talk to any of you. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I don't want your excuses or reasons because in end there is nothing that will justify you guys not telling me the truth. I would have rather heard it from anyone of you than to have been sucker punched with _that_ information by _his_ memories."

Kakashi noticed that she was taking deep breaths to remain calm. "Put the wall down," he whispered in her ear. He watched her shake her head.

"So just stop," she said a little louder. "I don't want to talk to you now and I won't want to talk to you tomorrow or the day after that. You guys say…you're my friends…than give me time and _maybe_ I'll be ready to talk."

And with that Akira Kioshi opened her front door and walked in with Kakashi bringing down her chakra wall at the same time she slammed the front door.

* * *

Akira and Kakashi laid in the dark for hours. She had dragged an extra mattress on the floor for Kakashi to sleep on. She could hear Kakashi's deep even breathing that indicated he was asleep but she couldn't help but feel he was awake.

"Kakashi," she said barely above a whisper.

His answer was immediate. "Yes."

"How do you do that?" she asked. _I knew he was awake_.

"How do I do what?" He asked quietly.

"You know what I mean," she said in an irritated whisper.

He let out a soft chuckle. "Breathe like I'm sleeping? Years of practice, I guess. How did you know I was awake?"

"I didn't," she said softly.

"You use to be able to tell," he said more to himself than her.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Akira broke the silence again.

"Why did you agree to babysit me," she asked as she rolled over in her bed.

"I figured you would need someone to talk to," he said staying still as a statue on the mattress that was on the floor.

"And I'm not _babysitting_ you," he added.

"You're here to make sure I don't leave. You are babysitting me," she said. She wanted to scoot over to the edge of the bed so she could see Kakashi but she resisted the urge.

"I forgot there is no arguing with you," Kakashi sighed.

"Someone to talk to," she said quietly, "what would make you think that?"

She heard him let out a frustrated sigh. "Because as soon as you found out what everyone was hiding from you, I knew you wouldn't want to see any of them, much less talk to them."

_He was right about that_, she thought to herself. She didn't want anything to do with any of her friends right now. "Thanks."

His breath caught. He hadn't heard her say thanks in a very long time. "You must be pretty pissed if you're thanking me."

"Pissed," she said as she tasted the word on her tongue. "That's an understatement."

"I think they love you and they were doing what they thought was best for you," Kakashi said quietly. "You can't fault them for trying to protect you from heartache."

"That's just it Kakashi," Akira said in a fierce whisper. "What they think is best, isn't always best. And I'm tired of being protected. Nobody tried to protect me from gossip and mean stares when I was little. I don't need protecting."

"Everybody needs a little protecting," Kakashi said quietly. "Everybody needs someone to help, so you don't feel so alone. Everyone…"

Akira closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing. Listening to Kakashi's deep even breaths helped her a lot. Part of her was mad that he wouldn't sleep in the guest room. But another part of her was glad he was in the room because it meant she wasn't alone with her own thoughts.

Once she had matched her breathing to his she realized an hour had passed. She wondered again if he was sleeping but his voice broke the silence this time.

"Why do you hate your brother?" Kakashi asked as quietly as he could. He heard her take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I don't hate him," she said softly.

"Sometimes it seems like you do," he countered.

Kakashi rephrased his question. "Why are you so mean to him?"

He listened to her breathe in and out for five minutes. _Well she doesn't want to talk about that, _he thought to himself.

He wasn't going to press it, if she didn't want to talk, then she didn't want to talk. He was just glad she wasn't crying. He hadn't seen her cry in 3 years and that was enough for a lifetime.

"How mean am I?" Her voice filled the darkness.

Kakashi thought about it and decided to be dead honest with her. "Pretty mean," he answered honestly.

He heard soft laugh escape her but when she spoke, her voice was full of sadness.

"I thought I told you a long time ago."

"No. I would have remembered. You talked about everything but family, especially your brother."

She took a deep breath. "I don't hate him. But me makes me mad sometimes..."

"Sometimes?" Kakashi questioned. "You seem mad at him a lot more than sometimes."

"It makes me mad when he thinks he's doing something to protect me but he's not." Akira tried to control her voice.

"He's trying to be your big brother. He is suppose to be over protective," Kakashi told her calmly.

"No. He thinks I'm still his kid sister. I stopped being a kid a long time ago," Akira said a little louder than she intended. She had rolled over to the edge of her bed so she could see Kakashi on the floor. She wanted to read his face when he talked, but she couldn't see much in the dark.

"And I sick of him trying to make up for lost time. It's his fault it's lost. And I do not need a brother anymore," she said angrily.

"He's family Akira. Don't you think you should cut him some slack?" His eyes were closed. He could feel her staring and decided it best to not look at her, even in the dark. He didn't trust himself, yet.

"I would have forgiven him," Akira said her voice full of sadness. "I would have forgiven him for leaving me and my mom with my monster of a father because he was just a kid...he was scared too. But..." Her voice trailed off.

Kakashi waited 30 seconds before he asked, "But what?"

She sighed, "It's a long story."

"We've got all night," Kakashi said.

_Guess that means we won't even pretend to sleep tonight_, Akira thought to herself.

"I thought he would come back after you know...I...killed my..."

"I know," Kakashi said. He knew she didn't want to finish that sentence.

"After my mom and my father died, Grams took me in...I thought Hiro would come back and live with us. But he didn't. He hardly came to visit. I didn't understand why. Why he wouldn't come to see me. Why he barely talked to me. Why he couldn't even look at me. Why he wouldn't even hug me. I mean I was still his sister right?"

Kakashi wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her hand. He wanted to tell her she turned out fine. He wanted to squeeze her hand and tell her the real reason her brother acted like an ass. But he knew better. He knew not to reach out.

"Then I realized maybe he was just as scared of me as everyone else in this village. When I told my Grams what I thought, she just smiled and said family should never be scared of you. I didn't understand what she meant until I woke up in the middle of the night and heard arguing downstairs. It was Grams and Hiro. I'd never heard Grams so mad until that night."

Akira was quiet for a while before continued. _That's when I found out Grams was sick.  
_  
"She was telling him she needed to make sure that when she wasn't around I was going to be taken care of. He kept telling her I wasn't his responsibility; that I wasn't his sister to take care of. And my Grams snapped. She slapped him and told him he should be ashamed of himself and if he any self respect he would take it all back."

Kakashi heard Akira take another deep breath and when she started talking again her voice had turned ice cold.

"That's when I realized that if my brother didn't want me then maybe I didn't need a brother. If he didn't want me to be his sister then, so be it. I figured I was better off living with my grandmother anyway. And then...a...couple..."

Kakashi heard her voice catch. He heard her take a deep breath trying to control her emotions. He knew what happened a couple of months later.

"A couple of months later Grams died. It turned out she had been sick for a while," she said when she was sure she wasn't going to cry. Talking about her Grandmother always made her want to cry.

"But you know that already, don't you? So Hiro had no choice then to play the big brother role. After she was gone he was forced to raise me. Don't you get it? He doesn't have to be my big brother because I don't need him and I know how he really feels about me."

The room was silent for a minute before Kakashi spoke.

"I think he loves you," Kakashi said quietly.

"I think he feels guilty," she retorted. "I don't hate him. I just...don't need him to...love me anymore. I learned a long time ago I that maybe I don't deserve to be loved. I should have remembered that. It would have saved me all this heartache."

Without thinking Kakashi open his eyes and took her right hand that was hanging off the side of the bed. "Don't you ever think that," he said fiercely squeezing her hand. "How could you even think that when your friends and family love you and however misguided their actions, they have always tried to protect you from harm?"

She was speechless. His sudden emotion surprised her. He was always so in control and made damn sure not to touch her. She was still amazing he was the one to check her pulse when she went down in the middle of town.

He realized he was squeezing her hand but it didn't matter. He wanted her to take back what she had just said.

"Just because the Sand nin decided he wanted someone else does not mean you don't deserve to be loved, you got that," he said his voice thick with emotion.

Her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke.

"Sometimes I feel like everything I touch, I break. Sometimes it feels like everyone I love, I hurt. And it isn't just about Gaara. Technically we were broken up. I think."

She sighed and without thinking reached out and brushed some hair from Kakashi's eyes. She watched as he closed his eyes and slightly leaned into her touch.

"Sometimes it feels like I deserve the hurt...you know like its karma. Payback for my sins," she finished quietly as her hand drifted to his cheek.

Kakashi kept his eyes close because looking at her, even in the dark, was going to make him do something he would regret later.

She let five minutes pass before she moved her hand and when she did she heard Kakashi sigh.

"You don't break everyone you touch...you make them realize who they really are. You're special that way. I know you're hurting because of Gaara. I can see it in the way you talk, in the way you move, in the way you breathe. In that extra layer of protection you've layered onto your skin. It doesn't matter if you were broken up...he still hurt you and that doesn't stop the pain, does it?" He was asking honestly.

"No it doesn't," she said still holding his hand. "But you can't deny that fact that maybe I deserve the pain...just a little."

He let go of her hand stood up on his mattress to talk to her. She was laying on the bed with her eyes closed and a slight frown on her lips. Her ruby locks where held tight in a neat braid.

"Yes I can," he said firmly. He watched open her eyes. The moon light that came through the window did wonders on her milky brown eyes.

"I kissed Shikamaru knowing he had a girlfriend and didn't care. And she was one of my friends. And I still had feelings for Gaara. But I didn't care! And do you know why I did it?" She asked sitting up on her bed.

"Because he made me feel good, if only for a little a while. What kind of person does that?" she asked fiercely.

_Well that makes sense now_, he thought to himself as he thought of why Shikamaru had been acting weird.

"You think that makes you deserve what Gaara is doing to you. I've got some news for you. You kissed your best friend because you had a crush on him. Of course it felt nice because he had a crush on you. And you aren't the only one who wronged Temari, he did too. It's done and over with and I bet you guys promised each other not to let it happen again. What's done is done...and you know as well as I do that Gaara is an ass for that shit he pulled. Stop trying to defend him," he said crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Don't you think what I did to you was a little unfair?" She asked barely above a whisper.

He looked into her eyes and could see all the pain she was keeping inside. Suddenly he realized what karma she was talking about.

"Akira," he started softly, "We agreed-"

"I made the decision and you just went along with it," she said cutting him off.

She stepped out of her bed and walked over to the window. The moon was full and bright. She stood at the window and folded her arms around her chest and sighed.

"I didn't give you a choice," Akira said a little louder. "I never did."

"Akira. I said we agreed because _we_did agree to forget the past," Kakashi said as he walked over to the window without making the floor squeak.

"And did you...forget?" she asked as she faced him. He was a little over six inches taller than her and she had to look up to look him in the eyes.

He stood there looking at Akira as the moon shone a spotlight on her. Her face was pale in the light and she had a slight frown on her face. He could also see the exhaustion in her eyes. She was tired and he was sure it wasn't just physical. Her question echoed inside his head. Of course he didn't forget.

"We aren't talking about that. I'm telling you Gaara's an ass for pulling that shit and no matter what you don't deserve what he is doing to you," Kakashi said as a matter of fact-ly.

Akira shook her head and looked down at her bare feet. "And I'm talking about karma. You know, what comes around goes around."

Kakashi reached across the space between them and lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. He felt the jolt of electricity go through him.

"Karma...don't you think you are due for some good karma?" he asked hoarsely.

She gave him a small smile at the inside joke she hadn't heard in years.

"Never," she said knowing what his comeback would be.

"Always," he said quietly.

"Remind me again why we haven't talked in years?" she asked with a small smile.

"You fell in love," he answered truthfully. His hand was still touching her chin. He could have easily closed the space between them with a footstep.

"Oh yeah, that," she said quietly as she broke their contact and moved to open the window.

Kakashi watched as her bare arms worked to open the window closest to the both of them. He could see the extra layer of chakra Akira had plastered onto her skin. _How can she concentrate on anything else_, he thought as he watched the orange chakra move with her muscles.

"How much energy are you using for that chakra on your skin," he asked trying not to sound concerned.

Akira was caught off guard by the question. She had forgotten about the layer of protection. "Not nearly as much as the chakra wall."

"How are you not draining your chakra?"

"Because the pandas taught me how to harness the charka I have and reuse it for the extra layer of protection," she turned around to look at him. He hadn't moved since she moved to open the window.

"Why not release it," he asked quietly.

_Because I don't want to hear his excuses,_she thought to herself.

"Because sometimes I need that extra layer of protection," she answered honestly.

"You need it now?" he asked taking a step toward her.

She thought about it. Did she needed it? Wasn't it Kakashi's touch that brought her out of Gaara's memory?

"I guess...I don't," she said quietly.

"So...let it…go," he whispered as he took yet another step towards her.

Akira felt the slight breeze from the open window touch her arm. She could just as easily bring it back if she was bombed with Gaara's memories again.

"Release," she told herself. As soon as the word left her mouth she felt the chakra seep into pores, giving her boost of energy. _Just great! I'm never going to sleep,_she thought to herself.

"There don't you feel better?" He said taking another step in her direction.

Akira she did feel better and found she was happy she couldn't feel Gaara anywhere. And now without that extra layer of protection she felt naked. In fact she became very aware of what was about to happen. She watched as Kakashi closed the gap between them.

Suddenly the was a knock on the door that caused both nins to turn their heads and looked at the door.

"Akira..." Hiro's voice came through the door.

"Akira," he said again; just a little louder.

"Well that's that," Akira sighed as she walked past Kakashi, her arm brushing past Kakashi's as she walked past him. She felt her hair stand up from root to tip as soon as her skin touched Kakashi's.

_Maybe I do need that extra layer_, thought to herself as she cracked open the door.

"What do you want," Akira whispered to Hiro. She realized she didn't know why she was whispering seeing as everyone in the house was awake in the middle of the night.

Akira looked at her brother and could tell he hadn't been asleep at all.

"Remind me again why Kakashi has to be in your room," Hiro asked with concern in his eyes.

"Seriously, Hiro? That's why you decided to knock on my door in the middle of the night?" She said still whispering.

"Well I was just laying in bed wondering why he couldn't just sleep on the couch downstairs or in the room right next to yours," Hiro said seriously.

"You decide to play the concerned brother card now?" Akira said exasperated.

"Akira-" Hiro started off.

"I already told you why. And Kakashi already explained it to you," she said cutting him off before he said he is her brother and he is concerned.

"He's here on the Hokage's orders, to make sure I don't make a run for it," Akira sighed, running her hands down her pants.

"I get that," Hiro said sounding tired. "But that doesn't explain why he has to sleep in your room."

"Well obviously he thinks I'm going to make a run for it. He. Does. Not. Trust. Me. Enough. To. Sleep. In. The. Next. Room," Akira said making sure she said each word as clear as day.

Hiro sighed. "Okay, okay. I get it. I'm just...never mind. want to go downstairs for some tea?"

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Akira asked her brother.

"It's just tea Akira. I'm not asking you to talk to me," Hiro said trying to hide his hurt.

Akira took a deep breath. She hadn't meant to hurt her brother's feelings. "I mean I would have to wake Kakashi up so he could go downstairs with us."

It never surprised her how easily she could lie. It occurred to her she was pissed at half the people in her life because they lied to her and here she was doing the one thing she accused them of. The one thing she asked them to stop doing. She was no different than them. In fact she was worse than them all because she did it on a daily basis.

How are you? Fine. _Lie  
_  
What were you thinking? I wasn't_. Lie._

Did he hurt you? No. _Lie._

_Lie. Lie. Lie_! She was the best liar she knew.

"Why?" Hiro asked doubt clouding his sleep deprived eyes.

"He goes everywhere I go Hiro. That's the only reason I was allowed to even come home. If the Hokage wanted, I could have been locked in a room in the mansion with three guards outside the door and one inside with me." Akira's voice was tight and impatient.

She knew it wasn't Hiro's fault the Hokage was mad at her but she was tired of explaining to him why Kakashi's presence was a requirement and not a choice.

"I'm sorry if I sound snippy...I'm just tired and I really don't feel like waking him up for some tea. Maybe in the morning," she tried sounding a little nicer while she lied.

She was surprised Kakashi was still standing by the window as still as a statue. He hadn't even come to the door and called out her lie. He never passed up an opportunity to annoy her brother. _What was he doing_, she thought to herself as she watched her brother shift from foot to foot.

Hiro looked at his sister and decided she needed to sleep more than he needed her company. "Okay...can we just leave the door open a little," he asked mainly because he didn't trust Kakashi.

Akira looked at her brother and was amazed he even asked the question.

"No," she said shaking her head. "I'm only going to tell you one more time Hiro. I am not a kid anymore. I am not necking Kakashi. I am not going to leave the door open to make you feel better. And I am not worried you don't trust Kakashi because I do and that is the only thing that matters. Good night."

She closed the door and heard as he walked to his room slowly. She let out a big sigh once she heard his bedroom door click close. Then she heard Kakashi's soft chuckle.

"What's so funny," she whispered still standing at the door.

"Necking me?" He asked with a smile in his voice.

"Shut up Kakashi," she said resisting the urge to smile.

"You could've just said kissing," he said the smile still in his voice. "Although that statement wouldn't have been entirely true seeing as we were about to..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

Akira put her forehead on the door and took a deep breath. _What the hell am I doing,_ she thought to herself. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

"Kakashi," she started off quietly as she turned around to face him. He was still standing by the window with his hands in his pockets.

"Please don't Akira," he said turning around to look at her in the moon lit room. "Let's call it a night and pretend this never happened," he said walking over to the mattress on the floor. She watched him lay down with his left arm over his face.

She walked over to her bed and sat on the edge. "I'm sorry for being a mess," she said more to herself than to him.

Kakashi wanted nothing more than to lay in that bed with Akira but he knew better. He knew nothing good with come out of tonight. She was still in love with Gaara and would possibly always love the newly appointed Kazekage.

"You're not a mess. You're just hurt. You shouldn't apologize for being hurt. It's not your fault," he just as quietly as she did. He was starting to think she hadn't heard him when all of a sudden she climbed into her bed to the end that was farthest away from him. He heard her softly grunt into her pillow.

"It is my fault," she said her voice muffled by the pillow. "You shouldn't have volunteered to babysit me. I should have asked to be locked up in the mansion. Goodnight Kakashi."

Both nins laid in the dark room pretending to sleep until the sky turned the bright colors of the morning.

**A/N: So what did you think? Are you surprised/curious to find out what happens next?**


	18. Chapter 18

*Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara or any of the other characters!

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers! I hope you guys like this chapter, I tried to get it out a little quicker than before :) **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 18

Gaara woke up knowing he had royally fucked up with Akira _and_ Misa. But his fuck up with Akira was hurting him more than anything. He wanted to go to her and tell her the truth. He wanted to go and let her know he still loved her more than anything. He wanted to let her know that he would do anything for her…_anything_. He wanted her to know he didn't mean to bring Misa into his life. He lay in bed remembering what the Hokage said to him the day she gave Akira permission to leave for a month.

_Gaara watched as the love of his life walked out of the Hokage's office. He had wondered why the Hokage asked to see him and why Akira had yet to shut him out. He could still feel her lips on his skin as he watched her shut the door._

_The Hokage cleared her throat and he looked at her with a small smile on his face. The Hokage gave him a strange look but she cleared her throat again and asked him to sit down. _

"_You really do love her, don't you?" The Hokage asked quietly._

"_Yes I do," he said firmly. _

"_Well that's too bad because you're going to have to break her heart," Tsunade said looking down at the papers on her desk._

"_What?" Gaara said confused. "What are you talking about?"_

"_Gaara—"_

"_What did you call me here for?" Gaara said cutting her off. _

_The Hokage sighed and folded her arms over her desk. She looked Gaara right in his eyes. "I need you to break her heart."_

"_And why would I do that," Gaara asked suspiciously. _

"_Because I need to make sure she's safe," Tsunade said sighing. _

"_What the fuck? After all these years, you still don't trust her. You know she's safe. After all she's done to prove she is not the killer everybody thinks she is and you're telling me you still don't trust her?" Gaara said angrily. _

_Tsunade looked at Gaara and knew that she couldn't ask him what she needed him to do without telling him the truth. She took a deep breath and started off, "I do trust her. **I **do. But I need to see if her trigger for killing is something she can control."_

"_She can," Gaara said with conviction. _

"_Gaara I know you trust her and I know that you think you know her, especially with the connection you guys have—"_

"_I do know her," Gaara said cutting the Hokage off. He didn't like where this was going._

"_Have you ever wondered who was in control of your connection with Akira," Tsunade asked watching Gaara closely._

"_Neither of us," he said. "It kinda of just happens when we're around with other."_

"_You're wrong," Tsunade said quietly. "She's in control. She's always been in control. Why do think she can shut you out of her mind and still have access to yours? She controls it. She controls what you learn from her and how much of her past you actually get to see. It seems like the connection is uncontrollable but she has always been in control of it."_

_Gaara looked at the Hokage and sat down in the chair in front of her desk, realizing that she was telling the truth. He rubbed his face in frustration. "What does that have to do with you wanting me to break her heart?"_

"_She has two triggers. The need to protect is her trigger for her chakra wall. But rage, rage is her trigger for her chakra prison and ultimately the reason her chakra seeps into her opponents' pores and literally squeezes the life out of them. That's what happened with her father. I need to know she can control her rage," Tsunade firmly._

"_She can. She controls herself fine when she is angry," Gaara started off but Tsunade shook her head. _

"_No. I know she can control her anger and anger is not the issue here. It's her rage. You of all people should know the difference. Rage is her trigger."_

"_What does that have to do with me? With me breaking her heart," he asked curious. _

"_She loves you more than anyone I know. I think she loves almost as much as she loved her mother. And if you break her heart then you can trigger her rage and then I can gauge if she can control it," Tsunade said cautiously. She knew what she was asking and she knew Gaara would object but he was the only one she could think of that could trigger Akira's rage. _

"_No," Gaara said firmly. "No. I love her, Lady Tsunade. I love her and I can't be the reason she's in pain. I can't and you can't ask me to do that to her. I can't," he said again. He would do anything to make Akira happy, he couldn't break her heart. _

"_You have too," Tsunade said sadly. "I need you too. I would not be asking if I could think of another option. But you are the key to seeing if she can control her rage and her ability to kill. You want to tell your Council that she's your One, right?"_

"_How do you know that," Gaara asked._

_Tsunade shrugged and said, "I figured that's why you were going back home. You do this and you show The Council that she is perfect just the way she is."_

"_If you're so sure she can control her rage, then why do you need me to break her heart? Why do you want me to trigger it?" Gaara asked scrubbing his face in frustration._

"_I don't," Tsunade sighed. "But if anyone can help her through the rage it's you. She loves you and I think that no matter what you do, she'd never hurt you. You're the only one that can prove she can control it. Just make her think you're done with her and gauge her reaction. You can explain everything after, she'll understand."_

_Gaara was still unsure, but some of the things Tsunade was saying made some sense. He could explain everything to her and make her understand. "Fine but when it's time to explain, you're going to help me. Okay?"_

"_Okay," Tsunade said._

_What the fuck was I thinking, _Gaara shook his head in frustration. He rolled over in bed and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

"Where are you going?" Misa's groggy voice floated into the bathroom.

Gaara stuck his head out of the bathroom. "I have to go see the Hokage."

He had lied to Misa the night before telling her that Akira had been a friend he hadn't talk to in years and that was why everyone was mad at him. He was surprised Misa believed his half ass lie but was grateful he didn't have to explain anymore. He had to talk to Akira and the Hokage before he told Misa the truth.

"Want me to go with you," she asked as rolled out of their bed.

"No, just go back to bed. I'll be back before you know it," Gaara said a little rushed.

"Need some company in the shower," Misa asked with a smile on her face as she walked into the bathroom.

"No," Gaara said a little too quickly as he jumped into the shower. He saw he smile fall. "It's just the sooner I talk to the Hokage, the better. Okay?"

"Okay," Misa said walking back to bed. "But hurry back and I'll have a surprise for you."

_Just fucking great_, Gaara thought as he wondered what the fuck he was going to do.

* * *

Hiro woke up that morning, still worried about his sister and the predicament she had put herself in. He still didn't trust Kakashi alone with his sister and thought that the Hokage should have assigned someone else to make sure she didn't make a run for it, but then he remember what Naruto had said to him a few days ago. _Kakashi is the best chance we have in bringing her back. He taught her how to fight. He knows her technique the best. _

_I could have trained her if she had let me_, Hiro thought as he walked past Akira's closed door and down the stairs. _I know I left but I came back and took her in. Doesn't that count for something?_

He heated the kettle up for some tea and sat down as he waited. He wondered what he had to do to make his sister understand he was sorry for abandoning her when she needed him the most. He tried getting her to talk to him for years but she wasn't willing to open up. When their grandmother died she became even more closed up. He heard the kettle go off and made himself some tea as he waited for his sister and her prison guard to wake up and come down stairs.

As he sat down sipping his hot tea he heard Akira's door open upstairs and then two distinct pair of footsteps come down the stairs. Akira's where loud and dragging and Kakashi's were steady and sure footed.

"Good morning," Hiro chirped as Akira walked into the kitchen with Kakashi at her side.

"Well aren't you happy this morning," Akira said grumpily, at the same time Kakashi said, "I don't know how good this morning is going to be."

Both nins looked at each and smiled. Grumpy in the mornings was Akira's trait, definitely not one of Kakashi's. _Weird_, Hiro thought as he looked at the both of them. They had hints of dark circles under their eyes probably meaning they hadn't really slept the night before.

"Why are the both of you so grumpy," Hiro asked looking at Akira move to the fridge.

"Because you're so happy," Akira grumbled under her breath, at the same time Kakashi said quiet loudly, "Just to bring you down." Again both nins looked at each other grinning and Akira said, "Stop."

Hiro watched as Kakashi shrugged his shoulders and moved to the other side of the fridge, closer to Akira. _What the hell_, Hiro thought to himself as he watched the two of them.

There was something there that Hiro couldn't put his finger on. He watched as Akira handed Kakashi the orange juice from the fridge, Kakashi took the jar and without asking and turned to the cabinet closest to the sink, pulled out two glasses and filled them to the rim with the orange juice. He turned back around and before he reached Akira she already had her hand out waiting to put the juice away.

Hiro watched as Akira took the jar and with her other hand handed Kakashi the bag of bread and butter. He took it and put it on the counter next to the two glasses of juice. There was something about the way both nins moved around each other, one anticipating the move of the other. Hiro watched as Kakashi put the bread in the toaster and wait until the bread warmed up. Akira took the bread before it popped out of the toaster and buttered it without saying a word. Hiro squinted at his sister as he watched her take the juice from Kakashi and at the same time hand him a piece of buttered toast with her other hand. Never once did either nin bumped into the other or get in the other's way. Hiro's eyes widen as he realized the feeling he was getting from watching Akira and Kakashi together…_familiarity_. They moved in sync as if they were _familiar_ with each other movements and space, which was weird because as far as Hiro knew Kakashi only helped train Akira and nothing more. He watched as the two of them walked out of the kitchen and head towards the stairs.

"Hey!" Hiro exclaimed.

"What?" Akira said as she turned and saw her brother's baffled expression. She took a bite of the toast she had in her right hand.

Hiro shook his head and looked at Kakashi, "How did you know where the glasses were?" He watched as Akira's eyes glanced at Kakashi.

"Would you believe me if I said Akira gave me a tour last night," Kakashi said with a hint of smile.

"No," Hiro said as he narrowed his eyes at the pair.

"Oh well," Kakashi said shrugging. He leaned against the banister of the stairs holding his juice and toast. He looked at Akira, "Your turn."

Akira rolled her eyes at Kakashi and looked her brother, "He has been here before Hiro, God!" She turned and started going up the stairs.

"Oh no, you don't," Hiro said holding Akira's shoulder. "That is not an explanation to what I just witness in the kitchen."

Akira sighed and didn't bother turning around. "And _what_ exactly did you just witness in the kitchen, me getting breakfast? Oh no, Kakashi mysteriously knowing where our glasses are? No, that's not it, it must have been me being nice enough and buttering Kakashi's toast."

"Akira…" Kakashi said in a warning tone.

Hiro felt Akira tense up and then shrug out of his grasp. "Whatever." She continued walking up the stairs.

"I'm not done," Hiro said angrily.

"Too bad because I am," Akira said taking another bit of her toast. She turned around and realized Kakashi was at the bottom of the stairs.

Hiro marched up the stairs and blocked her way. He crossed his hands across his chest, "I said I wasn't done."

Akira sighed and took a sip of her orange juice. "And I _said_ too bad because I am Hiro. I. Am. Done. Now can you _please _move out of my way before you make me drop my juice and make me angry?"

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh. He knew Akira was itching for a confrontation and her brother had the bad luck of pushing the wrong buttons this morning. There were _some_ things that should just stay in the past.

"Would it have killed you to just tell him that we used to come here after training to get something to eat," Kakashi said in an exasperated voice. He walked up the stairs to where both brother and sister were having a staring contest.

"Yes," Akira said drinking some more of her juice. "Yes, it would have killed me because my dear brother thinks I'm a kid and I am tired of it."

"Akira," Hiro started off, shaking his head. "It's not that. It's just sometimes I feel like you're a completely different person. And it feels like…you and Kakashi know each other…"

"You know what," Akira said finishing her juice. "Fine, you want to know why me and Kakashi are so _familiar_ with other, I'll tell you. But listen up big bro because I am not repeating myself. Me and—"

"And you are done," Kakashi said cutting off Akira. He grabbed Akira's right arm and said, "Let's go to your room." He moved passed Hiro bringing Akira with him. He turned to Hiro and said, "Did it ever occur to you that people who train together become familiar with each other's moves out of habit?"

Hiro was just as confused as he was in the kitchen, as he watched both nins walk up the remainder of the stairs without a second glance at him. He heard Akira ask Kakashi why he had interrupted her.

He watched Kakashi shake his head and say in low voice, "Sometimes you just don't know when to stop. Sometimes you look for trouble. Sometimes you need to be reminded to let things go. Sometimes, like just now, you need to learn to keep things in the past."

"Whatever," Hiro heard Akira say and then he heard the door to her room slam.

Hiro shook his and realized that Akira's past was exactly what he needed to find out about and he wondered how exactly he would go about obtaining it as he walked down the stairs.

* * *

Akira Kioshi sat on her bed and watched as Kakashi Hatake chewed his toast. She couldn't help but admire his facial structure. It was unfair for someone to be so good looking. She watched as he took a sip of his juice and had the sudden urge to kiss his soft lips. She shook her head because with that urge came the memory of Gaara's lips on hers and instantly an image of Gaara and the mysterious raven haired girl flashed before her eyes. She clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white. This was not the nonchalant attitude she promised herself she would have this morning.

"You're angry," Kakashi said quietly.

She cursed herself for letting Kakashi see her upset again. "My brother pisses me off," she lied.

"Yes he does, but that's not what has you angry," Kakashi said looking at her.

"I'm fine," Akira said standing up and going to the bathroom. She shook her head and took off her shirt getting ready to take a shower.

"Oh so that's why—" Kakashi said as he got up and followed her into the bathroom. He stopped in his tracks in when he saw Akira in her black bra and no shirt.

"Kakashi, what the hell," Akira snapped as she turned her back to him.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said as he quickly turned his back. "I thought you were trying to avoid the subject." He heard Akira sigh.

"I was," she said as she sank to the floor not bothering to put her shirt back on.

"Akira," Kakashi started as he turned around. He saw her chin on her knees. She was flexing her fingers and watching chakra spark out her fingertips. She looked up at him and he saw all the sadness she had last night.

"I guess this is…because I'm angry," Akira said as she waved her sparking fingertips.

"Akira," Kakashi started as he stepped a little closer to her. He knew exactly what was wrong. The Hokage had warned him that Akira might not be able to control her chakra flow when she was angry. But he had more faith in her than the Hokage and he knew if Akira could do anything, it was ability to control her chakra.

Akira clenched her hands into fists and said, "Just stay away Kakashi. I'm just as destructive as I was when I was a kid."

"No, you're not," Kakashi said gently taking her wrists in his hands. He was finding it very hard to concentrate while looking at her without a shirt. So he stared at her hands instead.

"You've always been able to control yourself. Right now you're hurt and angry…it's a deadly combination when it comes to you but you can control it. You have to make a choice, you can be the girl who doesn't give a shit or the girl who's a cold hearted bitch or you can be the girl you've always been…smart, strong and controlled," Kakashi finished quietly.

"You forgot sad," she said quietly. Her fingertips had stopped sparking. For some reason Kakashi always knew how to calm her down. She looked at his hands holding her wrists. She could feel his desire to look up at her but his eyes stayed dutifully focused on her hands.

"You're not always sad. You used to smile more," he said as his eyes swept up her arms and stopped at her bare shoulders.

She hooked her finger under his chin and lifted his face so they were looking at each other, "I used to be happy."

"So be happy again," Kakashi whispered leaning in a little.

Akira felt her heart speed up a little. She knew Kakashi was leaning in for a kiss and for some reason her body reacted positively. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. She wanted to feel his hands on her body. She wanted things she could not have.

"You confuse me," Akira whispered honestly.

"You confuse me too," Kakashi whispered as his forehead touched hers. If he leaned in an inch he would finally taste her lips. But instead he looked into her sad brown eyes. This close he could see the individual hazel flecks in her eyes. "Tell me what you want?"

"Not to be confused," she answered looking at his lips before looking into his eyes. She reached out and ran her finger over the scar on his left eye. She felt him lean in a little to her touch. "I want not to be confused," she said more firmly.

"And how do we accomplish that," he asked, feeling the heat of her fingertip over his eye.

"I have no fucking clue," she answered fiercely and she put her hands to her sides.

"I think…you should put your shirt back on," Kakashi whispered hoarsely.

She could feel his breath on her lips. It made her entire body tingle in anticipation. She could kiss him and be the girl who just didn't give a shit anymore.

"Is that what you want Kakashi?"

"I think it's what we both need," his voice has turned raspy, which meant his desire was starting to take over.

"I think I'm gonna take a cold shower and when I get out, you can take a cold shower and then we can leave for the Hokage's mansion so I can get yelled at in the daytime," Akira said as she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back a little. She had to do something before her body took over and she did something that they both regret.

Kakashi pulled back took a deep breath. "I'm going to go take a cold shower downstairs. I'm going downstairs because if I stay up here I might get in the shower with you and that will probably leave us even more confused."

Akira smiled. Leave it to Kakashi to try and break the tension. "We are going to have to deal with this sooner or later," she said quietly.

"Let's opt for later because right now I want to push you against the wall and kiss you like you've never been kissed before and I have a feeling you'd let me and let's be honest, that is not going to help either of us," he whispered as he got up and went to the bathroom door.

"Kakashi—"

"Please don't make me turn around. If I turn around I won't be able to stop myself. And I want you to be okay Akira. The only thing I want is for you. To. Be. Okay. Can I walk out and met you downstairs?" There was desperation in his voice she had never heard before. Not even when she told him she thought she was in love with Gaara.

"Yes," she said getting up and turning on the shower. Once she heard her bedroom door shut, she closed her eyes and sank to the shower floor and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.

* * *

Shikamaru Nara stood outside Akira's house trying to build up the courage to knock on the door. He was positive Akira was still upset and probably didn't want to see people, especially him. But he was her friend and that meant he was going to try and try again until she finally talked to him.

He knocked and Hiro opened the door a couple seconds later.

"Hello, Shikamaru. What are you doing here?" Hiro asked confusion clear in his eyes.

"I wanted to know if I could talk to Akira," Shikamaru said stepping inside the house, even though he wasn't invited him.

"She probably won't talk to you," Shikamaru heard Kakashi's voice float in from the living room. Shikamaru walked into the living room and saw Kakashi sitting on the sofa reading a book.

"You're still babysitting her," Shikamaru said putting his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall across from Kakashi.

"Why does everyone think I'm babysitting her? I am not babysitting her. I'm here to make sure she's okay. I'm here to be the friend you guys failed to be," Kakashi said not taking his eyes off his book.

"I was going to tell her," Shikamaru sighed. "I was going to tell her before she found out from someone else. I just couldn't find the words..."

"How about: Hey, Akira. Gaara's seeing someone else. You might want to be wary when you run into him," Kakashi said sternly.

"It sounds easy when you say it like that," Shikamaru muttered.

"That's because it is," Akira's voice came from the top of the stairs.

Kakashi looked up from his book to watch Akira walk down the stairs. His heart skipped a beat when he saw what she was wearing. Her still wet hair was down, the crimson waves cascading down her bare shoulders. She was wearing a strapless navy blue dress that hugged her in all the right places. As Kakashi's eyes skimmed over her body he saw the dress stopped right above her knee and he had the sudden urge to walk over to her and slip his hands under her dress and have his way with her. He shook his head and tore his eyes from her mesmerizing body.

"Akira…" Shikamaru breathed. He looked her up and down and realized she was still angry but she had it under control.

"I thought I told you yesterday I didn't want to see or _talk_ to you," Akira said as she walked passed him and sat down next to Kakashi.

"You look…beautiful," Shikamaru said still stunned she hadn't thrown him out of the house.

Akira sat right next to Kakashi with her thigh pressed against his because she needed the contact to remind herself to remain calm and collected. She crossed her legs and leaned back causing her still dripping hair to fall onto Kakashi's shoulders. She looked at Shikamaru and shook her head.

"Go home Shikamaru," she said quietly.

"I can't. I need you to hear me out," Shikamaru said. He walked over and sat on the coffee table in front of couch she was sitting on.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say," she said looking him in the eyes. "There is nothing you can say that is going to change my mind."

Kakashi was trying to concentrate on the words in his book but all he could think about was Akira's thigh pressed up against his. He could feel her heat coming in through his pants. He had read the same sentence six times because her coconut shampoo was overwhelming his senses. He wanted to move but knew Akira had sat pressed against him for a reason, he just hadn't figured it out.

"See, she doesn't want to talk to you," Kakashi said closing his book and laying it beside him. "Just go."

"No," Shikamaru insisted. "I was going to tell you, I was but I didn't want to hurt you."

Akira took a deep breath and leaned forward a bit. The right side of her body pressed harder against Kakashi causing him to bite back a groan.

"You don't get it, do you," Akira asked fiercely. "I get that. I get you just didn't know how to spit out the truth. I get you wanted to tell me because I remember you holding back on me when we were walking back from the gates last night. But your stubborn ass just doesn't understand, does it? I would have rather heard it from you. You, who I considered my best friend and my calming force. You, who found me clinging to my dead mother. You, who never held back when it came to me. If there was anyone I would have wanted to hear the truth from…it. Was. You. But you didn't say anything and I was dragged into memory after memory of _him and her together_. That's why I don't want to see you. That's why I don't want to talk to you, because _you_ held out on me. You had weeks to send me a note, weeks to come and see me and tell me. You could have told me when we were walking into town and you made a choice you keep your mouth shut. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

The pain in her voice was clear and it broke Shikamaru's heart that he had a hand in that pain but he couldn't walk away from her. He couldn't stop being her friend and he would do everything in his power to make her understand that.

"I can't just walk out of your life Akira. I can't," he said with desperation in his voice. "You've always stuck by me through thick and thin. I can't walk away. Do you understand?"

Akira could see his regret and pain but she couldn't bring herself to forgive him, at least not now. "I'm not asking to walk out of my life forever," she sighed and she scooted forward. She reached out and touched the bruise on the corner of his mouth.

"I'm just asking you to leave me alone for a while. Leave me alone so I can figure out if I can forgive you. Can you just give me time to figure that out," she said quietly.

"I can give you time but I can't leave you alone. I can't walk out and leave you alone. Please don't ask me to do that," Shikamaru said quietly.

Akira sighed scrubbed her face in frustration. She leaned back the sofa, bumping into Kakashi, who had stayed quietly by her side. She turned her head to look at him and saw something in his eyes she last night…desire. _Fuck_, she thought to herself. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

"You're fucking killing me Shikamaru," she said frustrated. "You haven't talked to me in a month. What fucking difference does another month make? Why won't you just leave me alone for another month?"

Kakashi sighed, got up stood behind where Akira was sitting. He knew she saw what he was feeling, he saw it in her eyes, heard it in her voice. He didn't want to confuse her any further so he figured no body contact was the best for the both of them. He could still smell the coconut from her shampoo and resisted the urge to rub her shoulders to help release the tension.

Shikamaru looked at Akira and knew that what she was asking for was reasonable but he couldn't bring himself to leave her alone. He was afraid she'd shut down completely and shut every one out and that was not healthy for her.

"Can't leave you alone," Shikamaru said exasperated. "Alone is what you've been most your life. I can't…"

"She won't be alone," Kakashi said quietly. "She has me."

"And me," Hiro said suddenly from the entrance of the living room.

"Oh. My. God," Akira shouted. "I. Do. Not. Need. Anyone. To. Babysit. Me!" She stood up from the couch and threw her hands in the air. "Why is everyone concerned about me now? Why not a month ago? Why not a year ago? I'm fucking fine. I just need time to get past the anger. Why is it so hard to just fucking leave me alone!"

"Because you have a history of slipping into a black hole when you're left alone," Kakashi said firmly. He watched as she glared at him. She shook her head and started walking out the room. Kakashi followed her. She shot him a death stare and he just shrugged at her.

"Just go home Shikamaru," Akira said as she walked up the stairs. Before she reached the top of the stairs she shouted, "I hope you landed a couple blows on Gaara because that bruise looks like it hurts."

Shikamaru couldn't help but smile. She noticed and cared, if only a little. He heard her bedroom door slam shut.

Hiro looked at Shikamaru and asked, "What's that smile for?"

"It's for progress," Shikamaru said as he walked to the door.

_So everyone took crazy pills this morning_, Hiro thought to himself as he flopped on the sofa.

* * *

Akira slammed her door and walked over to her bedroom window. She pulled it open and stepped outside on the porch roof. She walked to the edge of the roof and sat down with her leg dangling over. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt Kakashi sit next to her without saying a word.

"Akira…" Kakashi whispered. "Shikamaru was right. You really do look beautiful in that dress." He watched her open her eyes and smile.

"Shut up," she said quietly. "Just shut up."

"It's true," he smiled. "Any reason in particular you choose to wear that dress?"

Akira turned her head and looked at Kakashi. "Didn't I just tell you to shut up?"

Kakashi chuckled. "You did. But you still didn't answer my question."

"I don't have any more clean clothes," Akira said lying back on the roof.

Kakashi watched as her hair fanned out around her. He caught another whiff of coconut. He smiled as she closed her eyes against the sun. "I've been meaning to ask you, where did you put all yourself from your room?"

"You are going to have to stop looking at me like that," Akira sighed with her eyes still closed.

"How do you even know how I'm looking at you, your eyes are closed," Kakashi said as he watched her chest go up and down as she took even breaths.

Akira propped herself on her elbows and squinted at him, "One, I know because I can hear it in your voice. Two, all of my shit is in your basement."

Kakashi's jaw dropped in surprise, "What?!"

Akira smiled a real genuine smile. "I snuck it all in your basement before I left. I figured nobody would look there and it would be safe with you."

She watched as Kakashi leaned over her to block the sun out of her eyes. She reached over and lifted his head band so she could see his scarred eye. He leaned into her touch and she sighed. "Like I said, you really are going to have to stop looking at me like that."

"Like what," he said placing his hand on top of hers.

"Like you want me, like you want to kiss me," Akira whispered. She started to move her hand but he held it in place.

"I can't help it, especially if you're going to wear dresses like the one you're wearing now," Kakashi said staring at her.

"You're killing me Kakashi," Akira sighed. She sat back up pulled Kakashi's body towards hers. "We cannot kiss Kakashi. It can't happen."

"Why," Kakashi asked, his heart picking up speed as he inhaled her scent.

"It'll change everything," she whispered as her body with a mind of its own inched closer to Kakashi.

"Your words don't match your body language," Kakashi whispered. He felt Akira's fingertips slip into the mask that covered the lower half of his face. She pulled it down gently, exposing the bottom half of his face.

Her fingers ran over his soft lips. "Like I told you before, you confuse me. I want to kiss you. Oh god, do I want to kiss you. But..."

"You're confused," Kakashi finished. He kissed her fingertips and moved his face an inch away from hers.

"Tell me to stop," Kakashi breathed.

Akira closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn't fair to Kakashi and the one thing she would not forgive herself for was hurting Kakashi again. She needed to get everything straight before she even thought about putting her lips on Kakashi. She opened her eyes and buried her face in his neck. She placed a small kiss on the side of his neck and smiled when she felt his pulse beat a little faster.

"I just got you back as a friend. I can't lose you now because I'm confused about my feelings. You said you were here as my friend right? I need you to be that Hatake...can you be my friend?" She breathed him in and realized that for the first time in months she felt at ease. She felt Kakashi wrap his arms around her and lift her into his lap.

"I've always been your friend," he whispered in her ear. "I want to make this clear. I want you. I want you more than I ever have before. I didn't fight for you three years ago because you asked me not to. But I will fight for you now. Not only because that asshole hurt you but also because I now I know that I still have an effect on you. You still want me. I can feel it in the way you touch me. I see it in the way you look at me. I can feel it in the way you're holding on to me right now. You need a friend right now, then that's what I'll be."

"That's what I need," she said hugging him tighter.

"Then you can't wear this dress," Kakashi smiled. He watched as she pulled back and smiled.

"Fine, but I want Gaara to see me in it so he can eat his heart out," Akira whispered. "Then we can pick up the rest of my clothes at your house."

"You're killing me Kioshi," Kakashi sighed. He heard her soft laughter as she untangled herself from him.

She stood up and reached for his hand. His fingers wrapped around her wrist and squeezed as he pulled himself up. "I think I should wear dresses more often," Akira chuckled. "Seems to make all you guys lose a couple brains cells."

He laughed as he followed her back to the window. He watched the bottom of her dress hitched up a little when she climbed through the window. He watched her long lean legs disappeared as slipped inside and felt red hot desire shoot thru his entire body.

_Her in that dress is going to fucking kill me_, he thought to himself as he went back inside.

* * *

Tsunade looked at the red headed nin that stood before her and shook her head. Gaara kept telling her they had to tell Akira the truth but the only thing that Tsunade could think of was what she was going to do about Akira. She needed to see what new things Akira had learned with the pandas. Had her keke genkai advanced...had she learned her triggers and was she able to control herself because the Akira she had seen last night was a defiant mess. Tsunade was now sure the reason was because of Gaara and Misa. _This shitty situation is going to get worse before it gets better_, she thought to herself.

"Gaara we can't tell her anything yet," Tsunade said as she interrupted him.

"She has to know the truth. She has to know why I'm with Misa," Gaara said frustrated.

"No, she doesn't Gaara," Tsunade said rubbing her temples. "I am not the reason she is mad at you. I told you to end it with her. Not to go back to your village and come back with a Council approved girlfriend."

"You told me to break her heart so you could see her reaction," he said raising his voice. "Now you're going to help me explain the truth to her."

"Are you kidding me," Tsunade said slamming her hands on her desk. "Do you have real feelings for Misa? Or are she just part of your plan?"

Gaara opened his mouth and then closed it again. He did have feelings for Misa but he still loved Akira. Akira still held his heart. He never thought he would actually develop feelings for Misa. Now he was fucked and he knew it.

"I'm going to take your silence as yes you have feelings for Misa. Did it occur to you that once Akira came back you would have to tell Misa that you were using her? Did it occur to you that Akira would not see past the fact you actually developed feelings for this other person? Seriously what the hell were you thinking?" Tsunade asked throwing her hands in the air.

"I wasn't thinking," Gaara said with regret. "I was lonely and Misa made me miss Akira less and then one thing lead to another and now I'm here in this fucked up situation. But I need you to help me tell Akira the truth. She won't believe it if it was just coming from me."

"Gaara," Tsunade started off sternly. "You have to talk to Misa and tell her everything before you even think about telling Akira the truth. You know the first thing Akira is going to ask is if you're still with Misa and if you don't know the answer to that question then we can't clear anything up yet. Plus we have to test Akira."

"She didn't try to kill me yesterday," Gaara said bitterly. "So that's a plus in her good column."

Tsunade shook her head, "She hasn't had a face to face conversation with you. So trust me when I say, just because she didn't try to kill you yesterday does not mean she is in control."

"She is in control," Gaara said with conviction.

"Gaara..."

"I'm going to tell Misa the truth but I need your word that you'll help explain everything to Akira by the end of the day," Gaara said with desperation in his voice.

Tsunade open her mouth when all of sudden Shikamaru fell through her already broken door.

"I told you Shikamaru the Hokage is busy," Shizune yelled trying to pull him out of the office.

"And I told you I have something to tell her," Shikamaru yelled back.

"What the hell is going on," Tsunade asked as she stared at Shizune and Shikamaru. Her already short temper was reaching its limit for today.

"I'm sorry for the interruption Lady Tsunade but Shikamaru here wouldn't take no for answer," Shizune said exasperated.

Shikamaru stared at Gaara with his fists balled up. This was the exact reason he had come to see the Hokage.

"We need to talk Hokage," Shikamaru said through gritted teeth.

Tsunade watched as Shikamaru and Gaara stared each other down and realized something. "Please don't tell me the two of you didn't give each other those bruises on your faces?"

She saw both their jaws flex at the same time. But it was Shikamaru that said, "He deserved to feel some of the pain Akira is going through now."

That's when Gaara lunged at Shikamaru as he yelled, "Why don't you mind your own fucking business!"

"Not in my office," Tsunade shouted and she stood between the both of them, effectively separating them.

"Akira can fight her own battles Shikamaru. What is it that was so important you decided to interrupt me in my office," She asked tired of all the drama.

"I wanted to ask you if you could make _him_ leave," Shikamaru said glaring at Gaara.

"Why would I do that," she asked.

"For me," Akira said walking into the office with Kakashi.

_Fuck_, every thought to themselves.

**A/N: What do you guys think?**


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara or any of the other characters!

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers! I hope you guys like this chapter, I tried to get it out a little quicker than before :) **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 19

Akira Kioshi wasn't ready to get yelled at again by the Hokage, especially after her outburst last night but she knew she would have to talk to Tsunade sooner or later, so she figured it was better to get her punishment out of the way. That way she could figure out how her life had become so fucked up without distractions. So clearly when she heard the Hokage yelling before she even walked into the office, she knew it was going to be long day. It was not until she heard two more voices, did she realize how very long the day was actually going to be.

She heard Gaara tell Shikamaru to mind his business. _He does have a point about that_, she thought to herself. Hearing Gaara's voice did something to her heart that she could not describe. She was so tired of being sad, so she held on to the anger she had been feeling since last night when she acquired all his memories of the past month.

She was at the door way when she heard Shikamaru ask the Hokage to make Gaara the leave village. She smiled at his ridiculous question because there was no way in hell Tsunade was going to make Gaara leave. She walked into the office and immediately Kakashi stood in front of her. She knew he was trying to protect her. It was sweet of him but he forgot she didn't need protecting. She touched his shoulder and stood beside him. He looked down at her hand without saying a word.

"For me," Akira said focusing on the Hokage's face to avoid Gaara's. "He wants you to make him leave for me. As much as appreciate the effort Nara, the Hokage is not going to ask the future Kazekage to leave. Good relations between the Sand and the Leaf villages are more important than my personal feelings. Aren't they Hokage?"

Gaara looked at Akira in the navy blue strapless and felt his insides twist into knots. Her hair was down in ruby waves. Her shoulders screamed for his attention. He wanted to walk over to Akira and kiss her shoulders until he reached her mouth. He wanted to make her his again. He wanted her to know he still loved her. He tried to get into her head and met resistance and not just regular resistance he had met when she blocked him out. Each time he tried, he felt a jolt of electricity right behind his eyes.

"You are going to want to stop that," Akira said the anger clear in her voice. She made eye contact Gaara and he saw in her pain and anger, lots of anger. He took a step toward her and instantly Kakashi was in front of her, blocking Gaara's view. He watched as Akira placed a hand on Kakashi's shoulder and whispered something in his ear and stand beside him again. The way she was standing beside him with her shoulder touching Kakashi made Gaara see green.

"I've got this," Akira whispered in Kakashi ear. She stood beside him and maintained some physical contact because he managed to rein in her anger. She stared Gaara down.

"You're going to want to stop trying or you're going to end up with a massive headache," she seethed. "You lost the right into my head the moment you found someone else to heat up your bed."

Everybody's jaw dropped at Akira's candor. Shikamaru let out a laugh. Tsunade started to say something but Akira shot her hand up in the air and said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, over the line."

"We can come back Hokage," Kakashi said.

"Or if Gaara has something to say he can say it out loud," Akira spit out.

"Akira," Gaara started off. He just realized she was more hurt than he first thought last night. He was afraid whatever he said would go through one ear and the other. "Could we talk in private?"

"No," Akira, Kakashi, Shikamaru and Tsunade said at the same time.

"I don't think that talking in private will benefit anyone in this situation," Tsunade said calmly.

"Akira…I'm so sorry," Gaara said honestly. He knew she wasn't going to forgive him right there but if he could get her alone and explain everything to her, he knew that she would understand.

"You're sorry," Akira started up. "You're sorry?! Fuck sorry. I don't want to hear a four letter word that doesn't mean shit!" She was so angry her fingertips started sparking with orange chakra.

Kakashi was in front of her in a second. He held her wrists in his hands and spoke to her as if she were the only one in the room. "Remember what we talked about," he asked her. He watched her nod and he continued, "Then this isn't the time or the place. You control _it_, Kioshi. You have _this_ under control."

Gaara watched as Kakashi talked to Akira like he _knew_ her, like he knew what she was feeling. _How dare him_, Gaara thought to himself. "Why don't you let her go," Gaara spit out walking towards Akira.

Without looking back at Kakashi said, "I suggest you stay on that side of the room, Subaku, unless you feel like receiving a jolt of electricity."

"I'm okay Kakashi," Akira whispered. "I'm okay. I've got it under control." She stepped around him and walked right up to Gaara. She looked up into the eyes she loved so much and felt a mixture of rage and heartache. She could feel Kakashi right behind her. He was ready to take her out the room if necessary.

"I don't want to hear anything you've got to say. You lied to me, you said you loved me and you lied. You made me believe you wanted me and you lied. You said we could finally be together and you lied. You're nothing but a liar and I don't ever want to talk to you again. Not. Ever. Again." She spit out.

Gaara reached out to brush away a stray strand of hair from her face but before his hand reached her face, Kakashi grabbed his hand. He looked at the white haired nin and felt instant anger. _What makes him think he needs to protect Akira from him? _

"I suggest you let me go Hatake," Gaara growled. He was now positive that Kakashi felt something for Akira and he didn't like it one bit. Akira was his. Akira had always been his.

Tsunade knew that this entire situation was going to explode in a matter of seconds. She walked over to Akira, Kakashi, Gaara and Shikamaru and could feel the anger coming off each shinobi in waves.

"Kakashi please let him go," Tsunade stated. She watched as he let go of Gaara's hand and placed it on Akira's shoulder. Kakashi and Akira took three steps back at the same time.

"Okay," Tsunade sighed. "Gaara we can talk about everything later. Before you object I'm telling you _now is not the time_. Shikamaru, Akira is right so the answer is no. I need the both of you to leave so I can talk to Akira in private."

"Shizune," Tsunade yelled. She watched as her assistant came in. "Please have these two escorted out and please make sure they don't hit each other until they are out of the mansion." She watches as all three of them left the office with frowns on their faces.

Before Gaara reached the door he turned around glared at Kakashi. "She said she wanted to talk to Akira alone."

Akira had avoided looking at Gaara since Kakashi pulled her away from him but hearing the anger in his voice, she just couldn't help but look his way and what she found made her feel just a little better. He was jealous. She could see it in the way he was looking at Kakashi. _Good_, she thought to herself. She leaned into Kakashi and she felt Kakashi lightly place his hand on her left hip. She watched as Gaara's jaw clenched in anger.

Tsunade cleared her throat, "Kakashi stays. We will talk later Gaara." Gaara clenched his fists and stormed out of the office.

Tsunade walked over and closed the door. She walked over to her desk and sat down. She looked at Akira and Kakashi and gestured for them to sit down. She watched as both of them took a seat and sigh. _Well here we go_, she thought to herself.

* * *

Gaara wanted to hit something as he walked into his house. He was so angry he couldn't think straight. He was sure nobody else had seen it but the way Akira leaned into Kakashi meant there was something there. The way he lightly touch her shoulders and her hip told Gaara that Kakashi wanted her. Kakashi wanted his Akira. _His_. Akira.

"She's mine," he growled to himself and heard someone chuckle from the kitchen. He stomped in there to find his sister smirking.

"What's so funny," he said glaring at her.

"You," she said smiling.

"I thought you left last night," he said.

"I got hungry," Temari said shrugging.

"Whatever! Your boyfriend isn't allowed in here," Gaara stated.

"It's funny you think you have the right to say who comes in here and who doesn't," Temari said with a smirk. She heard the door upstairs open and her smirk became a full blown smile. "I also think it's funny you think you have some sort of claim on Akira. She's not yours. And I'm pretty sure that she won't be yours again." Temari knew she was pushing his buttons but she didn't care. Her brother needed a wakeup call.

"Shut up Temari," Gaara growled. "Why don't you just shut the hell up?!" He knew she was right. He knew he was going to lose Akira if he didn't get a chance to explain anything. If he could just get her alone, then that would solve everything. At least he thought it would.

"What is going on," Misa said startled as she walked into the kitchen in her pajamas.

Gaara took one look at her and felt his nerves calm down a little. Her hair was a little ruffled but her cute little confused face made him feel better about everything that happened that morning.

"Ha! Yeah brother, why don't you tell us what _is_ the matter," Temari said taunting her brother.

Gaara glared at his sister and walked over to hold Misa's hand. "I thought I told you to shut up Temari."

Temari's eyebrow shot up when she saw her brother take Misa's hand. "You're funny you know that," she said smiling. "You think you can come charging in here angry, talking about _she's_ yours and then as soon as _this one_ comes down its all forgotten. Is that all _she _was to you? Something that was yours? Is that why you threw her away like she was nothing?"

Gaara flew in to his sister and pushed her into the wall, "Don't you know when you shut up Temari?!"

"Gaara!" Misa yelled as she ran over to Temari who was still smiling. "What the hell is the matter with you? She's your sister!"

"Get off me," Temari said brushing Misa's hand away. She turned to her brother still smiling. "Go ahead and mask your feelings with anger. It always worked before, right? But I've got one piece of advice for you little brother. Get your shit together and figure out what the fuck you want because you're going to lose her. And then where are you going to be," Temari asked as she pushed her finger into his chest.

Temari turned around at looked at Misa. "You think you know the truth? You don't know shit because if you did you wouldn't look as confused as you do now. I'm going to do you a favor because really this whole cluster fuck isn't your fault. Ask Gaara about his last girlfriend and don't settle with he didn't have one."

Temari turned around leaving Misa's confused face to face her brother. "You should be ashamed of yourself," she spat out. "You can't tell someone you'll fight for them and then find yourself someone else. Who do you want Gaara? Think long and hard about who you actually _need_." And with that Temari turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen and to her room.

"Gaara," Misa whispered. "Could you please tell me what's going on."

Gaara scrubbed his face and cursed his sister and he walked over to Misa. "I'll tell you everything," he said resigned. "But you are probably going to want to sit down"

He took her head and led her to the living room and sat down on the loveseat. _Might as well start from the beginning,_ Gaara thought to himself as she started to tell Misa who Akira actually was.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake was not normally a possessive person. Normally when it came to Akira he could keep his emotions in check. His feelings for her were usually locked up in a box and never to be thought about. But something changed in the last 24 hours that he could not explain. Something shifted and his need to be with her had exploded and there was no neat box he could put his feelings back in. He was screwed and he knew it. He was positive that if given the chance Akira would forgive Gaara and then what would he do? He watched out of the corner of his eye as Akira closed her eyes, while the Hokage lectured her about last night's behavior.

As he watched her pretend to listen to the Hokage, he came to one conclusion, he loved her and he was going to fight for her with everything he had. Showing

Gaara that Akira wasn't his to touch anymore had been the first step.

"Akira, are you even listening to me," Tsunade asked looking at Akira's closed eyes.

Akira opened her eyes and looked the Hokage in the eyes. "Truthfully...nope," she said with a smirk.

Tsunade let out a frustrated sigh, "You're killing me Akira."

"Seems to be the theme today," Akira said still smirking as she remembered earlier that morning.

"What the hell is the matter with you?! What happened to the ever willing to please Akira? What happened to the Akira who took orders without complaints? Please tell me what you did with the Akira with no attitude?" Tsunade said throwing her hands in the air.

"She got tired of being pushed around," Akira shrugged. "She got tired of being lied too. But mainly she got tired of people's bullshit."

Kakashi chuckled, "Why are you talking about yourself in third person." He watched Akira shrug.

Tsunade looked between Akira and Kakashi and saw something she never saw before..._familiarity_. "You're in a better mood than yesterday," Tsunade said raising an eyebrow.

Akira shrugged, "Well yesterday I had just found out my not so secret ex boyfriend, who had told me that we could be together was actually lying the entire time and had found himself some tramp on the side. Let's just say _that_ caught me by surprise. Yesterday I was not in a good mood. Yesterday I was a tornado of emotions and while I still might be that same tornado of emotions,

Kakashi calmly let me know that I needed to get my shit together unless I wanted to end up locked up. Seeing as that is not something I want to be, I decided changing my attitude was in my best interest."

"Your best interest," Tsunade said dubiously.

"Yep," Akira said smiling. "So why don't you just spit out what you have in store for me and quit the lecturing."

"Akira," Kakashi said in a warning tone.

Tsunade raised her hand, "Nope this is the rebellious Akira I remember before I sent her your way for training. This Akira I can deal with."

"It's funny you keep saying this Akira, that Akira, guess what I'm right here and this is the only person you're dealing with. I told you I was done with people's shit, done trying to get on people's good side. Fuck whatever anybody else wants," Akira said shrugging.

"Akira," Kakashi said his voice rising a little. "This is the Hokage you're talking to."

"No, it's okay Kakashi. Akira, why don't you say what's really on your mind. Let it out," Tsunade said knowing that maybe all Akira needed was to vent.

Akira got up and paced in front of her chair. "You want to know what's on my mind. Fine! Fuck Gaara and his new girlfriend! Fuck Shikamaru and his regret for not opening his mouth. Fuck Naruto and Neji and Ayame for not opening their mouths two weeks ago. Fuck my brother for not wanting me when I was little. Fuck my father for killing my mother. Fuck this village for thinking that all I do is kill people. But most of all fuck you for thinking I can't control this," she said as her fingertips sparkled with her chakra. "…for not having enough faith in me. Because of all people in this god forsaken village I would have thought you, _you_, would know that I'm as safe as they come."

"Relax Kakashi, its gone," she said as Kakashi stood next to her. She turned around and waved her hands on his face. "It's gone," she said with sad eyes. "You said this morning I could control it and I did. It's all in the breathing and release of anger. It's gone."

Kakashi took her hands in his and looked at her until her sad brown eyes meet his. He squeezed her hands a little, letting her know he knew she was safe. He held her gaze until the Hokage cleared her throat and when Akira broke eye contact to look at the Hokage, he brought his thumb to her chin and turn her face back to him.

"Just let the anger flow through you and then let it go," he said as his thumb rubbed her chin.

"Easier said than done," Akira said as she shrugged. "The anger is locked up. No need for alarm." Akira freed herself from Kakashi's hands and sat back down.

Kakashi knew he had shown the Hokage that he cared for Akira more than he usually cared about the nins he helped train but he couldn't bring himself to care. He sat down next to her and watched as Akira evened out her breathing.

Tsunade was dumb founded by the entire scene that had just played out in front of her. Apparently Gaara wasn't the only person Akira had been involved with and as it turns out he wasn't the only person that could talk Akira into calming down. _What the hell is going on_, she thought to herself.

"What makes you think I don't trust you," Tsunade asked one of the many questions running through her head.

"Ha, I must have stupid stamped into my forehead," Akira said bitterly.

"I didn't say that," Tsunade said.

Akira looked up at the Hokage and saw her eyebrows scrunched up with worry. "You implied it," Akira said with same bitterness as before.

"Akira-"

"Let me clear it up for you," Akira said interrupting the Hokage. "Because everyone failed to warn me that ex-boyfriend was here in the village, I ran into him yesterday...mentally unprotected. I don't mean mentally-emotionally unprotected, I mean my mind was open to his because of this stupid bond we share. So I acquired a box full of Gaara's memories, right in the middle of my brain. A month's worth of memories to be exact. And guess what I do when I can't sleep?"

"Nope, no guesses?" Akira asked looking at Tsunade and then turning her head to Kakashi. She watched as he looked at her like he knew everything she was feeling.

"Well let me tell you," Akira continued. "I happened to look through the new box of memories and guess what I found? You and Gaara having very interesting conversation about me, do you remember now Tsunade?"

_Holy shit_, Tsunade thought to herself. "Akira, I can explain," she started off.

"No need to," Akira said still angry. "Your honor bound to this village, not me.

But if someone had just warned me, this entire ugly situation could have been avoided. I could have put on my chakra skin and your dirty little secret would be safe."

"Chakra skin," Tsunade said confused.

"Nifty trick I picked up in the last month. I'm wearing it now. It's like my chakra wall pasted onto my skin," Akira said lifting her arm up. "Not everyone can see it."

"I'm sorry," Tsunade said remembering the exact conversation Akira was talking about. "It's just that you never really explored the extent of your abilities. I needed to know..." Tsunade couldn't finish her sentence. She felt like she broken Akira's heart all over again. _No wonder the girl is so angry._

"Like I said before there's no need to apologize. Your job as the Hokage means you have ensure the safety of this village. I don't why it took me so long to realize that I'm not special. I'm just one of the many nins you've got to deal with on a daily basis," she finished off quietly.

"Don't say that," Kakashi said suddenly. "And don't let her off the hook so easily. Whatever it is she did obviously hurt you. Don't let her think otherwise."

"It doesn't matter Kakashi," Akira said. A second look at the intensity in his eyes made her repeat herself. "What's done is done. So it really doesn't matter."

"It does matter Akira," Tsunade said sadly. "I should have talked to you and we could've found another way around this. Another way to-"

"To find out if I'm a killer," Akira finished for her. "Whatever. I'm so tired of people apologizing for things after the fact. Maybe thinking things through would have helped before but now I honestly don't give a shit about anyone's apologies."

Akira looked up at Tsunade's shocked expression. "I'd much rather see anger from you than pity. So how about my punishment for disobeying direct orders? And let's not forget my tantrum yesterday," she finished off sarcastically.

"Akira," Tsunade said looking at her. In that moment she realized there was no getting back the obedient Akira that left. She was just a mask for the woman that stood before her eyes. The grown woman who grew up thinking no one loved her. The grown woman grew up wanting nothing more than a family and was disappointed time and time again. The grown woman who just needed someone to trust her but was always denied just that. Tsunade knew that there was nothing she could say that would change the Akira before her eyes. There was nothing she could do to make her care again but that didn't mean she wasn't going to try like hell to make her care again. And that's where Akira's punishment would work in the Hokage's favor.

Tsunade took a deep breath and said, "If this is how you want to deal with the situation, then fine—"

"It's the only way to deal with this stupid ass situation," Akira stated deadpanned.

"Akira Kioshi that is enough," Tsunade snapped. She wanted to be treated like any other nin then so be it. "Enough of the smart mouth," Tsunade said as she watched Akira shrug.

"As for your punishment, listen up because you aren't going to like it," Tsunade said taking another deep breath. "You're being assigned some genin to train." She watched Akira frown and continued, "I don't care if you don't want a bunch of kids to train, you don't have a choice in the matter anymore. On top of that Kakashi is assigned as your guard until further notice." She watched Akira's frown deepen. "Before you begin to tell me you don't need a babysitter, I am once again going to remind you, you don't have a choice in the matter. What you do have a choice in is if you want Kakashi as your guard or someone else. Your choice…"

"Not really my decision don't you think? Who you should be asking is Kakashi, he might have too much on his plate," Akira said offhandedly. Akira wasn't going to show Tsunade her secret delight in having an excuse to have Kakashi close to her, so she kept on frowning.

Kakashi knew exactly what Akira was doing and he smiled a little under his mask. "I'll do it," he said in a heartbeat.

"Good. This brings me to a matter that might not be business but if you're assigned to her it will become my business. Since when have you and Akira had a thing for each other," Tsunade asked bluntly.

_Shit_, Kakashi thought to himself. _Maybe I should have taken a minute to consider the Hokage's offer to throw her off_. But as always Akira had a plan and her answer was quick and confident.

"Your right, that is none of your business but since you must know we've never had a thing for each other," Akira answered sharply.

"So he just happens to know how to calm you down," Tsunade said doubtful.

"I would hope so. He did help train me," Akira snapped back.

"So you two have never been involved," Tsunade asked looking at the both of them.

"No," Kakashi lied.

"Nope," said Akira. "And for the record I would like to say that my only secret relationship was with Gaara and it turns out that it wasn't even so secret."

Tsunade still didn't believe them so she pressed them for more. "What I just witnessed was not just a trainer and trainee relationship. I want to know exactly what is going on between the two of you."

"That's because Kakashi isn't just my trainer, he's also my friend. Hell of a better friend the current ones I have," Akira said.

"Since when?" Tsunade asked suspiciously.

"Since now, the better question is what the hell does it matter?" Akira said a little angry. Her nerves were already fried for the day and the Hokage was really starting to irritate her.

"It matters because-"

"We were always friends," Kakashi interrupted. "It just so happens she's currently not speaking to any of her other friends, so I'm all she has left. She really has no choice in the matter."

"Yes I do," Akira laughed. "I just so happen to enjoy your company because you don't ask a lot of questions." She looked over at Kakashi and realized he was just covering for them. She decided the best way to take the spotlight off of them, was to put it on the Hokage.

"Like I said, why the hell does it even matter? You assigned him to me because you knew he could control me. Because you knew he was your best bet at kicking my ass if I did lose control. And now you're chastising him because in your opinion, he's a little too close? What a bunch of bullshit," Akira said with her hands in the air. "This is all bullshit!"

"Akira," Kakashi said as his voice took a warning tone. He watched her turn to look at him and he slightly shook his head. He saw her nod in understanding and turn back to the Hokage and shrug.

"Whatever," she said not caring anymore. "Believe what you want because I'm done convincing you otherwise. So if that's all the punishment you have planned, may I please be excused?"

"I'm not done," said the Hokage smiling. If Akira thought she didn't like the previous punishments she was going absolutely hate this one. "You've got three hours to prep for your fight."

"My what?" Akira said incredulously.

"Your fight so you can show me everything you've learned in the past month,"

Tsunade said watching Akira closely. She saw disbelief flash through her eyes and then it was gone. _Damn, she good at hiding her feelings._

"Couldn't I just show you what I learned and avoid this fight nonsense," Akira asked.

"No," Tsunade said smiling. "Like I said before-"

"Yeah, yeah I don't have a choice in the matter," Akira said mimicking the Hokage.

The Hokage shook her head and said, "Exactly. Don't you want to know who you'll be fighting?"

"Don't really care," Akira said quietly. She's _just trying to make my life difficult._

"You'll be fighting Kakashi," Tsunade said with a smile.

_Fuck me_, Akira thought to herself as she tossed her head back against the chair. _Just fuck me._

* * *

Miko looked around his tea shop and knew he should have closed for the day. He had never seen so many people upset all at the same time gathered in the same place. He looked at the booths and saw that each table contained at least one person arguing with the other. _Shouldn't people argue in the privacy of their own homes_, Miko thought to himself as he walked over refill the tea kettle at Shikamaru's table. As he walked away he overheard Temari telling Shikamaru that Gaara had told Misa the truth about Akira and Misa said she was going to talk to Akira personally.

_I hope not, Akira has had to deal with enough already,_ Miko thought to himself as he walked behind the counter to take Ayame's order.

"What would you like," Miko asked amiably.

"Just two green teas," she said quietly.

"Sure, it'll be ready in a minute. I don't want to come off nosy but is everything alright?" Miko asked.

Ayame looked at him and then at Neji who was seated at the table and said, "Nothing much. Just worried about Akira and it doesn't help that Gaara's here." She looked over to the corner of the shop where Gaara was sitting with a sour looking Misa.

"How is she because she didn't look so good last night," He asked remembering Akira on the ground in the middle of town.

"I don't know," Ayame said sadly as she received the tea Miko gave to her.

"I have seen her yet. Shikamaru said she didn't want to see any of us. Thanks

Miko," she said walking away.

_Poor Akira_, Miko thought, _she can never catch a break_. He wondered if Gaara's arrival in the village had anything to do with why she had not come home on time. He hoped he could see her to ask her how she was feeling. He had always had a soft spot for her.

His front door chimed open, as if his thoughts had summoned her, Akira walked into the tea shop with Kakashi. Miko watched as her smile turned into a frown when she looked around and saw who exactly was there.

He couldn't help but think how much Akira how grown up since the last time he saw her. The clothes she had on last night didn't do her justice, he thought as he watched her walked to the counter in the little blue dress she was wearing.

Akira Kioshi was not a happy camper. Kakashi had just managed to make her laugh after that hellish visit with the Hokage. So when he suggested the tea shop, she hadn't objected because she really didn't want to go home. She should have thought it through because looking at everyone in the tea shop made her want to turn around and run.

Kakashi watched Akira tense up and realized that everyone she was avoiding happened to gathered in the same place. _We can't catch a fucking break_, he thought to himself as he leaned close to Akira. The smell of her coconut shampoo was still driving him crazy.

"We can leave if you want," Akira heard Kakashi whisper in her ear. She clenched her fists and whispered, "Hell no. No way in hell I'm letting them know I actually care that they are here."

Indifference was her new strategy. The only person who knew she actually cared was Kakashi and Akira was okay with that. She slowly walked over to the counter where Miko was standing. She was very aware of everyone looking at her but her uncomfortableness disappeared as soon as Kakashi hooked his arm in hers and led the rest of the way.

"Hey Miko," Akira said with a small smile. She leaned into the counter bringing

Kakashi in with her and whispered, "Is there any way I can convince into letting me hang out in your back room?"

"You know every time you go in there shit goes down," Miko said with a small smile.

Akira could help but smile. "I'm a drama magnet, aren't I," she asked quietly.

She watched him nod.

"What if I promise you no trouble," she whispered.

"It's not _you_ that's the trouble," Miko whispered back. "It's the people that follow you in there. But just so you know I finally got a lock for the back door just for you."

Akira was surprised that he would do something so thoughtful. It's like he knew she might come here for peace and quiet. "Does that mean yes?"

He nodded. "Here's the spare key," he said sliding it over to her. "It's just you right?"

"Just me and Kakashi," said nodding.

"You and Kakashi," he said confused.

Akira could feel Gaara's eyes burning holes into her back. She decided to really give him something to look at. "Haven't you heard? He's my babysitter," she said leaning over the counter to whisper in Miko's ear. She knew that somewhere along the way the bottom of her dress hiked up a couple of inches, revealing more of thighs. _See what you lost Gaara_, Akira thought to herself smiling. She heard Kakashi let out a quiet groan and her smile widen. She was having fun being stupid for a day.

Kakashi put his hands on her bare shoulders and felt her shiver. "You're going to have to get down unless you want your not so secret ex boyfriend to come charging over here," he whispered pulling her down a little. He saw her smiling and realized she was actually enjoying herself.

He looked at Miko and said, "I am not her babysitter. I'm her-"

"He's my guard which has the same meaning as babysitter. He's goes where I go until further notice," Akira recited the Hokage's words. "His job to make sure I don't make a run for it."

"Why would the Hokage think you'd leave?" He asked curious about the answer.

"I might have expressed my discontent with her and this village and certain people in it," she said a little louder than she intended. She felt everyone's eyes turn to watch her. She heard Kakashi snort.

"'You might have'," he said with air quotes. "You told her out right you didn't want to be here."

"Whatever," Akira said with a smile. She turned back to Miko and said, "So can I still use your back room?"

Miko had always had a soft spot for Akira and there was no way he was going to say no to her but was curious about one thing. "Why do you come here to escape? Why not escape at home," he asked.

"Honestly, because I don't want to see my brother or have Hiro hover over me," she said sighing. "You don't hover, Miko. You've always known when to give me space. This tea shop has always been my escape."

"I'm sorry you and your brother don't get along," Miko said sadly. "The door locks from the inside. I have the other key. I got a new couch," said as he pointed her toward the back room door.

"You're a lifesaver Miko," Akira said as she walked with Kakashi over the back room. Suddenly Ayame and Neji appeared into her line of vision. Instinctively Kakashi took her wrist and stopped her in her from walking further.

"Akira! It's so good to see you," Ayame said excitedly.

Akira frowned at her friend and took a step back into Kakashi's safe presence. She shook her head, "I suggest you stay away from me."

Ayame took a step back. "Akira it just me. I thought we could sit and talk. We missed you."

"Are you fucking kidding me," Akira said quietly trying to rein in her emotions. "You want to talk? How long did you know Ayame? How long?!"

"Akira," Ayame said running her hands through her hair. "I found out a couple of day after I got back. Shikamaru said we had to figure out a way to tell you without it hurting. I was going to tell you. I was but..."

Kakashi could practically feel the anger boiling to the surface when Akira backed into him. Ayame playing the blame game was making the entire situation worse and he knew it. He felt Akira's entire body tense up and so he tighten his grip on her wrists.

"You failed, epically failed," Akira said darkly. "I don't want to talk to any of you. So please leave me alone."

"But we're your friends," Ayame started off as she took a step towards Akira.

"Just give her a couple days Ayame," Kakashi sighed. "She's angry and she just needs a couple of days." He led Akira around the sad looking Ayame and a curious faced Neji.

Neji grabbed Akira's elbow as she walked passed him and looked at her skin. "Your chakra is orange."

"I suggest you get your hands off of me," Akira said her tone threatening. She watched as his pale eyes meet hers. Of the two things she saw in them only one of them surprised her. She knew he could she her chakra pasted onto her skin, so his curiosity was expected. But the sadness in his eyes caught her by surprised.

He let her elbow go but looked her in the eyes. "Why is your chakra orange,"

Neji asked quietly.

"Because life sucks," Akira said walking away. She reached the back door and turn around to see everyone looking at her.

She made eye contact with Gaara and said, "It just fucking sucks." And then she walked into the back room, locking it behind her.

* * *

"You're still in love with her," Misa stated as she looked at Gaara looking at the door Akira had just closed.

Misa could not help but admire the scarlet haired girl. She was beautiful and had a killer smile, the way she moved her body around made Misa feel like she was unaware of her affect on men. Akira had the curves Misa wished she had. Misa had watched as she managed to threaten Neji without batting an eyelash. She had a deadly calm that made Misa think if anyone crossed her, she would take them down without a second thought.

Gaara looked at Misa and nodded. "I do. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but like I told you before you make me feel better and forget that I missed her."

Misa asked the question that she was dreading to hear the answer for. "So you were just using me? You don't feel anything for me?"

Gaara leaned over and took Misa's hand. "At first it was because you helped me forget she was gone but then something happened and I started falling for you.

I'm in love with you Misa, don't doubt that."

The way he was squeezing her hand let her know he was sincere. But how could he love the both of them? Someone was going to get hurt either way. Someone's heart was going to get broken and Misa feared it would most likely be hers.

"Akira is the reason your sister doesn't like me." She said it as a statement not a question.

"That, among many other things," Temari said sitting down next to her brother. Shikamaru stood next to her but didn't make a move to sit down. He stood and glared at Gaara.

"What did I ever do to you," Misa asked Temari. She was really hurt that her boyfriend's siblings really didn't care for her.

Temari tilted her head and looked at Misa. "I guess it's not so much your fault as it is my brothers. You hooked up with him, that's what you did. You hooked up and effectively shut Akira out of his life. And no offense but Akira was the best thing in Gaara's life. You haven't seen them together. They fit together a like two pieces in a puzzle. And you came along and fucked everything up,"

Temari finished, shrugging,

"It takes two for a relationship Temari," Shikamaru said still glaring a Gaara.

"You can't just blame her. Your brother is a fault too."

Temari shrugged. It was easier to hate Misa than it was to hate her brother.

"She wanted to know what she did, I told her."

Misa didn't like what Temari was saying but she could understand where she was coming from. "You can sit down if you want Shikamaru," she sighed, patting the chair next to her.

Shikamaru sat down and looked towards the back door. He wondered what Akira was doing and what the Hokage had told her in her office this morning.

"I'm going to talk to her," Misa said suddenly. "If Akira still loves you Gaara then maybe we can talk to her and come to an understanding."

"An understanding? Like what? Like you get Gaara on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and she gets him the other days of the week," scoffed Temari. "Good luck with that shit."

"Temari would you please shut up," Gaara growled as tightened his grip on Misa's hand. He didn't like it when Temari made Misa feel insignificant. He didn't know what he was going to do with his feelings but he wasn't going to let

Temari hurt Misa's feelings.

"I will not-" Temari started off.

"I don't think it's wise for _you_ in particular to go talk to Akira," Shikamaru calmly interrupted Temari. "She doesn't want to talk to any of us; she's definitely not going to want to talk to you."

"That's the understatement of the year Shikamaru," Ayame said walking over from the other side of the tea shop and sitting down next to Temari.

She took a look at Misa and couldn't figure out why Gaara was with her. She was so different from Akira. She had long raven colored hair. Misa's eyes were little glistening black pools of water staring back at Ayame. Her skin was the closest thing to Akira's. Both of them had pale skin that contrasted with their hair. But where Akira was curvy and average height, Misa was tall and lanky.

Misa seemed quiet, calm and reserved; none of those qualities describe Akira.

"Does anyone know why Kakashi is with Akira?" Neji asked as he stood next to

Ayame and watched her assess the raven haired girl.

"He's her guard," Shikamaru said as a matter a fact.

"Why the fuck does she need a guard," Gaara asked finally making eye contact with Shikamaru.

"To make sure she doesn't run away," Shikamaru snapped.

"Or because he's probably the only one that could stop her if you know...she felt like killing again," Temari said trying to scare the crap out of Misa and by Misa's shocked face, it was working.

"Stop Temari," Ayame snapped. "Akira is not a killer."

"Why would she want to kill again," Misa said, fear tinting her voice.

"Temari is just trying to scare you," Gaara said rubbing her hand reassuringly.

She nodded and squeezed his hand. She looked up and saw Ayame still looking at her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Misa asked Ayame.

Ayame shook her head and gave her a sad smile. "You're nothing like her. I keep looking at you trying to find some similarity to explain why he replaced her with you. And I've got nothing. It would have been easier to understand. But I guess you just wanted something different, huh Gaara," she said looking at her best friend's ex.

"Holy shit! Can you guys mind your own fucking business," Gaara snapped slamming his hands on the table. He was tired of everyone butting into his love life.

"That's kind of hard to do seeing as your business seems to be the reason our friend doesn't want to talk to us," Ayame said angry.

Miko had happened to walk by the table of Akira's friends when he heard what

Ayame said to Gaara. He knew he should have just walk away and pretend he wasn't listening but these people needed their eyes opened and he figured he might as well do the opening.

"You guys are ridiculous," Miko said stopping at their table.

"Who the fuck are-," Gaara started up.

Miko put his hand up effectively shutting Gaara up. "I've known Akira since she was little and you guys think that sitting here and blaming each other is going to get her to talk to you again? If you knew her like you guys say you know her, then you'd take responsibility for your actions. Each of you made an individual choice to keep this to yourselves. You can't keep blaming Gaara or this girl," he said gesturing to Misa.

"The first step in getting her to forgive you is to own up to your actions.

Admit you made a stupid choice and stop blaming each other. And stop apologizing to her. She hates apologies, hates them. Just. Stop. Blaming. Each. Other." Miko finished exasperated. From behind him he heard someone clapping.

"Very well said Miko," Naruto said clapping his hands slowly.

Miko turned around and looked at Naruto. He was being sincere which probably meant he knew something the others did not. "They needed a wake up call Naruto," Miko said shrugging and walking away.

Naruto patted his arm as Miko passed him. He walked over to his friends and sat down next to Shikamaru.

"He has a point...we've got to stop saying its Gaara's fault. Every one of us fucked up and we need to make it up to her. We need to figure out how exactly to make it up to her. Gaara you're my best friend and I love you but you need to get your shit together and figure out who the fuck you want," Naruto said running his hands through his blonde hair.

"Am I invisible," Misa said amazed these people talked about her and Gaara's life as if she wasn't present. "Do I not get a say in any of this?"

"Sorry, your just not Akira," Temari said dead serious.

"Temari would you just shut-"

"Speaking of Akira," Naruto said interrupting Gaara. "Where is she?"

He watched everyone point to the back room door. _Well I might as well tell them what I heard at the Hokage's mansion_, Naruto thought to himself.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…but would definitely love to own Gaara or any of the other characters!

**A/N: Hello there my fellow readers! I hope you guys like this chapter, I tried to get it out a little quicker than before :) **

LOVE AND SECRETS

Chapter 20

Akira Kioshi looked around the backroom of the teashop and took comfort in the light blue walls, the worn out shelves with bottles of sake and boxes of tea. She took a deep breath as she walked over to the comfortable looking couch.

"Fuck this shit," Akira grunted as she laid down on the sofa in the back room. She had been there enough times to have it feel like home. She could feel herself calming down as she inhaled the familiar scent of green tea mixed with hibiscus tea.

Kakashi watched as Akira looked around. _She really is beautiful_, he thought to himself as he watched her slowly calm down. His eyes roamed her body and fell short on her legs where the dress had slid up giving him a peek of the black lace underwear she was wearing. He bit back a groan and turned around. "Please sit up," he asked Akira, while staring at the wall in front of him.

"Sorry," she chuckled as she sat up and adjusted herself. "I forget dresses ride up. You can turn around now."

He turned around and walked over to the sofa, sitting on the end of it and watched her close her eyes and breathe. "What are you thinking about," he asked curious.

She opened her eyes and looked into his dark ones, "How shitty this day is going."

"It's not so bad," Kakashi said quietly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Between seeing Gaara with his new girlfriend and being told I have to fight you...where do you see the sunshine?"

"You," Kakashi replied simply. "You're the sunshine."

"Shut up Kakashi," Akira sighed. "I'm not fighting you. I'm going to forfeit.

The Hokage can't make me fight. I'm fucking done taking orders."

"Akira, you can't forfeit," Kakashi sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"You're a nin, taking orders is part of the job," Kakashi said quietly. He scooted closer to her and reached across to brush her hair away from her face. His fingertips lingered near her ear.

"You've got all this pent up rage and instead of putting it to good use, you keep it bottled up. Do you have any idea how talented you are? Do you know what an asset you are? Why do you think the Hokage let's you get away with so much?" He asked quietly as his fingers drifted to the frown lines in between her eyebrows.

"Because of my charisma," Akira joked. She took his hands in hers. She turned his hands over and ran her fingertips over the inseam of his fingerless gloves.

She looked up and watched him close his eyes and smile. "I'm not fighting you," she said quietly.

"You have to," Kakashi said opening his eyes and looking at her. She shook her head and he asked her, "Why don't you want to?"

"What if I hurt you," Akira replied quietly, still running her fingertips along his fingerless gloves.

"You won't," Kakashi said confidently. "We've been against each other before. I trained you. You've kicked my ass a couple of times but you've never hurt me."

"I wasn't angry before," Akira said aligning her hand with his. His fingers were a little longer that hers but their palms were the same size.

"Sure you were," Kakashi said intertwining his fingers with Akira's. "There were a couple of times you were angry at _me_."

Akira smiled, remembering Kakashi's stupid training regimen. "Yeah but I've never wanted to hurt anyone in the past. Now I'm so angry I literally want to inflict pain. I want to physically kick their ass until I see blood and every time I think about how upset I am this happens," she said pulling her hands away before she electrocuted Kakashi. Both hands flared up with orange chakra. She took a deep breath, closed her hands and felt the chakra recede back in her.

"You can control it. You've always controlled it," Kakashi said taking back her hands.

"I've never but this angry," Akira whispered putting her head against the back of the sofa. "I haven't been this angry since...you know..."

"We have got to work on using that anger for good," Kakashi said quietly squeezing her hands. "You are not that little girl anymore. You know more about your keke genkai now and you are not a killer."

"You sound like Hisa," Akira sighed. "She all 'you have an amazing destiny. You aren't like all other nins. You're special. Your anger doesn't define you. You just have to figure out how to harness it.' Tell me Kakashi how does one harness anger," Akira asked, bitterness coating her words.

"I don't know but I'll help you figure it out," Kakashi said rubbing small circles in the back of Akira's hand.

Akira gave him a sad smile, "What if I'm beyond help?"

"I don't believe that."

"I don't want to hurt you," Akira told him. "I don't want to lose control and hurt you."

"You won't," Kakashi reassured her. "I know you. I've trained with you. I know you won't hurt me. If push comes to shove just put up your wall and called it a day."

"That would be cheating," Akira laughed.

"But you'd be showing the Hokage something new...your chakra is orange now.

Sooner or later you're going to tell me how exactly that happened," Kakashi said, happy to see Akira smile.

"Later," Akira sighed. "How does one prepared to fight someone but not hurt them?"

"You don't think about it," Kakashi said with a laugh.

Akira turned her body towards Kakashi. She was careful the dress stayed in the right places on her body. "So what do we do now? Go to your place and change?"

"First we calm you down," Kakashi said knowingly.

"I am calm," Akira said waving her hands to drive the point home.

"I know but we have to try and calm you down here," Kakashi said pointing to her heart. He watched Akira close her eyes and sigh.

"Good luck with that," she said grimly.

"Do you trust me," Kakashi asked staring at her soft lips. He watched her nod.

"Good. You really want to know how to calm yourself down?"

"Yep."

"You create a memory that overrides the anger," Kakashi said, his voice lowering.

"Kakashi-" Akira opened her eyes and Kakashi interrupted her.

"You said you trusted me."

"I do," she answered quickly.

"Close your eyes," Kakashi whispered.

"Kakashi remember what I said this morning?" She watched him nod. "We can't kiss. Promise me if I close my eyes, you won't kiss me."

"I promise," Kakashi answered honestly. He watched as she closed her eyes. "Don't open them until I say so, okay?" He watched her nod.

He thought that if could give her something pleasing to concentrate on whenever she was mad, maybe then she would be less likely to lose control. Also this was his only opportunity to do what he had wanted to do since he saw her in that dress this morning. He slowly ran his fingertips from her exposed collarbone to her bare shoulders and down her left arm. He felt her shiver under his touch and smiled.

Akira felt like her skin was on fire where Kakashi had touched her. She could feel the goose bumps rising on her skin. She could feel his eyes taking in every inch of her body. That's when she realized what he was doing. She opened her eyes to tell him this wasn't so different from kissing when he looked at her and said, "Cheater."

He watched as she shrugged and closed her mouth. He took his leaf headband off and put it on her head and over her eyes. He heard her start to complain but he put two fingers over her lips and she stopped immediately.

"This way you can't cheat," Kakashi whispered in her ear. He heard her breathing pick up and loved that he was the one making her feel something other than anger. He watched her hands come up to his face and slip off his mask. She swiped her fingers across his lips. He picked up her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.

She sucked in a breath, "Kakashi...you promised."

"I promised I wouldn't kiss you," he said laying little kisses up her forearm. "As in, kiss you on the _lips_. Do you want me to stop?" She shook her head. _Good_, he thought to himself.

She felt his lips reach her collarbone and stop. He buried his face in her neck and whispered, "Do you have idea how delicious you smell?" She felt her heart start racing. "You changed your shampoo..."

"Yeah, like a year ago," she said barely above a whisper. "Kakashi do you really think this a good idea?" She felt his lips smile on her neck. She wanted to see him but she kept the headband over her eyes.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked again, his voice hoarse. She shook her head. He pushed her back a little until she was lying down on the sofa. He covered her body with his, putting his elbows on either side of her head and managing to keep his weight off of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled down, dragging a moan out of him.

"Cheater," Kakashi said breathless. He could feel his body reacting to every inch of her. His heart was practically beating out of his chest.

"It's not fair you get to have all the fun," Akira whispered, feeling exactly how excited he was. She felt his fingers trail up her thigh and stop right below the bottom her dress. She slipped her fingers under his shirt and heard his sharp intake of breath when her hands went up his back.

His fingers slowly crept up under her dress, she could feel her insides heat up with desire. With every inch her dress his hand crept up he laid a small kiss on her shoulder. Her body arched up to get closer to him. He let out a groan that tickled her neck and she giggled. She actually _giggled_.

She heard Kakashi laugh, "When was the last time you had _fun_?"

"It's been a while," she said breathless. She dug her nails in the taut muscles in his back, she felt his reaction.

"You're going to want to stop that if you want me to keep my promise," Kakashi said his voice thick with desire. He felt her hands slowly make their way down his back and rest above the waistband of his pants.

His fingers traced the lace pattern on her underwear and he felt her hand wrap around his wrist. "If I don't get to have fun neither to do you," she said with a smile.

Kakashi leaned in and kissed her cheek, "Sounds fair."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and rubbed her cheek against his, "Can you just hold me for a couple of minutes?"

"Always," Kakashi said wrapping his arms around her waist. He sat up and brought her up with him. Her legs were still tightly wrapped around his middle and her arms tightened around his neck as she straddled him.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered into her neck. "I'm right here."

"I know," Akira whispered into his ear. "I'm just-"

She was interrupted by a very annoying someone banging on the back room door.

"Akira Ari Kioshi! Open up right now," Naruto's loud voice came through the door.

Akira let out a groan and took Kakashi's headband off her eyes. She made no move to get off of Kakashi, instead her legs tightened around his waist as she yelled, "Go away Naruto!"

Kakashi could not help but smile even mad she looked beautiful. She looked at him and he saw her warm brown eyes soften a bit before they turned cold at the sound of Naruto's voice.

"When were you going to tell us the Hokage is going to make you fight Kakashi?!" Naruto kept yelling.

Akira sighed and put her head on Kakashi's shoulder. "Why won't they just leave me alone," she whispered.

"Because they're your friends," Kakashi answered quietly rubbing her back. "Just because you don't want to see them doesn't mean they stop considering you a friend."

"I'm going to strangle Naruto and then maybe they'll leave me alone," Akira said with a small smile as she lifted up Kakashi's mask covering the lower half of his face. She slipped his headband over his head and adjusted it over his scarred eye.

"You'd come visit me in jail, wouldn't you," she asked still smiling as she got off him and adjusted her dress. She watched him as he watched her make herself presentable. She could see the desire in his face. She stuck her hand out and he took it. She pulled him up off the sofa and suddenly his arms were around her in a tight embrace.

"I'd follow you to hell and back if it meant just a little more time with you," he whispered in her ear.

"AKIRA ARI KIOSHI!" Naruto yelled banging on the door.

"I already think I'm in hell," Akira said wincing. "Are you ready to make a quick exit?"

"What makes you think he's going to let you go quickly," Kakashi said raising his voice to be heard over the banging.

"Because I'm bringing out bitchy Akira," she said raising her eyebrows. She walked over to the door and pulled it open. "What the fuck Naruto! It's called having a little respect!" Akira yelled as she walked out of the back room.

She walked over to Miko who was still at the counter and slid the keys to the back room to him. "I'm sorry for the drama," she said softly.

Miko looked at her and saw his little sister. It wasn't entirely her fault that drama followed where ever she went. "They're yours," Miko said handing them back.

Akira was overcome by the thought she hopped the counter and gave him a hug. "Thanks! You're like the brother I always wanted," she whispered with emotion. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and hoped the counter. She turned to look at him and said quietly, "I'm going to apologize in advance for the scene I'm about to make."

"You self-righteous ass," Akira growled walking towards Naruto. She saw he was surrounded by Ayame, Neji, Temari, Shikamaru, the girl called Misa and Gaara. She watched Naruto shrink into the people behind him as she stood in front of him.

"What makes you think you have any fucking right to what I forced to do," she said jabbing her finger into his chest. "You don't get to know I do or don't do.

You lost that privilege when you sided with him," she said pointing at Gaara.

She felt Kakashi right behind her just in case something happened. She wanted to tell him she was in control. That stunt in the back room had worked. Every upset feeling she had, she was replacing with the thought of his hands on her body. She could feel the calmness wash over her.

Naruto opened his mouth to say something but Akira's voice shut him up. "And since you're all gathered here I might as well tell each of you to fuck off. Just.

Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone." She punctuated each word looking at everyone.

She walked over to Ayame and said, "I don't want to talk to you. You stand there with a hurt look on your face, you're a hypocrite. I would never hold back something that would _devastate_ you. Never."

She turned to Neji, "You knew when you came to visit and you kept your mouth shut! So don't even...don't look at me like you care. Just. Don't."

She walked over to Temari, "He's your brother, so I get it, blood before water and all that. But that doesn't make it easier. Please don't ask me to forgive you...not right now." She saw Temari give a quick nod and her eyes glossed over.

She turned to Shikamaru and lowered her voice, "I'm not alone. I'm still pissed at you, leave me alone. It's not a request, it a demand."

She took a couple of steps towards Gaara. She could feel the heartache winning over all other emotions. Kakashi grabbed her wrist, she looked away from Gaara and looked at Kakashi. She gave him a small smile and said, "I'm okay, I promise." He nodded and let go of her wrist.

She turned back to Gaara frowning, "You...you could've just told me the truth. I wouldn't have held it against you. Don't look for me. Just keep doing what you've been doing and leave me out of it," she said barely above a whisper.

Finally she turned to Misa who pressed herself into Gaara's side. _She's actually scared._ "I guess you've heard enough stories about me to know not to fuck with me, right?" She watched the girl nod. "Good. Stay the fuck away from me."

She turned around and marched over to the door. But before she could open it she felt some grab her arm from behind and yank her. _Wrong move_.

"You don't get to-" Naruto started off but didn't get to finish.

Akira's elbow connected to his stomach and as Naruto doubled over Akira flipped him over her shoulder and slammed him to the ground. In half a second she was on top of him pressing her body into his lower half and she had her forearm pressed against his Adam's apple. She looked into his shocked blue eyes.

"I thought I made myself perfectly clear," she said perfectly calm.

"I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you and I sure as hell don't want you to touch me. Because the next time you decide to yank my arm I won't be so nice. Do we have an understanding?" She asked her voice deadly. She watched Naruto nod slowly.

"Good," she said as she got up and wiped her hands on dress. She felt Kakashi right behind her and wondered why he hadn't interfered.

She walked to the door and looked at her friends shocked expressions. She pasted the best smile she could muster and said, "Please let that serve as a warning to all of you."

And she walked out of the tea shop with Kakashi by her side.

* * *

Akira Kioshi stood in the Hokage's office for the third time in less than 24 hours. She had gone to Kakashi's house to change out her dress and had secretly wanted to stay in the safety of his home. Everything was likely to set her temper off and she hadn't planned to scare the shit out of Naruto, it sort of just happened. She wanted to get the point across and that was the easiest way she could think to do it.

She stood alone in the Hokage's office looking at her reflection in the window.

She had changed into her favorite dark blue jumpsuit and braided her hair to keep it out of the way. Her brown eyes stared back at her dark and cold. She was angry. She could feel her skin vibrating with it. Her hands were wrapped in strips of white cloth and she had blue canvas shoes on. She could feel the weight of the kunai she had hidden in her pant legs and up her sleeves. She balled up her fists testing the tightness of the wraps on her hands.

She looked away from her reflection and looked around the office. She was surprised Tsunade had left her alone. _But I guess there was something she wanted to discuss with Kakashi alone,_ she thought to herself.

For a split second Akira considered walking out of the office and disappearing but as soon as she opened the door the Hokage had gotten fixed, she was greeted with four Anbu nins that asked if she needed anything. She told them no and closed the door.

Akira walked over to the table with pictures of the Hokage and picked one up of when the Hokage was younger. When she put it down she noticed one frame that had red hair in it. She picked it up and stared at her mom who looked like she had been caught on camera in mid-smile. Her mom's hair was shorter than Akira ever saw it but it was definitely Ari Kioshi. She looked to be Akira's age and was hugging a man Akira didn't recognize. The Hokage was in the picture too. Her blonde hair was long and loose. She was sticking her tongue out at Akira's mom and the stranger. They looked happy. There was something about the stranger Akira found eerily familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it. Akira stared at her mom and felt something on her face. She swiped her hand across her cheeks and realized she was crying. She rubbed her thumb across her mother's smile.

"I miss you mom," she whispered. "I need you...I need you to tell me what to do.

I need you to tell me you didn't die in vain...that's there's a reason I didn't die with you...because I should have. He should have killed _me_. I couldn't protect you. I can't do anything right. You were the one with a destiny, not me.

He should have killed me. It was me he hated...it should be _me_ buried not you."

She let the tears take over for a couple of minutes as she silently cried for her mother. She worked on taking deep even breaths to calm herself down. She could still see her mom's smile through her blurry tear-filled eyes and she almost broke down again. She heard the Hokage's voice right outside the door. Akira quickly wiped away her tears, took a deep breath and sat down in the chair across from the Hokage's main desk. It wasn't until the Hokage stepped into the office that Akira realized she was still holding on to the picture of her mom.

"Akira, do you mind telling me what the hell I'm going to do with you?" The

Hokage asked exasperated. She sat at her desk and looked at the red headed girl. She watched her shrug.

"Who's this," Akira asked pointing to the man in the picture with her mom and Tsunade.

Kakashi sat down in the chair beside her and noticed the picture contained the woman who looked just like Akira. He noticed the tense set of Akira's shoulders and a little redness in her eyes. She had been crying. Kakashi was sure of it.

_Why?_

He leaned over to her, "You okay?"

She put the picture in her lap, looked at him and shrugged. "Okay is a relative word..." She turned to the Hokage and asked again, "Who is this guy my mom was with?"

Every time Tsunade looked at Akira she always saw Ari. But Ari had always been happy, even married to Akira's horrible father. Ari always had a smile on her face, Akira barely smiled now a days. Even when she did smile Tsunade always saw the hidden sadness in her milk chocolate eyes. She looked at the photo in Akira's hand.

"That's your mom's friend. His name was Kaito," Tsunade sighed looking back at Akira. She looked sad...sadder than usual.

"She looks happy," Akira said looking into her mom's emerald eyes.

"She was," Tsunade said sadly. "She was always happy."

Akira walked over and put the picture back on the desk. She sat down and looked at the Hokage. "It's not Kakashi's fault you know."

"What's not his fault," Tsunade asked, still amazed at how fast Akira could shift the focus off of something that upset her.

"Me...assaulting Naruto," Akira answered nonchalantly with a shrug.

"What makes you think I blame him?"

"Why else would you want to talk to him in 'private'," Akira said with air quotes.

"It was for something else," Kakashi answered. He watched Akira look at him and scrutinized his face. Then she shrugged and sat back in the chair, giving off a relaxed feeling. But Kakashi knew better.

"Akira," Tsunade said sternly.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm embarrassing you. I need to keep my emotions in check and stop making a fool out of you," Akira said with a wave of her hand.

"That is not what I was going to say," Tsunade said, sounding tired.

"Really?" Akira asked suspiciously. "Then what pray tell were you going to say?"

"Stop being a smart ass Akira," Tsunade snapped at her.

"That's what you were going to say? How did you know I'd have a smart ass response," Akira asked looking at the Hokage.

"You've got to give it to her Lady Tsunade, she does have an answer for everything," Kakashi chuckled. He saw Akira give him a small smile.

"I do," Akira answered quietly.

"You've been here less than a day and I've seen you three times already for disciplinary reasons. What I'm I going to do with you," Tsunade said scrubbing her face.

"Lock me in a closet and call it a day," Akira suggested.

"I wish I could," Tsunade said with a smile. "Why _did_ you jump Naruto?"

"Did he come complain to you," she asked with a frown. "I would like to state that in my defense he yanked my arm."

"He didn't say anything. In fact when I asked him what happened he told me it was nothing," Tsunade replied.

"And you're telling me that your solution to him yanking your arm was to slam him to the ground and threaten him," she asked sternly.

Akira shrugged. "You shouldn't scrunch your eyebrows like that, you'll get wrinkles," Akira said quietly.

"You're going to give me an aneurysm," the Hokage replied seriously.

"What do you want me to say," Akira asked exasperated. "You want me to say I'm sorry? Because I'm not. He pissed me off. I showed him exactly how pissed off I was. Dole me out another punishment if that makes you feel better but I'm done being nice!"

"Akira…" Kakashi said leaning over to her. "Remember we talked about being amiable."

He touched her wrist and squeezed it. "_Amiable_," he repeated for emphasis.

Akira closed her eyes and let out a small moan. _I fucking hate my life_, she thought to herself.

"Right. Amiable. So Lady Tsunade, are you going to punish me for my inappropriate behavior with Naruto?" Akira asked with forced niceness.

The Hokage laughed and looked at Kakashi absolutely amazed. "How the hell do you get her to listen to you," she asked shaking her head.

"I treat her like the adult she is," Kakashi responded as a matter of fact. _And _

_I happened to be in love with her_, he thought to himself.

_And we used to be in a secret relationship_, Akira thought to herself.

"So am I in more trouble," Akira asked standing up and walking over to the windows in the Hokage's office. She looked out at the people walking around town minding their own business.

"We'll deal with this after your test with Kakashi," Tsunade stated looking as

Akira's back. She looked at the neat braid Akira had made and smiled. She had strategically braided over the love tattoo on the back of her neck.

"It's a _test_ now?" Akira asked turning around and raising an eyebrow.

"Thank Kakashi," Tsunade said smiling. "He expressed his concern in your resistance to fighting him. He suggested we call it a test of your new abilities."

"He did, did he," she asked looking at Kakashi. She watched him shrug. _Thanks_, she mouthed. He smiled.

She looked at the Hokage and said, "Well let's get this over with."

* * *

"Where the hell are you taking us Naruto," Temari said annoyed.

Naruto stood at the front of the group. He turned around and said, "I already told you, to watch Akira's fight with Kakashi!"

The giddy blonde was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he walked through the forest. Behind him walked Ayame, Neji, Temari, Shikamaru, Gaara and Misa.

"This is a massively bad idea," Misa said in a small voice from the back of the group.

"Then go home," Temari snapped as she kept on walking.

"Temari, that wasn't very nice," Naruto said from the front.

"I wasn't trying to be nice," mumbled Temari.

"Obviously," Ayame whispered next to her. "Who said we had to be nice to her?"

Temari smiled and kept on walking. She felt Shikamaru's hand slip into hers. She knew he had been mad at her because she asked him not to tell Akira anything. But she honestly thought that Gaara would have ended it with Misa before Akira came back and no one would be the wiser. She had put Shikamaru in a bad place with Akira and with what happened an hour ago, Temari was pretty sure Akira wasn't going to forgive any of them.

The group walked through the forest and past the clearance that Shikamaru use to watch Akira train in. They walked for ten minutes and Shikamaru closed his eyes and let Temari lead him as he took in the sounds of the forest. He knew where they were going because the testing space was as far away from the village, just in case things exploded. And if the Hokage was worried about Akira this is the exactly place she'd take Akira. He opened his eyes and clenched his fist when he heard Gaara's voice.

"Naruto, how far out are we going," Gaara asked as held Misa's hand.

"It's a couple more minutes," Naruto said with a smile.

"Why are you even here," Ayame said stopping and looking back at Gaara. "Better yet why is she here?"

"Ayame, we agreed everyone could come of they wanted to," Naruto said turning around, sensing a fight.

"Yeah but why is he here," Ayame snapped. "She doesn't want to see any of us but she definitely wants nothing to do with Gaara or his girlfriend."

"She has a name, she isn't just my girlfriend. Her name is Misa," Gaara said frustrated.

"She's got a point," Temari said turning on Gaara. "Why are you guys here? Akira made it clear she wanted you two to stay away. Why even come? Are you looking for a fight?"

"I _have_ to see her Temari," Gaara said. "I have to make sure she's okay. I. Have. To."

Misa squeezed his hands. "He still loves her," she told everyone. "Isn't that obvious?"

"Still doesn't explain why _you're_ here," Temari sneered.

"Because she loves him," Shikamaru said seriously. "She'd follow Gaara to hell if he'd let her, right?"

Misa blushed.

"I think," Neji started off slowly. "We all need to get off our high horses. If

I recall correctly, Akira made it abundantly clear she didn't want anything to with any of us. Yet here we all are going somewhere that will most likely get us in trouble. So maybe we should stop asking why a particular person is going and start asking ourselves if we should just turn around and respect her decision."

Shikamaru knew Neji was making sense but his instincts kept telling him he had to see the fight. Not to make sure Akira was okay but see what Akira learned. He had overheard the Hokage telling Shizune that Akira was special and if she managed to master her keke genkai she would be practically undefeatable. And that _particular_ trait would make Akira desirable to some very bad people.

"We can't go back," Naruto spoke first. "She could have hurt me earlier but she didn't. _Because she cares_. We have to see this fight so she knows we still care.

Not telling her the truth made her think we don't care, this is our redemption."

"Don't be stupid Naruto," Temari said annoyed. "She didn't hurt you because she doesn't want to go to jail. And us watching the fight isn't even the beginning of making it up to her. She made it crystal clear she hates every single one of us at the moment."

"So then why is everyone following me," Naruto yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Why bother going to watch the fight?!"

"Because we love her," Temari, Ayame, Shikamaru, Neji and Gaara said at the same time.

"She may hate us but we love her," Shikamaru stated. "Temari's right, this doesn't even begin to cover the amount of ass kissing we are going to have to do but it's a start."

"It is a start," Ayame said quietly. "But I still think Gaara shouldn't be here.

There is no fixing that sunken ship especially with Misa right next to him.

Maybe you two should just go back to town."

"Why? Because you want us to? She called you a hypocrite and you think she hates me more?!" Gaara yelled at Ayame. "The only two people she seemed to even begin to understand were Temari and Shikamaru!"

"Okay how about we all just calm the fuck down," Neji said stepping in front of Ayame. "What Ayame was trying to say was eventually Akira is going to forgive us. She can't go through life friendless. But you, you she doesn't have to forgive and she definitely isn't even going to _consider_ forgiving you if you come with Misa. You can't have both of them Gaara."

Neji looked at Misa and said, "I know you're just here to support Gaara but I think you should know you're really not helping."

Gaara was ready to punch Neji in the face but he heard Misa's voice and he decided to restrain himself for her sake. She really didn't need to know he often had a temper.

"You guys don't know me and obviously I know you don't even like me. But if I could just explain everything to her then maybe she would understand that it wasn't on purpose. It just happened," Misa said passionately. "I think going to see her fight prepares me for how she will react when I talk to her."

It was Shikamaru's turn to laugh. "Are you fucking serious?!"

"Shikamaru," Temari said stepping into his view. She watched his eyes adjust to her face and smile and then he looked around her to Misa.

"You think the only reason she's mad is because you two just _happened_?! That is the tip of the fucking iceberg. You think she'll want to talk to you? She's a fucking emotional tornado and you want explain that you and Gaara just fucking happened?! It'll be your funeral we'll be going to next."

Gaara made a step towards Shikamaru but Naruto was in the middle of them in an instant.

"That's enough!" He yelled, holding his hands up. "We obviously have some issues to work on but the only thing we are accomplishing right now is pissing each other off. If you want to see the fight, I suggest we all shut the fuck up and follow me. If you can't keep your mouth shut and opinions to yourself I suggest you go back!"

"Can we go now," he asked everyone's sour faces. He watched everyone nod. "Good, let's go see Akira."

Everyone walked the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

"You didn't tell me there was going to be a fucking audience," Akira whispered to Kakashi as she looked at the shinobi that had gathered around the clearing in the middle of the forest.

She watched as Tsunade talk to two men who were from the sand village. She clenched her fist wondering if one of them was her asshole of a grandfather. She looked at Asuma who gave her a warm smile. She watched Guy give her the thumbs up with a wacky smile. She watched as Kurenai walked over towards her and Kakashi.

"Am I on display," Akira asked Kurenai.

"What makes you think that," Kurenai replied.

"Oh this entire stupid ass spectacle makes me think it," Akira said sarcastically. She turned to look at Kakashi. "This is why she wanted a word with you in private, isn't it? Because she was going to make me fight you in front of representatives from the Sand Village? I fucking quit," she said sitting in the middle of the clearing. She looked like a child having a tantrum but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Kurenai sat next to her, surprising both Akira and Kakashi. "I came over to tell you why they are here. The Hokage doesn't want you to know but I think it's your right," Kurenai whispered in Akira's direction. Kurenai kept her eyes trained on the group at the edge of the forest.

"Kurenai," Kakashi said seriously. "The Hokage wants her to know after the test."

"Oh want to know now," Akira said looking at both shinobi. "Now please."

Kurenai looked at her for a second then looked back to the edge of the clearing.

"She has the right to know," she said sadly.

"Okay, now you're starting to freak me out," Akira said wringing her hands. "Why are there Council members from the Sand Village here?"

"They think they have a _claim_ on you," Kurenai said so quietly Akira thought she imagined it.

"What?!" Akira practically yelled, bringing the attention of everyone on the edge of the clearing. She shook her head and hugged her knees to her chest.

"That's exactly why the Hokage wanted to tell her after the test," Kakashi said sternly. He sat on the other side next to Akira.

"No I'm glad she told me," Akira whispered. She looked at Kurenai and whispered, "I won't tell anyone you told me and neither will Kakashi."

"Oh I don't care if she knows but thanks. I feel like that is something you have a right to know before continuing this charade," Kurenai said calmly.

"Why do they think they have claim on me," Akira asked quietly.

"Because of your father and your grandfather," Kakashi answered.

"That never mattered before," Akira whispered angrily.

"They've heard rumors that you've gotten more powerful," Kurenai said finally looking at her. "They seem to think that you belong in their village instead of this one."

"And Gaara might have told them you were the most powerful shinobi he knew," Kakashi said anger tainting his voice.

"I going to fucking kill him," Akira said honestly. "When this is finished, I'm going to find him and kill him."

"He also told the Council he was in love with you," Kurenai said softly.

"A load of fucking good that does when he's got himself a Council approved girlfriend attached to his hip," Akira said angrily.

"I guess he spoke of you before he met Misa," Kurenai said softly.

"It doesn't even matter because I will kill myself before I get handed over to the Sand Village," Akira stated seriously.

"Take it back Kioshi. Take that back now," Kakashi whispered fiercely.

"Chill K, I'm not going to kill myself at the moment but if the Hokage decides to hand me over..." Akira whispered.

"Don't talk like that Akira," Kurenai said.

"Let me guess, the Hokage is happily willing to hand me over," Akira whispered.

She watched as Tsunade talked happily to the representatives.

"No, she's fighting for you." Kurenai said honestly. "She believes if the Sand

Village wanted you, they should have put claim on you when you were younger.

You've grow up here, there is no way you'd give them your loyalty."

"Put a claim on me?!" Akira said angrily as she stood up. "I'm not a fucking piece of property," she seethed as she started walking towards the edge of the forest. She was going to give them a piece if her mind but as always there was

Kakashi making sure she didn't get into too much trouble.

"You're right," Kakashi said standing in front of her, holding onto her shoulders.

"You're not a piece of property. But you are a very _rare_ shinobi and that makes you very valuable. So how about you take a deep breath before you go marching over there. Okay?"

Akira nodded and walked back to the center of the clearing and sat down. "I should've stayed away," she whispered.

"Don't say that Akira," Kurenai said. "We missed you. Everyone missed you."

"Really?" Akira asked skeptical.

Kurenai lowered her voice so that Kakashi couldn't hear her, "Kakashi has missed you for a while now."

Akira's eyes widen in surprise. And Kurenai continued, "He was very eager to be the one to bring you back."

"Nobody knows," Akira whispered as Kakashi sat next to her.

"I know," Kurenai replied. "Rest assured, nobody knows. I didn't notice it until yesterday."

"What are you talking about," Kakashi asked looking back at the Sand representatives.

"Akira and Lee," Kurenai lied.

"What about them," Kakashi asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, Guy mentioned yesterday that Lee wanted to see Akira. Apparently he has named himself her one partial friend," Kurenai replied quietly.

Kakashi looked at Akira and she just shrugged. He didn't know what to think. He saw her look at Kurenai and smile a genuine smile.

"Speaking of friends," Akira said with a frown. "I think mine have arrived." She could feel Gaara's eyes on her. She frowned looking behind her in the direction she was positive they were hiding in.

"What?" Kakashi whispered.

"I'll get rid of them," Kurenai muttered as she started to stand up.

Akira grabbed her wrist. "No, let them watch. Maybe they'll leave me alone after this stupid test."

"Are you sure? They aren't supposed to be here," Kurenai asked. She was watched Akira nod.

Kakashi took Akira's wrist on his hands. "They shouldn't be here, _he_ shouldn't be here. It's a distraction. Are you _sure_," he asked emphasizing the last word.

She looked at him frowning, "Remember what you said to me earlier today? That I have this under control? Focus on the good instead of the bad. You're the good, if I focus I you I'll be okay…trust me."

He nodded and squeezed her wrist. "Kurenai, if you feel she distracted at any point, get rid of them. Immediately," he stated still looking at Akira.

"I will," Kurenai answered quietly.

"Okay…I thought I was the one who was all doom and gloom. It doesn't suit you K," Akira said quietly as she held Kakashi's hand. "I'll be okay."

"So what do I do about these representatives," Akira asked.

"Show them you are not to be crossed," Kurenai said simply.

"Won't that make them want me more," Akira asked.

"Not if you send them to hell afterwards," Kurenai said with a smile. "That's where your rebellious nature comes in handy."

"I've been told to rein in my rebelliousness," Akira said with a smirk.

"Don't change who you are for anybody," Kurenai said getting up. She watched the Hokage make her way over to Akira.

"You are who you are because you are important. Don't forget that," Kurenai said as she walked away.

_Well if that wasn't cryptic as hell_, she thought to herself as she got up and dusted off her pants.

"Akira," the Hokage said as she reached her. "There are a couple of people you need to meet before we started."

"Can't we just skip the introductions," Akira wondered out loud.

"No," Tsunade said leading the way back to the edge of the clearing. "They insisted on being introduced."

"Oh well if they insisted please lead the way," Akira said sarcastically.

"Please keep your smart ass responses to yourself," Tsunade said, clearly annoyed.

They reached the Sand representatives and Akira eyed the both of them. One was taller with black hair and gray eyes and he had a smirk on his face that Akira wanted to smack away. The other one had white hair and was older. He looked at Akira with curious hazel eyes. His eyes looked so familiar. She just couldn't remember where she had seen them.

"Akira this is Ako," she said gesturing to the one with black hair. "And this is

Hiro," she said gesturing to the white haired one. He smiled at Akira once again reminding her of someone.

Ako stuck out his hand and said, "It's nice to finally meet the famous Akira Kioshi."

Akira looked at his hand and shook her head. "I'm only famous because your village likes to spread nasty rumors about me," Akira fumed as she stuffed her hands in her pockets, purposefully snubbing Ako's outstretched hand.

His face turn red and he put his hands to his side and glared at her.

"Your Hokage failed to mention you had spunk," the older man named Hiro said happily.

"What you mean to say is bitchiness," Akira said with a smile. She didn't want to like this man but he didn't seem like an uptight ass like his partner.

"Amiable," Kakashi said with a smile in his voice.

Hiro let out a loud chuckle. "Oh no, I much prefer honesty to anything else,"

Hiro said still laughing.

"I prefer the Hokage teach her shinobi the meaning of manners," Ako said with disdain in his voice.

Akira balled her hands into fists and got in Ako's face but before she got a word out, a strong pair of arms wrapped around her waist and picked her up.

"Kakashi Hatake put me down," Akira snapped as he took six big steps away from Ako.

He put her down and stood in front of her. "What exactly were you going to do?"

"I was going to show him to respect the people in charge of the village he is visiting," Akira said loudly.

Tsunade shook her head and opened her mouth. But Akira interrupted her before she even began.

"Don't you _dare_ apologize for me," she yelled over Kakashi's shoulder. He had his hands wrapped around her arms, holding her in place. "I will never be sorry to a hypocrite that speaks of respect but shows none. You sir can bite me."

"Akira Kioshi!" Tsunade yelled. "Would you please keep your mouth shut?!"

Kakashi looked at her with a twinkle in his dark eyes. "Maybe that's enough for them to know you don't like them," he whispered low enough that only Akira could hear. She nodded.

"Ako, Hiro, I'd like,"

"Oh no Lady Hokage," Hiro said interrupting. "No need to apologize to us. I'd rather you respect her opinion of us then have us pretend otherwise."

_I like him_, Akira thought to herself.

"Speak for yourself Hiro," Ako said haughtily. "I for one would like an apology from Ms. Kioshi herself."

Akira laughed and shook her head. _No way in hell_.

"Akira," Tsunade said looking at her. And she watched Akira cross her arms and shake her head. _This girl ages me 10 years every time I talk to her,_ she thought to herself. She was tired of the back and forth and she was pissed off the Sand Village wanted Akira now and not when she was seven. Since pleasantries were not working Tsunade decided being honest was the best approach. She didn't care about village alliances at the moment. Akira had a point this man was an uptight ass.

She turned to Ako and said, "Frankly I'm appalled that you'd come into _my_ village demand to see one of _my_ shinobi and then ask that shinobi to apologize for something that was clearly your fault. She will not apologize because she doesn't like you and frankly can you blame her? She can practically see your disgust coming off you in waves. At least Hiro is genuinely happy to be here."

"Well I'll be damned," Akira whispered.

Tsunade looked at Ako's widen eyes and said, "Now if you don't mind we're going to see her skills now." With that she turned around and faced Akira.

She watched the red head girl give her the biggest smile she'd seen since she came back. Akira gave her two thumbs up and Tsunade laughed.

"Do not look so excited Akira," Tsunade said looking her in the eyes. "The objective is to knock your Kakashi down and keep him down for five seconds."

She watched Akira frown. "Or he knocks you down and a holds you for five seconds," Tsunade finished off.

"Even if I manage to knock him down he's not going to stay down for five seconds," Akira complained.

"Figure out a way," said Tsunade walking to the edge of the clearing.

Kakashi looked at Akira and smiled. "You ready?"

He was genuinely excited to see Akira's abilities. He hasn't trained with her in years and wondered if she picked up any new tactics. He knew she was the kind of fighter waited until you were drained until she delivered the final strike. But he had notice her chakra control wasn't up to par. She had been slacking off in that area and that was going to mess her up here.

"Not really," Akira responded shaking her head. "I'm not made for combat."

Kakashi laughed, "Yes you are but this isn't combat, it's just a test."

_Whatever_, Akira thought getting ready for Tsunade's go.

"Begin," Tsunade's voice rang out though the clearing.

_Well here goes nothing_, Akira thought to herself.


End file.
